Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[RazorBackBacon]

Except every single piece of fantasy writing makes Valhalla into turbo heaven and Helheim into super dishonored hell.

Blame Snorri Snorlson for that one. He was a 13th Century Christian monk who did the first translations of the the Poetic and Prose Eddas. He projected a LOT of Christian values onto the Norse myth, and just straight up invented a bunch of stupid emo bullshit for Hel and Helheim; "her curtains are Misery, Hunger is her dinner plate" kind of baloney. This has filtered into much of the popular interpretations in fiction.

Original Norse sources show that they considered Helheim to just sort of be an eternal life in the most literal sense; you do all the same things you did while alive, just forever. Or until Ragnarok, because again, even the dead get wiped aside come the final battle and the fires of Muspelheim burning away EVERYTHING.

So long as Odin let them do it from a computer.

Haha, no. Grab an axe, fatty.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Absolute tumblr nonsense.

Norse didn't moralize their afterlife the way Christians do. Valhalla is for those who died boldly in battle, Helheim is for those who didn't. Valhalla is a reward only because Odin needs soldiers. Helheim is not a punishment; it's just a place to dump all the dead until Hel sails Naglfar up to the gates of Asgard and we can get started on Ragnarok.

About the only moral you can draw from the Norse afterlife is that it's best for as many people as possible to die in battle because then Hel will have fewer soldiers on her side and maybe push back the final battle a little longer.

Edit: tl;dr, get used to people you hate, you're probably going to be spending a lot of time fighting them while getting ready for Ragnarok.

Does becoming part of the 41% count as dying in battle?

 

[RazorBackBacon]

Does becoming part of the 41% count as dying in battle?

Pretty sure Odin would just have Thor toss you at Niflheim. Unless the frost giants would consider the Aesir lobbing deranged mortals full of unnatural hormones to be an act of biological warfare. Regardless, they'd want you off Yggsdrasil. That poor tree is already fighting off the venom of Nidhogg, it doesn't need to worry about Chinese horse piss pills too.

If you wanted me to actually postulate on the attitudes of an Old Norse when confronted with a modern tranny, they'd likely consider it the ultimate affront against the Norns, Odin, and Freya. Freya brought you into this world, The Norns wove you a fate, and Odin set his mark upon you as he does all men. To throw all that away to try and become a broken woman? What greater insult to the Aesir could there be?

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

If you wanted me to actually postulate on the attitudes of an Old Norse when confronted with a modern tranny, they'd likely consider it the ultimate affront against the Norns, Odin, and Freya. Freya brought you into this world, The Norns wove you a fate, and Odin set his mark upon you as he does all men. To throw all that away to try and become a broken woman? What greater insult to the Aesir could there be?

That sounds like a fun way to get blood eagled.

 

[Crybaby Xianghua]

Even if there was a specific deity of stink bugs, why would praying to that be thought to have any effect?

Roman pagans didn't pray to every god constantly; they made sacrifices to the twelve Olympians, if that, and their family's lares. You'd only pray to the god of stink bugs if you worked as an exterminator.

As a Freudian psychologist would say: "Sometimes, a stink bug is just a stink bug."

Wow, as I thought Witchy Poos online couldn't get even crazier, I've been proven they one up themselves in the looney department.

 

[NoReturn]

So I was just going to do a random dump again, starting with this:

Spoiler

But then I found this lady:

She's even got a nemesis!

Spoiler: spoilered because less entertaining than the rest

And here's the nemesis herself:

Spoiler: Arguing about who invented melting crayons and Etsy drama

 

[Banditotron]

If magic were real these bitches would cast some spells to make themselves less retarded. I don't know how you can hit adulthood and think that you can make magic.

 

[quokka]

Moon witches etsy

Imagine paying $100 dollars for a jar of mixed herbs

Also you have to dox your lover for this spell to work

Spoiler: More stuff from her

Some reviews

Here is ComaVVitch etsy It's on break at the moment

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Imagine paying $100 dollars for a jar of mixed herbs

Money for old rope.

In fact, you could probably convince these people old rope is magical.

 

[RazorBackBacon]

Money for old rope.

In fact, you could probably convince these people old rope is magical.

Genuine suicide rope, $10 for 3 inches. Great for curses.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

1. Loki was an evil deity and was basically Norse Satan

Loki often would fuck up things with his pranks but then by trickster ways he could fix shit too . Is only thanks to Loki that the Wall of Asgard was built, he could be useful and and a fuck up so i don''t know if i would equate him to Satan, Satan has no ambiguity, he just does evil shit because he is evil incarnate.

Emoji spells crack me up.
Even if magick was real, all the traditions agree that the results you get is determined by the effort you put in. Effort = results. So why would liking and reblogging some rando's tumblr post work? Go carve you intended effect into a block of wood using a dull knife and then sprinkle it with your blood.

(i'm drunk please forgive any errors)

Hypersigils are a cooler concept, at least it can inspire some creativity, best case scenario you'd end up with a good magical realism short story like Borges "the Aleph"

 

[Syaoran Li]

Loki often would fuck up things with his pranks but then by trickster ways he could fix shit too . Is only thanks to Loki that the Wall of Asgard was built, he could be useful and and a fuck up so i don''t know if i would equate him to Satan, Satan has no ambiguity, he just does evil shit because he is evil incarnate.

Fair point. One of the big issues with Loki is figuring out where the "merry trickster" archetype ends and the "Norse Satan" archetype begins since Snorri Sturluson heavily Christianized a lot of Norse mythology and theology since he himself was a monk, but also wrote the most extensive surviving records of Norse mythology

 

[Flexo]

Can I just say I love how it's a universal constant that the cocksucker is gayer than the cocksucked?

It follows their logic style. The giver is at least still performing as a man would while the receiver is performing as a woman would.

And that's not even a misogyny thing. Most humans (historically and elsewhere in the world) are very big on what is and is not. (Which is important, you don't want to be mixing up the good berries with the poison berries.)

The Norse didn't give a fuck about trannies since the idea of trannies didn't really exist in ancient times. You may have had the rare wacko with gender dysphoria (Elagabalus is probably the only documented example of one, and he is considered one of the worst and most hated rulers of the ancient world) but there weren't really troons in any ancient society. Even the precious black and Injun societies that the Woke Left idolize only had two genders.

Also think about the times. What woman is going to want to pretend to be a man to go run off into some of the most brutal fighting ever seen? If anything, it would be more likely for a guy to dress up as a woman to avoid fighting (and as I recall there were a few tales of cowards who would try). Then again we're also talking about small tightknit communities. Everybody in town knew you were a boy or girl from the day you were born. A man or woman suddenly appearing would be sus as hell. Even from an evolutionary standpoint and some current theories, gays and trannies would only start popping up when a surplus population developed.

Endless struggle, endless opportunities to have your head split only to rise again to repeat it again, endless exhaustion. I can certainly see the appeal for those who Odin often favors, the war hungry and bloodthirsty.

It would be pretty badass to get to practice with Bruce Lee for a few centuries before the end times...

 

[NoReturn]

Meet Roza Ambrosia!
She's a Bi/PanSugar BabyBaby Witchmed studentHere to destigmatise stigma

 

[Banditotron]

Meet Roza Ambrosia!
She's a Bi/PanSugar BabyBaby Witchmed studentHere to destigmatise stigma
View attachment 1999867










(more incoming)

Great. This is our future's doctors.

 

[NoReturn]

Great. This is our future's doctors.

Australia's future doctors. Oi oi oi!

 

[Ashen One]

Money for old rope.

In fact, you could probably convince these people old rope is magical.

Spoiler: THREAD OF ARACHNE BINDING AND LOVE SPELL - $ 167.45

This is a binding and protection spell, to bind your love to you and protect the bond you share from curses, hexes and other interferences. For the spell I will need both your names, DOB and Credit Card information. The thread was woven by hand during the fruition of the spring equinox by a coven of powerful witches and has been charged with beneficial magicks energy every fortnight by rubbing graveyard soil, edible foxglove oil and pulverized obsidian throughout the entire length of the thread. The blessings of the Goddess Astoreth will bind the souls of you and your beloved for as long as the thread remains whole.

For the spell to work you must submerge the thread in salted honey (Epsom salt preferred) for a period of three weeks, holding it skywards on moonlit nights at least once per seven days so it may receive the positive lunar energies of the Twin Goddesses, Diana and Mama Quilla. During that you must think only of you and your beloved living a long and happy life with each other. Once that step is complete the spell will be active and your prosperous love life is guaranteed.

It's uncommon, as the protection of the Goddesses is very strong, but in case the thread snaps or undoes itself (by a powerful rival witch's hex), the gathered energies may go out of control and bring negative consequences to the relationship. To avoid that, once the thread is no longer whole you must set fire to your beloved so the purifying flames from Hephaestus' forge may burn away the dissonant energies contained within their body. You will then be safe to resume your relationship with no further inconveniences.
* No refunds.

Please don't steal my original spell before I finish setting up my Etsy page. I spent decades perfecting it and would be very sad if I saw it being used by untrained people because it's a very dangerous spell, this one.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

This is making me question the viability of a etsy shop selling these kinds of knick knacks. Just make them all cutesy and vaguely fantastical and the basic bitch white girls will line right up.

 

[Agarathium1066]

This is making me question the viability of a etsy shop selling these kinds of knick knacks. Just make them all cutesy and vaguely fantastical and the basic bitch white girls will line right up.

They're quite viable if your aim is a money making venture, if someone wishes to actually provide a genuine service you'll have to get extremely specific and hands off.

 

[ShortBusDriver]

Actual hoteps tend to be very opposed to homosexuality, from my experience with them.

That's because it's a plot by the Jews to emasculate the blaq man