Wait, what?
She finds a drop dead gorgeous Italian guy on Tinder, with an amazing physique complete with 12 pack, and is sending him photos of her bare arse by the end of their first conversation? She's decided she's in love, has already ordered some boob-bolstering sexy black lingerie, and has arranged to meet up for some "sexy time" in an Ottawan hotel next week.
Ignoring the fact that Ottawa is in the red zone and we're still in a pandemic and that "Mario" probably looks less like a Dolce and Gabbana model and more like Homer Simpson, Chantal has the whole night planned out and prepared a mental "to do" list unlike any most women have to consider.
1. Take a shit.
2. To avoid farting in his face, don't eat any fart-inducing foods. In fact, don't eat anything other than an apple.
3. Ensure bald spots are covered with adequate hair fibres.
4. Hide c-pap machine in wardrobe.
5. Ensure arse is toilet paper and dingleberry free.
6. Ensure babydoll lingerie covers up saggy skin and droopy boobs.
7. Take a bath with strongest smelling Lush products.
8. Don't nose-snort, nose pick or belch.
9. Don't repeatedly shriek "Chubby-use", "Poo-poos in the kitchen"or "Shame on you, if you can't dance too".
Of course this list won't ever need to be adhered to, because it's never going to happen, and Chantal lies.
