Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Tess has been acting super unhinged on Twitter.
View attachment 2122733
View attachment 2122734View attachment 2122735
Olly seems annoyed by it.
View attachment 2122737

Jesus fucking christ, I think I got a fucking stroke from all the bullshit astrology sperging. Bitch go parent you feral child and get a fucking job.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Plus her favorite nemesis, Ashley Graham, is killing it right now - several high profile gigs, hosting the Ellen show, working with actual big name brands - and Tess feels like it should be her instead of Ashley.

I would bet a champagne cake that this is the real issue that is causing Tess to have a blimpout. I’m sure it’s the fault of everyone else, of course.

 

[Tesshollidaysflupaknees]

I think she's stressing about her podcast not being an immediate hit like she assumed it would be. She's really pushing it on her Instagram right now, but for some reason, doesn't post on the Slumber Party with Tess Instagram. Plus her favorite nemesis, Ashley Graham, is killing it right now - several high profile gigs, hosting the Ellen show, working with actual big name brands - and Tess feels like it should be her instead of Ashley.

Tess really did think she was going to get thousands of views on her podcast. Tess is stuck in 2015 and she believes that she is still a relevant supermodel. Tess is a fat bitter middle aged women. Tess doesn't even pass as an Instagram model anymore. She has no talent and has nothing of value to talk about. Her 15 minutes of fame are up and no one wants to work with her.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

think she's stressing about her podcast not being an immediate hit like she assumed it would be. She's really pushing it on her Instagram right now

Well, she earned 23 new subs and more views than previous one for the same amount of days; so, that's a success

Or, maybe it is not

ETA: out of curiosity looked for her IG engagement since comments to her podcast post are numerous and overwhelmingly sweet. It's free tool, so it probably isn't accurate, but that's something

 

[Pina Colada]

Tess is looking rough lately. This is a new picture that Tess posted onto her twitter. It's a sponsored post for a skin care line from Tula. Tess's face looks frozen form all the fillers she has gotten. Her eyes look so small and she now has three chins. Tess looks so lifeless when she smiles.


View attachment 2120343

Wide everything, shitty skin, bulbous lips. I see her Zarbon transformation is progressing well.

 

[Easy Peasy]

Ashley is actually likeable though, and yeah being fat is part of her career, but it's not the core of her being. Shes also engaging, personable, pretty, enjoyable to work with according to many sources, etc etc.

Ashley is relatable but also aspirational for your average fat chick. Tess is a fucking train wreck mess.

And a fucking bitch

 

[multiverse]

Well, she earned 23 new subs and more views than previous one for the same amount of days; so, that's a success

View attachment 2122980
Or, maybe it is not
View attachment 2122981
View attachment 2122982
View attachment 2122983
ETA: out of curiosity looked for her IG engagement since comments to her podcast post are numerous and overwhelmingly sweet. It's free tool, so it probably isn't accurate, but that's something
View attachment 2123068

Yeah, her engagement rate has always been abysmal; an "okay" run of the mill influencer should have a minimum engagement rate of between 2.5% and 5% in order to get sponsorship deals.

I wouldn't be surprised if she or her agency purchased a bunch of followers before her late 2014 debut, nor if she'd been buying them to keep above two million.

 

[Leopard Turtlechin]

Her dewy skin looks like she moisturizes with pizza grease.

 

[NoReturn]

Tess has been acting super unhinged on Twitter.
View attachment 2122733
View attachment 2122734View attachment 2122735
Olly seems annoyed by it.
View attachment 2122737

Don't blame the moon for this, Tess. The moon is just going her job and you have a full month between each moon.
Does she treat her periods like this?

 

[Internet's Boyfriend]

View attachment 2122735

Her acting like her issues are caused by the full moon and astrology is like when trannies get stomach cramps and diarrhea from pumping their body full of cross-sex hormones and go "omg I'm totes on my period!!!!!"

Don't blame the moon for this, Tess. The moon is just going her job and you have a full month between each moon.
Does she treat her periods like this?

I vaguely remember seeing her tweet about "omg PMS is making me so bitchy" so yeah, I'm pretty sure she does.

 

[Constellationzero]

Well, she earned 23 new subs and more views than previous one for the same amount of days; so, that's a success

View attachment 2122980
Or, maybe it is not
View attachment 2122981
View attachment 2122982
View attachment 2122983
ETA: out of curiosity looked for her IG engagement since comments to her podcast post are numerous and overwhelmingly sweet. It's free tool, so it probably isn't accurate, but that's something
View attachment 2123068

As far as her face keeping the fat off: I wouldn't go as far as assume that's the real reason she lasted as long as she did--or go a career in the first place.

She got her "career" by being a fat, bloated tic. Emme might've paved the way for plus sized models, but Emme is a nice, gracious, clean-cut LADY with zero visible tattoos and livestock come-along rings. She was fantastic for showing the average working professional woman (yannno--with money to spend??) wearing clothing from Lane Bryant, Woman Within, and others.

I think Ryann relied on ignorance, LAZINESS on the part of her followers, and how fast Nick or Jolene could scrub social media of meeeen comments. But that probably had the unintended consequence of large corporations NOT truly knowing who the hell they were hooking their star to. I remember going to the H&M at my local ghetto mall and pointing out the cow to my wife (That godawful men's outfit/tent). H&M probably had no intentions of photographing Ryann in that, but...it was all they could slit up the back. And I'm positive they all got a nice taste of her ungrateful, cunty attitude.
And I'm sure SOMEONE from the "biz" sat her down at least once in private and had the talk about her shitty bedside manner. And just like Russell Greer, I bet one or two in the industry even told Ryann: "Look: You're not very good at this. You can't even wear closed toe shoes and models are supposed to have a range of facial expressions and poses. Dead, rotting fish is not one of those expressions. Neither is co-morbid SPED. I understand if you still want to model, but maybe you should...take some time off. I'm sure Tractor Supply Store or Farm and Fleet are still looking for Carhartt models."

(This is in NO WAY disrespectful to Carhartt, my second favorite brand next to Columbia.)

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

I wouldn't be surprised if she or her agency purchased a bunch of followers before her late 2014 debut, nor if she'd been buying them to keep above two million.

That's what caught me; the last stat on the screenshot - almost one-third of her followers might be bots.

 

[Flawmil]

why is this 36 year old woman drawing freckles on her face. Looks like large blackheads.

 

[Fìddlesticks]

Send reinforcements. I can't hold much longer boys.... how this strap isn't salami slicing her shoulder humps off I do not know.

How many chins can Bowie count on your neck. Is this why you have the case of the sads... hang on .... how the fuck do you shop yourself to look like you have a 5 o'clock shadow?! Or more likely it is the PCOS you have. Wow. Outstandingly bad job, Tess.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

how this strap isn't salami slicing her shoulder humps off I do not know.

Now that I see it, I can see she wears her hair loose lately.
Look at her shoulder line - and how much front strands lower it (and visually elongate her neck)

 

[NoReturn]

why is this 36 year old woman drawing freckles on her face. Looks like large blackheads.
View attachment 2123909
View attachment 2123910

"Fuck your beauty standards! Except when spotless skin is in fashion I'll do that! And when freckles are in fashion I'll do that!"

 

[SnarkySperg]

Tess has been acting super unhinged on Twitter.
View attachment 2122733
View attachment 2122734View attachment 2122735
Olly seems annoyed by it.
View attachment 2122737

Oh wow, my depression is cured, it's just the full moon! Thanks for letting me know, Tess, you're a genius.

Send reinforcements. I can't hold much longer boys.... how this strap isn't salami slicing her shoulder humps off I do not know.
View attachment 2123946

This made me physically cringe. It looks so painful, wtf. Is she one of those 'beauty is pain' people?

 

[Water-T]

Don't blame the moon for this, Tess. The moon is just going her job and you have a full month between each moon.
Does she treat her periods like this?

Tess is upset that the Moon is also a huge, round object covered in craters and has its own gravity, yet is more popular and useful than her.

 

[NoReturn]

You know, Fabletics should drop her, there's a much better option for targeting her same demographic:

Spoiler

Her moon madness is reflected on TikTok

 

[Water-T]

Jesus, Tess. That blue eyeshadow, the excessive blush, and those tacky tats just accentuate that you are and always will be white trailer trash.