Everything feels so mundane, maybe it's because of age or something? Can't do what I want to do, have to just keep doing what's expected, never speak about the deep inner things. Don't even know anymore, the memories are so blurry and I've made so many mistakes that I wish could be undone or redeemed. My brain keeps prepending everything with "I wish". I wish that I could physically slap the shit out of my brain but I need that, even though it never helps me out just like how I never help myself out with just telling someone how fucking miserable it feels to live with so little to look forward to and having so much left to do which will never get done due to being a sad faggot who just keeps everything inside and tries to be happy for other people to take for granted.
When you get older, you learn to enjoy the small things in life. With the way I grew up, it was definitely something already experienced since childhood. Life is an endless circle of ups and downs, good times and disasters. Kino and cringe.
All I really want is to make other people happy, just like so many have done in the past. To myself.