Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[instythot]

So in all likelihood, 'cutting down on excess carbs' meant not having fries with his Big Mac and the water he was chugging was likely the flavoured Evian stuff with as much sugar as a Coke.

Further: beer is an excellent source of carbohydrates and we all know he isn't cutting that excess

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

It would be fine if they would stick to an actual position, but they can't. Hell, even the new one attempts to straddle the line: Judgment Day is inevitable but you can change who the evil computer system is or some such bullshit. All of these sequels just can't make up their minds on how fate works. The best thing to do with Terminator is make a film about the actual future war, make more games like Terminator: Resistance, or just not do anything at all.

They can't even figure out how their own time travel system works (or doesn't) and it's a central conceit of the franchise. The premise was strained to the limit with T2, there's nowhere to go at this point that doesn't fuck things up even more. The only real out is to go the Fate route and say "fuck it, alternate timelines. How do they match up? Figure it out yourself."

Yahtzee is by far the exception. Most people when they're talking fast come off as a used car salesman. I don't know how he produces it but I'm gonna wager Yahtzee scripts and rehearses his reviews a few times before attempting a final take.

I don't know if this is a function of his australio-british accent (or whatever the fuck you call it) but his diction is very good, so he's easy to understand even when talking fast. Bob is saddled with the godawful Bahstan accent and won't deign to adopt any other mode of speech (all the easy-to-understand American accents come from flyover country, and besides, that would take work) so he's left with slurry editing and bizarre audio jumps where he cuts the breathing.

I feel like any given MCU movie is like "eh, I saw a movie, I didn't hate it. It was fine." Nothing life-changing or ground-breaking or even really that interesting. We've lowered the bar for "good". The Nolan Batman movies get overpraised but at the same time they're actually good films and Nolan cares deeply (maybe more than is healthy) about his craft. You can understand why that caught everyone's attention, they weren't "good for a Superhero movie", they were good movies in general. Raimi's Spider-Man films were charming in a way that embraced the corniness of the genre but still were very good films.

I do think Bryan Singer's X-Men doesn't get enough credit for this one. Back when it came out, "superhero movies suck" was basically a truism- they'd been attempted a few times, but aside from occasional one-offs like the Blade series (which doesn't do the superhero aesthetic or abilities- it's closer to a wuxia film in practice) most people's perceptions were colored by things like Reb Brown as Captain America or the Roger Corman Fantastic Four (which was infamous despite never being released.) Then you saw X-Men, and it... didn't suck. It told an engaging story that made sense, and was a demonstration that technology had finally come far enough to put the splashy stuff from the comic pages on the big screen.

To be fair, I have a feeling that robocops would just start shooting random Blacks kinda like how Tesla cars don't detect them as people so they just run them over, either that or they'd randomly start commiting suicide, like that one mall security robot that as soon as it got it's AI upgraded it decided to kill itself by launching itself into a water fountain, now to be fair I too would kill myself if my entire reason to exist was to police joggers so I wouldn't blame them if they do that.

If robocops are as good at math as advertising algorithms, they'll recognize what demographics are in most need of things like bail bondsmen and why. And that will be, as the kids say, super problematic.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

The MCU are a major offender in the epidemic of "good" movies.

By that I mean there are so many popcorn movies now that are "good". There's nothing especially wrong with them. The writing in them is fairly solid, but unremarkable.

Perfectly passable flicks. But that's all they are. Passable.

It's very boring.

Listen here, you obsolete mayo ghoul. Every MCU flick - every single one - is high art, next-level, avant-garde which will go down in history as even more impactful than the Iliad & Odyssey.

At least that's what an aging fat diabetic consoomer in a basement told me, anyways.

I still can't fathom the bizarre decision to turn her into a sex symbol with her Suicide Squad incarnation, or this seemingly endless drive to make her a pop culture icon in her own right...it's like giving Nappa from DBZ his own show.

If it were Nappa from TFS/DBZ Abridged, then I'd watch the shit out of that show

 

[instythot]

If robocops are as good at math as advertising algorithms, they'll recognize what demographics are in most need of things like bail bondsmen and why. And that will be, as the kids say, super problematic.

I could have sworn I read in a few places that ai developers have to insert routines to prevent their work from becoming racist once they let it start running. Maybe all these journalists yelling for years that objectivity doesn't exist are preparing us for Robocop having a brownness exception subroutine for crimes

 

[Flexo]

What is with all the self inserts lately?

I’m serious, what is the big deal with self insertion?

Well if you want to get religious...

It's the consequence of pride.

A truly skilled author will think outside of themselves, creating new worlds and people to play in them. If, however, you are so eat up with yourself you can't see anything beyond the mirror, then everything you write will revolve around the only subject you see: yourself.

 

[Woe-B-Gon (TM)]

I don't know how he produces it but I'm gonna wager Yahtzee scripts and rehearses his reviews a few times before attempting a final take.

Maybe, but if he botches it he can always just try again anyway. I suspect part of it is just the skill to enunciate at a fast conversational pace. Most people who ape him are forcing it without even trying to practice; they blend their words together into linguistic slush, or they just speed the audio track up. Or both.

Also, he's better at editing (and making editable material): I suspect he makes sure to have some dead air to play with when cutting out his pauses for breath so you can't hear the cuts.

 

[Arthur Morgan]

Listen here, you obsolete mayo ghoul. Every MCU flick - every single one - is high art, next-level, avant-garde which will go down in history as even more impactful than the Iliad & Odyssey.

At least that's what an aging fat diabetic consoomer in a basement told me, anyways.

Except for the Spiderman movies. They're terrible for not starring Toby Maguire.

 

[Giga_Nigga_28]

Do you know why there is a father-daughter dance tradition in weddings? Because Evangelicals are too porn-addled.

"And making girls wear shapeless sacks from elementary school doesn'texactly help anything either."

...Is this some form of insanity? What should elementary schoolers be wearing? Drag? Or should they dress up like hookers reminiscent of Roberts favorite movie Cuties? What do these people want?

 

[TowinKarz]

What do these people want?

They can't tell you, they can only tell you that what you proposed is wrong, again. And proof of your unfitness to rule.

 

[RockVolnutt]

Except for the Spiderman movies. They're terrible for not starring Toby Maguire.

Most of Bob's pitches are unintentional comedy in general but his MCU Spider-Man pitches are actually quality Bob I think gets overlooked. Despite "liking" him and I'm pretty sure he says he sees him in Tobey's Peter, he'd insert him into the MCU to die for Miles and all of Miles enemies would've been various Parker clones. Main one being a resentful clone who hates Miles and goes by the name Ben Reilly.

All kinds of weird racial masochism implications there. It's not even pro-Miles since he's less of a focus than him being a mixed race black teen Bob was fetishizing at the moment.

Mario pitch, Paradise Lost with Care Bears, and Terminator are still the peak of Bob's pitches though. All of them are bad in a thousand ways.

 

[Bolo]

What is with all the self inserts lately?

I’m serious, what is the big deal with self insertion?

I think I can answer that.

Picture the most dweeby, awkard spaz in your class, you know, the kid that was doing the Naruto run well into high school, that was kinda quiet, but would blurt out some line from a cartoon or anime in a inappropriate times, and he wasn't a bad person, but if you got to know him, you would see that some of his social inaptitude came from a sort of childish selfish nature, the "aw shucks, nobody understands me because I'm awkard", when that's is not the case, everybody understands, they just don't want to be around the weirdo who does the Naruto run and the kid just doen't want to grow up, this shit isn't being "authentic", it is just acting like a fucking retard.

Okay, now take that person, and make him 10 time more weird and spastic, and these are the people writing and producing american cartoons now.

Not so much on feature movies, but on TV cartoons, they are dominated by these weirdos who spend a lot of money to be on Calarts and when they get jobs they bring in more of their spaz friends, and before you can blink, the whole studio culture is dominated by them, self-satisfied, self-important, socially awkward yet childish petulant, and internet addicted manchildren.

And now you get cartoons with not only twitter politics, and lolz self-inserts, but also lazy and unpolished, because hard work ain't much of their culture as well, and you get turds like Steven Universe, where characters are animated scene to scene completely off model or even the scale being correct:

And yes, this shit was animated on a korean warehouse, but the ones aproving the dailies was in US, too bad they were too busy on twitter or Tumbrl at the time to even pay attention. Not to mention the abysmal writing, but then i would be here writing a novel.

But here you do, self-insert is just one of the many many drawbacks of putting in charge that weird kid in your class.

 

[Troonologist PhD]

The only way to fix The Terminator franchise would have the final installment be a T2 epilogue in which all the cashquels are just Sarah or John's nightmare. Except for Salvation. As far as I remember it's the only one that didn't fuck up T2's continuity.

Most of Bob's pitches are unintentional comedy in general but his MCU Spider-Man pitches are actually quality Bob I think gets overlooked. Despite "liking" him and I'm pretty sure he says he sees him in Tobey's Peter, he'd insert him into the MCU to die for Miles and all of Miles enemies would've been various Parker clones. Main one being a resentful clone who hates Miles and goes by the name Ben Reilly.

All kinds of weird racial masochism implications there. It's not even pro-Miles since he's less of a focus than him being a mixed race black teen Bob was fetishizing at the moment.

Mario pitch, Paradist Lost with Care Bears, and Terminator are still the peak though.

Please share this one.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

I think I can answer that.

Picture the most dweeby, awkard spaz in your class, you know, the kid that was doing the Naruto run well into high school, that was kinda quiet, but would blurt out some line from a cartoon or anime in a inappropriate times, and he wasn't a bad person, but if you got to know him, you would see that some of his social inaptitude came from a sort of childish selfish nature, the "aw shucks, nobody understands me because I'm awkard", when that's is not the case, everybody understands, they just don't want to be around the weirdo who does the Naruto run and the kid just doen't want to grow up, this shit isn't being "authentic", it is just acting like a fucking retard.

Okay, now take that person, and make him 10 time more weird and spastic, and these are the people writing and producing american cartoons now.

Not so much on feature movies, but on TV cartoons, they are dominated by these weirdos who spend a lot of money to be on Calarts and when they get jobs they bring in more of their spaz friends, and before you can blink, the whole studio culture is dominated by them, self-satisfied, self-important, socially awkward yet childish petulant, and internet addicted manchildren.

And now you get cartoons with not only twitter politics, and lolz self-inserts, but also lazy and unpolished, because hard work ain't much of their culture as well, and you get turds like Steven Universe, where characters are animated scene to scene completely off model or even the scale being correct:

View attachment 2268464

And yes, this shit was animated on a korean warehouse, but the ones aproving the dailies was in US, too bad they were too busy on twitter or Tumbrl at the time to even pay attention. Not to mention the abysmal writing, but then i would be here writing a novel.

But here you do, self-insert is just one of the many many drawbacks of putting in charge that weird kid in your class.

You don't need to write a novel. Here's a movie that's higher in quality than anything Bob has ever shat out (warning: it's more than two hours long.)

 

[RockVolnutt]

The only way to fix The Terminator franchise would have the final installment be a T2 epilogue in which all the cashquels are just Sarah or John's nightmare. Except for Salvation. As far as I remember it's the only one that didn't fuck up T2's continuity.

Bob's idea was to make it some redneck who lost his factory job that stole a time machine to kill a young black girl who created Skynet. Skynet creating an utopia in his version. Why does the redneck jump to this solution when he has a time machine? Why is unemployment an issue in an utopia? Fuck if I know, he never explains it.

Please share this one.

I should also add he wants Tobey's Peter to be a disillusioned loser who envies the Avengers taking the spotlight....even though Peter was like 20-21 in Spider-Man 3 and would be in his mid to late twenties by the time the Avengers happened if we're assuming real time.

Spoiler: Both parts

Edit: Here's the Care Bears, didn't notice the bold. It has a self-insert of Bob and jock villains. https://moviebobcentral.com/2015/12/07/pitch-me-mr-b-care-bears/

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

You don't need to write a novel. Here's a movie that's higher in quality than anything Bob has ever shat out (warning: it's more than two hours long.)

While I agree Steven Universe is horrible please don’t call Lily Orchard’s reviews quality. She’s a horrible person like Bob, she’s actually one of his supporters.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

The only way to fix The Terminator franchise would have the final installment be a T2 epilogue in which all the cashquels are just Sarah or John's nightmare. Except for Salvation. As far as I remember it's the only one that didn't fuck up T2's continuity.

Technically, it fucks up T2's continuity by existing, since they were supposed to have prevented the future war- even though it was the future war that caused all these events to begin with (don't think about it too hard, the writers sure didn't.) T3 is honestly the only sequel that fits continuity-wise even if it is garbage.

As far as Bob's Spider-Man pitches go, it's interesting that he, a nominal fan, would rather watch his weird political pornography than any of the actual classic Spider-Man storylines- the fact that they're doing Maximum Carnage without Spidey should be a crying shame, but his consoomerist impulses won't let him think that.

(You know, back in the halcyon days of the MCU- 2015 or thereabouts- I really wanted a Darkhawk movie. I don't want that anymore.)

 

[A Watchful Ghost]

You don't need to write a novel. Here's a movie that's higher in quality than anything Bob has ever shat out (warning: it's more than two hours long.)

A fucking novel would sound much better than anything this sociopathic, tone-deaf twat has anything to say. He is the champion of sheer hypocrisy and contradictions for the sake of what the Orchard thinks is good.

There is a reason he has a thread in here. And is quite visited

 

[Flexo]

To be fair, I have a feeling that robocops would just start shooting random Blacks kinda like how Tesla cars don't detect them as people so they just run them over, either that or they'd randomly start commiting suicide, like that one mall security robot that as soon as it got it's AI upgraded it decided to kill itself by launching itself into a water fountain, now to be fair I too would kill myself if my entire reason to exist was to police joggers so I wouldn't blame them if they do that.

You're right.

We should program them to shoot all humans just to be equitable.

Technically, it fucks up T2's continuity by existing, since they were supposed to have prevented the future war- even though it was the future war that caused all these events to begin with (don't think about it too hard, the writers sure didn't.) T3 is honestly the only sequel that fits continuity-wise even if it is garbage.

Is T:Salvation a prequel or sequel?

Actually if they ran with it, it could have all worked. Have Marcus take the face & look of John Connor and then resume leading the rebellion. At some point in the following movie (or two) he succeeds at bringing down skynet thanks to his cybernetic capabilities, but Skynet thinks John did it and sends back T1 to begin the first movie. (Also solving the paradox issue as it was never John that beat it, but their own creation - like poetry, it rhymes.) Heck I'd then have Marcus don the skin of Arnold after that and reveal he was the T800 of T2 all along, resolving to finish the war in both the past and future, going back to cause T2.

Or we could start discussing Sarah Connor chronicles. Though if Skynet could start mass producing Summer Glau I'm not sure it would need nukes to finish off the humans race...

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Shouldn’t all the post T2 films and Bob’s Terminator pitch not happen by now because by preventing Judgement Day, John Connor pretty much gets erased from time?

 

[Tronathon242]

Technically, it fucks up T2's continuity by existing, since they were supposed to have prevented the future war- even though it was the future war that caused all these events to begin with (don't think about it too hard, the writers sure didn't.) T3 is honestly the only sequel that fits continuity-wise even if it is garbage.

As far as Bob's Spider-Man pitches go, it's interesting that he, a nominal fan, would rather watch his weird political pornography than any of the actual classic Spider-Man storylines- the fact that they're doing Maximum Carnage without Spidey should be a crying shame, but his consoomerist impulses won't let him think that.

(You know, back in the halcyon days of the MCU- 2015 or thereabouts- I really wanted a Darkhawk movie. I don't want that anymore.)

If you go by the deleted ending for T2, they definitely prevented Judgment Day. Hell, John even becomes a US Senator despite his past (his mom being an escaped criminal lunatic, his foster parents being murdered, and him participating in what would be deemed a terrorist action with a man resembling a mass murderer who slaughtered an entire police precinct).

But that part about Bob and his comic pitches only provs he is more of a poseur. He just wants the series to be popular, not follow the storylines that made the comics good in the first place. I can only speak for myself as a huge Frank Castle fan and say that I got very annoyed with the Punisher series for not adapting any of the classic storylines or even having him spend much time killing mobsters. I gave up halfway into the first season. Bob only likes Marvel to pretend to be a nerdy "superior genius" type. Quality doesn't concern him, only box office numbers and popularity.

Shouldn’t all the post T2 films and Bob’s Terminator pitch not happen by now because by preventing Judgement Day, John Connor pretty much gets erased from time?

They could just have a new savior which they already tried in Dark Fate. The creators already did the unthinkable, as you pointed out, and killed young John Connor. The franchise reached its nadir right there, so they might as well try something else that's stupid. It cannot possibly get any worse than what they did there.