حلال Obamatron - My best friend.

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Who is my TRUE and HONEST personal hero &/or best friend?

  • TJ Church

    Votes: 218 75.4%

  • Obamatron

    Votes: 71 24.6%
  • Total voters
    289
BrokenEntity said:
"You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed
You just remember what your old pal said
Boy you've got a friend in me
Yeah you've got a friend in me"
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Null said:
"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." - Michael Corleone, The Godfather

One of the most interesting caveats of running a site like this is the attention it brings me personally, whether I ask for it or not. While the games with StrikerWolf are funny, they become less funny when you start noticing that my good friend @OBAMATRON has begun to use him to advertise his websites. In fact, despite claiming that StrikerWolf is fake on his forum, he is intimately involved with feeding StrikerWolf false information to get his trust.

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Obamatron was originally a bit of a fanboy for me, but that all changed when I banned A-Stump. He was involved in the first splinter board that started in 2014 after a few members were booted for being absolute spastics. If his affection for me had a neck, you can hear exactly when it snaps reading this:

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His first love affair was more with @KatsuKitty, someone who has a public Tumblr account with information about him being a gigantic fag. Obamatron meticulously recorded all of this information, and an OKCupid profile that was about as dry and boring as Katsu's sex life, and put it into a ZIP that he posted on /cow/ at least twice and on other boards like /cwc/ which don't even have life. /cwc/ was actually wiped since then, but you can still see my buddy spreading pictures of me from when I was 15 or 16 around on it.

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Totes adorbs. If only I could go back in time and warn this beautiful child to stay away from Christian Weston Chandler and anything related to Kiwis or New Zealand.

Obamatron was also the first person to ever discover who I worked for. He dug through about ~10,000 posts on a forum about a lego-style video game and uncovered a Windows Explorer screenshot with the name of the company as a favorite location on the left-hand sidebar. This was, fortunately, a month after I left the workplace, but he was very unhesistant about dumping that into /cow/ so that all the other close friends I've had to say good-bye to on the forums could join him in masturbating.

An additional achievement is him having discovered that I was an 8chan Global Volunteer for a few months. I'm still not sure exactly how he did this, but great detective work. You know, with all these things floating around about me, I bet it's hard to keep track of all that information. If only there was some sort of conglomerated resource where he could nail it all down.

Oh, right, that exists. Obamatron hosts the prestigious Null Wiki, which can be accessed here:
http://nullwiki.autism.cool

Obamatron also hosts a second splinter site dedicated mostly to watching the forum.
http://autism.cool/

I've tried to ignore these for a while, but I might as well fess up to the inevitable and impending doom placed upon the Kiwi Farms by this stiff competition for the "harassing insane people over the Internet" demographic. It is definitely a safe place to get away from this wretched hive of scum and villainy, and they're a lot more relaxed on the rules -- just be sure to go to their weekly CyTube events or you will be banned for being a Kiwi Farms spy. Expect to be interrogated for reasons why you hate me upon joining, otherwise they can't be assured that you won't screencap all the embarrassing or creepy stuff which totally doesn't happen in this relaxed society that has nothing to hide and is much better than the Kiwi Farms in every conceivable way.

Most recently, Obamatron has found pictures of me from a lesser known board on 8chan owned by the owner of 2ch. I went out for a pizza party with him and copypaste and he thought it'd be fun to posts the photos he took. Somehow, Obamatron found these as well. This is considerably less impressive because they're technically public, but the sheer fact that he had tabs on that board as well despite its complete non-association with me and small size is a testimony to his, uh, resourcefulness.


I'm writing this now after making a concerted effort to ignore him and his whining for a year because I've banned yet another one of his alts. His other account was "dubya", and when I banned that, I unbanned Obamatron from all except Off-Topic and Chat as a courtesy to the other people he may latch on to. Today I discovered he has been lurking those channels as "frylator", and had remained unseen for months because he was using Tor, which he apparently forgot to use yesterday and popped up on my radar. Although I have been considerably courteous to him despite the context of his situation, apparently he cannot respect the few things I have expected from him.

I've been warned that a thread like this will obviously pique his interest and keep him coming back, but I doubt he needs motivation for that at this point. When he's my age I'm sure he'll still be my very best friend. I'd complain more, but I consider this unrequieted love to be cosmic punishment for oppressing the beautiful trans womyn Christine Weston Chandler.
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He kind of has been stalking my posts since I became a moderator.

I had a lot of respect for the guy at one point before he completely lost his shit, which I think cinches @Dynastia's argument that as a general rule, I'm a terrible judge of character, since I was on at least acceptable terms with at least five people that gloriously self-destructed since I joined the site last year.

OBAMATRON said:
If anyone shows up, make sure to attend the cytu.be event, or I will bann you. That's a promise.
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You know, as a general rule, imitating Kimmo Johan Alm isn't typically a successful career path.
 
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Dynastia said:
So who are the exceptionals who post on obeme's shitty forum anyway?
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Hellblazer said:
One of their more esteemed members:
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Strelok said:
Is that just a joke at their expense, or is fucking Cranium actually a poster there?
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Silver said:
Cranium was the best poster. If he's really over there I'd love to see what he's been up to but I am too laze to go look
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A-Stump, Woody-chan, Luna and Pvt Richard Cranium are confirmed for being on there and will freely admit to it. Apparently Woody Chan mostly spergs in their chat.

Their board is really boring to look over, their most popular threads are about Null or us. And I've heard their offtopic boards are dead and almost everyone just lurks in their chat. They might as well have just made an irc channel. All they mostly do there is bitch about us and try to bait really hard.
 
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Watcher said:
A-Stump, Woody-chan, Luna and Pvt Richard Cranium are confirmed for being on there and will freely admit to it. Apparently Woody Chan mostly spergs in their chat.

Their board is really boring to look over, their most popular threads are about Null or us. And I've heard their offtopic boards are dead and almost everyone just lurks in their chat. They might as well have just made an irc channel. All they mostly do there is bitch about us and try to bait really hard.
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@Luna what is this?
 
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