The Astrology of Chris Chan

Mariposa Electrique said:
View attachment 2397370

I would like to start off by saying I’m not a psychic. I used astrology a few years ago to make this seek out what might happen with Chris in the future because I was exhausted with his blatant disregard for others, generally disgusting behavior, and being shouted down by others because I can see through people like Chris. My first prediction that I made for 2021 for Chris was that he would leave 14 BC due to financial troubles, and Barb’s death. I later revised my prediction after consulting text, and I still believed this may be a crisis precipitated by Barb’s death with further reaching consequences, forcing Chris out of his home due to his own sheer stupidity and immorality. I never in my wildest dreams thought Chris would bang his own fucking mother. I didn’t narrow down any dates because You know, “teflon tard” finally getting kicked out of 14 BC, surely, we’ll laugh, and someone will pay off the mortgage.

Anyhow, I’ve been studying astrology since I was 12 years, and to me, it’s much more of a correlational science based on fractals as opposed to divining mumbo jumbo that pilfering idiots like to tout. The reason why it works as a prognostication tool is rooted in the presence and energy of a divine being. The astrological chart is a map or a snapshot for the personality as well as the beginning and end of a person’s life, as well as everything in between. It’s synchronicity in motion. I don’t use the Tropical zodiac that was based on the terrible bastardized teachings of William Lilly that founded today’s Instagram astrology. I use the zodiac that was taught to me by a friend of my mother’s friend who was a nice Jewish man that practiced Kabbalah. This zodiac was created by Mesopotamians and Egyptians, and is based on where the planets are in the sky, which is called the Sidereal Fagan/Bradley zodiac.



So, onto the good stuff……I’m just going to talk about the most prominent stuff.

Chris has one of the weirdest and most deviant charts I’ve ever seen. The first thing that jumps out in Chris’ astrological chart is that he’s a double Aquarius. He’s in no way a Pisces, if he were, the situation with Barb would be 10x worse. His sun and moon being so close together in Aspect indicate someone with a monstrous ego that is constant need for validation and recognition. These people are often narcissistic and need to be the center of attention. They often have exceedingly high libidos and constantly think about sex. They often feel the need to exalt themselves, even if they’ve done nothing to deserve it. This falls in line with Chris’ thirst for celebrity and his many small appearances in TV, newspaper, and on the Internet. The ED didn’t create this monster, Chris would have always found a way to gain notoriety if that avenue didn’t exist. His double Aquarius nature (Sun & Moon) impart aspects of genius and utter insanity. This is a sign of innovation and forward thinking, but also, this sign doesn’t recognize boundaries, or social class like age, gender, family, rich or poor. I’ve seen many unwashed hippy Marxist douchebags, innovators, and auti-skizoids alike born with luminaries (Moon/Sun) in Aquarius. Steve Jobs and Autophag. Statistically for some reason, this sign is extremely brilliant yet mentally ill. Aquarius also embodies the nontraditional, antiestablishment, and antiauthority; it bows to no man. And even though it’s synonymous with the water carrier, another archetype it’s often associated with includes the anti-Christ. Chris’ Sun is square Uranus, which makes him like 10 times more insane. As far as gender goes, Aquarius is actually devoid of gender and personifies a genderless alien. These traits when involved with planets like the sun and the moon make up Chris’ core personality traits, and also signify his relationship to his mother and father.



Something that I find so weird is that Bob was born September 4thth, making him a strong Leo, which is positioned opposite Leo in the Zodiac. It’s all about recognizing royalty, social class, tradition, eugenics (Margaret Sanger), and the embodiment of Jesus Christ made flesh. Bob was literally a noble king besieged by revolutionary forces, which is quite common among immediate family members. Bob had many planets in Leo, which made his personality clash with Chris’ even more.

The next aspect that is exact in Chris’ chart is Venus square his Pluto in Libra. Venus in a man’s chart is associated with how he views or relates to biological femininity, and for both genders, it’s how they socialize with others and seek pleasures. Pluto presets astrological energy of two extremes. “All or nothing”, so to speak. This energy is more tolerated by women. In a woman, Venus/Pluto personifies biological femininity and sexual energy. Beyoncé has this same aspect prominently featured in her astrological chart, and it’s not uncommon to see this same aspect in super models, career prostitutes, and sex symbols. However, in men like Chris, this skews their perception of female sexuality, making them almost obsessed and entranced by it. I’ve noticed this aspect particularly prominent in the charts of effeminate, homosexual men. Often times, these men are timid with psychosexual sexual disorders and are often unable to relate to others or try to over-relate and are left to wonder why everyone despises them. As for sexual disorders with men who have this aspect, women are often the target regardless of sexuality either through personal attacks, rape, or murder. Thankfully, this aspect is in the background of Chris’ astrological chart, or it would have wreaked much more legal havoc in his life. This aspect does have the potential to turn a straight man into shy mamma’s boy, who’s also a serial killer of women. This is also indicative of what Null said last night on stream, Chris either closes himself off, or he lets everything hang out when relating to people (boundaries).

The next closest aspect is Mercury/Jupiter. First, Mercury is on Chris’ ascendant, which makes him extremely neurotic and prone to anxiety, and positioned in Capricorn, it makes him extremely, extremely stupid and impulsive. Mercury making an aspect so close to Jupiter is why Chris’ is so obsessed with wheeling and dealing, trying to create a business empire for his Sonichus. I always chuckled when Marvin would make jokes about Chris acting like a used car salesman because this aspect is quite common in their charts. Sadly, Mercury being so close to an angle and in Capricorn means Chris never had a chance to be run a successful business. It also means that his work ethic sucks, and he relies windfalls.



The next closest aspect in Chris’ chart is Mars conjoined to Saturn in Virgo. This is another terrible aspect for a man to have in their astrological chart because Mars represents biological masculinity while Saturn is extremely constricting in nature. This reflects a lot of misandry in Chris’ life and what he views as weakness as other men…..like having a small penis, the inability to be direct and pick up chicks. This doesn’t reflect that he’s not a man or that virility is absent from his life, just that he views it as such. The positive thing about this aspect is that imparts Chris with the ability to withstand difficulties in his life, almost like a psychological callus. But it is also significant of an innumerable amount of challenges (stress sighs). Having Mars in Virgo is also telling of Chris’ failed attempts to use strategy instead of emotion, charisma, and intuition to find a sweetheart and a sex partner.

This is Chris' Solar Return For 2021, it's basically a chart that is generated each time the sun returns to the exact same position as it did when you were born only ithe planets and their position are different because time passes, planets move, and things change, and it lasts the entire year and can signify far-reaching consequences.. This is the chart I made my prognostication on.
View attachment 2397377
If you notice, the moon is opposite Pluto by about a margin of 3 degrees. This can transform your life for better or worse depending on the surrounding context. It can signify saying goodbye to a person for good, a severing of a close relationship, an extreme shock, emotional or physical and emotional alienation from familiar and often comforting circumstances.

What makes it so bad is having two terrible planets on an angle, Saturn on the Ascendant. Saturn in this position once again represents constriction of the self, and exactly square Uranus represents a lot of anxiety, difficult choices, and autonomy vs freedom. Mars is on the very bottom of the chart on the Imum coeli representing aggressive action in the homelife along with turmoil and disturbances. It's making another exact aspect to Pluto, which represents being punished for your actions. Planets on these angles carry the loudest voices and expressions. Also, there was Venus/Mars aspect for Chris in his Solar Return this year meaning he was extra horny and would get sex one way or another

I really hope that mods won't delete this thread or close it, I will be updating it with more predictions about this year and the fallout from this.
Thanks.

If anyone has questions just ask, but please be civil.
Click to expand...
i don't believe in this sort of stuff though I will admit my interest was a bit piqued the more I read, it is fascinating I will give it that. Wonder what awful things my astrology has for me this year
 
  • Like
  • Feels
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Helen Henny, Clockwork_PurBle, Bad Take Crucifier and 2 others
Vorkland said:
Thanks! Also, something I noticed, but I've been plugging Chris's info into a bunch of natal chart sites, and they all keep giving me Pisces for both Sun and Moon instead of Aquarius. What's up with that?
Click to expand...
They're probably using the tropical Zodiac, which was popularized by William Lilly in the 1600s and is useless now. If you can go to Astrodienest and select the option for Sidereal, and then it will give you a list of other Zodiacs, use the Fagan-Allen Zodiac. It's based on the position of the zodiac that is the most current in the sky.

Here is a link to more info.
LINK
 
  • Informative
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Like
Reactions: Male Idiot, Helen Henny, Umaibae and 3 others
Astrology may be utter bullshit, but somebody like @Mariposa Electrique can make it sound like halfway interesting bullshit nonetheless. Seriously, d00d, you could get people to pay you good money for this shit. I was big into metaphysicalism back when there was a big New Age community in the city I lived in, but all the "astrologers" were the psychic woowoo types who "interpreted" your charts according to whatever Ascended Master was speaking to them at the moment or shit like that. You actually make it sound halfway interesting without bullshit like "this means that your Akashic Record says blabla according to Archangel Raphael" and similar garbage I was always running into. I don't feel like it now, but I'll have to go and run my own charts and maybe try to wrap my autistic retard slow-in-the-mind around whatever computer generated interpretation I wind up with.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
  • Feels
Reactions: Hongourable Madisha, AsianChris, Steve Hightower and 6 others
Comandante Marcos said:
Astrology may be utter bullshit, but somebody like @Mariposa Electrique can make it sound like halfway interesting bullshit nonetheless. Seriously, d00d, you could get people to pay you good money for this shit. I was big into metaphysicalism back when there was a big New Age community in the city I lived in, but all the "astrologers" were the psychic woowoo types who "interpreted" your charts according to whatever Ascended Master was speaking to them at the moment or shit like that. You actually make it sound halfway interesting without bullshit like "this means that your Akashic Record says blabla according to Archangel Raphael" and similar garbage I was always running into. I don't feel like it now, but I'll have to go and run my own charts and maybe try to wrap my autistic retard slow-in-the-mind around whatever computer generated interpretation I wind up with.
Click to expand...
Thanks for that. The problem with real, actual astrology is that it was never meant to be used in a spiritual new age, hippie-dippie dipshit context. It's reputation may have been well preserved if it had remained a prognostic tool used by wealthy scholars.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Helen Henny, Parthenos, Clockwork_PurBle and 6 others
1627854876728.jpeg
 
  • Winner
  • Like
  • Feels
Reactions: Procrastinhater, DogPlant, AsianChris and 7 others
I did not expect to be unironically entertained by this. Great post gypsy!

But tell me: do your heathen charts offer any insight on what will come first: The dimensional merge or the arrival of the space jews?
 
  • Semper Fidelis
Reactions: Mariposa Electrique
Space Cooter said:
I did not expect to be unironically entertained by this. Great post gypsy!

But tell me: do your heathen charts offer any insight on what will come first: The dimensional merge or the arrival of the space jews?
Click to expand...
I’m telling you man, she’ll turn us all into frogs and rain pestilence down on us all if we keep mithering her.
 
  • Like
  • Optimistic
Reactions: valis, Aaa0aaa0 and Mariposa Electrique
Space Cooter said:
I did not expect to be unironically entertained by this. Great post gypsy!

But tell me: do your heathen charts offer any insight on what will come first: The dimensional merge or the arrival of the space jews?
Click to expand...
Nope. But they indicate AGP. Tom's Libra sun is enough to show this as well several factors in Chris' charts.
 
  • Informative
  • Lunacy
Reactions: Procrastinhater, deputydogshit2.0 and AMHOLIO
I've never heard of this Sidereal thing. I see that they push all the dates for all the signs forward by a few weeks. So does this mean all the horoscopes I've ever read in the paper are wrong?
 
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: naaaaiiiiillllll!!!
Bad Take Crucifier said:
I've never heard of this Sidereal thing. I see that they push all the dates for all the signs forward by a few weeks. So does this mean all the horoscopes I've ever read in the paper are wrong?
Click to expand...
Absofuckinglutely they are.

Okay, I've got a sad update for you guys.
1627966930929.png


On October 4th, Chris has a Demi-Lunar return with Jupiter/Uranus on the angles. The Demi-Lunar is a chart that is produced each time the moon opposes it's original position in the birth chart, which applies to two weeks in time. The normal return applies to 28 days, which means you get these charts every month. So, on October 4 - 18th give a take or day or so, something fortunate is going to happen to Chris. Either he gets out on bail or the charges are dropped completely, but rest assured it will be something he perceives to be extremely fortunate. No, it won't be the merge because that's dumb, and you can't change objective reality. Jupiter/Uranus represents a breakthrough after being placed under strenuous conditions. I've seen lottery winners who were extremely down on their luck go from rags to riches with this aspect prominent in a Solar return or a progressed chart, but I doubt this is going to be Chris' case since this particular chart only lasts a 2 weeks. To all of the naysayers, I have no intention of turning this into a self-fulfilling prophecy and bailing Chris out of jail. I despise Chris.

There's a chance that he may be released, yet still convicted, but I'm not holding out home. If he is released, I just hope he is kept away from Barb, she's put in a home, and Chris is not allowed to ever return to 14 BC and collect his things because I'm pretty sure he used lots of Barb's money to buy them.
1627967895784.png

What's even creepier is that the Solar Return for his next birthday paints a picture of a man sowing his wild oates. The Solar return moon is on the descendant, and there's a close Mars/Venus conjunction. Also the moon is squaring Jupiter, which signifes happiness. So, this is a very fortunate chart for a man with a penis, who's still of reproductive age. Maybe he could find a prison sweetheart to knock around his junk, but I doubt it. I just hope this doesn't signify that Green County is stupid enough to act like nothing ever happened and allow Chris to screw his demented mother on the DL.
 
  • Informative
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Horrifying
Reactions: Procrastinhater, Male Idiot, Hongourable Madisha and 18 others
commit suicide beam said:
wouldn't tropical be more accurate? sun & moon in pisces. easier to make sense why he's a massive sexual degenerate
Click to expand...
No, Pisces is also a sign of charisma, actual talent, and beauty. It's not uncommon for Aquarians to have weird beliefs like Sonichus, merges, banging your mom, and no shame in anything.
 
  • Like
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Male Idiot, Helen Henny, knux and 3 others
I wish we could predict what will happen with the trolls, but we're still learning about them and making a star chart for more than one person is pain.

It's a wide net cast of bullshit but I admire it like many others here. Keep it up, OG astrology but kiwiflavored is fun.
 
  • Semper Fidelis
Reactions: Mariposa Electrique
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back