POLICE ISSUE A STATEMENT

[AnimeAvatard]

Had to put it in the evidence bag. Either that or the rape kit..

He shoved it up Barb's butthole in hopes of pleasuring her

 

[Wewladdingt0n]

Y'all never can hold back from always going over the edge and to the extreme.

Uhhh, you mean zap to the extreme, right?

 

[Pyra]

He shoved it up Barb's butthole in hopes of pleasuring her

So this was the anal play that was being referred to?

 

[boongus]

I think we're all missing the real tragedy here, they took away his Sonichu medallion.

i bet they have no clue where he put that thing

 

[feedtheoctopus]

Actual footage of Jason Tooley getting non-stop calls from weens

 

[StraightShooter2]

i think its reasonable to be fearful of weens and alogs doing their best to fuck with the investigation by offering their (false, fictitious, or unrelated) reports of chris. honestly i dont think it needs to be said, but for you people too fucking stupid to understand, stay the fuck away from this case for the love of god.

unless chris tied you up in autistic cowboy shibari and raped you like he did barb, you have no fucking business talking to the police about chris.

YOUR INTERACTION WITH THE POLICE REGARDING CHRIS CAN ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED, AND NOT IN A COMICAL, LULZY WAY. YOU COULD JEOPARDIZE THE INVESTIGATION IN ITS ENTIRETY; STAY THE FUCK AWAY.

Fair enough - though this time Null himself sent evidence to the police regarding him raiding Barb's bank account - so the impression I got was that this was a serious enough incident that providing evidence to law enforcement wouldn't be considered "trolling plans" this time.

 

[DocHoliday1977]

This is fucking surreal lmao
I have a friend who works at the Regional Jail, I gotta tell her about this

I used to live in Stanardsville, VA. Ruckersville is skeezy

 

[bobs-chainsaw]

I think I'm going to hurl.

Online creator Chris Chan arrested on incest charge after leaked audio alleged she had sex with her mother

Christine Weston Chandler, known online as Chris Chan, was arrested on a charge of incest on Sunday after a leaked call spread online.

news.yahoo.com

That Yahoo article is surprisingly well written. I'm shocked any journo is able to write a competent article about Chris Chan.

 

[Criminal Stupidity]

I don't think he's realized what he did was wrong. He probably thinks this is just some crazy misunderstanding and the Jerkops will let him go as soon as he explains what he did was in the name of true love. Jesus, reality is going to hit him hard these next few months.

He just needs to get in front of a judge, then he can explain that the justice system of CWCVille has already reviewed his case and found him completely innocent of all charges and that he is in fact to be awarded compensation in the form of Lego for this all being a big, huge misunderstanding of his True and Honest Love and Sweet Emotions.

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

Just give Chris some tools inside a cake just like in the cartoons, he would be more competent in a jailbreak than all of them working together lol!

Ahhhhhh....he'd only fart on it.

 

[DocHoliday1977]

He shoved it up Barb's butthole in hopes of pleasuring her

No noooo, noooo.....this is a huge nope, I can't ....I just can't handle this shit....

 

[Vyse Inglebard]

We have to make sure it sticks. Every time a trans issue comes up, mention Chris. It will work.

Seriously. This might the blackpill that we can deliver to the normies to kill off the troon movement for good. He raped his mother and then stole from her afterward, (the Fanta shot) ain't NO ONE but the most mentally deranged gonna defend that shit (the semen chaser). Sure, it might be a long shot, considering how entrenched they are in our cultural institutions, but hey, a nigga can dream, right?

 

[DocHoliday1977]

That Yahoo article is surprisingly well written. I'm shocked any journo is able to write a competent article about Chris Chan.

I'm sure the writer struggled.

 

[AngryItalianAmerican]

Anyway, imagine the stress sighs. He's being held without bond and Chris is not going to do well in jail whatsoever. No vidya, no porn and tons of guys who will have no issue manhandling him. His only chance right now is being saved by the merge.

Con: he's too disgusting to be raped.
Pro: he's too irritating not to be stabbed.

 

[Unexpected Genitals]

What is he thinking in this picture?

He's not.

 

[StraightShooter2]

He just needs to get in front of a judge, then he can explain that the justice system of CWCVille has already reviewed his case and found him completely innocent of all charges and that he is in fact to be awarded compensation in the form of Lego for this all being a big, huge misunderstanding of his True and Honest Love and Sweet Emotions.

In CWC he was just a little Machiavelli or dictator-for-life - he's going to be in for a rude awakening now.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Chris just got a new mugshot from the jail they moved him to

He is still smiling like a moron

Unfortunately reality has not sunk in for him yet

I can't get errverr over Chris fucking smiling in his mugshots like he knows something we don't. It's very reminiscent of John S. Bulla (sexually). I guess the reality that he's in really deep shit this time hasn't registered yet. And man, I wish I could see it when it finally does.

Although, Chris has singlehandedly caused all sorts of cow crossovers in the last few days, and now word of him is spreading through the normiesphere, bringing whole generations together to interact. Maybe he knows he's ushered in his own Dimensional Merge of sorts?

Nah. He's still banking on Barb, Rocky, Magi-Chan, Sonichu, and Null to bail him out any day now, and this will all be one big misunderstanding.

 

[Nignogninja]

Imagine pleading to the people on a troll lolcow site to not mess with a police investigation for the lulz, and expecting them to listen

 

[Rex Luna]

I think I'm going to hurl.

Online creator Chris Chan arrested on incest charge after leaked audio alleged she had sex with her mother

Christine Weston Chandler, known online as Chris Chan, was arrested on a charge of incest on Sunday after a leaked call spread online.

news.yahoo.com

He effing made Newsweek......oh my God.

Chris Chan arrested for incest in Virginia

The controversial internet personality is being held at Henrico County Regional Jail West in Virginia.

www.newsweek.com

THE MERGE IS ON!

 

[Bent_Duck]

Search warrant coming (likely) for the house. Anyone staking it out could probably catch that happening

Searching that heap will be a week-long ordeal. I feel worse for whoever has to do that than for the retarded sap of a detective that gave his number out to the public regarding this case...