Been a while since there's been a Googleshng this juicy.
Earlier someone was visiting from out of town and really wanted to go to the beach with me. And I tried to explain the many reasons that couldn't happen. Part of that is I have some medical stuff going on where getting my skin wet is a no-go,
Ah yes, Jake's constant malingering and hypochondria. This is why ancient civilizations left their gimp-kids out to the wolves. They grow up to become Jakes.
Just fucking admit that you're an autistic shut-in who is physically pained by the light.
but also, you know, I'm trans. I don't presently own a bathing suit. Finding one that fits me properly would be kind of a challenge,
Yeah, they don't make bikinis in 'rhino' sizes.
and even if I could, while it's been forever since anyone who looked at me thought I was a guy,
doubt.png
it's hard to shake the feeling that if all I had on was something barely covering my genitals and boobs, some obvious tell would suddenly be visible,
Yes, like your hulking ogre-like physique, nasally male voice, shag-rub like body hair, and visible bulge.
and then I'd have to deal with, you know,
Ah yes, Jake is trying to be cute and folksy with 'you know'. I can just read it in his nasally nerd voice, spurting out from between his sausage-lips as his baggy nostrils flap from his breath.
potentially being beaten to death by any bigots in the area. Odds are low but it's still a big risk.
Almost as big a risk as Jake not being a complete fuck up.
Today I had another variation on the conversation, because hey, it's a real good form of exercise, and explaining things that far, was met with the suggestion, "oh, don't you have any friends with private pools?"
And no, no I freaking don't.
First of all the sort of people who tend to have private pools tend to be people who are pretty damn well off financially
Shut the fuck up Jake. You get paid to whine on Twitter because people feel sorry for your pathetic ass and are too indoctrinated by ideology to see that you're a useless sad sack who needs to get a fucking job.
. We're already talking about people who have reached that unattainable for someone like me
Aka a slothful, entitled manchild.
dream of actually owning a house, who also have said house somewhere where there's room to have a yard, and a fence around that yard, and enough money left over to install a damn pool, and keep it well maintained. Might as well ask if I have any friends who own their own islands. What the hell.
JUST SAY 'HOUSE' YOU FUCKING WINDBAG! YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING CUTE WITH THIS QUIRKY, OVERLY LONG LIST BULLSHIT? NO. NOBODY'S LAUGHING. THEY'RE JUST ANNOYED AND CONFUSED BECAUSE YOU'RE A TERRIBLE WRITER!
YOU ARE NOT SMARTER FOR USING MORE WORDS THAN NESSICARY!
Part of why this is a ridiculous ask is that trans women don't ever have any money.
Ignore Bruce Jenner, Lavine Cox, the Matrix guys... oh wait, they're hack frauds who inherited their wealth.
Okay, Jake has a point here. Trannies are mentally ill fuck-ups who need everything handed to them because they're too stupid and lazy to do it themselves.
We're women and people generally don't like to give women money,
https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/richest-women-in-the-world/4/
we tend to be single, so we don't have access to someone else's money,
"Us poor troons can never golddig our way to success, like all those FEMALES do"
we're this really hated minority, so like, holding down any job at all is a really big ask,
Take it from me, a man who needs to beg on Twitter for people to send his resume for him.
No Jake, trannies don't get barred from jobs because they're trannies. It's because they're nutcases who can't be trusted with basic responsibility.
and at some point in our lives this thing happens where we suddenly have to completely start from scratch on buying clothes and a bunch of other things like it's one of those games where you drop all your stuff on death and it crashed when we were running back to our corpses.
It wouldn't be a true Googleshng without a cumbersome pop culture reference.
The other thing, and I don't think this gets talked about enough, is societal transphobia kinda rigs the game against us having friends at all Like, growing up, here I am, some little girl
Two things Jake never was: Little and a girl.
The friends I naturally gravitated towards were other little girls my own age. That, to my parents, was a huge red flag and a stop had to be put to it.
Jake knows a lot about gravitating towards little girls and his parents having red flags.
No being friends with girls. And I'm not going to end up making friends with a bunch of boys instead, because, no matter how much people were in denial of it, I was a girl. I clearly had cooties. Boys had no interest being anywhere near me.
Because you were insufferable, autistic, or smelled bad? Oh who am I kidding, we know it was all three.
So, and I think this is pretty well a universal experience, I grew up with basically no friends at all,
No Jake, this isn't "pretty well a universal experience", you're just a sped.
except maybe a couple weird kids who don't go in for the whole super gender segregated youth thing because look you can't be picky when you're trying to fill out a D&D group,
I'm sure your party members felt the same about you.
and eventually I got the internet, so I had some nice relateable internet friends
"They were all 30 year old men who wanted pictures of my feet."
(who would... basically all eventually work out that they were also trans, funny how that works).
"They're all Discord mods now as well"
And then you know, years later, I did the whole thing of coming out and transitioning, and turns out when you do that, a non-zero number of the people in your life are going to IMMEDIATELY cease to be people in your life, or at the very least really distance themselves and maybe not be seen with you in public etc. either because it's taking them a bit to process things or they're low-key bigoted, or high-key, etc.
Nobody wants to be seen with you because you're an embarrassment to your family. Oh, I mean "non-zero number of the people in your life". And oh god that's all one sentence.
"Jake's writing is like watching cockroaches crawling out of your newborn child" -
@Adamska
And then, you know, there's the bigots. The ones who uh, do their best to hunt down every trans woman on the planet, dox us, and harass the everloving hell out of anyone who is related to us, works with us, is friends with us, or acknowledges us as people, in a specific isolating effort.
Ah yes, the hordes of evil bigots that are around every corner outside the Gnome Cave.
And it's possible to make new friends past that of course but... honestly, making new friends as an adult is kind of a hard thing to do for anyone. Usually it's contingent on like, getting a new job, or joining a new club, or something like that, and again, discriminated minority here, plus the active stalker scene.
"It's not my fault I don't have friends, everyone else is to blame!" -A fat, creepy manchild who refuses to leave his tardpartment
And even if not for all that, there's the whole issue of being the age where you should generally have life pretty well figured out and yourself put together, but then you also went and started puberty all over so you're dealing with all that, probably lost your job/family/friends, none of your clothes fit, and you're constantly seeing doctors, so like, yeah.
"I'm a jobless, 40 year old abortion who's trooning out because of my sexual fetishes, but it's not MY FAULT!"
Not a whole lot of opportunities for someone to go "hey, you seem really cool, come by my house some time. I've got a nice new in-ground pool I want to show off, but I don't want to show it off by having a pool party or anything. I just want to invite over a single person, by herself, to swim around in it while I'm not even there, and in fact no one is there, and there's no cameras or anything. And what's weird about that? What, that I specified 'no cameras?'
"Why won't any hot chicks invite me to their pool so I can show off how dainty and feminine I am while we splash in the pool together, and then we can have some
Kamen Rider and chill"
Look it's not fair to act like I'm the one making this weird when I already only exist as a hypothetical to show how people who just let random people swim around their pools without being there themselves aren't
And of course Jake has to end on a cringeworthy attempt to be cutesy. Imagine The Gnome saying this and shudder.
