- Joined
- Mar 17, 2020
its getting there
Chris court appearance
- Thread starter Euler's identity
- Start date
- Status
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
I foresee... Day one in county jail.
Chris looks around unsure of himself. Do any of these people know he’s internet famous?
Chris grabs his lunch tray and waddles down the cafeteria for a place to sit.
All the white inmates look big. And tattooed. Chris doesn’t like that. Dang white males. Like that trolling stupid Joshua @Null . Taking all his money. He was supposed to go to a convention and then stupid Josh tricked him. Again!
He reaches a table with an empty spot. Black and brown faces look up at him. And Chris remembers.
Echoes from a distant conversation looong ago reach him from his random access memories.
What was the name again?! Lord? Larp? LARS! Chris is flooded by memories from a happier time. Lars was nice. Maybe the nicest Black man Chris has ever met! They talked about gaming... And boats.
Lars was no trolling stupid, and maybe some of these other brown people know him?
Chris sits down and smiles at the brown faces looking at him in surprise. Maybe they’ve heard of him? Lars talked funny, Chris remembers that.
He thinks for a long time, then turns towards the dark faces staring at him. Chris smiles.
It’s so long ago, but somehow the words just come flowing out of his memory holes.
“Shiiiaaaat, what’s up mah niggas n shiat? Tsk! I’m ya nigga Chris-chan! Shiiiaaat y’all niggas got some boats n shiiiat? tsk!”
Chris looks around unsure of himself. Do any of these people know he’s internet famous?
Chris grabs his lunch tray and waddles down the cafeteria for a place to sit.
All the white inmates look big. And tattooed. Chris doesn’t like that. Dang white males. Like that trolling stupid Joshua @Null . Taking all his money. He was supposed to go to a convention and then stupid Josh tricked him. Again!
He reaches a table with an empty spot. Black and brown faces look up at him. And Chris remembers.
Echoes from a distant conversation looong ago reach him from his random access memories.
What was the name again?! Lord? Larp? LARS! Chris is flooded by memories from a happier time. Lars was nice. Maybe the nicest Black man Chris has ever met! They talked about gaming... And boats.
Lars was no trolling stupid, and maybe some of these other brown people know him?
Chris sits down and smiles at the brown faces looking at him in surprise. Maybe they’ve heard of him? Lars talked funny, Chris remembers that.
He thinks for a long time, then turns towards the dark faces staring at him. Chris smiles.
It’s so long ago, but somehow the words just come flowing out of his memory holes.
“Shiiiaaaat, what’s up mah niggas n shiat? Tsk! I’m ya nigga Chris-chan! Shiiiaaat y’all niggas got some boats n shiiiat? tsk!”
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2017
Oddly, this may turn out to be Chris’s greatest protection in prison. The fact that he is strangely entertaining. They may avoid shanking him, just to see what he does next.
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2021
I IZ INTERNET FAMOUZ AND SHIEEEEEET
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
That and his ability to draw shecameforcwc-style fap art.
You can’t exactly be picky in prison.
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2019
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
People have liked calling him the Teflon Tard in the past and his misdeeds have been dismissed with a finger-waggling "now don't do that any more" level of punishment, but none of his previous crimes had real victims, other than the Snyder thing, and even he was barely harmed.
This is a real crime, a sexually violent crime only slightly less serious than murder, and with an actual victim, and in circumstances indicating an utterly depraved state of mind. Now either he's a total mental case who can't grasp harm to his victim, or he knew it and did it anyway. In any event, it shows a warped mind and a likelihood of reoffense. I don't see him getting off again.
But then I've certainly been surprised in the past. I really think it would take a staggering fuckup by the prosecution for that to happen.
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2016
That one.
His "girlfriend", you know (per that infamous conversation).
In his mind she wanted it and incest is not a thing.
The concept of diminished capacity to consent may be over his head.
Also a possibility, but would imply a level of guile not otherwise apparent (rather that self deception).
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
Chris might not be good at many things, but he is the master of excuses and self-justification.
Snyder? He tricked him and set a trap and then jumped into his car to get Chris in trouble!
Megan? She was using him for material advantage, and lured him with that sessy, tight body for imported DVDs!
BLARMS-macing? He scared and shocked Chris into self defense! Chris was just protesting something important and they THREATENED HIM with Jerkops!
PVCC-Suspension? Chris wasn’t soliciting, he was just trying to find a girlfriend because his autism makes him shy. Mary Lee Walsh tried to ruin his love quest. WHICH WOULDNT EVEN HAVE BEEN NECESSARY IF THEY HAD DATING CLASSES IN SCHOOL!
Chris is clearly the victim here!
The problem is that Chris is an incorrigible narcissist, and is incapable as seeing himself as anything else than a kindhearted hero.
Chris knew that sticking his pickle in Barb is “bad”, as evidenced by him lying to Null about his girlfriend. But as seen from the other chats, he doesn’t let that stop him, since he has already justified it in his head.
He was being kind and gentle with Barb, focusing on her pleasure you see.
How can that be wrong? Incest is bad if you’re only focusing on your own pleasure, which is totally not what Chris was doing!
And it’s not rape, cause he didn’t put a gun to her head! In fact Barb made the first move. (Though Chris can’t remember exactly what it was. But she did, cause Chris is KIND and would never force someone!)
In reality Barb probably moaned in pain as old people sometimes do, and in Chris’s narcissist potato head, that was a sessy moan which meant: Please find my Gspot!
Chris might go to jail. Or he might not. Maybe he’ll pull the Teflon card once again.
But whatever happens, you’ll never see Chris admit he did something wrong.
Because he’s kind and empathic. (And an Olympic-level master in excuses and self justification.)
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2019
Hah! I should really follow conversations if I want to enter into them.I meant hambly.
My bad
suckfest
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2017
I used to work at a repair shop where we would repair PS2s and TVs for prisoners. As others have said, its awareded for good behaviour. However you won't be getting a PS3/PS4, its almost always a PS2 due to the availability.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2019
Oh that's okay, no one really needs Spyro Reignited anyways.
suckfest
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2017
given how mentally unstable he is, im interested to see how he acts coming out.
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2014
Can't wait to hear that Chris got shanked for calling his cell mate a nigger because he either wouldn't allow Chris to play his Vidya, or Chris lost.
suckfest
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2017
chris'll prolly get molested by another prisoner with hair like that
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2018
Judging from his tantrum after four days? Six weeks later they'll have to wheel him out strapped to a dolly Hannibal Lecter style.
"Hello Barbara"
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2017
I can’t believe some photoshop talented Kiwi hasn’t graced us with that image yet.
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2016
I ate her china with fava beans and a nice and a nice fanta.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
The good thing is if he's found guilty, his refusal to admit wrongdoing will up his sentence.
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2016
I want to make a victim impact statement on Barb's behalf.
- Status