Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Water-T]

Plus she might also make a virtue signalling pic, make rylee out to be the misinformed male telling a female how to dress, and how she wont raise her son ( who doesnt even live with her) to be that way, cuz she is so enlightened, after all.

Of course the pic will be of feeling "empowered" to post a nude selfie to show rylee that she will do exactly as she pleases, even if it makes his life hell.

I am intrigued about how rylee escaped. Was he the one that contacted the ex and told him how awful life was with her? After all, an ex would know exactly how she behaves and what horrors she is capable of. Or maybe rylee wisited the ex for a weekend and decided to never go home again.

I think once Tess realized that Rylee wasn't going to play trained seal for her social media like Bowie did, she just dumped him on an ex - either by giving him a sob story about how it's so hard for her to raise both sons by herself, or by inferring that Rylee was his biological son. Rylee, having ben mega-embarrassed when she showed at his school in slippers and hair curlers, must have been more than overjoyed to get the fuck away from the worst mom since Joan Crawford.

 

[Umaibae]

California is experiencing incredibly poor air quality due to wild fires and smoke in the air. Coupled with reintroduction of masks, heat, and her overall general lack skin care, I think that’s why her face is so noticeably worse. She looks like a teenager with cystic acne.

Nah. This is just Tess having terrible Middle Aged White Lady skin and never taking care of it for years. She might have started using sunscreen a few years ago — but I’m pretty sure for a lot of white people, the damage starts early and is irreversible. It starts popping up around this age. (Someone correct me if I’m wrong about Caucasian skin that skews pink/red!)

CA fire season sucks, but it won’t completely destroy your skin like this. Note that Tess has terrible skin year round!!

The best thing you can do for yourself, no matter what your skin color is, is to start using good sunscreen every ducking day as early as possible.

Wait, WHAT? Kelley and Tess are not unschooling their kids anymore? They were forced to enroll them in school?

Is it me, or has Unschooling become illegal in the USA and Canada? I can only hope.

I just want to drink the tears of these vain hogs, when their kids are forced to socialize with other people outside their possessive bitchfat mom. It is going to glorious!

No, definitely not illegal in the US.

 

[AbraCadaver]

Nah. This is just Tess having terrible Middle Aged White Lady skin and never taking care of it for years. She might have started using sunscreen a few years ago — but I’m pretty sure for a lot of white people, the damage starts early and is irreversible. It starts popping up around this age. (Someone correct me if I’m wrong about Caucasian skin that skews pink/red!)

CA fire season sucks, but it won’t completely destroy your skin like this. Note that Tess has terrible skin year round!!

The best thing you can do for yourself, no matter what your skin color is, is to start using good sunscreen every ducking day as early as possible.


No, definitely not illegal in the US.

White skin absolutely gets damaged early on in life and gets progressively worse. By the time you’re 25, you’ve got developng sun damage on your face that you can’t see with the naked eye, but can see under special lighting, even if your skin seems “healthy and glowing” on the surface.

I Asked for a UV Photo of My Skin, and the Results Were Shocking

Years of baking in the sun caught up with this beauty editor, who was shocked when she saw a UV image of her sun damaged skin.

www.byrdie.com

Skin damage is like a mold infestation: by the time you notice it, it’s already been there for a while in the background and is getting worse fast. And for every one spot of hyperpigmentation you see, four more are lurking under the surface.

It’s why preventative care early on in life, like having a good everyday strong SPF habit in place by the time you enter your 20’s and sticking to it every day after, can keep years off your face and make you look a decade younger than you are. Conversely, letting your skin tan or go without SPF all through your 20’s and then trying to wear SPF when you start to notice wrinkles is a fool’s errand. By the time you’ve started showing the visible signs of photoaging, it’s been growing for years and is going to quickly go downhill.

source: i fucking know about skin, bruh

When it comes to skin, prevention and suncare while you’re still young is the best way to keep your skin nice when you’re older. Every single dermatologist and beautician will tell you that. Sun cream every day, even in winter, and remember to reapply. But dimwits like Tess have the “screw my old age, everyone gets old eventually, I wanna live my best fun life nowww!” attitude, skipping sun cream cuz it’s harrrrrd and whatever. Then they hit 35 and realize that 35 was not the decrepit advanced age they thought wrinkles and spots would appear during, and they panic and glop creams and lasers onto their face in a futile attempt to undo all their mistakes.

Grasshopper and the ant fable, really. Play all summer without a thought to when winter will come and when winter does come, you’re fucked.

 

[Umaibae]

@AbraCadaver Yes, you nailed it!! It’s incredible to me how fucking O L D some white girls I went to high school look now. We came up in the age of tan = hot, and of course those girls were so obsessed with going weekly. (Slightly younger than Tess, too old to be Zoomers, for context.) Of course, suncreen was not “cool” to use, either.

I was pretty shocked recently to see a current photo of one of the most popular girls in our class. She has insane (insane) crows feet and a turkey neck — almost like my boomer mother and MIL. Of course, she was a swimmer and a habitual tanner.

Wear fucking sunscreen, Kiwis! Even on cloudy days and even in the shade!!

 

[ratatat]

I don’t doubt this is sun damage, but I wonder if she’s wearing retinol products out in the sun. That’s a great way to irritate the fuck out of your skin. Her face looks like she’s sunburned— might be that her sponcon products are making it worse.

 

[multiverse]

I think once Tess realized that Rylee wasn't going to play trained seal for her social media like Bowie did, she just dumped him on an ex - either by giving him a sob story about how it's so hard for her to raise both sons by herself, or by inferring that Rylee was his biological son. Rylee, having ben mega-embarrassed when she showed at his school in slippers and hair curlers, must have been more than overjoyed to get the fuck away from the worst mom since Joan Crawford.

Tess - and Rylee - both know John isn't his real father. His real father is a good ol' boy from Mississippi whom Ryann met back in her days as a Walmart cashier.

Ryann and Nick ran smack into reality in mid-2019: out of money, out of credit, out of gigs. Ryann's agency had dumped her a year prior and she was finally fully done with all the gigs they'd booked for her. They fought; some time in the fall of 2019 they were getting evicted from their Long Beach rental. Ryann skipped off to New York and London running on fumes from suckers, Nick ran to AUS, and the boys went to Jolene. When Ryann got back, 4 people in Jolene's one bedroom apartment didn't work. Ryann pawned Rylee off onto her ex boyfriend - whpm she had lived with in Seattle- who lives in LA. Ryann and Bowie lived at Jolene's until both women were drained financially 100%.

Ryann got a feeder and an apartment in Summer 2020. Rylee still lives with John.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I don’t doubt this is sun damage, but I wonder if she’s wearing retinol products out in the sun. That’s a great way to irritate the fuck out of your skin. Her face looks like she’s sunburned— might be that her sponcon products are making it worse.

That’s a good point…retinol is in loads of products these days and every one of them tells you to apply them at night and avoid direct sun, wear a hat to cover your face, etc, otherwise the sun will burn the hell out of your skin. I guess Tessy slaps on anti-aging retinol-infused skin creams and then spritzes a whisper of SPF 4 over that and goes waddling into the California sun without a hat on.

The fact that the redness is concentrated in places on her face where she’d be most likely to apply retinol to try and minimize her ginormous pores really lends credence to your theory.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Tess' skin has been looking rough for a while now, leading me to ponder a few things.
1. If she's using retinol and going in the sun, how is she stupid enough to not stop?
2. Is she just slapping whatever on her face, and doesn't know it contains retinol, or that you shouldn't go in the sun.
3. Does she know all this and does it anyway because she's a fucktard and somehow thinks she knows differently?
4. Does she put it on and rarely washes her face/self (so dewy), and she's just got retinol infused gunk build up?
5. There never was any retinol. Her face has contracted an STI after Tess listened to some woo skincare advice from Tracy Kiss?

 

[Water-T]

Tess' skin has been looking rough for a while now, leading me to ponder a few things.
1. If she's using retinol and going in the sun, how is she stupid enough to not stop?
2. Is she just slapping whatever on her face, and doesn't know it contains retinol, or that you shouldn't go in the sun.
3. Does she know all this and does it anyway because she's a fucktard and somehow thinks she knows differently?
4. Does she put it on and rarely washes her face/self (so dewy), and she's just got retinol infused gunk build up?
5. There never was any retinol. Her face has contracted an STI after Tess listened to some woo skincare advice from Tracy Kiss?

6. Tess never washed her face enough after "dates" with CakeJohns, letting the rancid frosting and dried spooge fester on her face until it developed into the world's first acne-related STD.

 

[multiverse]

A 480 calorie drink is how Tess starts her day (accompanied by a pasty or breakfast sandwich I'm sure, rounding out her breakfast calories to nearly 1K).

 

[Water-T]

Look at poor anorexic Tess, having to be FORCED to drink such a calorie laden drink! I'm sure she had to be held down and force-fed a couple of muffins as well. Will her suffering never end?

 

[Gay Mouth]

Starbucks runs on fat women in denial that they’re slamming a McDonald’s breakfast daily

 

[Oscar Winner]

A 480 calorie drink is how Tess starts her day (accompanied by a pasty or breakfast sandwich I'm sure, rounding out her breakfast calories to nearly 1K).

View attachment 2482187

She calls herself Ryann...?

Look at poor anorexic Tess, having to be FORCED to drink such a calorie laden drink! I'm sure she had to be held down and force-fed a couple of muffins as well. Will her suffering never end?

I skim read this as “will her stuffing never end”. Same/same.

 

[multiverse]

She calls herself Ryann...?

I mean, it's her actual name.

Tess Holliday is a fake name; she originally used Tess Munster on MySpace. Then she met Nick Brady, who went by the fake name Nick Holliday online. When they got married, she changed her fake name to Tess Holliday.

Her birth name is Ryann Meagan Hoven. She changed it to Ryann Meagan Brady when she got married. As she's not divorced, I presume this remains her legal name.

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

I mean, it's her actual name.

Tess Holliday is a fake name; she originally used Tess Munster on MySpace. Then she met Nick Brady, who went by the fake name Nick Holliday online. When they got married, she changed her fake name to Tess Holliday.

Her birth name is Ryann Meagan Hoven. She changed it to Ryann Meagan Brady when she got married. As she's not divorced, I presume this remains her legal name.

All this is true but you don’t need to use your legal name for your Starbucks order. Unless they took it directly from her CC, but usually cafe workers ask ‘What’s the name?’

Considering how much Tess craves attention I’m a tiny bit surprised she wouldn’t like people to call her Tess in a public space, but then again maybe it’s something famous people do, I dunno. But it could make sense, if you’re famous/recognizable that you might not want them calling out the name you’re known by loudly for onlookers to connect the dots and pester you. Or take pictures of you. I could see why someone like, say Lana del Ray, would give the name Liz or Elizabeth (legal name) instead of ‘Lana’.

Tess loves attention, yes, but it may not be advantageous to alert the other regulars in her local Starbucks of “who she is”, they might start taking unflattering pictures of her or taking notes of her behavior.

But again, it may be a way to boost herself up in her own mind, “this is what my fellow stars do so I must do it too”. I’m sure there are a bunch of unwritten “rules” celebrities follow that Tess would likely be savvy to/apply to herself.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Tess' skin has been looking rough for a while now, leading me to ponder a few things.
1. If she's using retinol and going in the sun, how is she stupid enough to not stop?
2. Is she just slapping whatever on her face, and doesn't know it contains retinol, or that you shouldn't go in the sun.
3. Does she know all this and does it anyway because she's a fucktard and somehow thinks she knows differently?
4. Does she put it on and rarely washes her face/self (so dewy), and she's just got retinol infused gunk build up?
5. There never was any retinol. Her face has contracted an STI after Tess listened to some woo skincare advice from Tracy Kiss?

Tess is too dumb to know how slow the aging process on her increasingly decrepit skin. This is how we know Tess was always a gimmick model. She never learned or had interest how to take care of, well, anything about herself. She only got her now dead and gay career from having decent facial genetics despite being 150 pounds overweight, which is now gone because she decided to gain 150+ more pounds. She does what she thinks is best which is making her face look “dewy.” The Tubbster only seemingly cares about her face, which she fucked up anyway.

Of course there’s the whole being 300+ pounds overweight thing.

Tess - and Rylee - both know John isn't his real father. His real father is a good ol' boy from Mississippi whom Ryann met back in her days as a Walmart cashier.

Ryann and Nick ran smack into reality in mid-2019: out of money, out of credit, out of gigs. Ryann's agency had dumped her a year prior and she was finally fully done with all the gigs they'd booked for her. They fought; some time in the fall of 2019 they were getting evicted from their Long Beach rental. Ryann skipped off to New York and London running on fumes from suckers, Nick ran to AUS, and the boys went to Jolene. When Ryann got back, 4 people in Jolene's one bedroom apartment didn't work. Ryann pawned Rylee off onto her ex boyfriend - whpm she had lived with in Seattle- who lives in LA. Ryann and Bowie lived at Jolene's until both women were drained financially 100%.

Ryann got a feeder and an apartment in Summer 2020. Rylee still lives with John.

This is all true but it’s worth pointing out that Rylee did live with his grandmother Beth while Tess was in Seattle for a few years. Tess has a habit of dumping her kids off on others when they become inconveniences for her, which is all the time.

I’m still convinced that Tess tried offloading her kids onto Beth last Thanksgiving, which explains Beth making the trip out to Long Beach, Tess blubbering in random parking lots, and hearing nothing about her kids weeks after her failed attempt to foist them onto Beth. The only reason why Bowie hasn’t been pawned off onto someone is that nobody will take him. To try to pawn off her kids onto others while she’s on Instagram pretending to have a glorious life of a supermodel is too appalling to almost everyone, which is why she’s been unsuccessful so far in dumping Bowie.

Her ideal scenario is dumping Bowie on Nick and his parents but she knows that is a can of worms she prefers left unopened. Explains why no divorce has been filed for about two years now.

 

[Water-T]

Tess will keep Bowie around a little bit longer. He's a cute kid who does whatever Mommy asks him to do, a trained seal that will perform on demand for IG likes. Plus it lets her play the MAWM card.

Once he learns to assert himself like Rylee did, Tess will foist him on the first person who she can dupe into taking him in.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Tess is too dumb to know how slow the aging process on her increasingly decrepit skin. This is how we know Tess was always a gimmick model. She never learned or had interest how to take care of, well, anything about herself. She only got her now dead and gay career from having decent facial genetics despite being 150 pounds overweight, which is now gone because she decided to gain 150+ more pounds. She does what she thinks is best which is making her face look “dewy.” The Tubbster only seemingly cares about her face, which she fucked up anyway.

Of course there’s the whole being 300+ pounds overweight thing.

This is all true but it’s worth pointing out that Rylee did live with his grandmother Beth while Tess was in Seattle for a few years. Tess has a habit of dumping her kids off on others when they become inconveniences for her, which is all the time.

I’m still convinced that Tess tried offloading her kids onto Beth last Thanksgiving, which explains Beth making the trip out to Long Beach, Tess blubbering in random parking lots, and hearing nothing about her kids weeks after her failed attempt to foist them onto Beth. The only reason why Bowie hasn’t been pawned off onto someone is that nobody will take him. To try to pawn off her kids onto others while she’s on Instagram pretending to have a glorious life of a supermodel is too appalling to almost everyone, which is why she’s been unsuccessful so far in dumping Bowie.

Her ideal scenario is dumping Bowie on Nick and his parents but she knows that is a can of worms she prefers left unopened. Explains why no divorce has been filed for about two years now.

There's something weird about the whole Nick situation, especially after reading the texts shared here by Lex.

I mean, it's her actual name.

Tess Holliday is a fake name; she originally used Tess Munster on MySpace. Then she met Nick Brady, who went by the fake name Nick Holliday online. When they got married, she changed her fake name to Tess Holliday.

Her birth name is Ryann Meagan Hoven. She changed it to Ryann Meagan Brady when she got married. As she's not divorced, I presume this remains her legal name.

Yeah, I just thought it was strange given the size of her ego that she wouldn't want to be recognised.
Worthless trivia - before Munster, she went by Tess Typhoon (wtf lol)

 

[melty]

I think at least part of the visible skin issues are that she's been doing her hair more orangy and it's not working for her and bringing out ruddyness in her face. I noticed recently she's been doing her brows this lighter orange shade as well, and it's not working. She's naturally dark brown and looks better with deeper and more brunette reds, not what she's doing currently. I would even go so far as to say a big problem for her is warm tones in general when she looks better in cool or neutral.

Cool



Warm



Sure, there's different lighting, but it's a trend I've noticed in her other photos as well. Lately she seems to be going for this "dewy, sun kissed summer goddess" look but also LARP as a ginger at the same time and it's not working for multiple reasons. When she has actual professionals work with her they seem to understand this but when she's on her own she gravitates towards the terrible ginger sun goddess look.

Her skin is definitely deteriorating though and I'll add to the consensus sun damage is a factor.

Edited to add more images

 

[Snack Cracker]

Tess' skin has been looking rough for a while now, leading me to ponder a few things.
1. If she's using retinol and going in the sun, how is she stupid enough to not stop?
2. Is she just slapping whatever on her face, and doesn't know it contains retinol, or that you shouldn't go in the sun.
3. Does she know all this and does it anyway because she's a fucktard and somehow thinks she knows differently?
4. Does she put it on and rarely washes her face/self (so dewy), and she's just got retinol infused gunk build up?
5. There never was any retinol. Her face has contracted an STI after Tess listened to some woo skincare advice from Tracy Kiss?

I feel like I’m skin sperg at this point but Tess is absolutely the sort of woman who will buy expensive skin products without knowing anything about them other than “it’s amazing” and because the bottles/jars are pretty and she can feel like she’s doing “self care”.

Plus with her fear of aging she probably gravitates towards retinol products like a moth to a lamp.

And some of them might actually have a high enough concentration of retinol to do some serious damage if someone’s in the sun and doesn’t wear sunscreen, so it’s absolutely making her skin worse instead of better because she can’t be bothered to wear sunscreen. There’s Botox and fillers for that!

Plus I’ve seen her getting peels from estheticians (nothing super crazy, just AHA masks) and that will ALSO make someone more sensitive to sun damage and will also make things worse without wearing sunscreen.

This is the skin she deserves.