DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

[Iron Hamster]

I will find it absolutely hilarious if Phil becomes so desperate that he crawls back to Twitch, then spends the next few streams banning and memory-holing everything. All the while, he’s kicking and screaming about how awful YouTube was (again).

It's as good as guaranteed at this point

 

[Wingnut]

I'm working my way through his 20 minute guilt trip and I honestly don't know how you guys can watch Phil consistently. I watch the odd clip here or there, but I'm only 1/3 of the way through the rant with him wet snorting in my ears and it makes me want to stab pencils in them.

 

[Zappin’ And Spazzin’]

Online host expert, 13 years of experience to fall back on. Watch as he uses everything he’s learned to overcome the following problems
-How do you attract new viewers to the stream?
I don’t know, nothing I can do.
-Viewers aren’t currently happy with the game you’re playing right now.
I don’t know, nothing I can do.
-Membership isn’t appealing to people
I don’t know, nothing I can do.
-Viewers find your commentary boring and aren’t talking in the chat
I don’t know, nothing I can do.
-A small group of followers are responsible for most of your income, how do you resolve that?
I don’t know, nothing I can do.
-Is there really nothing you can do?
Berate the viewers I currently do have and wait for new AAA release for Day 1 Views (while claiming you don’t care about views)
Put in the effort and you too can know as much about streaming as Phil!

 

[Coke Zero]

I will find it absolutely hilarious if Phil becomes so desperate that he crawls back to Twitch, then spends the next few streams banning and memory-holing everything. All the while, he’s kicking and screaming about how awful YouTube was (again).

Can he even get back into the affiliate program after he went scorched earth and talked about things such as bits having monetary value and revealing other aspects of what he was making on twitch when he first lost the partnership? Then there was all the accusations of twitch breaking the law. Will they really let him back in after everything he's said about twitch during the past few months?

 

[DSP's Tax Lawyer]

Phil is like a drug addict when it comes to money. It’s never enough

I found his drug of choice

 

[Lady Adjani]

Weekly PC Master Race reminder that Phil like every other “””variety””” streamer is sitting on a potential goldmine of content called Steam and all he needs to do to tap it is either swallow his pride and stream from his desk (a monumental task) or connect his PC to his TV and game from there (a labor impossible even for Hercules).

There is absolutely no good reason he can provide for ignoring the fucking smorgasbord of cheap, popular, engaging games available for PC. All his arguments just boil down to “don’t wanna”.

Okay, Phil. Continue to sit on the sidelines as fifteen year old Filipino girls eat your lunch. Everyone else is having a good time watching it happen.

Dave hates variety, he hates interacting with his chat beyond reading out their donation questions about what he had for dinner, and he isn't entertaining (not intentionally anyway). What games would he even play on PC? New Vegas, but this time with a singular mod installed!

 

[IHateMyJob]

I will find it absolutely hilarious if Phil becomes so desperate that he crawls back to Twitch, then spends the next few streams banning and memory-holing everything. All the while, he’s kicking and screaming about how awful YouTube was (again).

Agreed! At the rate he's going I'm betting he's got 2 more months MAX at YT before he drags his ass back to Twitch and those sweet sweet *Name Redacted* gifted subs.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Agreed! At the rate he's going I'm betting he's got 2 more months MAX at YT before he drags his ass back to Twitch and those sweet sweet *Name Redacted* gifted subs.

Phil is applying for Twitch affiliate the first millisecond he can in October. And he'll near certainly get it.

 

[SomeoneLikeMYFATHER]

Phil is applying for Twitch affiliate the first millisecond he can in October. And he'll near certainly get it.

With that attitude, yeah. How about some REAL positivity? Fingers crossed his reapplication gets denied…

 

[Fapcop]

Inmates in the penal system are also forced to wash those same plastic trays after the meal, just like every other good boy in there that wants to get the brownie points associated with having a "job" on the inside. I use paper plates, and I'm not sorry for it.

I mean sure. If you want to “SIMPlify your life” there are all sorts of shortcuts you can take.

Why change clothes unless they’re visibly stained? (Or not if you’re staying at home?)

Why take a shower more than once every few weeks?

Why cook? There’s takeout.

Why clean? Those stains are going to come back ya know!

Why keep things tidy? When enough junk piles up you can just throw it all out?

Why use cutlery and real plates when there’s paper/plastic alternatives?

I’m a grown up.

I use real plates and wash them by hand.


But hey! You do you. We’re all autists here anyways

 

[Dread Pirate Retard]

Even now that he's panicking like crazy I highly doubt the lazy pig will bring in tangible rewards to his dumb paypig members. Motherfucker can't even do the bare minimum of setting up a members-only Discord server, anything more complex like members multiplayer streams, exclusive streams for members etc. might as well be quantum physics as far as he's concerned. He can't think in the long term, he only uses short-term tactics when those stupid paypigs withhold khantributions which are: 1. Beg harder 2. Debase yourself even further. Hell, maybe we'll see the return of the Yoshi hat if he gets really desperate, but he'd never think of anything which would benefit him in the long term.

Another big thing about his schizorant yesterday is him being mad that people want some sort of transactional value for becoming members, a repeat of when he pushed the Patreon after losing partnership and discovered that people aren't biting. He is too fucking entitled to do even the bare minimum to give back to people who would go out of their way to support him on Patreon or as Youtube members. Every fucking khantent creator does at least SOMETHING for their patrons or members, be it exclusive access or early access to their content, exclusive Q&As, whatever. I'm sure even the sleaziest e-thots send pictures of their feet and dirty underwear to their horny paypiggies, while Phil, again, can't even set up a fucking members-only Discord server.

He claims it was never about that, it was always about purely just supporting him, it was never about anything transactional, the only value YOU, YES YOU are supposed to get from giving him at least 5 buxxx a month is being content in the knowledge that Phil can continue poorly playing video games on the internet. In that case what he's doing isn't a business like he often pretends it is, it's a fucking charity set up specifically so a fat, small-souled, narcissistic retard can mishandle money. Actual charities give more back to people who donate than Phil, every charity I donated you at least sent me a "thank you" card in the mail, Phil wouldn't be bothered to do even that.

A member's only discord is such an easy, low-effort value-add for memberships, but Phil is so God damn lazy that he wouldn't make the effort to bend over and pick up free money on the ground. You're telling me the dentheads and the people who 'ironically' role play as dentheads in Phil's YT chat have NO interest in carrying on their denthead conversations outside of stream hours? It would take no more than a few hours to set up (including a comprehensive auto-moderation bot, emotes, YT membership integration) and he could probably outsource most of the work to one of his paypig moderators. He could have easily hit the member goal if he set this discord up a week ago, shilled it during his pre-stream, and bothered to make a personal appearance in the chat channels once in a while to respond to people.

It's just pure entitlement. He made $X with Y effort on Twitch. Now he makes $X-$Z with Y effort on YT. Instead of putting in extra effort, he's berating the dwindling viewer base for failing to make up the difference. He's resigned himself to complaining about making less money for doing the same thing instead of changing anything.

 

[bajagoogoo]

There is absolutely no good reason he can provide for ignoring the fucking smorgasbord of cheap, popular, engaging games available for PC. All his arguments just boil down to “don’t wanna”.

Same with Jordie. He lacks the know-how.

Not every game works properly on GoG or Steam. Some need a bit of fiddling with, which Phil is incapable of processing no matter how many times it's explained to him.

Emulation will be worse. I doubt Phil could understand ScummVM let alone anything that's actually complex.

As for the games; Baldur's Gate, Planescape: Torment, and Daggerfall would be the first his cult would prostrate themselves for until he plays them.

Phil would get absolutely wrecked playing them. Walkthrough's will only take him so far before the difficulty starts slapping him around.

Be thankful. It would just be him pissing on games he doesn't understand and blaming chat for shit he has no knowledge about.

Which he does already.

 

[SomeoneLikeMYFATHER]

I mean sure. If you want to “SIMPlify your life” there are all sorts of shortcuts you can take.

Why change clothes unless they’re visibly stained? (Or not if you’re staying at home?)

Why take a shower more than once every few weeks?

Why cook? There’s takeout.

Why clean? Those stains are going to come back ya know!

Why keep things tidy? When enough junk piles up you can just throw it all out?

Why use cutlery and real plates when there’s paper/plastic alternatives?

I’m a grown up.

I use real plates and wash them by hand.


But hey! You do you. We’re all autists here anyways

This argument is retarded and comes close to the mental masturbation people take part in when they fervently read self-help books. Do whatever works for you - if you’re not in shambles, who gives a fuck

 

[Fapcop]

Can he even get back into the affiliate program after he went scorched earth and talked about things such as bits having monetary value and revealing other aspects of what he was making on twitch when he first lost the partnership? Then there was all the accusations of twitch breaking the law. Will they really let him back in after everything he's said about twitch during the past few months?

He can get affiliateship no problem.

Unless we’re going to go into fantasy land and pretend that a major high up in Twitch is a DETRACTOR willing to put his career on the line for some golddust.

Partnership though? Probably not, since that isn’t as “automatic” as affiliate and there are some manual controls.
(Unlike with affiliates, they have some clauses about partnership that lets them refuse one for different reasons.)

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Same with Jordie. He lacks the know-how.

It's not know-how with Wings. It's because he knows he'd get his shit pushed in on PC against skilled players. He can't use mouse and keyboard because muh carpal tunnel or some such poor excuses.

 

[Cardef1121]

Far be from me to give DSP advice I know he would never take but: If he's looking for a new game and niche to exploit that he could mine for months he should make good on his anti-Blizzard stand by joining the wave of former WoW streamers that started playing FFXIV since the WoW drama started about a month ago.

It'd draw new viewers as it has a lot of attention right now since it has overtaken WoW as the biggest MMO. It'd please the anime coomers in his audience. It'd make the trolls happy and play into his victim narrative while reinforcing the 'us vs them' mentality among the paypigs. And best of all, from his perspective, it's incredibly easy to waste time in and get carried by your group in the duty finder when you do need to group.

Of course, there are myriad reasons he'd never do this. But I genuinely think it would the closest thing to 'the game' that could "save the stream".

 

[LyteSydeByll]

Phil is applying for Twitch affiliate the first millisecond he can in October. And he'll near certainly get it.

How will he get it? Affiliate requires x number of streams y number of hours streamed and z number of average viewers.

I don't think you can shortcut to affiliate just because you used to have partnership.

Edit: the criteria is really low for affiliate. DSP will hit this but I think it still takes 30 days to complete

 

[Fapcop]

This argument is retarded and comes close to the mental masturbation people take part in when they fervently read self-help books. Do whatever works for you - if you’re not in shambles, who gives a fuck

Nah man. Retarded is seeing two guys arguing over paper plates and going:

“THATS IT! Paper plates is the hill I need to die on, I must share my opinion on this topic of vital importance!”

You do you, but statistically speaking if you use paper plates for your meals you’re either:

A: At a grill party or potluck dinner.

B: White trash/Nigger too poor and dumb to do the math.

C: Basement dwelling Redditor who doesn’t care what his tendies come on.

D: Legit retarded.

E: Lazy slob, or newly divorced dad crying in his motel room.

Take your pick.

 

[SilverReaper]

How will he get it? Affiliate requires x number of streams y number of hours streamed and z number of average viewers.

I don't think you can shortcut to affiliate just because you used to have partnership.

Edit: the criteria is really low for affiliate. DSP will hit this but I think it still takes 30 days to complete
View attachment 2498475

So if he wanted to even apply for affiliate, he would need to stream for a month prior to it? I thought it was like an achievement in a game that doesn't get lost once obtained.

 

[Fapcop]

I found his drug of choice


View attachment 2498394

That’s the real craziness here. There are plenty of Gacha games where what he’s doing could be somehow considered an “investment” and where he might be able to sell out of his collection.

(Like Topps and others have trading card games where the digital cards occasionally are worth actual money.)

BUT ITS A FUCKING GLORIFIED BEJEWELED GAME!!!

I’d have more respect for Phil if he had spent his 40-100.000$ on heroin, coke and hookers ffs!