Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

The nice thing about those Mormon Mommy-bloggers that GOMI hates on all the time is they at least know what people are looking for. Take instagrammy shots of the cute kids and Target decor and STFU about anything else.

I'm not sure who told Tess that people were waiting for parenting advice or political direction from a 400 lb washed-up "model."

 

[Angry New Ager]

I'm not sure who told Tess that people were waiting for parenting advice or political direction from a 400 lb washed-up "model."

Tess has nothing else to talk about.

She has no education (be it formal or self-acquired); she has no curiosity about anything; she doesn't read, or even listen to audiobooks or podcasts; she only learns about political and social issues when they become the current hot topic, and merely parrots what others have said. She's been a model for most of her adult life, but still has absolutely nothing to say about fashion, be it the designers, the clothes, or the business of it. She has picked up no related skills in all that time, skills that could have given her a new career once her one-note novelty modeling career came to an end.

She is as empty a creature as they come; the only thing she can talk about with any assurance or enthusiasm is her own stupid, shallow, Narcissistic self. We saw just how vapid she is during the run of her ill-fated podcast, where she had no idea how to elicit an interesting conversation with any of her guests, and constantly reverted to talking about herself.

She has had two children, and therefore feels qualified to give her views on child-rearing. It's something she's been forced to do, try as she has to escape it, so (in her Narc mind) she might as well use it to make herself look good. And as for politics, all of the Wokesters repeat the exact same talking points and catchphrases, so all she has to do is repeat what people she believes are respected and important have said. She doesn't have to think too hard about anything; those ideas all arrive pre-digested, and she just repeats them.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Real dude or tik tok thing?

That's Badezri/The Plant Snob on Insta. I think he also made a brief appearance at the end of Tess' crying on Insta chat with her token POC friends as the person that brought Bowie back from school.

I think Tess' "boundaries" comment means that Rylee caught wind of her "I WANTED TO ABORT YOU!" post, and she refused to take it down after he asked her to.

The "boundries" thing was in her stories not too long before the "I wanted to abort you" post. I'd SS'd it to see if anything came of it, and posted it here after it seemed relevant approx 48 hrs later. I know I've said it before, but I believe Tess uses her insta stories and posts to snark at/hurt people.
My take on it is Tess gave a warning shot, then posted the abortion thing as having the last word with Rylee. Then in true narc fashion she talks about her 'legacy' in the sense of how the world sees her, and it doesn't even occur to her that like it or not, her kids are her legacy, and how they see her should be the most important thing.
Tess doesn't see her kids as individual people, they're an extension of her (+ failed man-traps), and an accessory to be trotted out when she's projecting the single mum part of her image, and God help them if they don't perform and keep to the script. Rylee doesn't want to be splashed all over her instagram, and that pisses her off, but when she does post photos with him, his body language tells so much.
The best thing about her getting back in contact with her dad, and her half-brother (and I think her stepmum) following her on instagram, is they're seeing all this too, and hopefully Rylee will have a few more people in his corner.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I agree @Dobbys Spare Sock and Ryann’s MO is vague callouts that are so general that she never has to substantiate them but this was very specific. Rylee must have done some kind of narcissistic injury to the Tubbster to get her to lash out at him publicly.

I’m sure she is angry that the 15 year old son she’s abandoned multiple times has a life of his own and is less than impressed that his mother farts on cakes for a living. I’m sure he’s also getting tired of the endless shit from classmates about his mother’s nonstop embarrassing posts on Instagram. It’s not like she’s done anything or behaved in a way that would instill respect from her children.

 

[NoReturn]

 

[Cheesegirl78]

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"I'll fucking fight you"

My four year old granddaughter could whip your fat ass, Tess. One small push and TIMBER!
You would be as helpless as a turtle on its back unless you had five people around to help you get up.

 

[idomyfoodbucketlist]

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In case you can't stand an entire 57 seconds of Tess the Mess, this video is about a Buzzfeed list article that has a tiny blurb about how Gen Z considers tattoos of celebrities tacky because it's weird to obsess over a celebrity that much. Honestly, who is to say a picture of tree or something is any more meaningful, who cares what people get tattoos of.

But, she makes the video out to be like they are attacking her and her Dolly Parton tattoo. She doesn't say anything like "just let people like what I like," instead she goes on and on about how Dolly is iconic and how dare this article come for Dolly Parton when it's well known she's a great person.

Um, Tess. They didn't mention any specific celebrity tattoo or you or anyone you know. It's incredible how much she can stretch something to be about her. Just narc things.

 

[NoReturn]

"I'll fucking fight you"

My four year old granddaughter could whip your fat ass, Tess. One small push and TIMBER!
You would be as helpless as a turtle on its back unless you had five people around to help you get up.

In case you can't stand an entire 57 seconds of Tess the Mess, this video is about a Buzzfeed list article that has a tiny blurb about how Gen Z considers tattoos of celebrities tacky because it's weird to obsess over a celebrity that much. Honestly, who is to say a picture of tree or something is any more meaningful, who cares what people get tattoos of.

But, she makes the video out to be like they are attacking her and her Dolly Parton tattoo. She doesn't say anything like "just let people like what I like," instead she goes on and on about how Dolly is iconic and how dare this article come for Dolly Parton when it's well known she's a great person.

Um, Tess. They didn't mention any specific celebrity tattoo or you or anyone you know. It's incredible how much she can stretch something to be about her. Just narc things.

I found the Buzzfeed "article" and she's literally just being used as an illustration for #12. Everything shown in her video is all there is to it.
The comments are just as weird about it.

"Getting another human's face on you is kind of weird when you think about it."
"OH SO YOU HATE DOLLY PARTON?!"

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I've seen tons of well-done tattoos of celebrities on people, no one cares, Tess.

And I do have to admit her Dolly tattoo is a true work of art. Just a shame it's attached to a dumpster of a human.

 

[idomyfoodbucketlist]

I found the Buzzfeed "article" and she's literally just being used as an illustration for #12. Everything shown in her video is all there is to it.
The comments are just as weird about it.
View attachment 2531049
View attachment 2531051
"Getting another human's face on you is kind of weird when you think about it."
"OH SO YOU HATE DOLLY PARTON?!"

Oh shit, they DID use her image afterall, I was totally wrong. HAHAHA. It's impossible to be upset when she got called tacky directly.

Bitch, you ARE tacky for getting Dolly tattooed on you when you represent none of the values she embodies. She is all about the children - what do you think she'd say about you ditching your eldest and then publicly posting you wish you could have had the choice to abort him when he's 15 years old and fully capable of seeing that and being effected by it? (Honestly, it's okay for a woman who got pregnant young to feel that way, but that's the shit you tell your therapist in privacy - not all of goddamn Instagram.)

Also, Dolly had a hard life in her youth and had to fight for everything she ever had. Tess has always been an entitled cunt who expects the world to bend over backwards for her just for existing and her idea of hard work is standing for more than a few minutes at a time.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Oh shit, they DID use her image afterall, I was totally wrong. HAHAHA. It's impossible to be upset when she got called tacky directly.

Bitch, you ARE tacky for getting Dolly tattooed on you when you represent none of the values she embodies. She is all about the children - what do you think she'd say about you ditching your eldest and then publicly posting you wish you could have had the choice to abort him when he's 15 years old and fully capable of seeing that and being effected by it? (Honestly, it's okay for a woman who got pregnant young to feel that way, but that's the shit you tell your therapist in privacy - not all of goddamn Instagram.)

Also, Dolly had a hard life in her youth and had to fight for everything she ever had. Tess has always been an entitled cunt who expects the world to bend over backwards for her just for existing and her idea of hard work is standing for more than a few minutes at a time.

Bravo, fucking bravo!

I can see Dolly reading Tess's IG, shaking her head, and saying "bless her heart".

And for all the love Tess claims to have for Dolly, has she ever been to one of her concerts? Or play her music? I've never seen her talk about Dolly's music.

 

[multiverse]

Well, it happened. Ryann got desperate enough for clicks to declare a new video series featuring her 5 year old, because unlike her UNGRATEFUL FUCKING OLDER SON WHO SHANT BE NAMED, Bowie is a good boy who will still do anything mama says in despair for the kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bowl of parental love.

 

[Local Fed]

Well, it happened. Ryann got desperate enough for clicks to declare a new video series featuring her 5 year old, because unlike her UNGRATEFUL FUCKING OLDER SON WHO SHANT BE NAMED, Bowie is a good boy who will still do anything mama says in despair for the kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bowl of parental love.
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It's just nice to see that despite her anorexia she's eager to do taste tests with her prop son Bowie.

 

[NoReturn]

Well, it happened. Ryann got desperate enough for clicks to declare a new video series featuring her 5 year old, because unlike her UNGRATEFUL FUCKING OLDER SON WHO SHANT BE NAMED, Bowie is a good boy who will still do anything mama says in despair for the kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bowl of parental love.
View attachment 2531653

Oh, taste test videos with a little kid! That sounds fun. What are you going to do, ants on a log? Apples and peanut butter combinations? Chocobanana? Baby's first charcuterie?

Bonus:

 

[M.T. Graves]

A bath video with text that reads “why didn’t I do this before?”. We don’t know Tess, you should of been bathing this entire time. Glad you discovered it though.

 

[multiverse]

Oh, taste test videos with a little kid! That sounds fun. What are you going to do, ants on a log? Apples and peanut butter combinations? Chocobanana? Baby's first charcuterie?

Bonus:
View attachment 2531816

Lol how sexy, the video steps before she has to brace herself for gravity's pull. Don't fall asleep, Bowie, you need to hoist mama up whenever her drunken bath is done! She'll excuse you for school in the morning.

Edit: the video was for candy popcorn. Great night snack for small kids, ryann!

 

[Oscar Winner]

Tess looks like one of those people who smells really bad when they wake up. Imagine lying in bed, seeing that article, and making a rage video straight away, before you've even woken up properly. Where's your head at?
Now I need someone to write an article about how “celebs” doing reaction videos to vague article mentions is also cringeworthy.

Also, lol, who would've guessed basically doing mukbangs with Bowie would be the cure for her anorexia? Pretty sure it's not that he doesn't mind being on SM, because I don't think he really knows what it fully entails, he just wants to be part of whatever sucks so much of his mums attention so he can spend time with her.

 

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

Tess has nothing else to talk about.

She has no education (be it formal or self-acquired); she has no curiosity about anything; she doesn't read, or even listen to audiobooks or podcasts; she only learns about political and social issues when they become the current hot topic, and merely parrots what others have said. She's been a model for most of her adult life, but still has absolutely nothing to say about fashion, be it the designers, the clothes, or the business of it. She has picked up no related skills in all that time, skills that could have given her a new career once her one-note novelty modeling career came to an end.

My knowledge of fashion extends only to my fine floral dresses and matching cheerful hats, but I assumed that models were into fashion and make-up and stuff. And skin care.

Or if not that, food. Obviously she's got some big feels about food.

 

[rocknrollmartian]

Lol how sexy, the video steps before she has to brace herself for gravity's pull. Don't fall asleep, Bowie, you need to hoist mama up whenever her drunken bath is done! She'll excuse you for school in the morning.

Edit: the video was for candy popcorn. Great night snack for small kids, ryann!
View attachment 2531890

Tess can barely even tolerate Bowie in this video when he swaps her bigger piece of popcorn candy with a smaller one, lmao. She is such a bad mom, so immature and greedy.

 

[Logical Fallacies]

Tess is a textbook narc mom with a golden child and a black sheep. Both kids are already fucked. It doesn't matter what she is doing to them now or in the future. The most severe damage a narc mother does, happens in the crib. I am sure none of her children have a secure attachment style or developed basic trust.