So I've just graduated and am volunteering as an aide for a church, going with the pre's and teens in a week long camp trip. I can name almost everyone going by name, my kid from last camp is going, and I've stocked up on shit to last the entire trip. Have my manga, my sketchpads, some thick novels, and snacks.
I should have known Waddles would be here.
While I'm sitting with kid, we'll call him Platypus for the time being, here he comes, lumbering over. Somehow he singled me out and started zoning in. I'm thinking if I don't make eye contact, he won't get the picture. Nah, the marshmallow wedges himself between us, and I can smell the body odor reeking from his swamp ass, the hot fire of cheetos escaping his greasy mouth.
He makes small talk, shows me his newest games, brags about how he bought the latest Nintendo handheld(I'm still here with the 1st gen). I look at Platypus, he's staring wide-eyed, not breathing, trying to figure what the hell is going on. I motion with my hand on his back to ditch him on the bus for the van.
That first day was a blessing, because we rode the pimpwagon for well over ten hours. I learned from a friend on the bus that Porky sat farting the entire time.
To make matters worse, it was mid-summer,and he had pigged on gas station food the entire morning. Where he sat in the back, fumes would seep through the vent, upward to the AC unit, poisoning the other children the entire way. Everyone who got off remarked the odor, but no one knew who it was.
We three did, though.
Fast forward to camp, I learn through some freak mischeduling and paperwork that I had aged out, and thereby get both the dorm key and rights to go wherever I want, so long as I'm at morning, noon, and night sermons. I spend most of the day crashed in bed reading, sometimes wander into the woods or local beach to enjoy the views.
I also see things. Platypus has a medical condition where he wets himself without intent, and Tubbs has made it his intention to harp on him for this, mocking him and looking at me for appraisal. Instead, he gets speared with my icy stare. Platypus comes into play later on, this wasn't the only thing he got mocked for.
After lunch, I had gone to bunk for a siesta, passing Porky at the pool. He later comes in, thinks I'm asleep, and walks to the stalls, dripping water everywhere. A few other boys come in; one faps under his sheets, one gets a shower, one just came for his phone.
We hear the unspeakable sound of a rectum engaging in nuclear warfare. Fap stops his wank, sits up, and looks at me. I don't make eye contact, I just say "It's [Cow]." and pack up my bag for a hike. I know what's coming. As I sauntered down the steps, I heard the door fly open, retches, and looked back to see Fap and Bath leaning over the balcony, eyes teared up.
Skip ahead two days, I learn Platypus has been suicidal. I knew I was his only friend, but this hits home for me. I let him hang with me in the dorm reading, toss him my music, and check on him at night to make sure he's okay. Fatty gets wind of this, and makes a mention to Platy that he can just kill himself if he doesn't like being made fun of. I don't say anything, but I told kid that karma was about to come back full swing.
The next night, I'm laying in bed. Fap walks in from a swim and is looking for his towel. Keep in mind: I see everything. He sees a big brown spot on it, but thinks its melted chocolate.
We're not talking little smears here. This shit is thinly caked in a five inch diameter. Remember that WWIII had just happened.
Bath walks in. Platypus is laying above me looking down asking me what just happened. I tell him to watch. Fap asks Bath if he has had any chocolate recently. Bath says no, Fap shows him the towel.
I ask Fap if he's sure that's chocolate on the fabric. With horror, but intrigued by his bravery, I watch him slowly raise it up, sniff it, and lick it. It takes half a second, and he's gagging in the broken toilet, begging God for mercy. Bath asks me if I know who it was, and I just smile looking sideways. I hear the lumbering fool on his way up.
As the door opens, Porky sees the towel, sees all three of us eyeing him, and stutters that it was Platypus who did it, glancing at me in hopes I step in.
Nah mate, you on your own. Fap, after heaving his lunch out, leans up, his face pale, and bellows "COW WHAT THE FUCK"
And that's how my last mentoring ended in glory. I wasn't fired, I just chose to retire early on a high note.
You can't top chocolate on a towel.
