FIGGIN 14 Oct 19 - Phil bought a set of "body armor" - Declares Portland a Warzone

[Positron]

[Text]
Keys, check.
Wallet, check.
Phone, check.
Fingerless combat gloves, check.
Pepper spray, check.
Military combat knife, check.
26" collapsible baton, check.
18 lb. Level IIIA plate carrier under my black wardrobe, check.

All this bullshit for leaving the house every time now, especially the body armor. Me, earlier tonight getting veggie pizza and taking a little extra time dipping down the side streets to get to my destination.

Portland OR is now increasingly a war zone for Antifaschistische Aktion vs. Fascists
[End Text]

It's remarkably easy to yank his keys from him; good thing that he has a force-field of stench for protection and doesn't have anything worth stealing.

I almost want to tell him that body armor is no use when a van slams into him like they did to his hero-of-the-week, but I reckon he never leaves his home anyway.

 

[Lunete]

All that preperation just for nobody to give a shit.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

He would still run like a bitch at the slightest provocation, defecating all the while.

 

[Positron]

He would still run like a bitch at the slightest provocation, defecating all the while.

It will slow him down and makes him easier to catch or to shoot.

Also he forgets his gun in his checklist!

 

[Bad Dog]

He'll be sweating even more under all that. Eugh, I can imagine the stench.

 

[HIVidaBoheme]

This tard just keeps getting more and more shit where to grab from

Can't wait for the almost immediate e-begging post incoming.

 

[Damn Near]

only the best for the antifa crime minister aka the slow adult on government welfare that has fantasies about destroying the government

 

[Bogliacci]

Mall cop intensifies

Man wonder how much pizza hut you could bought instead of that trash Phil

 

[Rokko]

The cringe hurts me physically. That would be the first time phil hurt anybody. Congratulations...

 

[The Un-Clit]

Phil is like a little kid who walking home late plays the 'boogieman' game with himself, every shadow is a potential monster, eeek!! even though he's walking through the suburbs to his suburban house and the shadows are thrown by hi-vis streetlights.

I wonder if he truely HAS convinced himself that Portland OR, one of the safest cities in the U.S. is actually a warzone that he can't leave the Potato Patch and buy a fuckin pizza in safety without cheap Chinese body armor, cheap Chinese mall ninja weapons, and cheap Bangladeshi black clothes and masks?

Nope, it's all the boogieman (or kidnappers, or aliens...or fascists!) game to him, and he continues his childish larp on the web, embarassing himself and his family for life.

 

[The Dude]

Oh wow, an airsoft plate carrier with either plastic or foam panels inserted to look like it's got armor in it. I'm so not impressed. I guess Phil isn't friends with the guy who owns guns anymore since Phil isn't trying to pass off that SCCY like owns it again. Phil just gets more pathetic, more desperate, and more boring.

 

[Marco Fucko]

He's all geared up for that riot he'll never go to.

 

[Mr Snek]

You have to wonder whether he's kept up this act for so long that he actually believes that he's a super soldier fighting fascists. If a part of his mind does believe it I wonder how long it will take him to snap and try and stab an old lady that looked at him funny at some traffic lights, thinking that his "armour" will deflect all harm.

 

[Bogliacci]

Side note, look how many fucking push pins hes used to hold up his tism posters, right in the fucking wall. What a barbarian

 

[PowersOfPowers]

For those not up on body armor/guns, IIIA is what most police used to wear/wear and it will stop most pistol rounds. It will not stop any rifles rounds, particularly those from an AR. Even if he was fighting NATSEES in a warzone, and even if those were in fact IIIA plates and not an airsoft carrier with foam/cardboard "plates", the vast majority of rounds fired at him in this hypothetical made up situation would zip right through that.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

Oh wow, undercover tonight, eh?

The guy's so scared of being attacked by """fascists""" that he covers himself in antifa logos from head to toe. May as well wear a neon sign saying "kick me" while he's at it.

Also, nice excuse for spending more tugboat money on cosplay gear, Phil. Some things never change, eh?

 

[Tragi-Chan]

How cute! Mommy’s little soldier!

I can’t get over how divorced from reality Phil is. If Portland really was this insane warzone where fat men are constantly being gunned down in the street, he wouldn’t be able to get his non-vegan pizza. The guys at the pizza place must roll their eyes as he comes in for his twice daily Cheese Feast (with extra cheese) acting like he’s Bravo Two Zero.

We’ve seen protest footage. It’s just two sets of special needs adults yelling at each other.

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

How the hell does a soft armor vest weigh 18 lbs? You can get two proper rifle plates that weigh that much

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Is it true that Phil sent the plates back three times before the manufacturer explained that they aren’t supposed to come with food on them?

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Body armor still won't do shit against a knife attack.