2017 Chris-Chan Prediction Thread - What do you think the new year shall bring (or take away from) our favorite lolcow?

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The hoard will be given sapience by the evil Sanic totem, kill Charb and take their place.
 
I predict we'll get a few more Chris memes, a little bit of Sonichu content, and some sort of court visit (probably for a car accident or something). Barb probably won't drop this year, and I don't think the Chandlers are ready to go homeless just yet.
 
I predict Chris will meld into Barb thus restoring some vitality to the old lady and adding years to her life, but leaving him fused like the male anglerfish.

Barb-Chris will increase the size of the Hoard and begin to actively dig around and nest inside much like gophers do underground. It will lay eggs in piles of old TV Guides, discarded 2 liter bottles, and forgotten pets. The hatchlings will scurry around and haunt Ruckersville and harrass boyfriend-free girls and malls for years to come.

Or Chris will continue his delusional and inactive lifestyle while everything falls apart around him.
 
My bet: this is the year that Barb starts demanding Chris come up with substantial amounts of external money on a regular basis (whether that's from a job, begging, or whatever)
Christmas not happening is a sign that the time has come. We're going to see begging like never before.
 
I predict that he will shit himself and do more of nothing.

Maybe some more begging too.

And when Trump takes office he will shit himself again.
 
Chris agrees to get on reality TV shows (Hoarders, The Internet Ruined My Life) in hopes of a decent payment afterwards to "help pay the debts", because any substitute to finding any semblance of employment is a good substitute.

He pepper sprays the hosts midway through filming and gets into another lolsuit that gets continuances all the way to 2020. He lays low, save for the occasional Facebook post.

Lack of Chris-content means we shit our pants and do nothing.

Barb, meanwhile, dies unexpectedly and fuses into the furniture. Chris does not notice.
 
Optimistic Prediction: Barb finally croaks, Chris then sells the hoard to pay off the debts the Chandlers owe, if not also the house. He's then moved into one of those subsidized apartment complexes for people with low income/disabilities by the state's Health & Human Services department, and proceeds to shit the place up with his Lego hoard.

Realistic Prediction: The old bitch still remains alive for some inexplicable reason, Chris shits his pants and does nothing, save for making asinine anti-Trump videos and plays with Lego. Also at least one run-in with the law, probably after trying to evade one of his many store bans.
 
I was wrong with my 2016 prediction, because as far as I know, Chris still has 10 toes.

This year, I'm guessing that nothing particularly interesting happens. He'll like things on the internet. He'll complain about things he complains about. His mother will continue to own him. 2017 will be cartoons, LEGO and autism.
 
Barb will die and we'll have 30 pages dedicated to coffins sizes, types, costs, payments plans, and at least four people will insinuate they're some sort of expert in coffin-related fields.
 
Oh Cheesus Christ. A thoughtful Chris Chan thread for once.

2017 isn't going to be as great as 2016. And by not as great, I mean I don't think we'll be seeing the following:

1. Chris fucking a blow up doll
2. Chris actually release his own said sex tape
3. Chris freezing his own sperm
4. Chris massaging his breasts with vibrating eggs
5. Chris applying oestrogel
6. THE FUCKING UNTAINT 2.0
7. Gamestop is bloody unfair... my yellow shirted FOE!!!
8. Chris admits he's had dreams of fucking his own mother

And that's just off the top of my head. I don't think it will be as funny, but hey, at least he's back and we have enough to talk about. So there's reason to be hopeful at least.
 
Chris's vagina will reach it's final form and he will finally reach the final level of telekinesis whereupon he will be able to complete lego sets without even moving a muscle.
 
I don't think Barb will die, but a stroke wouldn't surprise me. Chris will have increasing responsibilities that he can't handle, and he will try to get Rocky to help. If we are lucky, she will force him to stop trying to be a girl in exchange for help.
 
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