2019-04-10 DSP Got Married - Replacing the Gorilla Munch mascot put us on the bad timeline.

[WeeblesWobble]

I agree with the ideas presented here, but with an additional layer: It's not a Piglet. Also at some point, whenever a divorce happens, not only will she talk him to the cleaners but he will get absolutely railed by child support for a baby that ain't his. He would absolutely sign that birth certificate without any testing, due to her history of being a cheater, because he's an extremely exceptional rube.

He'd have no choice. Most states have a presumption of parentage. He would be the father.

RCW 26.26.116
Presumption of parentage in context of marriage or domestic partnership. (Effective until January 1, 2019.)

(1) In the context of a marriage or a domestic partnership, a person is presumed to be the parent of a child if:
(a) The person and the mother or father of the child are married to each other or in a domestic partnership with each other and the child is born during the marriage or domestic partnership;
(b) The person and the mother or father of the child were married to each other or in a domestic partnership with each other and the child is born within three hundred days after the marriage or domestic partnership is terminated by death, annulment, dissolution, legal separation, or declaration of invalidity;
(c) Before the birth of the child, the person and the mother or father of the child married each other or entered into a domestic partnership with each other in apparent compliance with law, even if the attempted marriage or domestic partnership is, or could be, declared invalid and the child is born during the invalid marriage or invalid domestic partnership or within three hundred days after its termination by death, annulment, dissolution, legal separation, or declaration of invalidity; or
(d) After the birth of the child, the person and the mother or father of the child have married each other or entered into a domestic partnership with each other in apparent compliance with law, whether or not the marriage or domestic partnership is, or could be declared invalid, and the person voluntarily asserted parentage of the child, and:
(i) The assertion is in a record filed with the state registrar of vital statistics;
(ii) The person agreed to be and is named as the child's parent on the child's birth certificate; or
(iii) The person promised in a record to support the child as his or her own.
(2) A person is presumed to be the parent of a child if, for the first two years of the child's life, the person resided in the same household with the child and openly held out the child as his or her own.
(3) A presumption of parentage established under this section may be rebutted only by an adjudication under RCW 26.26.500 through 26.26.630.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

I’m thinking more and more that this was a shotgun wedding. Remember how we had been commenting how kats been looking chubbier lately? I think she could be pregnant. Even in the wedding picture, grotesque makeup aside, those are some pregger cheeks.

I feel like that should make up for any butthurt about the deception he pulled.

I don't think his begging would be able to keep pace if there were a kid involved.

 

[Nigel of Ukip]

To me a very weird lie is that Kat constantly goes to the gym, there is no way she does so, because she looks much, much worse now.
What did he even benefit from such a lie, so fucking stupid.

I chuckle when I remember him saying his race horse could be a model, and is amazingly beautiful.


Late edit:
That's some DSP curse right here.
Left: Before moving in with DSP
Right: DSP wedding

 

[RG 448]

Congratulations to the happy couple!

 

[UE 558]

I wonder if he’d disown Pigroach Jr. if he beats him in SF2 at age 2

 

[Meerkat Ink]

What did he even benefit from such a lie, so fucking stupid

That's just his habit of casually lying about stuff. For proof, look no further from the cat picture. The cat he allegedly "saw for the first time" has been in his Panda vlogs.
That and numerous more. He just likes dropping random pointless details about his life and when "peepul on the internet" start picking it apart and they turn out to be lies he goes on this whole tirade how we're over-analyzing everything.

 

[Grotesque]

Biggest question is is she alright with a sham marriage? Or did he lie to her to get her to agree? It's not a good look when your wedding night is spent on Twitter "showing those detractors". I mean, she has more to gain doesn't she? I bet she can't believe her luck.

From the little we know about Kat, she lived in Michigan with some guy who threw her out on her ass, and she seriously tried streaming for a bit but failed because she looks like a fat raccoon with the personality of toilet paper.

Thus, it's probably a fair assumption that Kat is not crazy about wageslaving and paying for her own way in life, all those pesky adult things. She wants some dude to pay her way, and Phil was the perfect target coming off his own relationship troubles while still making good money.

Kat is probably just happy she's living in a nice house instead of on the street giving blowjobs for food, considering it looks like her family is nowhere to be found in her life.

 

[actually]

I don't think his begging would be able to keep pace if there were a kid involved.

A kid being involved is about the only thing that could generate true anger from me at this point, because I think we can all pretty much agree that Phil would be an absolute shit father, barring a complete and total change in who he is.

 

[Grotesque]

A kid being involved is about the only thing that could generate true anger from me at this point, because I think we can all pretty much agree that Phil would be an absolute shit father, barring a complete and total change in who he is.

Same here. If an innocent kid is dragged into their retarded lives, then it's no longer stupid fun. It's abusive.

 

[Colloid]

Kat has now evolved into a literal trophy wife. I’m still not sure if she’s just stringing him along to take half of his shit via divorce, or if she really believes that Phil is the best she’s ever going to get. Either way it’s sad to think about. Even though I doubt they’ll ever raise kids since they’re both greedy fucks, the thought of Phil raising a child honestly worries me since Phil’s still an entitled manchild himself.

 

[Pargon]

Sure is a big shame they both don't have a huge legion of family and friends to join them in their happy day - that really could've been magical and memorable instead of what I'm sure it was, which is more or less what others have speculated already.

To better appeal to DSP's greedy nature, people traditionally also bring gifts to a reception for the happy newlyweds...

 

[WeeblesWobble]

Sure is a big shame they both don't have a huge legion of family and friends to join them in their happy day - that really could've been magical and memorable instead of what I'm sure it was, which is more or less what others have speculated already.

To better appeal to DSP's greedy nature, people traditionally also bring gifts to a reception for the happy newlyweds...

Honestly, if he hadn't harped on and on about how much money he doesn't have and how he can't possibly get married and he might have to sell his house, he could have had a decent wedding without most people caring too much. Instead he has, what seems to be, an extremely modest wedding and people are still wondering how much was spent. The constant lying makes people wonder if his parents actually did pay for it all. I will admit that it is unlikely that he spent thousands on the wedding itself but I have a hard time believing he didn't spend a ton of money while out or on the honeymoon if they have one.

 

[DuckSucker]

Poor Kat, she can't even keep his attention on their wedding night.

Its gross but he seems like the type of guy to bust esrly, snort out a 'thanks babe' and roll over (to bitch at detractors on twitter' and she (or any of his girlfriends) seem like theyd be fine with it just to have him off of them since they can finally pull out their readers snd carry on with their book, rub off under the covers without him noticing, whatever.

 

[Heckler1]

I hope the marriage drags ona logn time, and like everything else Phil bogs himself down with, it slowly erodes away at his sanity, causing potential lulz during a new season finale. Plus, now he has another thing he'll get triggered by troll tips over. Bet it won't take long for a "Blacked Kat" joke to get made.

 

[Hungrymandinner]

I’ve watched enough of this show to know the following:

• Phil’s paypigs will support him no matter what. Watch Mrs. Wagginz return Sunday with a bouquet of bits for the newlyweds.
• Twitch will not ban Phil. They’ve had ample opportunity.
• Phil’s a grifter without a shred of conscience. He’s taking money from children and disabled adults.

That said, Phil’s income is secure for the foreseeable future. Kat will not divorce him.

 

[TyrasGuard]

Irresponsible speculation but i truly believe this is all, whether or not Phil does it on purpose or subconsciously, just a ploy to get back at Leanna and the trolls, and it got out of control.

Even on his fucking wedding night, which some people might argue may be one the most important day of your life, he was arguing with trolls on Twitter. Hell, he could've kept it a secret, and keep going with the tax story like nothing happened but he had to go to Instagram and boast about it. I've never gotten married but if i truly loved someone to the point of wanting to marry them, i'd think i had to be at least a self-made man that can put a roof over our heads without having to beg strangers for money.

The worst thing is that he is boasting about a tiny ass wedding where almost no family was invited that was funded via tards on the Internet or his own parents (Pathetic either way if you ask me), and the fact that he just married the rebound girl just makes it worse honestly. This is a thing you should've kept secret for once Phil.

Kudos to Leanna, i can almost picture her coming home from a night out with friends, looking at this shitshow and smiling thinking of the bullet she dodged.

 

[Hatoful Dandy]

That said, Phil’s income is secure for the foreseeable future. Kat will not divorce him.

Wait till an actual medical emergency happens and Phil acts like his usual self...

 

[BarberFerdinand]

Congratulations and best wishes Phil!

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

Wait till an actual medical emergency happens and Phil acts like his usual self...

I think a lot of the wellwishing here is sincere precisely because we ALL know that sort of incident will repeat itself in the natural course of events. Phil is still Phil.

 

[strandedcastaway]

I didn't think he was really getting married now. But Phil lies, about everything, all the time. His surprise marriage with no family or friends followed by a wedding night of salty tweeting is a WIN to him, though we all see through it. His cuck fans excuse everything, as they do no matter what he does. It's the usual DSP world taken to more bizarre extremes than usual.

When he'll return to streaming, he'll say he had to keep the marriage secret because of Kiwi detractors. He'll ignore his constant lies and exaggerations, how he said he had to visit his parents because they were sick/dying, he couldn't afford to get married, and of course that there have now been TWO fake tax fundraisers. The paypigs will let him slide, and those who get sarcastic will get the lean-in manual ban.