2019-04-10 DSP Got Married - Replacing the Gorilla Munch mascot put us on the bad timeline.

[Stalker Sociopath]

I for one am looking forward to the gin fueled rants when Kat serves him with divorce papers, LOL

 

[Synth]

Y'all are being so unimaginative with your names for Muh gorl, Khet.

Bride of Beggary
Duchess of Doublethink
Queen of Quackery
Lady of Lies

Step ya' games up.

Also, there's no way in hell Sir Gout was on top during the unfortunate consummation; dude gets winded just walking down a flight of stairs and considers walking around a mall or grocery store to be strenuous exercise. Whether it's fitting or ironic, our dearest Porcine Princess was riding cowgirl.

 

[Blood Bath & Beyond]

Y'all are being so unimaginative with your names for Muh gorl, Khet.

Bridge of Beggary
Duchess of Doublethink
Queen of Quackery
Lady of Lies

Step ya' games up.

Also, there's no way in hell Sir Gout was on top during the unfortunate consummation; dude gets winded just walking down a flight of stairs and considers walking around a mall or grocery store to be strenuous exercise. Whether it's fitting or ironic, our dearest Porcine Princess was riding cowgirl.

Can you imagine the wedding night stench? Wet Cheetos and old bologna drizzled over a pile of foundation, blush and clams.

 

[Schmeckel]

Can you imagine the wedding night stench? Wet Cheetos and old bologna drizzled over a pile of foundation, blush and clams.

You forgot the overpowering aroma of juniper.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I have no doubt if enough people do report Dave to Twitch they could take action.

Yeah, but why? Why would you kill a cow, that gives you milk? Phil now enters a new page in his life, which means more stress, more trolling, more milk. Getting him banned is going to spoil everything.

 

[killuminati]

Dave has this weird inherent need to justify everything he does; it even comes through when he's figuring out what games to play, what he wants to do or not do in a game or stream, and even when he brings up real life shit. Could be the pity line, or it could just be him coming up with whatever excuse he can to have a reason to do it.

If anyone wanted to dick around while they've nothing better to do, you could try to pair up when this season's tax begging arc began (does it just overlap with last season's? is this just a single, giant e-begging session spanning years?) and when the CT trip was announced. You have to assume here, but I want to bet that the announcement of the CT trip was made shortly after they were engaged (would line up 'more' if it was post-first begtrospective event since it's known the Space Needle trip happened before then and I it could be somewhat safe to assume he proposed to her there). You could be extra special and trying to find when he started the meme of, "The life Khet and I have built here," since that seems like something he might switch to after engagement, but that's nothing short of pure speculation.

I think these are important because, oddly, even with Dave's 'tism-racked schedule, he might simply have not thought it through and planned it out. I'm pretty sure he started the tax-beggery well before the trip/not-really-sick-parents announcement. With the oddity of him announcing his engagement to Reeanna a day before his marriage to Khet, you want to assume that he planned it that way in some pathetic game of spite, and he realized far too late that it was lining up exactly when he'd need to be working hardest to cover his supposed tax deficit. So it then morphs into, "Muh parents aren't doing too well, they can't even get on a plane!", and that then devolves into, "They're getting up there in age, and while they're not on their deathbeds, it's better to do it sooner rather than later," because he actually has some sort of guilt of lying about his parents nearly being dead when they're not.

I'm not a fan of this kind of speculation because you're really assuming too much and just grasping at straws, but I wouldn't be surprised if the whole ever-changing situation his parents are in is what it is purely because he didn't think far enough ahead about how the dates lined up and what lies he was currently telling. Compound that with him needing to justify everything he does in life, incapable of giving a simple 'Because I want to' as an answer, and I think you get this situation. It'd be funny if he planned the marriage/trip date solely around his failed engagement with Panda, because there was nothing stopping him from doing it in a month or two. I don't think he's stupid enough to have done it to try and gain some benefit for this year's taxes, especially if his story about having an accountant, I mean CPA, I mean a tax, uh, guy, is true, and that it's not just H&R Block. He'd be privy to the knowledge that it wouldn't help him this year.

I dunno, there might be something there, probably not. Whatever.

One important thing to note is how long it took him to give us an actual figure on the amount he claimed he needed. He was still begging for tax money weeks after the trip announcement without having that 17k figure solitified. He had plenty of time to come up with possible expenses for the wedding and vacation. It certainly wasn't anything last minute.

ETA: if I'm remembering right his spitballed estimate was 25k. 8k off of what the final amount ended up being. That's a lot of money to be off by. You'd think knowing what he (didn't) pay from last year his guess would be closer to thar. That's a bit suspect to me.

 

[NotreallyPutin]

Can you imagine the wedding night stench? Wet Cheetos and old bologna drizzled over a pile of foundation, blush and clams.

You should exterminated for this post.

More seriously I beleive That Dave legit borrowed his parents wedding clothes. Further more he may have actually gotten her pregnant. Imagine. A legit man-horse-pig, unrelated to man-bear-pig.

 

[Synth]

One important thing to note is how long it took him to give us an actual figure on the amount he claimed he needed. He was still begging for tax money weeks after the trip announcement without having that 17k figure solitified. He had plenty of time to come up with possible expenses for the wedding and vacation. It certainly wasn't anything last minute.

ETA: if I'm remembering right his spitballed estimate was 25k. 8k off of what the final amount ended up being. That's a lot of money to be off by. You'd think knowing what he (didn't) pay from last year his guess would be closer to thar. That's a bit suspect to me.

Eh, to me, the numbers aren't really that important because he has to be lying about something in that story. I do believe he's actually in debt and he probably did have back taxes, probably does owe more than he can handle in this year's taxes, and has an inordinate amount of credit card debt he's going to try and roll over to 0% cards as long as he possibly can, it's just a matter of how much he's exaggerating by.

It's all about when the story changed and his mannerisms. If we had some CSI 'Zoom, Enhance' tech, you could see if Khet had the engagement ring on her finger in the Space Needle desktop pics, but I don't think that's in the cards considering the size of the images on his clusterfuck of a desktop. The start of "The life Khet and I have built here," meme, the planned parental visit, the dampening of that narrative, and the tax arc pre-E7 are what will tell the story, I believe.

On a side note, he's apparently announced today is their "trip home", but I'm pretty sure they ain't taking a plane today. I think Khet would object to the notion of a honeymoon 30 minutes from the Wakhando, so I'd put money down on them having gone to NYC Thursday night after the Beardsley Zoo visit, spending Friday and Saturday afternoon in the city, then taking a redeye home Saturday night because I don't think Dave has enough energy to muster doing a stream the same day they got home, were they to take an early Sunday flight.

I don't care how down-to-earth or understanding she is, any woman is going to want to do something after their marriage beyond going to the fucking zoo in Bridgeport, CT. Would've been better off going to the aquarium in Norwalk and let her window shop at the boutiques in SoNo before grabbing a bite to eat at one of the many restaurants in the area -- there's a really nice wine bar there where I like to get tapas. The part of BPT with Beardsley Park/Zoo isn't too shabby, but the city is a fucking dumpster fire on the whole. Wouldn't make sense to go to NYC for one night, half the day would be spent just getting into the hotel.

Depends when he streams on Sunday. Add in the timezone change for a little bit of time savings and you take an early enough flight, he can get a 3 hour stream in at 7PM Pacific and not drain himself too much, but, again, this is Dave we're speculating on. Could theoretically end up being 3 nights in NYC: Beardsley Zoo -> NYC, eat dinner on Thursday, Friday in NYC, Saturday in NYC, early flight from JFK to Seatac Sunday -> home in time for a night stream for a few hours to bait trolls and beg for cuck-bux from his most ardent fans.

Sounds good?

 

[Adamska]

Wow... he really must be desperate to try and get Leanna and us jealous if he legit married Khet. I never expected him to ever nut up enough to do this, but I'm curious on if he got some per-nuptial agreements or something going on. If not, then the Golddigger/Divorce Saga will be absolutely hilarious.

 

[Nigel of Ukip]

Yeah, but why? Why would you kill a cow, that gives you tard cum? Phil now enters a new page in his life, which means more stress, more trolling, more tard cum. Getting him banned is going to spoil everything.

I didn't say I want it to happen, I simply would not be shocked if it happens. I even said it's not a great idea.

Not a perma ban only a short-ish suspend that could give him time for his honeymoon.

If he gets suspended he will have a nice honeymoon and play the victim when he's back, talking about how a big bad company is picking on him.
I wouldn't however cry if he got a perma ban, because holy shit imagine him losing all his income and the following house selling saga, DLive saga, divorce saga. Dave would find a way to stream and would continue his lolcow way.

 

[Tame Sake]

Relationship with Leanna lasted literal years and he kept making up excuses for why he will not actually marry her all while claiming to love her.

Relationship with Kat for... what? A year and a half? And they tie the knot?

 

[samovski]

I didn't say I want it to happen, I simply would not be shocked if it happens. I even this it's not a great idea that's why I said

If he gets suspended he will have a nice honeymoon and play the victim, how a big bad conpany is picking in him.
I wouldn't however cry if he got perma ban, because holy shit imagine him losing all his income and he following house selling saga, DLive saga, divorce saga. Dave would find a way to stream.

OT for this thread but -

I won't lie, when I think of things that would fuck with him, and I mean legit effect him. I always think of him losing his main YT channel DSPGaming. A perma Twitch ban would piss him off, but he'd just scurry off back to YT, and even perma bans on Twitch usually get reverted after a few years. Maybe he'd go to another streaming service, people forget there are alternatives, none as massive as Twitch obviously but they do exist.

But him losing his main YT? His digital 10-year legacy? I think that would genuinely fuck him up mentally.

It's one of the more autistic, genuinely spiteful ideas that I laugh about when I think of it happening, IDK if I actually want it to happen, but it would make me bust my ass laughing. His Twitch would be collateral, his YT would be catastrophic.

 

[Stalker Sociopath]

If you wanna have some fun with Phil pass on his home address to some Washington area divorce attorneys. That should rile him up LOL

 

[SleepyNibba]

If you wanna have some fun with Phil pass on his home address to some Washington area divorce attorneys. That should rile him up LOL

Dont... thats pozloading my negholep and giving the fat fuck ammo to guilt trip his dumbass fans.

 

[MoonRocker]

Looks like the thread is dying down a bit since everything that could have been speculated about has been discussed ad-nauseum.

Now to wait for the Sunday podcast which is going to be a new saga of gas-lighting, calling people braindead idiots, morons, and sheep.

 

[TheTriggerin']

He clearly loves Panda still. And is hoping she'll be so jealous about Khet that she'll run back. But she's being blacked by Tevin, and he married a horse.


Dave never learns.

 

[Raven'sChild]

I read quite a few posts about what it would be for Kat, how would she feel marrying this manbaby in this shitty dress, etc etc etc, but I think we're missing something.

How Kat feels doesn't matter. At all.

Kat has married into royalty guys. She is now:

The Queen of Hate
The Queen of Suffering
The Queen of Gout
<insert more titles here>

I recommend the possible titles of POTKOH and FLOTKOH - President of The King Of Hate, and First Lady Of The King Of Hate.

Leanna is and will remain 'The First Lady' and Queen of Snort Fort. I highly doubt that D$P can look anywhere and not have a memory of Leanna spring to mind. Mrs. D$P is a bland, midwestern whitebread rebound. She's little more than a concubine that was moved into the Palace from the Harem quarters for ease of access...and so she could perform extra duties ( ie, cooking and cleaning). She knows she has a good thing going, so she didn't raise a fuss about wearing D$P's cousin's Confirmation Dress. She's got a ring on her finger ( albeit probably his dead Aunt's Bridal Set ) and that's all I imagine matters to her right now. Wife is, after all a step up from the 'Live-in Maid with benefits' she sold herself as. She's living a stone's throw from some of the most glamorous regions of the country. Had she stayed where she was, she'd most likely end up waiting tables at The Waffle House down by the Interstate, living in a run down trailer with two or three neglected and needy children of Poverty tugging at her apron strings the moment she got home... and she knows it.

 

[gaarashatan]

Quick little theory: Phil's mom (shown in back in 2014) has basically the same body as Kat, aka a square head on a rectangle, and appears to be about Kat's height. Definitely possible that Phil married his new mom-daughter in his actual mom's dress.
View attachment 722711

dam...look how expensive that kitchen is. maybe i should get a job begging for money cause of mah taxes

 

[King Kang]

Just watch when he gets back to the Castle Goutenstein despite being newlywed. Nothing will change, and both he and Khet will fall back into their routine of mediocrity as if no wedding happened at all. SOULMATES4EVER guys? Honestly I can only wonder what kind of short-term con gold digger Khet will play not that she's married to the pig before she inevitably divorces his ass.

 

[Raven'sChild]

Just watch when he gets back to the Castle Goutenstein despite being newlywed. Nothing will change, and both he and Khet will fall back into their routine of mediocrity as if no wedding happened at all. SOULMATES4EVER guys? Honestly I can only wonder what kind of short-term con gold digger Khet will play not that she's married to the pig before she inevitably divorces his ass.

Mrs. D$P: Yeah, ummm, I had a hard day at work. I'm going to unwind in my 'office' playing games with my friends. There's leftover Tuna casserole in the fridge.

Mrs. D$P: Yeah, ummm, going out with some friends after work. I'll be home late, so don't wait up. There's leftover Tuna casserole in the fridge.

Mrs. D$P: Yeah, ummm, going hiking on Mt. Rainier with some friends from the Gym on my off day. We'll be camping there overnight. There's leftover Tuna casserole in the fridge.

What's he gonna do, divorce her?