FIGGIN 9/10/16 - Phil posts a suicide note - DO A FLIP, FAGGOT

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MMX said:
Thats the offical fiction
But phil was staying in a motel not crashing at someones place.
I think he confused his narrative to cover all his spending or overspent and couldnt afford to stay.
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I was just thinking it seems pretty early in the month for him to be so pathetic. Someone sank his battleship too early, looks like. What'd he even waste it on, besides the motel?
 
dannyfrickenp said:
Nagasaki

Also @Melkor you should have just called the police instead of reporting the post lol
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That requires a fair bit of effort, not worth it to prevent the most likely fake suicide of a infamously histrionic and impulsive potatoboy with no longstanding personal relationships or real contributions to society.

Let's say the cops did actually prevent his suicide (which is unlikely considering he's probably not even going to do it), Phil's wider situation wouldn't change. He'd still be an aggressive homeless man with a wide variety of untreated mental illnesses who leeches off of others.
 
Pepsi-Cola said:
That requires a fair bit of effort, not worth it to prevent the most likely fake suicide of a infamously histrionic and impulsive potatoboy with no longstanding personal relationships or real contributions to society.
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lol it's not to prevent a suicide it's to generate butthurt comments by Phil if the police actually take him in
 
There will come a sad day in the future when this FAT FUCK will die and we will hath lost our most prized LULZCOW.

We should all realize that this FAT FUCK is not forever... One of these days, he's going to get punched out by a hippie and then he is going to kill himself on the Facebook in shame (accidentally I might add, because we know he couldn't technically do it himself). That is, after he pulls his pants down in front of spanish gangbangers in order to prove that he is latinx. So when the time comes for his inevitable burial.

So that's why we must form a DEATH DAY PARTY for our friend, Phillip Haskins-Delici. I'm saying we should IRL crash & raid his funeral, turning it into a "FUN!"-eral, wearing kiwi-farms redbubble tee shirts and all "PARTY HARD!!!" with loud music, free food, and drink. White heterosexuals are utmost welcome .

We should spend the time there giving all these "sincere" mementos and speeches about how Phil sucked and how the western seaboard will be better off without him and how the mysterious smell has finally dissipated!

Most importantly, the "big speech", we must recite his entire life and all his failures to everyone there, starting from his failure to his parents (PUNCHED HIS MOM!)to his creation Australatina, to the inevitable future moment when he pulls his pants down in the ghetto and gets heroically figged by a white cis man.

Then, after we finish telling our audience every single minor detail, complete with projector screens showing every facebook post, in chronological order I may add, we will all proceed to shit on his tombstone, kicking it and screaming "FUCK LIFE! WHAT A WASTE!" "FUCK YOUR LIFE! YOU COULDN'T RIDE A BICYCLE!" and write "REST IN PIECES FAG" on the headstone while other may pour pickles and tartar sauce all over his grave. Firecrackers are also a necessity, I would suggest lighting them off at the start of our raid, as hundreds of kiwimen storm the gates open blasting confetti over bystanders.

I'd itch to dig up the corpse and set it on fire but I digress that to be too much, because the smell of burning GINGER AND CHEESE would be FAR too much to handle. However I will say by the time we start to close out we will bring forth the shattered remains of his treasured Sasuke costume. We sprinkle his road sign album pictures on the mess of pickles and tartar sauce like nuts on a sundae. The cherry. you may ask? His bicycle lock.

After we're done, and everybody cheers us for our grand show, we pass out political activist pamphlets for abortion and against crustpunks, for we must educate America on how to prevent communist retards.

And thus, the first, and last ADF convention. It would be the perfect spot for the first and last "ADF"-con, with major trolling celebrities welcome to come. The red carpet should definitely be rolled out for MrCKMongler and tweaker the cat. In the course of the main events, such as the "big speech", panels will be held by the likes of veterans trolling celebrities and FIGGIN fags alike.

After all, if the endless supply of LULZ were to die, we have to make sure it goes out with a SQUEAL!
 
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TjSpuMF.jpg


You'll die as you lived, Phil - giving us laughter for mocking your ass.
 
Ravenor said:
I got creative...

View attachment 133634

Bonus goodboy point's to whoever guesses that nuclear explosion correctly.
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Looks like most of northern Kazakhstan tbh /offtopic

I hope Phil's bloated corpse won't cause that much damage to Portland! Isn't there a bridge into a nice, convenient fast-flowing river he can use? I hear the fish are hungry this time of year. Think of the environment and all.
 
No long rant about how he can't take it anymore and how he'll be at an exact location at an exact time waiting for an asspatter to come "save" him?


Holy shit, please Godbear father almighty in heaven, let this be real.
 
So according to the stages of Phil's stress, when this doesn't get him enough asspats he'll accuse some random and/or imaginary CIS MALE of raping him.
 
Melkor said:
I reported the post shortly after screenshotting it.
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All jokes aside, it really looks as if Phil cannot survive without an antagonist.
I bet Phil carries around a glass case with his parent's pictures and numbers inside. On the front of the glass lie the words "break in case of emergency"
 
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How will Phil keep getting high off of peoples attention if he ends it? Say it ain't so ADF, what would Chairman Mao say?
 
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