Abandons Beg-A-Thon Part 3 "Podcast" - The Return of: Detractor Throat

[Pargon]

Because his gameplay is so shit that nobody would come for it? I mean, I guess he could do it and hope that people threw pity quarters and dollars at him (and some of his tardier tards would), and it would be better than nothing.

That moment when you realize that between DSP's gameplay and the man himself the fact that more people are showing up for him...

Is there a negative equivalent to enlightenment? A moment in which an awful truth is laid out before you and to accept it is to welcome in a thousand terrible implications.

 

[actually]

That moment when you realize that between DSP's gameplay and the man himself the fact that more people are showing up for him...

Is there a negative equivalent to enlightenment? A moment in which an awful truth is laid out before you and to accept it is to welcome in a thousand terrible implications.

Well, people don't show up for him (aside from the aforementioned tards). They show up to watch him flail incompetently at children's games and get ass-mad when he can't solve even the simplest puzzles and starts blaming the game, the devs, his family, and everything else in the world but himself.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

You know, that would be some interesting material to watch if he went no mic/face cam. He wouldn't be able to ask for hints from chat, he would get constant cheers without him pausing the damn game to thank people or to point out troll cheers. We would be able to watch him suck ass at a game and think "What is this dumbass doing, do *this*, why isn't he doing *this* and *that*?" and we wouldn't have to hear his excuses, just him being a complete dumbass.

We wouldn't get: snorts, burps, his obnoxious laugh, his shitty excuses, him t-posing, him leaning over his chat to ban people, him showing his controller saying he pressed a button. Just him being a complete failure.
Edit on to the list: him reading cheers, allowing him to rock back and forth to his hearts content, and allowing him to blow his damn nose for once.

Seems like it would benefit him more without the face cam and mic.

 

[Raven'sChild]

From what I recall, Phil has a "personal hair stylist" who lives in a different city. She is the only person he trusts to cut his hair. His hair is thick, full, and rich, and he is not going bald by the way.

This guy is too sick to stream and has no money to pay bills but can spend an entire day traveling across Washington to a personal stylist for the equivalent of an $8 haircut.

How does Phil get to this other city? He doesn't drive. Does Kat take him or does he pay for a taxi?

She used to be local, but moved to a hair salon in a different city, so D$P now travels there to have her cut his hair. This will, of course entail eating one or more meals out. He or Khet drives based of his taxi experience story from his Leanna EmergenReee story.

 

[Wurstbrot]

From what I recall, Phil has a "personal hair stylist" who lives in a different city. She is the only person he trusts to cut his hair. His hair is thick, full, and rich, and he is not going bald by the way.

And then his hair looks exactly the same as before. Would be hilarious if his stylist is a detractor and widens his bald spot each time.

 

[DiabeticSP]

Might be one of those fancy haircut places. Like a salon and spa. Y’know, where you go in and they chop off some hair, shampoo it, rub your shoulders a bit, then give you a hand job.

Ain't no haircut and shave getting booked longer than an hour for this receding hairline motherfucker.

 

[Sparkletor]

That poor hair stylist...

Good afternoon Mr. Burnell, how are you today?

Well as you might know I have been making videos for YouTube for the last ten years and doing it full tine for the last eight years since I got laid off from my full time job at the helicopter job which was not my fault and I actually got an award from my boss for doing such great work and then the stupid government refused to make more jobs in my sector because they are book smart not street smart...

TWO HOURS LATER

...thanks for the haircut. It looks great. Normally I would tip you, but I'm being honest, I don't have money to do it.

 

[Haunter]

Finally some movement in the DSPhere

 

[PieceofShet]

My god these fuckin gifs... occasionally can be funny, but he is using it EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TWEET. Like a mentally 10 years old.

 

[DiabeticSP]

No podcast huh?

Funny how Phil's 'sick' a day or two and its suddenly gone instead of just pushed back...

 

[Haunter]

My god these fuckin gifs... occasionally can be funny, but he is using it EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TWEET. Like a mentally 10 years old.

Also "lol", and the abuse of exclamation marks.

No podcast huh?

Funny how Phil's 'sick' a day or two and its suddenly gone instead of just pushed back...

I thought that at first, too. It's been rescheduled for the 31st. He wants to keep it on a special date, I guess.

 

[HerrKlicks]

Also "lol", and the abuse of exclamation marks.



I though that at first, too. It's been rescheduled for the 31st. He wants to keep it on a special date, I guess.

No doubt we will be treated to a play-by-play of how bad he was feeling from christmas eve on.
REALLY NEED YOUR MONEY GUISE!

 

[Freshtodeath]

Hair stylists are pretty working class. Dsp is probably like "yeah i make six figures on youtube" and it blows her mind. I wonder if he's a good tipper or a bit of a goblin hoarding shekels.

 

[Raven'sChild]

Finally some movement in the DSPhere

View attachment 625202

Nope:

View attachment 625245
Is this it for Phil? Is this his gaught killing him?
Nigga, just take some pills/medicine, and go play some video games for an hour or 2. If he was somewhat competent, he could have a short, relaxed stream and make a bit of money on the side. Drink some cocoa, wrap yourself in a blanket, suck on a throat lozenge and get to it.

He makes it seem like his work is fucking grueling.

 

[Pargon]

Hair stylists are pretty working class. Dsp is probably like "yeah i make six figures on youtube" and it blows her mind. I wonder if he's a good tipper or a bit of a goblin hoarding shekels.

Ehhh, it depends. I think someone here mentioned that she was originally in Renton but relocated and now has her own shop - if she's good enough and she's managing as well, it's a safe bet she's making bank.

My question is why on Earth he's bothering with that drip tray he calls a hairdo.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

View attachment 625245
Is this it for Phil? Is this his gaught killing him?
Nigga, just take some pills/medicine, and go play some video games for an hour or 2. If he was somewhat competent, he could have a short, relaxed stream and make a bit of money on the side. Drink some cocoa, wrap yourself in a blanket, suck on a throat lozenge and get to it.

He makes it seem like his work is fucking grueling.

Like clockwork.

"Sooo not so good news. It's 4am and I'm not asleep yet. I can't stop choking."

He acts like he never stays up 'till 4 am all the time.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

He (nearly) survived:

https://twitter.com/TheyCallMeDSP/status/1078891900088668160
http://archive.li/6y49X

View attachment 625245
Is this it for Phil? Is this his gaught killing him?
Nigga, just take some pills/medicine, and go play some video games for an hour or 2. If he was somewhat competent, he could have a short, relaxed stream and make a bit of money on the side. Drink some cocoa, wrap yourself in a blanket, suck on a throat lozenge and get to it.

He makes it seem like his work is fucking grueling.

Like I've mentioned in the other thread, like clockwork. Hmmmm of course he will play hooky once again on the Podcast since he refuses to do it in the evening. How the fuck can you say good news then 6 hours later be whining again on twitter?
What the hell has he been doing all day to the point where he feels better by tweeting out of nowhere, then hours later say bad news bears everyone?

This is just like trying to fake sickness to skip school. How pathetic.

Why is he up at 4am? Take some nyquil severe and pass out. He's either lying or he has something much worse than a cold.

Dave is always up that late, this is a normal occurrence, especially his gin nights.

 

[thebonesauce]

Yeah. DSP tweeting in the wee hours of the morning is commonplace.

Something is up. There has to be a reason he hasn’t streamed in days now. Maybe that $12k cushion has him comfortable...

 

[Slimy Time]

What the hell has he been doing all day to the point where he feels better by tweeting out of nowhere, then hours later say bad news bears everyone?

He plays video games for a living. Just fire the stream up and play a game you enjoy for an hour or 2. It's not hard, and can be done when sick. He's such a baby. For a guy who is "drowning in debt" and "needs to pay his bills" he seems to be really fucking relaxed about not raking in money.

 

[Pargon]

Yeah. DSP tweeting in the wee hours of the morning is commonplace.

Something is up. There has to be a reason he hasn’t streamed in days now. Maybe that $12k cushion has him comfortable...

I agree. Simplest explanation is the most likely. We know he hates video games. We know he hates streaming. We definitely know he hates any sort of work and that he considers basic life maintenance to be labor and streaming video games for the internet to be his job. We know that Dave is an object that will stay at rest unless acted upon by outside forces, i.e. bills. We know he is set to receive a large influx of cash in the next two months in addition to anything he's received behind the scenes, which we know he will go out of his way to conceal.

Ergo, he is doing nothing. These are days off he's taking just because he can, not because he has to.

EDIT to add: if by some New Year's miracle the E7 subs are charged back and he gets nothing it will make this mini-arc retroactively hilarious. Counting on you, writers!