Advice on something - Because we should always ask strangers on the Internet for the solution to our life's problems

[Unog]

You should find him in person and show this thread to him on your phone, explaining that you're the OP.

He'll see how invested you are in your friendship and it'll inspire him to talk to you more regularly, I'm sure of it.

 

[Jason Wynn]

I'll talk real, since I've been in a similar situation.

It sucks when friendships grow apart or come to an end. I'd say at times it can hurt more than when a romantic relationship ends. Just swallow your pride and text him the congratulations and wish him well. Be the bigger person. You don't have to pretend like you're best buddies again if that ship has sailed, but your reaching out might remind him that at one point you guys were friends. It's doubtful it will happen, but that simple gesture won't cost you anything more than a few seconds of time to type the text.

 

[Path Started]

You should make contact and give some simple small talk, perhaps initiating by sending a humorous video or picture if that's something you used to do, congratulate him on the engagement, make some small talk, don't pressure him for an invite and don't make it sound like you want one, do the congratulations in a very small passing moment, mid conversation just mention "oh congratulations on the engagement" see how he responds, after this talk or online chat, ignore him. If he makes contact, respond nicely and don't push the conversations, simple small replies, if he replies in detail or multiple times without you saying something, then he cares about the friendship, if not, then he doesn't.

If he doesn't message you in a month, then consider the friendship dead, don't bother messaging him, just put him in a restricted group in social media if possible, otherwise just remove him.

I have had friendships with people, pretty good ones, and then when I have changed location or got a girlfriend, just ended up dropping those friends. I've not wanted to carry them on when I am focusing on my girlfriend and my own life.

Likely thats what happened here, he is focused on his fiancee and doesn't think about you. As that is what it was like with me with my friends, soon as I got a girlfriend I just don't think about the friends anymore. There are some cringey messages from my old friends lying around where they have messaged me loads of times and I just ignored it when I saw them months later since I don't use facebook anymore, I have an account but it is mostly empty and has nothing important on it.

Personally I would suggest just removing him from all social media accounts, but it seems you want to carry on the friendship even in its current state, it will never be what it once was, he has other important things in his life now. So given you want to carry it on, do what I said at the top of this post and see how it goes.

 

[Migraineur]

I'll talk real, since I've been in a similar situation.

It sucks when friendships grow apart or come to an end. I'd say at times it can hurt more than when a romantic relationship ends. Just swallow your pride and text him the congratulations and wish him well. Be the bigger person. You don't have to pretend like you're best buddies again if that ship has sailed, but your reaching out might remind him that at one point you guys were friends. It's doubtful it will happen, but that simple gesture won't cost you anything more than a few seconds of time to type the text.

More real talk - I agree with the above. A simple congrats (especially if you're still friends on FB) can't hurt. But don't expect anything more than that and don't drag it out past the congratulations. If it hurts to see his life playing out while it excludes you an 'unfollow' or 'defriending' might be in order, but that is your call to make.

 

[eternal dog mongler]

He's just going to enroll you in his wedding registry.

Buy him a buttplug.

 

[Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost]

Go to the wedding and object and then propose that you continue your friendship "NO HOMO".

Shit posting aside, sure congratulate him. At least then it makes you like the bigger person, especially if you run in to him at the other wedding.

 

[Yotsubaaa]

See @Ughubughughughughughghlug, I first thought @garakfan69 was just joking around when he said:

Clearly, there's some sexual tension between you two.
You guys should fuck and get it out of your system.

But then I saw that you said this in that strange Romantic Orientation thread that you started yesterday:

Well, I was kind of hoping some of you might use this as a springboard to talk about what it's like having a romantic orientation that doesn't match your sexual orientation, or observations on that phenomena. In particular, I'm interested in the idea of biromantic heterosexuality, because part of me likes the idea of "loving" a man in a romantic way, but I don't want dick in my ass and I do want to have a family with a woman. I feel like the Ancient Greeks were maybe onto something with their ideas about love between men and some of their homoerotic stuff, but I don't want manly hands jerking me off.

Or I'm extremely far in the closet.

I mean, as far as concrete stuff goes, there's one friend I had who I admired/liked so much that I felt something that I think was almost akin to a crush.

Just to clarify, this isn't that same friend, right?

 

[MechanicusAdmin]

See @Ughubughughughughughghlug, I first thought @garakfan69 was just joking around when he said:



But then I saw that you said this in that strange Romantic Orientation thread that you started yesterday:

Just to clarify, this isn't that same friend, right?

Well spotted. Seems like someone might be having a bit of a personal identity crisis.

 

[BOONES]

If you have to ask a bunch of cringe obsessed ironic nutcases how to handle a social situation then I believe the problem lies with you.

 

[DuckSucker]

You should call in to loveline and ask Adam Corolla about it.

Dude just tell him a simple "congratulations" on facebook and leave it at that, dont talk to him at the wedding if you see him. It's fucking facebook and it's the most shallow "talking to people in the lobby after church" tier of communication--he probably has like 50 other people telling him congrats, if he still has you on his friends thing he doesnt hate you that much, or has at least forgotten youre on it.

I feel kind of bad making fun, but I had problems like this in like 7th grade.

Also sometimes people just grow apart, regardless of if the friendship went sour.

Please don't tell me you have a friend old enough to have moved away, moved back, gotten engaged, and is soon to be married, and yet you still live with your parents.

This might be a big reason the guy is awkward around you and doesnt want to hang out.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

See @Ughubughughughughughghlug, I first thought @garakfan69 was just joking around when he said:



But then I saw that you said this in that strange Romantic Orientation thread that you started yesterday:

Just to clarify, this isn't that same friend, right?

Nah man, different dudes.

This person has been answering these sorts of questions for decades now.

But I want my answer NOW

Please don't tell me you have a friend old enough to have moved away, moved back, gotten engaged, and is soon to be married, and yet you still live with your parents.

No, faggot, I live in an apartment in the same city as my university, I just get my money from my parents and visit them regularly.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

Dude just tell him a simple "congratulations" on facebook and leave it at that

Agreed, send a congrats on the wedding/engagement. Don't expect or wait for an answer, just let it be. It obviously torments you in some way so you're really putting a cap on it for your own sake.

 

[Carcinogenesis]

But I want my answer NOW

He's moved on with his life, you should do the same. All you'll be doing by congratulating him is letting him know that you're still hung up on him. Let's face it, you clearly are which is why you're asking this question. Move on, or try to make a genuine attempt at mending this friendship.

 

[inexplicable ethos]

No, faggot, I live in an apartment in the same city as my university, I just get my money from my parents and visit them regularly.

Well, you sure talk about your parents' opinions on things a lot as if it matters. I live in the same city as my parents, but I talk to them maybe once a month at most. You seem to have some sort of unhealthy attachment to your parents considering you are an adult living on your own. Why would they care, or even KNOW, what your friends from years ago are up to unless you specifically bring it up to them?

Maybe your friend is uncomfortable hanging around a mama's boy. You've said already that one of the main reasons your friendship went downhill is because you couldn't handle him making fun of you, have you considered that he was acting normally and you're just overly sensitive? If one of my friends pitched a fit because I jokingly called him a faggot retard I probably wouldn't want to spend time with him either.

 

[オウム 2]

Serious answer: text that you saw he was engaged and text congrats

People see shit on other people's facebooks all the time (not me I got rid of that spying shit years ago) so it's not like he'll think you're stalking his profile.

Other serious answer: fuck his bitch.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Well, you sure talk about your parents' opinions on things a lot as if it matters. I live in the same city as my parents, but I talk to them maybe once a month at most. You seem to have some sort of unhealthy attachment to your parents considering you are an adult living on your own. Why would they care, or even KNOW, what your friends from years ago are up to unless you specifically bring it up to them?

Maybe your friend is uncomfortable hanging around a mama's boy. You've said already that one of the main reasons your friendship went downhill is because you couldn't handle him making fun of you, have you considered that he was acting normally and you're just overly sensitive? If one of my friends pitched a fit because I jokingly called him a faggot exceptional individual I probably wouldn't want to spend time with him either.

I consider it to be a good thing to talk to your parents. I don’t respect people who don’t. So, fundamentally, I just plain don’t care about your perspective on that.

But I didn’t have that problem with any of my other friends. Would you agree that friends shouldn’t go out of their way to put down anything good that you do/happens to you? Never had another friend who did. If you don’t see that as a problem, well, you have some VERY low standards.

 

[inexplicable ethos]

I consider it to be a good thing to talk to your parents. I don’t respect people who don’t. So, fundamentally, I just plain don’t care about your perspective on that.

But I didn’t have that problem with any of my other friends. Would you agree that friends shouldn’t go out of their way to put down anything good that you do/happens to you? Never had another friend who did. If you don’t see that as a problem, well, you have some VERY low standards.

You sound like a fucking baby.

 

[TerribleIdeas™]

The fact that you only found out through a public notification tells you everything you need to know. The intimacy of friendship has been lost, better to have some fond memories and understand you had a falling out than trying to rekindle something and then falling out again.

So I guess treat him like a girl but don't fuck him.

Or treat him like a girl, and fuck him.

 

[Lady Pigroach]

Delete social media and become a hermit degenerate. I don't have to decide whether or not to awkwardly say happy birthday or congrats to anyone for anything anymore cuz I genuinely don't know what's going on with people.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Well, you all will be glad to know that I called my momma today (since I'm a pussybitch who does things like call more than once a month, and even share details of my life), and she asked about that ex-friend, and I just told her straight up that that ship had sailed and that I don't think either of us really have any interest in hanging out anymore.

And she accepted it, understanding well.

And I decided not to send the dude a message or anything.

So my problem is basically resolved. In the future, when I need advice of some sort, I will make sure to go to you all last.