- Joined
- May 23, 2020
Tough lesson to learn. It is hard to accept that there is a balance between having self-respect and an awareness that some traits and habits are a net negative. It is not even for dating, as growth is often found in solitude. Humans are made to be doing things. They are not made to fester.
The seed of this lesson entered my mind when years ago my friends told me that I would eventually meet someone just like me and all I could think in my head was "why the fuck would I want to date someone just like me?" It sounded like a nightmare. It is not that I hated myself, but would anyone really enjoy fucking themselves? Where's the growth, the discovery found only in intimacy? Of course, you will have to share interests, but I know for a fact two people enjoying literature is hardly the bedrock of love. It may make the ball roll in initial conversations but there has to be something more, something mysterious and unknown. It is why the only way to learn is through experience.
There is a certain type of person for most people (10% of the population are better off alone), someone who corresponds to another relative personality. It is not a soul-mate, but I have met and dated enough women to know there is a type that people will naturally gravitate towards. Maybe something happens, maybe not, such is the pleasures and pitfalls of romance. People do not want the challenge and friction that dating and sensuality brings. Many fear it. It might make you uncomfortable but how can we learn about ourselves if not in our boundaries? And if we lose, then "dating is all about who wins and who loses." Tough shit. Another valuable lesson I've learned.
It is like settling. People should not settle for the first person they meet for fear of loneliness, but then they should not expect the ideal in their head to come around. If so, one will never be satisfied and may even become apathetic to dating if they wait for that special someone, but still they should have the self-worth to know they are not the lowest of the low, because good chances they're not.
The issue for young generations with dating is the lack of real life social events that imply meeting potential partners (church gatherings, social clubs, village community events). People underrate body language and sharing a room with another. It is far more exciting and pleasant than texting back & forth where you deal with people in the abstract and not in reality. Language is the way we define ourselves, but can be limited by education and the culture we inhabit. Some struggle to explain themselves is what I mean.
