Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

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Thing is that going to social functions for the sake of being social attract a certain kind of person that I'm not
That wasn't the point. The point is to find groups around things you're already interested in or could build an interest in.
There tons of really great interest groups for shit like hiking, playing chess or whatever. You can go to a gathering or two and figure out if you like it or not - it's a better alternative than doing nothing.
 
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Been resisting the urge and trying to do things that keep my mind off of drinking. The previous days have been difficult. Listening to calming music has been helping me. I have been trying to find a group in my area as well.
 
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Been resisting the urge and trying to do things that keep my mind off of drinking. The previous days have been difficult. Listening to calming music has been helping me. I have been trying to find a group in my area as well.
Keep at it, man. You won't regret sobriety. You can do it.
 
That wasn't the point. The point is to find groups around things you're already interested in or could build an interest in.
There tons of really great interest groups for shit like hiking, playing chess or whatever. You can go to a gathering or two and figure out if you like it or not - it's a better alternative than doing nothing.
Clubs without infrastructure are ad-hoc shitshows that rely on whoever keeps it going to continue to do so. If you've got a darts club in a school after hours with 5-10 participants, one guy quitting won't lead to the downfall of the whole thing. Two guys can meet and have a good time. I've read a lot of "adult needs friends" leddit posts and since I live in a decent country they're not absolute nutjobs, but often they reek being a one-off. I'd want a cultural church with ups and downs, clinging on for the sake of the activity at its core. "I went biking with an alt-right nutjob and a pedophilic female teacher", but hey I got to ride my bike. Maybe in 2 months it'll be with different people.

On one hand I know it's easy to experience a new club or activity every now and then, but the other I also recognize that we actually do live in a different time than the 00s when it was a viable way to meet people. Instead of the thug nigga randomly coming upon piano and making a hobby of it, he ends up doomscrolling his formative years away. I genuinely do not know how people get into things these days if not fed to them by their family. It takes a certain kind of determined and outgoing person to test out a choir group, and those aren't exactly people I vibe with, so even if I ended up in a good place there's a high likelihood I won't fit in. How do introverts meet people? A hot topic since myspace.

It's easy to be a naysayer but it's equally easy to be a hopeless optimist. I've been both quite often. Wake up hungover on a saturday morning, smell the summer and go "god damn I should walk to the park and talk to strangers". Reality is they'll be hungover too, having boozed it with their besties-since-public-school. People often talk about school being the best place to meet your partner but same goes for friends. Schools, church and.. idk, national soccer celebratory fests are the few places you'll meet people of all ranges. You go out of your way to socialize these days, you meet other people who have to go out of their way to socialize. And that's a low quality range of people.

Or is it? Genuinely, at this point we may be so doomed that even normal good looking aryan brunettes stoop to it. I mean I just said I've read a lot of posts about adults seeking friendships. Maybe I could go to a library event, have a tea and meet a boring chubby girl nobody would mind me taking off the market. Shit I went to a bookstore and overheard two mundane teens talk about books I knew; something I've never experienced before. Alas, 360 degrees back to "we got no third places". I got the time to idle an hour at the library, but what other kind of person does that? Not one I'd like to meet, seemingly.

I don't drink to be social nor do I drink to drown emotions. I do it out of ritualistic boredom, and that's boredom I could be using downtown friday evening, 'hanging out', which just isn't a thing. I've put myself into festivals, local events etc and people don't jump at you. I've tried being a yes man at my current workplace but it just doesn't work given the schedule. My new workplace is downtown in a city that has a lot of events. Maybe I just have to Yes Man myself to hell and back in this new part of my life.
 
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People often talk about school being the best place to meet your partner but same goes for friends.
Maybe you should just learn to enjoy doing things that you like to do by yourself. It sounds to me like whatever your personal problem is in your life, instead of fixing the actual issues you are hoping that having friends and doing fun stuff will fix it. Nobody is going to fix your life for you. You've already been offered suggestions in this thread and refused them. Maybe nobody wants to be your friend because you are drunk all the time and spend all night playing video games. Work on fixing yourself first and then maybe you'll be able to handle being the type of person who is a good friend. So either do that or keep complaining that being an adult is not as fun as being a teenager.
 
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The way I see it, friendship as an adult boils down to the same thing as a kid. In order of importance:
  1. Appears regularly at my regular physical/digital location (school, Discord, place of work, hobby venue, gym, home street)
  2. Has the same objectives (doing schoolwork, stomping pubs in tf2, getting paid, performing a hobby, playing a sport, living life, getting drunk, getting sober)
  3. Makes me feel good (they are generous in at least one area of humor, skill, charity, support, charisma, intelligence or anything you can benefit from in some capacity)
  4. Is in one way or another, similar to me (worldviews, religion, sense of humor, style, age, sex, ethnicity, whatever commonality)
It's so easy as a kid, obviously, because those first two requirements are already met. You see the same kids every single day for years and years. The last two are pretty optional; you can be friends with someone who is a net negative and not similar to you at all.

For introverted terminally online fellas such as myself, though I try not to be anymore, you just gotta do the meme and touch grass. Find something, somewhere, that you want to physically attend with a regularity that opens you up to the potential to talk to the same person more than once, and offer to exchange contact info when you feel or want a connection. Then follow up on it.
 
Find something, somewhere, that you want to physically attend with a regularity that opens you up to the potential to talk to the same person more than once, and offer to exchange contact info when you feel or want a connection. Then follow up on it.
They have that. It's called AA meetings. But he doesn't want to do that. Or join a club. Or go to church.

Dude just wants someone to tell him he's justified in getting drunk everyday because he's bored and lonely.
 
Honest question: Can you get in trouble at work for taking sick time to get through alcohol withdrawals? Or is it better to just vaguely say you're sick?
 
Honest question: Can you get in trouble at work for taking sick time to get through alcohol withdrawals? Or is it better to just vaguely say you're sick?
I think that if your work gives you X amount of personal or sick days a year you can use them however you want. If you aren't given free sick days and you are just calling in sick for a week or however long, you will probably have some explaining to do. They probably will want a doctor's note or something saying why you weren't able to work.

And if you live in an at will employment state (everywhere except Montana), they can technically fire you for whatever reason they want as long as it's not because you're black or gay or a woman.
 
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Honest question: Can you get in trouble at work for taking sick time to get through alcohol withdrawals? Or is it better to just vaguely say you're sick?
If it's your sick time, you use it however you want no questions asked. If you need to take extra time off for detox, then it's advisable to have a conversation with your direct supervisor and see what can be done for you.
 
Haven't had a day off work since April 23rd. It's a stressful, physically exhausting job that also involves dealing with the public. Been getting wasted daily to unwind. There were days where I had no booze, but they were few and far between. But I haven't had a drop since Tuesday and I intend on going a week without it. More to prove to myself I have self control and to be sure I don't develop a dependence on it.
I forgot to update. I failed. I will be off work in five days. Very long break. No need for booze afterwards. Easier to resist temptation.
 
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On one hand I know it's easy to experience a new club or activity every now and then, but the other I also recognize that we actually do live in a different time than the 00s when it was a viable way to meet people. Instead of the thug nigga randomly coming upon piano and making a hobby of it, he ends up doomscrolling his formative years away. I genuinely do not know how people get into things these days if not fed to them by their family. It takes a certain kind of determined and outgoing person to test out a choir group, and those aren't exactly people I vibe with, so even if I ended up in a good place there's a high likelihood I won't fit in. How do introverts meet people? A hot topic since myspace.
Key point: you live in different times. The rest of the world wakes and sleeps as normal. Sticking your head on your phone or making some balance to socialize is a you decision - I'm not trying to be judgemental of people using the internet to socialize but the point I'm trying to make is there is tons of fun, interesting shit that goes on all the time that isn't online. People go on with their lives and many people while they may use the internet don't spend all day on it.
I did get into some groups through a family member but there was a time when I was a bit younger where I'd go and do stuff like this proactively myself - I've been having fun and meeting or at least socializing with very different people than I'm used to which makes it interesting and worthwhile for me. I'm not expecting something huge out of it, just a few hours of fun.

I'm so interested by older people who just strike up conversations with anyone when they're bored. Granted that is a generational difference but I've still had people my age start random conversations with me.
It's easy to be a naysayer but it's equally easy to be a hopeless optimist. I've been both quite often. Wake up hungover on a saturday morning, smell the summer and go "god damn I should walk to the park and talk to strangers". Reality is they'll be hungover too, having boozed it with their besties-since-public-school. People often talk about school being the best place to meet your partner but same goes for friends. Schools, church and.. idk, national soccer celebratory fests are the few places you'll meet people of all ranges. You go out of your way to socialize these days, you meet other people who have to go out of their way to socialize. And that's a low quality range of people.
A lot more people are starting to either become sober or cut down their drinking. It's at the extent alcohol companies are starting to push money into marketing again. There's been a shift where workplaces don't even want to host social events with alcohol as much anymore and its a lot more acceptable to say "thanks but I'm not interested in going to a bar" or to attend and not drink without that much judgement anymore. So the reality is not everyone is hungover - tons of people wake up at 5 AM and go surfing or go jogging or do whatever.

I also used to hold the same mindset as you about "low quality people" but its a really, really bad mindset to have - you don't know the people you're generalizing until you actually go out there and meet some of them. You might find more value in talking to some elderly woman about shit than you do befriending someone your same age. You're missing out on basically the entire world when you discount everyone from being an interesting person. Again you can't measure shit in terms of "I went out once and met a 10/10 woman who became my soulmate and sucks my dick really good and we got married 4 days later". Shit doesn't work like that. You might meet no one and be bored, you might meet a single person who you have no romantic interest in but can have an interesting conversation with or you might get really lucky.

All I'll say is that given I'm a bit older now, I wish two things: I didn't spend as much time online and that I didn't spend as much time getting drunk. You can't get that time back and there's all sorts of shit you'll miss out on because of it and maybe come to regret. "The loss of time" was actually one of the biggest drivers for me to get sober because I realized that getting assblasted drunk every night doesn't really do anything for you on a personal level.
 
They have that. It's called AA meetings. But he doesn't want to do that. Or join a club. Or go to church.

Dude just wants someone to tell him he's justified in getting drunk everyday because he's bored and lonely.
I had hoped my post implied that there's a possibility of making good friends with guys who also have the desire to stop drinking. It's a good common goal for guys who have problems with alcohol, apparently. Works for me!

And yea, the excuses presented by some in this thread are not new or surprising to me.
"If he does not want to stop drinking, don’t waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity." page 90.
"Either you are dealing with a man who can and will get well or you are not." page 142.
 
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I had hoped my post implied that there's a possibility of making good friends with guys who also have the desire to stop drinking. It's a good common goal for guys who have problems with alcohol, apparently. Works for me!
I never had this experience in my friend group. I mean most people drank but there were certainly enough people who could go out and function quite regularly without having to drink.
I think it goes without saying and was said just a page or two ago that you need to surround yourself with people who have goals/ambitions and stability if that is what you want in life. Maybe its good to surround yourself with people who also want to quit drinking, I never looked at it like that since I was the biggest drinker in my group.
 
Recovering alcoholic here, used to drink every day, medium shit but I’d get drunk each time. Was a lucky bastard and didn’t get physically addicted, but I did get psychologically addicted.
Alcohol tolerance has gone down a lot since, trying to do the same shit gives me painful hangovers again. Don’t mind drinking alone on occasion; but have given up on alcoholic social life since I found out I have the makings of a future violent drunk, and in a way so do more than half the people I know. I despise the rest for various reasons.
I still fucking hate everybody.
I feel I’ve nuked my last chance at a social life by quitting, too. Everybody in this entire fucking world seems to be either an insane degenerate drunk or a mindless office drone.
I hope this is just delirium and delusion from a shitty life, but it’s been years of this shit non-stop. I’ve seen nothing but the worst and most pathetic shit from 99% of the people I know, and feel coerced into interacting with them, and all this resentment is finally starting to bleed through.
I don’t think the grass is greener on the other side (the sober life), but I want to know if there even is any grass to begin with. It looks like it’s just a fucking wasteland.
 
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Recovering alcoholic here, used to drink every day, medium shit but I’d get drunk each time. Was a lucky bastard and didn’t get physically addicted, but I did get psychologically addicted.
Alcohol tolerance has gone down a lot since, trying to do the same shit gives me painful hangovers again. Don’t mind drinking alone on occasion; but have given up on alcoholic social life since I found out I have the makings of a future violent drunk, and in a way so do more than half the people I know. I despise the rest for various reasons.
I still fucking hate everybody.
I feel I’ve nuked my last chance at a social life by quitting, too. Everybody in this entire fucking world seems to be either an insane degenerate drunk or a mindless office drone.
I hope this is just delirium and delusion from a shitty life, but it’s been years of this shit non-stop. I’ve seen nothing but the worst and most pathetic shit from 99% of the people I know, and feel coerced into interacting with them, and all this resentment is finally starting to bleed through.
I don’t think the grass is greener on the other side (the sober life), but I want to know if there even is any grass to begin with. It looks like it’s just a fucking wasteland.
Try going to meetings, find one you like, and make sober friends. Some groups are filled with miserable fucks, but others are filled with guys who love life and go do fun shit. There's one guy at my group who fucking goes surfing and always invites people when he goes.
 
I don’t think the grass is greener on the other side (the sober life), but I want to know if there even is any grass to begin with. It looks like it’s just a fucking wasteland.
"No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master." - Bill, page 8.

^ A passage I relate with highly. At my lowest point, I saw darkness in every direction. Nobody to turn to. No options, nothing left. I recall an intense feeling like there was quicksand swallowing me, but there was nobody at the surface to pull me out.

In that state I came to realize: with nobody left to blame for my position in life except myself, all problems in my life were of my own design. And if I was at the point where I had nothing left to lose, then what did I have to lose by trying someone else's way? If my self-will brought me to that, why not try following the will of something greater than myself?

There is greener grass, but it's difficult to see when you don't break the pattern that brought you to see only wasteland.
 
I feel I’ve nuked my last chance at a social life by quitting, too. Everybody in this entire fucking world seems to be either an insane degenerate drunk or a mindless office drone.
I hope this is just delirium and delusion from a shitty life, but it’s been years of this shit non-stop. I’ve seen nothing but the worst and most pathetic shit from 99% of the people I know, and feel coerced into interacting with them, and all this resentment is finally starting to bleed through.
I don’t think the grass is greener on the other side (the sober life), but I want to know if there even is any grass to begin with. It looks like it’s just a fucking wasteland.
One thing about sobriety is that a lot of people champion it as something that will immediately and immeasurably improve your life. I think this is a bit of false advertising to be honest and was something I touched on in this post if you haven't read it already - when I first tried being sober a few years back I didn't find any magical improvement because there were a host of issues that were still the same. Even if you have a brilliant support network and all of that and even great friends that care about you, it alone won't magically fix things and make you a happier person. For that it requires a bit of introspection and patience and an actual game plan. You really have to sit down and think about what you want in life and also what you don't want.
 
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