EU All for one: box-office debacle for the woke, feminist version of The Three Musketeers

L - A (translated with DeepL)
67eabf5a1c9b07a49be0f3999ace5e9ceba6388b50f13756205dcf4e8c4b4f14.jpg

Director Houda Benyamina's adaptation of Alexandre Dumas's novel, in which the musketeers are women, totals just 9407 admissions in five days, and fails to break into the top 30 films of the last week.

“Toutes pour une is as necessary as inclusive writing”. That's how Éric Neuhoff, film critic at Le Figaro, described Houda Benyamina's latest film, in theaters since January 23. In this umpteenth adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' Three Musketeers, the director of Divines (2016) blows the stereotypical masculinity of d'Artagnan, Athos, Portos and Aramis to smithereens. In their place, we discover new heroines: Oulaya Amamra, Sabrina Ouazani, Déborah Lukumuena and Daphne Patakia.

The script is based on the 1961, 1973, 1989, 1993 and 2001 adaptations, and of course on the last two from 2023, starring François Civil, Vincent Cassel and Louis Garrel. “There are always three of them, charged with protecting the queen. They are joined by an escaped Morisco, whom they adopt and who becomes their D'Artagnan. That's the job,” sums up Éric Neuhoff. A single (and immense) detail makes all the difference: Anne of Austria's three protectors have to disguise themselves as men to accomplish their exploits. Chest bandages, false beards glued to the chin, fake moustaches, wigs... This debauchery of hairpieces and make-up will enable them to join the glorious company of King Louis the Thirteenth's musketeers.

Disastrous box-office debut

This (original?) idea doesn't seem to have had the desired effect on critics and, today, the general public. Éric Neuhoff, for one, doesn't seem to have enjoyed this very 21st-century retelling of Dumas père's work: “The film flounders, doesn't know which way to dance, hesitates between spaghetti western and vaguely feminist pamphlet, sequences assembled in a hurry and pieces that claim to be bravura, all sprinkled with Anglo-Saxon songs that arrive like hair on the soup.

The general public could have contradicted the critics. But the initial, often cruel, attendance figures didn't save our feminized duelists either. In its first five days of release, Toutes pour une attracted just 9,407 admissions on 155 screens. Enough to deprive it of a place in the top 30 of the French box-office this week, even though its production required no less than 10 million euros of investment.

But that's not all. At the end of its first day of release in France, The Three Musketeers with Woke Sauce only managed 1271 admissions over 564 screenings, an unflattering average of two spectators per screening. By way of comparison, Jouer avec le feu starring Vincent Lindon, released on the same day, attracted 20,252 spectators in one day. That's twenty times more than its projected budget of 4.5 million euros.

Allociné withdraws film's audience ratings

And as if the attendance figures weren't enough to make Toutes pour une one of France's biggest flops of recent years, another misfortune has consigned to cinematic oblivion what is already shaping up to be a resounding failure. “Due to an abnormally high influx of extreme ratings (0.5 or 5) and new user accounts, we have taken the exceptional decision to temporarily suspend the display of the film's spectator rating”, announced Allociné on its site. An extremely rare occurrence. As rare as seeing a Vicomtesse de Bragelonne...

Allociné associates this “vote manipulation” with the opinions shared on social networks. X (formerly twitter) has indeed become a playground for the many Internet users who pour out their hatred in negative comments. Unsurprisingly, most of these detractors attack the film's supposed “wokism”. However, the abundance of 0/5 stars was offset by a number of laudatory comments giving the film top marks. At Le Figaro, our critic Éric Neuhoff gave the film a 0/4 point.



GiVBl6XWMAExCwc.jpg
 
I like how they set out to cast the ugliedt fattest nigger woman they can find. Purely bc they can. It's a joke to them. Why not a normal looking korean woman? Oh right, not freaky enough.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Monolith
Why is the wokest of the woke always end up at an obese black woman? It's like the most grotesque thing they can possibly imagine to disgust their audience is a 300+ pound sheboon. I know the humiliation ritual meme has died down, but it really does seem to be some bizarre offshoot of racial masochism. They think they are really sticking it to daddy by putting front and center the most hideous thing their mind can conjur: a fat black woman. Never asian, never even a goblina (of which there are legion). Strange...
 
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: The Enchanter
Did France surrender after the Charlie Hebdo attacks? The last two French films I've watched (Medellin and Under Paris) made France seem like America, with a focus on multicultural friends and people of various ethnicities.
 
The black women is playing Porthos. But whoever cast it didn't really understand the character or the source materials. Porthos is meant to be a very big character physically who eats well. But the character is also supposed to be massively strong. They needed to cast a real giant of a woman rather than that fat blob of a woman.
 
The black women is playing Porthos. But whoever cast it didn't really understand the character or the source materials. Porthos is meant to be a very big character physically who eats well. But the character is also supposed to be massively strong. They needed to cast a real giant of a woman rather than that fat blob of a woman.

Some will never learn that "empowered" isn't "dignified."
 
Did France surrender after the Charlie Hebdo attacks? The last two French films I've watched (Medellin and Under Paris) made France seem like America, with a focus on multicultural friends and people of various ethnicities.
Where the hell do you think the rot started?
 
  • Agree
Reactions: The Token Ethnic
THE 2016 GHOSTBUSTERS METHOD KEEPS FUCKING BEING TRIED 9 YEARS LATER. IT DOES NOT EVEN FEEL LIKE 9 YEARS YOU FUCKERS STOLE A DECADE FROM ME REEEEEEEE
Seriously though holy fucking shit lmao. I make jokes about us being in a time loop all the fucking time but I'd really like to have a LITTLE less actual obviously on the nose "we are in the hellish mental time loop" shit from media people. Look, they even have the token fat black one!
 
So on top of being french, wokeshit

And some niggas say hell isnt real
 
Ghostbusters could have been fun as a gender flip had they made the characters relatable. Or believable. A fat ghetto momma running around busting ghosts? Come on. Remember there was a black guy in ghostbusters 2. They didn't make it about him being black and everything was fine even though that was probably early pandering to diversity. Btw if anyone remembers ghostbusters the cartoon series from the 90's that's where things got a bit retarded.

But anyway. This movie. I would never attempt a Dumas or any of the classics because they are books you're meant to enjoy by taking the time to read them. Count of Montecristo, Sherlock Holmes, captain Nemo, none of these have ever been particularly good. You just can't fit the material into 90 minutes of screentime. You could maybe do it as a miniseries, but there you are just retelling the story.

As for making these characters relatable or likable...I don't know if you can. What did young court ladies do around the place but get passed around by the King's guard? Why could they not marry some merchant or minor noble like their more fortunate sisters? It's the sort of sob story that may well make someone consider a girlboss genderflip instead...
 
  • Dumb
Reactions: Illumithotty
But anyway. This movie. I would never attempt a Dumas or any of the classics because they are books you're meant to enjoy by taking the time to read them. Count of Montecristo, Sherlock Holmes, captain Nemo, none of these have ever been particularly good. You just can't fit the material into 90 minutes of screentime. You could maybe do it as a miniseries, but there you are just retelling the story.

You'd probably do better picking literature that wasn't originally published as serialized works.
 
You'd probably do better picking literature that wasn't originally published as serialized works.
Sure. Screenplays. Original ones. Not a reboot (fuck I hate that term, a reboot is something you do to a computer not to a work of art or media), not a "reimagining" etc. There are very few original films coming out. Did you notice that?
 
Time to bump this thread a bit. Between All for One and Snow White 2025, it's now hard to decide which movie is the new 2016 Ghostbusters.
 
Back