- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
That's a troll. If it were Big Ham, she'd run away (metaphorically) once caught.
RECAP. Not that there's much to recap, but as well all know, I always have things to say.
The latest nontent is even more non than the last.
"huge spring cleaning && my takeout challenge update"
Even before I start watching this bullshit, I know that the cleaning thing is not only not her doing any cleaning, but is also not as huge as she thinks. I also know, like everyone else in the universe, that she failed the takeout challenge, because that's what she does. She does several things consistently: eat, spend frivolously, play the victim, and fail.
The thumbnail: sucks, as usual. Even feeders want you to be looking at them, Fatty, not yourself. How are you going into your ninth year on YouTube that you don't know these very basic things? Alternate question: why are you so fucking lazy about doing your job?
Oh, FFS. Today is a "mental health day"? You're not feeling well? When is a day not a "muh mentals" day for you? When are you feeling well, given that you lay your 500+ approaching 600 pound fat shelf ass around all goddamned day and don't do jack shit above the minimum? You don't exercise, even though you should. You don't work on your sole source of income with any dedication and planning, even though you should. You don't read or pursue anything of anything intellectual value, even though you should. Fuck outta here. There are people in this world who have none of the luxuries you do and are working two or three jobs and who are barely making it in this world, EmpathLynn.
Listen up, you fat twat, as you ramble on about nothing: that vocal fry thing you've picked up just makes you sound even lazier, like you can't even have the fucking courtesy to squeeze more air out of your fucking lungs and through your larynx to even pretend you want to be talking to your audience. If we had not heard how you can speak or screech or cackle, I might think it's that your fatness has so invaded your thoracic cavity that it's now suffocating you while you're sitting up, in addition to when you lie down. But you are not that far gone - YET -so speak like a normal fucking human being instead of playtending this is how you speak. It's fucking annoying.
The "gf" brings her tacos in bed, because nothing screams "caring and supportive" like enabling shitty behavior with shitty food. She says they also had tacos last night, just with ground chicken instead of what she thinks is chicken tenderloins, and I just have to say that maybe, just maybe, you ought to start fucking paying attention to how your food is made. We know you're not going to lose any weight, but it'd be nice to know exactly what you're eating, since that would at least be more interesting than "I don't even know", another goddamned lazy behavior you lean on far too much.
Hasn't showered, but duh, we could guess that. Claims she usually showers right after she gets up. Sure, Hamber.
Takes down almost half the first taco, pretends to drop the camera, squeals, picks it back up again just so we can all see the shit she's spilled on her chest and that's hanging out of her mouth. You might as well tag this video with #feeder. She says "AuthenticLynn!" You are many things, Big Hamber, but "authentic" is not one of them.
Says she had a "burst of energy" so decided to do a couple of up and down sets on the stairs, then make three circuits around the apartment, doing whatever exercises are at each station, and follow that up with a post-workout drink with aminos, electrolytes, and creatine, with a high protein, low carb shake after that.
Lulz. I'm kidding.
Nope, she decides to...clean out the fucking cabinets around the apartment. But first, a word from our sponsor: Slushee!
Are you as obsessed with Slushees as Big Hamber is? Well, friend, you are in luck, because Big Al is here to tell you how to get that Sonic Slushee feeling in the comfort of your own home!
Says she's found a "zero calorie hack"! OMG, guise, this could be the HUGE part of the title, fuck that cleaning crap. Who wants to do that instead of trying to trick yourself that you are not limiting and eliminating things on that diet you're pretending to do?
"This probably isn't even a hack...." You got that right.
"But trust me." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
No,
Tells us to get a bottle of water, and a "water enhancer", AKA a small squirt tube of artificial flavoring. Claims this is the "best recipe evaaarr." No. No, it is not. THIS is the "best recipe evaaarr."
OMG, maybe I'm wrong and this IS the best recipe eavaaarr she's giving! Guise, you squirt some of that water enhancer INTO the water! The you put the lid on the bottle and (obviously) shake it! And then you put it in the freezer! Fucking brilliant!
Oh. Well, no. This whole revolutionary recipe is for.......ice. Congratulations, Big Ham. You've just made ice. Soft ice, for that Slushee consistency. Way to go, Big Al, with the bare minimum nontent on your channel.
She opens the freezer to get the bottle out and goddamn, what the hell in that freezer? Stuffed full with prepackaged, premade shit from the Trader Joe's trip. Here's a novel idea: how about you clean out your shitty food box - aka your fridge and freezer -and restock with actual food, as it was intended to be used?
Nice ratio, by the way. Yes, things are certainly looking up in the Amberverse.
She retrieves the faux slushee, congratulates herself for making ice.
The kitchen is a fucking wreck. There's only two of you. Why the fuck is your sink overflowing with dirty dishes?
Admonishes us to do our spring cleaning. My spring cleaning is exactly like my cleaning the rest of the year because I'm not a fucking dirty fat pig who lets crap build up in my house until I have to reserve an entire day dedicated solely to cleaning up one particular fucking thing, unlike some people I could name.
She shows the vast hoard of cleaning and other products, talks specifically about fake vampire blood and declares SHE would never use that; it must be Becky's. I mean, just imagine someone even thinking that Big Ham would be involved in anything involving fake vampire blood. How could they ever connect you to such a thing?
Becky has left a number of things there, which is "weird" according to Big Ham, but not weird to any person with the ability to use their brain and apply critical thinking to understand that when you live with someone for four years and the two of you just buy new cleaning products without checking your jammed up cabinets to see if you have whatever you're buying again, that you're going to wind up buying the same or similar shit a second (third, fourth) time.
Claims she cleaned up all that shit she mounded on the kitchen counters. And a question here: other than as part of this shitty vlog, wtf is the purpose of this? Why not just clean it in the room the shit lives in instead of toting all that crap twice? Oh, right: there's nothing else going on in your pathetic fucking life because YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING.
Claims that people have complimented here on the apartment being cleaned and I call bullshit on that. Nobody believes she cleans anything there. Says she is "messily organized" and I am here to tell you, Fatty, that this is not a thing. GrammarLynn then tells us that in addition, she is also "cleanly organized", which she pronounces as KLEN-lee. It's like as a bonus to the fat she packs into her head, she also packs extra stupid.
Admits to failing the no takeout challenge (duh, we knew) and claims to have lasted four whole days. Sure you did. Claims to have only ordered takeout since then twice (almost assuredly a lie) and it was "for a good reason" (no it wasn't). Yadda yadda, denying herself fast food makes her want to BINGE, just like viewers told her! They are wrong and dumb and so are you. You do not have BED. There isn't anything that "triggers" you. You're just a lazy fat glutton who wants to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and in whatever quantity you want. The things you don't want are accountability. Responsibility. Discipline. Consequences. Those things wouldn't feed your victim complex, would they.
Ends with her fishing for sympathy (with bonus extra shitty vocal fry that she's picked up from who the fuck knows) because her "depression and happiness" are battling or something equally stupid. "Depression is chemical, happiness comes from the heart!" What? Happiness is also a chemical, you idiot. WTF do you think dopamine and others are, exactly? Offhand says that's a topic for her imaginary psychologist, which means she'll once again have her fat shelf ass planted on the couch, "researching" more psych shit to try and convince everyone she's going to therapy.
TL;DW/R: whines about "muh mentals" to both begin and end the video. Eats tacos in bed for the feeders. "Cleans" by pulling shit out from sink cabinets. Yet another notch in the F column, as she quit the no takeout challenge. Pads it out enough at the front and the back to make it slightly over eight minutes to get those midrolls.
Yet another day of nontent in the Amberverse.
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know nothing and would just as soon eat you. 
. 
