Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.
I have come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
chinese food, talks with my gf, & pasta | what I ate today | episode 10 SEASON FINALE - July 11, 2022
A part of me wonders if this whole "season finale" bullshit is just her looking for another fucking excuse to take another month off. Unlike Caesar, Hamber is not ambitious unless it means zero work for her or only involves plowing through a mountain of food that would challenge the stomachs of 30 normal people. Combined.
Not really focusing on weight loss. FFS, when are you EVER focusing on weight loss, bitch? "Just focusing on not binging." Give it up, Hamber. You do not have BED. You're just a lazy glutton with too much time on their hands.
Already ate the alleged leftover pasta from last night, with text that says "I didn't eat the mashed potatoes!". Sure, Ham. It was "reminiscent of yesterday" because once again, like heathens, they ate in bed. "So I had 700 calories of that." Did you? How the fuck would you know? I started adding 300 calories to whatever the hell she says, because she can't be trusted (that's a shock, I know).
She has a cookie...OMG, where the fuck is that cookie? She walks around in a panic until she finds it. 240 calories? For a single goddamned cookie? She's been "craving something like this"? Fuck off, you fat cunt. You have something - or several somethings - like that every goddamned day. Oh, her weight: 491.8, she tosses in, offhand. 500 pounds still, then.
They played mario kart with Eric & Ricky - online, not in person, thank the stars, because one more round of her bitching about visiting "frens" and being swolleen from being int he car and eating a full fucking bag of sodium jerky with a diet whatever would have been enough to make me crazy.
Of course, they could not be assed to cook anything and ordered Chinese instead. She ordered Szchuan beef, took one bite of it and pushed it aside. "Meat creeps me out," she says, as she holds up an order of bourbon CHICKEN, which is also meat, you fat, addle-brained fuck, and tells us she ate that instead. There were two other bourbon chicken meals you showed during these ten days, and implied that the "gf" cooked for the both of you. Takeout, I presume. Not, I'm not even going to presume, I'm going to just state it as fact. You steamed fucking broccoli to go with your goddamned takeout, and decide that's ho-made, or at least give your viewers the impression that it is. LiarLynn. She, as usual, vastly underestimates her calorie count, but I think by now that's something that we're just going to assume, and I'll keep adding 300 calories for the restaurant crap she eats, to over other shit she's eating and not properly reporting.
Now, they COULD have gone grocery shopping, but the "gf" hurt her knee, and BlackHamber drops in to tell us she told the "gf" in no uncertain terms that she ain't walking with her leg broke, sister! Put her in a scooter, then. The two of you can play twinsies, which is fucking happening pretty fast by now, give the shit way you both eat and drink. And they "didn't want to instacart it" why the fuck not? That's your standard. They'll just go grocery shopping tomorrow. Right, why shop when you can ignore all the shit in your freezer slowly developing freezer burn and all the compost you're growing in your fridge when you can just order Chinese instead?
She did a Horrid tryon, a blue dress that doesn't fit, and that she covers with a cardigan that does not fit. Bullshit on the chalkboard, like they're 12, little cutesy notes. She's wheedling with the "gf" about whether she likes it or not, finally determining it an 8, and the "gf" rates it an 8 as well, surprise. Hamber then changes her clothes, telling us she took a shower - but you didn't WASH YOUR NASTY FUCKING HAIR. You could lube a fucking car with the grease on her fucking head.
There's one of the dumbest fucking conversations that has ever appeared on this channel and you all know THAT is a high fucking bar. It's about music. Hamber rattles on about the jonas Brothers, whom the "gf" apparently liked when she was young. Hamber says she thinks there's one song by them she knows just because she knows it, but she couldn't cite a lyric. But I thought you couldn't know things you were never taught, LiteratiLynn. She says she was a Hannah Montana stan when she was a kid (and then a "Miley Smiley" and why the fuck are the guy band's pet names so much better than the girl/women's?). I hadn't heard a mention of HM in eons, so I had to go look it up. 2006. That's wen Hannah Montana was on tv. Fat Ham was born in 1990. So her "as a kid" was 16 fucking years old, listening to Hannah Montana. OK. Hamber then says maybe she has heard the JB song Sucker. Then blah blah blah and I had to not listen to Hamber and the disembodied voice of the "gf", one of the major fuckig annoyances of this entire Era. Be in the videos or SHUT THE FUCK UP, Jade Frances of New York, currently suing AptDeco for some bullshit and also involved in a case involving a car accident, currently residing in Lexington, KY, her fear of COVID from having to return the the office so bad that she went through at least two airports and at least two flights on planes packed with strangers when she decided to flee NY. How lucky for her that she could simply drive away at any time now, in the brand new car she bought.
Anyway, instead of listening to these two bitches talk about boy bands, I listened to Sucker by the JB, which is a song I like very much. To be more precise, I watched the video, which I find delightful because their real-life wives are in it. Much better.
There's a "trigger warning" and then another bullshit conversation where Hamber, quite naturally, has no fucking idea what she's talking about. Add music and movies to the long list of things Fat Ham cannot speak intelligently on, and thus would be unable to use as content on her channel.
Rarity sighting, and again, Hamber ruins it.
New scene, and wha a fucking shocker, but Fat Hamber has to tell us she's been cryeen. But she's ok, there's just - say it with me, y'all! - "some things going on with her family and with people I know, but I'm not going to get into it." Then DO NOT bring it up, Fatty. It is NOT NORMAL for healthy fucking adults to announce to the world they've been crying over something, and it's really shitty to use "muh mentalz" as constant sympathy bait. In fact, it will make people hate you, for cheapening actual mental health issues, you pea-brained, imbecilic dullard. Yammers on about transparency, which is an actual LOL because bitch, there isn't a single fucking thing you're "transparent" about. Claims 3300-ish calories for the day, so it's more like 4500 or so.
The new word of the molment is: amirite.
And then....and then. Although the video is long enough as it is to that point, at 15 minutes, Hamber once again shows how badly she sucks at poker, by giving away her hand: five fucking minutes of clips from the last ten days, to get more ads in. Thank you, no, I'm not watching that shit again.
TL;DW/R: Surprise! Hamber eats shitty food: all takeout and junk, not a single ho-made meal in sight. Undercounts calories, as usual. They played mario kart with Eric & Ricky online. amber and the "gf" have an extended, inane discussion about boy bands, which takes up the bulk of this video. She cries, has to telll us about that, but not the cause, so another fuck off to her for that. Crams in five minutes of clips from the previous ten days, which is like a dog deciding to eat its own vomit, which in turn nicely sums up this "series". The End.
People calling her out over her 2011 FB posts where she acts like s cunt, as usual.
Now, there are various issues with this, the first and most glaring of which is this: YOU WERE 21. That is not a teenager. No one was abusing you. And you are absolutely like the 2011 you, Fatty: petty, mean, and an insufferable bitch.
Realistically, in nine years, you've gained 200+ pounds. In fairytale land, have you considered becoming cama-tose? Those pounds would melt right off.
