0:00 So we open on a white placard with the words ‘Same day’ and a ‘hush’ emoji. What I wish AL would do with the rest of her life. Hush. Shaddup. Both combined. Opens with ‘Hello, everybody.’ Fucking hell, we were on a roll with the return of ‘Hello, guise!’ You disappointing twerp. Anyway, she prattles on that we saw her in her last video wearing the same red dress because ‘this was actually filmed after I filmed my last video and uploaded it’ because she felt there was more she wanted to film. Which is the same shit she said 1-2 videos ago.
0:33 ‘Hey guise!’ Well. Huh. There we go. She promises that she’s going to torment us with more lego. I wonder how many pieces she’ll have left over at the end of this day’s building step. She states that there will be no time lapse because people didn’t like that, so she’s just going to show us a before and after. FUCK. That means I won’t know how many pieces this jackanapes misses! Damn it! That’s the most infuriating yet entertaining bit of this bullshit segment.
0:45 She waggles her globe base around, then says she’s not sure how much she’ll be doing, but she’s in serious need of distraction because MUH MENTALZ and physically she feels like shit.
1:15 She waves her hand around like a jackass, stating that ‘this is what it looks like now, and’ but doesn’t do a smooth edit. AL needs to watch some Anna O’Brien shit videos to learn what a transition should look like, because while Anna fails as much as AL at many things (moderation, dieting, being a tolerable and/or likable person at any point in life, etc.) at least she has transitions down significantly better than our lazy sack of flubber. Anyway, AL says she did two steps. The first step coated all the gray undercoat of the globe’s support arm with brown, and AL mutters about how she guesses that’s where the globe is going to be, in-between the top and the bottom of the arc. I wonder how long the fall was from the doctor’s hand to the floor when he dropped her on her head after birth that she has to ‘guess’ at that instead of stating it with any confidence - first off, it’s pictured on the fucking box of the set, and secondly, that’s what every globe produced on Planet Earth looks like. Oh, and she calls it a ‘little fella here’ instead of anything that makes sense. I think her two brain cells attempted to collide to produce an intelligible thought and missed one another by 1.4 nautical miles.
1:30 The second step was the start of the Earth. She holds up her arc of lego and wiggles it around, stating that’s all she has and she predicts that this one will frustrate her, because oh me oh my, you have to REPEAT STEPS. Here I was under the impression that pretty much all ‘adult’ level Lego had repetitive steps, and that they were classified as ‘adult’ due to the tedium that would make it exceptionally difficult for toddlers to construct. But yeah, those were steps 4 and 5, and she’ll do step 6 ‘tomorrow or something.’ AL looks like she’s already so over this build that it’s comical.
1:56 WHARS MY BRAIN?
Sorry, couldn’t be helped.
She’s pushing her greasy fucking hair behind her ears, actually. She states she is going to take a shower, then says she wanted to inform us that she was misdiagnosed with a collapsed lung. They thought it was partially collapsed, but it’s not, so it’s not a thing. It’s a misdiagnosis because the x-ray showed FAT. The follow-up with the CT scans showed her lung isn’t collapsed, but it’s fluid around her lung. Not in? Not on? No, she states that it’s not in, but around. The nodule is in her lung, apparently. Thanks for the clarification, AL. We don’t care. All I hear is FAT.
3:15 As she rummages around looking for a hair tie, she prattles on and on about this shit. She doesn’t know which would be better - a partially collapsed lung or fluid around her lung and a nodule nestled inside like a xenomorph egg waiting to hatch. She had to clarify people apparently people have been DMing her with concerns about the collapsed lung and shit. Blah blah blah blah blah. Hot Cheetos and Chardonnay don’t go well together, by the way. No matter the buzz one gets, I can’t recommend it.
3:30 Thanks for making me vomit in my mouth, AL. Not the fault of Hot Cheetos and Chardonnay, but rather her running her fingers through her disgustingly greasy shit hair that looks stringy and filthy and stating that she was going to wash her hair tomorrow, so she’s definitely not going to wash it today. I can practically smell her through my screen and it’s making me ill.
3:35 Professes she doesn’t want to shower with ‘this cutie’ as she shows off a pretty heinous hair scrunchy. I don’t know how she thinks it’s cute. Oh, pardon me. Kyuuuute. It’s one of her ‘most favorite hair ties that (she) has, scroou-unchies’ (how the FUCK do you mispronounce scrunchies that badly?!!?). Anyway, it has fake leather and ‘then like this side (referring to the patterned side) is just material’ because LEATHER ISN’T A FUCKING MATERIAL, AL?!!?, and I don’t remember seeing it much at all. Or it just blends in so well with the shitty poop bun that I’ve never noticed it.
Lookout that shit.
4:00 Rummages around some more, apparently looking for a regular hair tie, then continues to faff about about being misdiagnosed. She says it’s a little frustrating, but when you know something is off with your body, you know. She then tells us that she’s very intuitive with her body.
Sorry, had to take a break to wipe Chardonnay off my laptop. It erupted from my nose. My sinuses burn like the pits in the City of Dis now.
She says people will say she’s not intuitive with her body because of her weight (because she obviously doesn’t follow hunger cues nor realize what they are), but WhAtEvAr! Ever since she had her cancer saga she has to see a doctor anytime she thinks something’s wrong.
4:37 So yeah, she had to let us know that the medical professionals at Lexington’s fantastic bougie hospital have no idea what they’re looking at when their images are obscured by 18” of adipose tissue. She has ALL THE ANXIETIEZ and then simpers about how the holidays are coming up, and she was going to Oklahoma at the end of October/beginning of November (as others have mentioned, how, when being in the car for greater than an hour makes you swell like a balloon and gives you SO MUCH PAIN and shit? Lolz stop lying you twit). But now, she can’t go because of everything that’s going on. She needs to stay at home, she needs to rest, and she can’t do 12 hour car rides. ‘It hurts, it hurts.’ Not as much as that car ride would hurt, dinging.
5:30 She’s doing her best to put some vocal wobble in her tone to convince us that she’s about to cry as she tells us ‘I’ve lost over a hundred pounds in a year and I thought I was slowly trying to get (her) life together and it just sucks so bad.’ Then says that ever since she fell her body is just falling apart. Because it is. Welcome to being a death fat in your 30s, AL.
5:55 ‘All I can do is stay as positive as I can, and I know there’s people out there who’re going through worse things.’ She’s such a fucking martyr, everyone! Give her the praise! Give her the pity! She’s thinking of others out there and trying to keep a brave face on! Pardon me. I am close to needing a waste bin to vomit into. Ugh. More Chardonnay is in order (my bottle is nearly toast - hopefully it lasts through the rest of this shitstorm and I don’t need to pull another classless bottle of bullshit out of the wine fridge).
6:04 ‘Right now, this is my worst - right now, this feels kind of rough.’ She begs for kindness and gentlest and patience. How about this, AL….
6:20 ‘The next day’ placard. Gee, thanks. We open to tile floor and fatty leg shuffle with intermittent gunt flashes in her green dress-shirt and red ballet slippers screaming for their lives. She’s back at the hospital, confirmed by the establishing shot of a long white hallway. Such riveting content. At least it’s somewhere other than her apartment.
6:27 Breathless AL is sitting on a bench outside of the building under a tree, and puffs out that she just got out of her doctor’s appointment. She has paperwork to go to ‘the’ radiology and schedule a CT scan of her check because last time it was just her lungs. So now she’s going to schedule a CT scan with contrast.
7:00 Last image showed her nodule at 1.6cm, and once it reaches 2cm it’s a mass.
7:06 Fuck you and this bullshit ‘Feline’ thing, you dunce blob. We’re bringing back Jade Francis’s abbreviation in its altered state yet again. F/JFoNY:MGF,W went in to schedule AL’s CT scan because AL can’t do anything resembling adulting by herself, and needs her caretaker to lead her around and make sure she gets where she’s supposed to be when she’s supposed to be there like she’s a motherfuckin’ toddler. AL then, while eye-fucking the shit out of herself, starts to fiddle with the corner of her mouth (her right side) with her fatty beetus fingers with their prominent dark knuckles. She says she has no clue what ‘this’ is and it’s a red area of her skin where there’s no feeling or something. I’m sure that’ll warrant another trip to the ER soon.
7:25 Whiffles about how her videos as of late are all medical related (as is to be expected of an elderly death fat, no shock here), but she doesn’t want that to just be what she’s portraying in her life. She doesn’t want ‘this to be a place where people come to and get sad and anxious and frustrated’ and thinks that her videos are an escape for people, and apologizes for the fact that reality is creeping in to her dainty gorl fantasy molments.
8:14 Grouses about how things can go two ways: simple infection that is easily cured and treatable, or ‘you guys know the other route.’ Except there’s many more than two paths, dumbass. We can’t be expecting her to be so forward thinking, though, considering she can’t see the end of a fry box if it’s loaded with fries.
8:26 She’s been seeing so many doctors and getting so many tests. She shows us the bruise at the inside of her right elbow, whimpering about how that’s where they draw blood from, then shows us her left arm without bruise, saying ‘They tried to use this arm, but, like, there’s no veins there.’ There ARE veins there, you stupid vacuum-headed thunder-cunt. The poor nurse couldn’t find them through the thick layer of blubber layer you have.
8:45 Thanks us for kind words and messages, because more positivity = more good vibes on her body, and stress is stress on her body, and ‘we don’t want that, we need to treat my body well.’ No, WE don’t need to, AL. YOU need to. And the best thing you can do is put down the fucking fork for a while and take your health seriously instead of fucking off after you think things are cured, despite your doctors saying ‘please for the love of God lose like 100 pounds so we can squish your shelf ass into this MRI and ensure we actually got everything.’
9:08 She says that more than ever, it’s time to fight for her life. She feels hopeless a little bit. Because her last cancer saga was not the time to fight for her life. Her cellulitis and shit wasn’t a need to fight for her life. Her tumbles and falls and her being bed bound for 2019 weren’t times to fight for her life. No, this misdiagnosis is the time to fight for her life. She continues to wax on philosophically about how she needs to keep going forward instead of thinking about the past and needs to focus on the now instead of talking about the past. The past adds stress and worry for no reason, the time is nauw. Shaddup.
9:52 Ah fuck, she needs to lambast her audience? Says there’s lots of speculation floating around that she feels she needs to answer to. People are saying she didn’t have followups after her uterine cancer, and she says that’s ‘absolutely not true.’ States she had followups every 6 months and she went every single time. She just failed to follow through with the directions to lose weight so they could actually use PET or MRI to get a decent image, and instead shoveled food in her face and ballooned right back up. She says she doesn’t know where people have assumed that she didn’t follow up, then suspects it may be because she didn’t vlog it. She didn’t vlog because it’s al Becky’s fault, as they were doing livestreams at that time.
10:28 She had to clear that up because she ‘finds that kind of frustrating’ and she’s being blamed for her current condition because she didn’t do followups, but SHE DID. Except she didn’t do them properly as priorly stated. She has to throw in the bit about how the followup appointments were why she kept being prescribed estrogen, which she wasn’t supposed to be taking. Except she was. But it was prescribed by a nurse and not a doctor, and there was no record of it ever despite it being prescribed during these followup appointments she for realz did, and… ya know, I’m just going to stop here, because there’s been so many contradictions in her stories that I am simply going to drink and ignore her bullshit for a few moments.
10:51 Thank goodness, she’s going to end the video. Hopes that she can have her next vlog being the stupid shit she normally does. Starts to say that she hopes we enjoyed it, then interrupts herself when she realizes nobody gives a fuck, then rephrases this as ‘I hope you guys watched it’ (thank goodness for archives so you don’t get the click lolz) and that we’re going to stick around and watch her slowly die.
11:14 Ends it with her fucking kissy bullshit. FUCK YOU, now I feel filthy and have a strong desire to scrub my flesh off my bones. BRING BACK THE ‘THANKS FOR WATCHING’ PLACARD, YOU SHITMONGER!!!!
