- Joined
- Feb 15, 2021
Check out the poll. Hardly anyone cares about Jade even enough to want to see her face. Sure more folk will check out a Q&A, but they’ll wait for reactors or archives. There’ll be no significant difference in Amber’s views.
Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
- Thread starter PiggyPie
- Start date
Amber always says "my" instead of "we". My bedroom. My closet. They don't even share a room. She dropped that narrative a bit or can't remember to keep it up. And showing the green roses that Jade gave her after swearing they broke up. She must be a bit pissed at Jade now for not wanting to participate in videos, because I do think that would have given her views. I'm ready for a new change of caretaker.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2022
weigh in | trauma made me fat
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2021
All 5000kcal of that trauma, every day.
notfoodienotbeauty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2021
But she works from home and Amber is in that office all day bothering her, smelling up the room, coloring, playing Legos, asking her dumb questions, cackling at some stupid YT video, and constantly eating. I can't imagine trying to work and having a 32 year old, 600lb beast hovering all day, because she literally can't be in the next room alone.
And what made you a narcissist cunt?
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2019
Save yourself the watch. 523.6 and she's FIIIIIINNNNEEE with that. The rest is simply nearly reaching tears muh trammmaaa bullshit.
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
Oh boy, another video. I guess I should get going on it, as I missed the last one. Well, let's be real: I didn't lidurally "miss" it. Okay, to ruin the day of those who avoided the last video and all commentary about it, Amber:
And.... we're caught up.
Plot Summary with Commentary, readable in 2 minutes or less! Not a reeeecap (ain't nobody got time for that)!
TL;DR: Amber eats because of childhood trauma she doesn't want to talk about. Amber has been lying and gaslighting her audience about her not gaining weight, when she was gaining weight! Oh, but it wasn't Amber's fault: Amber's scale reads everyone accurately except for her! 523.6lbs. Gaining weight hasn't undone the work Amber's done.
- gave herself pinkeye and blamed the cat (allergies)
- called her peach and black polkadot shirdress a "trauma molment" or some bullshit, then showed the 2019 clip of her walking to the tree
- hauled a large grocery shopping that looked like every single other grocery shopping she's ever done - except for low carb M&Ms; those were new
- unboxed a mobility scooter catalogue sent by a fan and called it fatphobic, despite her having a history of using scooters for YEARS
And.... we're caught up.
Plot Summary with Commentary, readable in 2 minutes or less! Not a reeeecap (ain't nobody got time for that)!
She's doing this weigh in FOR HERSELF, BOO BOO! It's for her to have a record of HER JOURNEY! How is she supposed to document her WLS journey, if she doesn't talk about her weight?! I've got an idea for you: record it and keep this bullshit to yourself so you can reflect on your journey later. No one cares about your self-sabotage and pretend weight loss anymore.
Weightloss updates will NOT be on a predictable schedule, (because Ambo wants to make sure you watch every single video from start to finish for maximum ad revenue).
Ask her how she's doeeeeen!
1)Does the people at your WLS clinic know about your YouTube channel? (NOT my grammatical error ... Did Ambo write this?)
Answer: Yes, they know.
2)Will you continue therapy after the 12 required sessions?
Answer: Yes. These 12 are just tipping her toes in the lake. Therapy after surgery will be the real deal, because she won't be able to turn to food for comfort.
3)When did you first start turning to food for comfort?
Answer: Amber has been sufferening from comfort eating for almost all of her life. At 7 months pregnant, Methmom had to be rushed to the ER due to vaginal bleeding and signs of shock . On assessment, ER doctors determined that she was suffering from placental abruption, affecting Amber's oxygen and nutrient supply. An emergency C-sction was performed, and the doctor realized that the cause of the abruption was from Amber tearing the placenta from the uterine wall and attempting to eat it like an apple. Doctors were concerned for the safety of the other newborns from putting Amber in the nursery, and ultimately decided to...
Okay FINE, I'll be serious. Here's her boring (yet equally bullshit) version:
Answer: From a very very VERY young age. She's always been bigger than she was supposed to be, even as a toddler. You don't get put into Foster Care for nothing (and yet, little Amber looks cleaner and better taken care of than grown up Amber). She doesn't want to talk about it, I mean, she doesn't remember. She was always eating massive portions, but didn't know why. Amber couldn't process it too hard, because she was 10 and incapable. She missed her parents and brother in the group home. No one understood her!
She couldn't unlearn it, but now is her chance with therapy.
WEIGHT UPDATE!! She tells some bullshit about how yet another scale (the one she bought most recently) suddenly stopped working and was reading very inaccurately. This scale has the same affliction that her scale at Krystle's parent's house had: it reads everyone EXCEPT AMBER accurately. Learn some new lies, Amber.
I'm sure the scale at your WLS clinic is accurate - what did it say?
Car parts scale: 523.6lbs
Amber THOUGHT she was in the 400s, but it's FINE - it doesn't undo the work she's done! This is a fresh start!!! Amber claims she's been in her 'phase 1' since December. No, you've been in your 'phase 3' since you stopped weighing yourself.
Byee!! *blows kiss* Fuck you, Gaslighter!
Weightloss updates will NOT be on a predictable schedule, (because Ambo wants to make sure you watch every single video from start to finish for maximum ad revenue).
Ask her how she's doeeeeen!
1)Does the people at your WLS clinic know about your YouTube channel? (NOT my grammatical error ... Did Ambo write this?)
Answer: Yes, they know.
2)Will you continue therapy after the 12 required sessions?
Answer: Yes. These 12 are just tipping her toes in the lake. Therapy after surgery will be the real deal, because she won't be able to turn to food for comfort.
3)When did you first start turning to food for comfort?
Answer: Amber has been sufferening from comfort eating for almost all of her life. At 7 months pregnant, Methmom had to be rushed to the ER due to vaginal bleeding and signs of shock . On assessment, ER doctors determined that she was suffering from placental abruption, affecting Amber's oxygen and nutrient supply. An emergency C-sction was performed, and the doctor realized that the cause of the abruption was from Amber tearing the placenta from the uterine wall and attempting to eat it like an apple. Doctors were concerned for the safety of the other newborns from putting Amber in the nursery, and ultimately decided to...
Okay FINE, I'll be serious. Here's her boring (yet equally bullshit) version:
Answer: From a very very VERY young age. She's always been bigger than she was supposed to be, even as a toddler. You don't get put into Foster Care for nothing (and yet, little Amber looks cleaner and better taken care of than grown up Amber). She doesn't want to talk about it, I mean, she doesn't remember. She was always eating massive portions, but didn't know why. Amber couldn't process it too hard, because she was 10 and incapable. She missed her parents and brother in the group home. No one understood her!
She couldn't unlearn it, but now is her chance with therapy.
WEIGHT UPDATE!! She tells some bullshit about how yet another scale (the one she bought most recently) suddenly stopped working and was reading very inaccurately. This scale has the same affliction that her scale at Krystle's parent's house had: it reads everyone EXCEPT AMBER accurately. Learn some new lies, Amber.
I'm sure the scale at your WLS clinic is accurate - what did it say?
Car parts scale: 523.6lbs
Amber THOUGHT she was in the 400s, but it's FINE - it doesn't undo the work she's done! This is a fresh start!!! Amber claims she's been in her 'phase 1' since December. No, you've been in your 'phase 3' since you stopped weighing yourself.
Byee!! *blows kiss* Fuck you, Gaslighter!
TL;DR: Amber eats because of childhood trauma she doesn't want to talk about. Amber has been lying and gaslighting her audience about her not gaining weight, when she was gaining weight! Oh, but it wasn't Amber's fault: Amber's scale reads everyone accurately except for her! 523.6lbs. Gaining weight hasn't undone the work Amber's done.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
After watching that bullshitass minstrel show, it's pretty clear (not that I didn't already know) that Hambutt is as pathetic as Penny from My 600lb Life.
If Jade has ANY brains at this point, the only response should be this:
"Get up and WALK. No, not hurple to the door to get your doordash and slam back down on the couch. WALK."
"Oh, you can't?"
"Here's the deal: I'm already packed. I'm leaving. No, knock off that stupid crying, I'm gone--ENOUGH! You have 72 hours. You're going to get up and start JOAQUIN, or in 48 hours, I will make a phone call to adult protective services. The caseworker they send will be the face you see, but it won't be me, Becky, Dunce Cap, Krystle, Casey, or anyone but a state worker. What're you waiting for...TIK TOK, fatty."
And then do just what I said. Leave. Block her. Do not answer the phone. Hambutt either gets real or gets dying. Some people only understand a two by four over the head, and Hambutt's one of them.
If Jade has ANY brains at this point, the only response should be this:
"Get up and WALK. No, not hurple to the door to get your doordash and slam back down on the couch. WALK."
"Oh, you can't?"
"Here's the deal: I'm already packed. I'm leaving. No, knock off that stupid crying, I'm gone--ENOUGH! You have 72 hours. You're going to get up and start JOAQUIN, or in 48 hours, I will make a phone call to adult protective services. The caseworker they send will be the face you see, but it won't be me, Becky, Dunce Cap, Krystle, Casey, or anyone but a state worker. What're you waiting for...TIK TOK, fatty."
And then do just what I said. Leave. Block her. Do not answer the phone. Hambutt either gets real or gets dying. Some people only understand a two by four over the head, and Hambutt's one of them.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2020
"Someone pointed out the scale wasn't messing up for my girlfriend, it wasn't messing up for her mom, and it wasn't messing up for her dad... so, it was just messing up for me"
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2014
Fuck you Amber, fuck your trauma fetish shit cause that is what this is, you wanna be a child forever and fetishized trauma as a scapegoat to stay fat and helpless. YOU LIKE TO BE FAT, HELPLESS AND PITIED but youre not getting your fix are ya? You burned bridges, severed connections and drive out any retard that even tries to be in your life with your smothering.
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2016
What's this? Did Amber finally put out a video worth watching?
Oh, no she didn't. Figures.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
(cracks knuckles) Let’s go, wench.
0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey, Amber. I see we’re back to this, with your moon face on full display and hair washed. Guess Jade got off her ass and hosed you down. I’m relieved that I don’t have to look at your greasy mop for this video. She welcomes us to a new video and then immediately states she wants to do random weigh-ins for us. Even though doing weigh-ins is what wrecks her ability to lose weight. She was losing fine until she started doing weigh-ins for us during the cancer-driven weight-loss, after all!! Fucking hell, AL. Make up yo mind. I do believe this is pure desperation - her videos haven’t been hitting the 50K (and in many cases, 40K) mark for a goodly while and the bux must be running low. That DoorDash ain’t gonna pay for itself.
0:10 Specifies she wants to do this for the people who enjoy this type of content. Not you fucking shitlord haydurs, a’ight? Y’all can fuck right off.
Just wanted to share the screenshot I paused on because if I had to see it blah blah blah. There ain’t nothin’ for you to lick, turd. Stuff your tongue back into your mouth.
0:15 Oh, actually she clarifies a few seconds later that she’s doing this mainly for her. Even though it wrecks her progress. Because she didn’t write this lie in a journal and can’t cross-reference it with her other tales of woe to see if she’s contradicting stuff she told us less than a fucking month ago. She rambles on that she wants to do this ‘diary form’ but she wants to ‘video’ it and wants to document this part of her life.
I am having flashbacks to her very first video when this was the exact premise under which she started her disaster of a fucking channel.
0:33 Vapid cuntasaurus prattles on about ‘how am I going to document my weightloss surgery journey if I don’t record what food I’m eating’ and blah blah blah. AL…. You dipshit. There are SO many pre-made ‘weightloss’ specific journals out there. There are SO many apps out there. You’re on a goodly number of them. You have means to record beyond YouTube. Just admit that you need the views so you’re giving people what they want. GIVE US LAAAYYYYYYYYYGS. And a /mook-bong/ while you’re at it, piggy. Oink for me.
0:50 She specifies that she will have no schedule, which is the same as it’s always been, because any time she’s had a schedule she’s deviated sharply from it within 1.28 milliseconds. She’s just gonna throw them up for us any time she wants to bait for clicks and get more moolah to pay for cups of ice from Sonic (with unmentioned sugary soda accompaniment). Also baits with ‘ask me weight-related questions’ and we’ve seen from her comments on that pinned post how well that was going. Says she’s doing this because ‘she wants to go a little bit more’, aka: She’s gotta hit that minimum time for adbux so fuck you, she’s gonna pad this shit as much as she can instead of making dedicated ‘here’s my weight, here’s much mentalz’ videos.
1:30 She is seriously so out of ideas that she’s actively asking for topics from the audience. We all know what’s doing to happen - she’s going to ignore every topic, thank the asspatters who proclaim she’s great doing whatever she wants to do, and whine about haydurs for the next 17 videos.
1:40 Talks about how she did these videos in the past. Blah blah blah, NO ONE CARES, blah blah blah. ‘I went through a phase where I did three questions’ and I went through three drinks, yes, I vaguely remember. ‘Then I did five - I feel that’s a lot’ and yes it is, my liver actively hurt during those. Let’s keep it to a happy medium, if you an manage to find enough shit that you won’t simper about like a moron under each of your posts. Better start working on questions/topics that will appear in your DMs now, gorl.
1:52 After deciding she’s going to stick to three, she gets into it.
First one: “Does the people at your weight loss surgery clinic where you’re getting your weight loss surgery done know about your YouTube channel?”
~Her reply: Of fucking course. Like AL can go 14 seconds without mentioning how much she loves YouTube. You know she self-promoted that shit like mad. In fact, I’m willing to bet that’s what she wrote for her employment on her application forms. She also proclaims they’ve watched her videos, and I pity the entire clinic team if they went through 2.5K videos of prattling blubberpotomus lying her face off.
Second one: “Will you continue therapy after the 12 required sessions?”
~Her reply: An instant yes. Because it’s all make believe anyway lolz - or if it’s real, it’ll go on until she’s fired as a patient or runs outta dough. She rambles on and on about how she feels that therapy before the surgery is the beginning stages and whatever. I have had Tropical Punch Peeps delivered to me by the house goblin. They are… an intriguing combination when coupled with a fine gewurztraminer, and I feel like a heathen for coupling them but fuck it, it’s Easter. Anyway, AL goes on about how therapy after surgery is the ‘real deal’ and then immediately renegs on that statement and tries to clarify her thought process circling about how after surgery she won’t be able to turn to food for comfort and instead will be using her therapist as a crutch to hobble her way through life and wah wah wah blah blah blah gaaaaaahhhhhhh and I just shall enjoy my sugar plus fermented grapes until the next question.
Final one: “When did you first start turning to food for comfort?”
~Her reply: When she got off the umbilical cord. Oh, wait. That’s my reply. Her reply is that it started at a very, very, very young age. No shit, she says it three times. Emphasis, y’all. Reiterates that she’s always been bigger as she’s stated at least once a quarter during her entire tenure on YouTube. I do want to state that I had to hold back the peeps rage and not punch my monitor when she states that she was a ‘little cutie’ when she was a chunky toddler. Nngh. Then she throws up pictures of her chunky-ass self.
Like this gem.
And this one.
And her actively squeezing out a turd.
Then she goes on to whine about remembering when she was seven and people were calling her a chunky little fuckwaffle. Oh wait, that it’s just baby weight.
AL must be in her narc heaven posting these ‘cute’ pictures of herself.
I think she’d lose 10 lbs if she grew those bangs again. It’d hide how incredibly round her head is.
Anyway, she says ‘it’s something that stuck with me for a while.’
….
I am suspecting she means the thought that it’s all baby weight and she’d be fine and it’d just mystically drop away one day in the future. Because that rather matches her current mindset that surgery will make weight loss more simple and plausible than it is now.
FFS, she’s still going on with this dumb backstory. She’s now talking about hitting puberty and how people told her that at that stage in life, things will start evening out.
… Why the fuck is she having pictures taken in the classroom? Dah fuk?
Gah!! Now she’s going on that she grew up with a hard childhood. You know, where she got her foster mother’s shoes when they went to Disney because she had the wrong ones and did soccer camp and dance and choreographed her way to (in)fam(y) and did Girl Scouts so she could hide in the closet and eat the cookies she was supposed to sell. WAIT, SHE DIDN’T GET WHOLE MILK. THE HORROR, SO HARD. Ahem. Wine and peeps. The sugar is broiling my brain and I’m not sure if I like it. Or that could just be exasperation listening to AL being a waffling cunt.
Yeah, she’s going on about being in foster care and she has trauma about that and waaaaaaaah. Get a new fuckin’ playbook, AL. You’ve retconned this shit so many times we’re all sick of hearing it.
No, we’re STILL not done with her segue off question three.
She’s breaking out the ‘there’s things I went through that I won’t talk about’ card now. Because why not piss off your audience even more by waggling information out there and then pissing on their faces with the promise of never talking about what you’re hinting at? That’s the BEST way to keep the attention of YouTube viewers!
Now it took her four (almost five) fucking minutes, but now she’s gotten to where she’s blaming her ‘trauma’ for her fatness. Not her greed, not her entitled bitchiness that said ‘I wanna have that now, so Imma have that now’ in her little peon brain, but her trauma. SO trauma, much fatness, all wow.
States that at ten is when she started to process that maybe she has an issue and that’s why she’s being called Fat Al(Bert) at school. And says she didn’t process too hard, because ‘at ten, pfft, what are you going to process?’ And I would like to hereby profess that AL must truly have forgotten that her IQ is 140, because such an intellectual powerhouse can process PLENTY at 10 - as a person who’s experienced with 10 year old shitmongers (there are so many around this ‘hood you can’t swing a cat without nailing at least three) and has a house goblin who’s only a few years removed from such, I can verify that 10 year olds can process /plenty/. And these aren’t even 140 IQ Mensa candidates.
LOL She actually revisits (at 5 minutes) the story of her stealing the girl scout cookies she was supposed to give to the purchaser of said cookies and snarfing them down in a closet.
FUCK IT. Back to time stamping. Because even though we’re STILL in her reply to question 3, it’s been over half the video now.
5:28 She has a ‘wow’ moment about the fact that her 10 year old self inhaling peanut brittle cookie shit that she stole from a paying customer was 22 years go. Then she giggles like a ding-dong and professes that she forgets how old she is until she’s talking to her audience. Because her brain stopped maturing at age 8, and she hasn’t comprehended that she’s aged past that point. Hence why she’s still ‘tee hee penis’ at dildos and gets flustered in normal adult conversations.
5:33 Proclaims there’s a lot of things she forgets in her past. That’s why you have journals, AL. And your entire fucking video library (except most’ve that is laaaaaahs, so it’s unreliable). Oh, no, she’s going the ‘I block my memories’ because of her much mentalz and it’s ScArY because everything in this world is ScArY (especially food she can’t remember having tried before, or food she’s never had before, or something new on the dollar menu at McDonalds). Nah, she says it’s ScArY because she doesn’t know what she’s forgetting.
Let us not forget that Mental Things ar-is ScArY.
5:50 Blathers that she still remembers some of that ‘trauma’ and how she felt and specifically how she felt eating those cookies (terrified that someone would catch her, no doubt) and why she was doing it (she was hoooongray - fuck her whimpering about missing MethMom and DrugDad). She’s trying to summon tears as she talks about having not seen them in a while missing her brother and being scared and waaaaaaah. Tear summoning failed, BTW.
6:18 Talks about having been scared and lonely (because she was a fucking whale that wasn’t abused via withholding) and says that stealing food to stuff her fucking face was the only thing she knew to do. Plenty of ten year olds are stepping into algebra and the complexities of history and government structures, developing social contacts and learning to cope with different backgrounds/ideologies/upbringings, exploring the arts and dreaming of future careers. AL knew only how to eat. Sounds about right.
6:30 States that teaching herself to sooth her emotions with calories at ‘such a young age’ (even though she was a porky, greedy little fucker beforehand as proven by the pictures she showed us - AL, get’cher fuckin’ stories straight, dipshit) means that no matter what she did, she couldn’t unlearn that. Because she’s too damned lazy to try and learn anything new. 140 IQ. Problem solver extraordinaire. Because IQ measures your ability to use logic and reasoning to process information, determine solutions, make predictions, and commit things to long and short term memory.
Sorry, had to finish laughing at our super-smart gorl before continuing.
6:45 FINALLY done with the question shit. She wants to get ‘into my weight’ now. Proclaims there’s been a lot of conspiracy about her gaining, specifically her being 600 lbs. States that people have been calling her out on being near this ridiculous weight for over 6 years on her channel. She doubles down that she’s never gotten quite there.
7:07 Talks about her new scale and how its calibration has drifted significantly. It was initially “ONLY” 2-3 lbs different than the scale she was using before (and I laugh, because a woman her height at nominal weight (120 lbs for a solid BMI of 21.95) that’s a disparity of 1.7-2.5%. Which is far outside of allowable tolerance in the profession I had prior to retirement). Oh wait, she says it made her 2-3 lbs heavier. Which is good. Always fail on the conservative side if failure isn’t avoidable. Anyway, she says that after those initial weigh ins on the new scale, she went 2 weeks without touching the thing. Then stepping on it, it said she was down 30 lbs. Because it was dying. And she hung her gut on the towel rack a la Homer Simpson and didn’t realize it.
7:35 Yup, after sucking her teeth and sticking out her tongue, she admits that the scale was inaccurate, so her loudly proclaimed “I’m doing the thing!! I am awesome! Suck my non-existent dick, haydurs!!” was for naught. That scale weighs F/JFoNY:MGF,W just fine, but can’t handle the voluminous mass that is our waddling lard tub.
7:55 So she goes back to her trusty old scale that she ‘stopped using because of (her) ankle but (her) ankle is completely healed.’ She tries to discuss how her scale functions and fails magnificently. She likens it to a platform that wobbles because it’s balanced on a ‘little thing’ and I’m holding my head because holy shit, can she be more retarded? (No. The answer is no. More drinking is required. Refill time.)
8:10 Back with refilled glass. She’s going on about how the car parts scale was super expensive and she’s owned it for years and still, no one cares. Waffles on about how she stopped using it because of her dangleeeeen ankle but it’s fine now so she’s going back to it.
8:28 I pray that she’s done with her segue and gets on with it. She replies to my prayer with a continuation of her tale about how her ‘heart dropped’ when she saw that her magnificent progress was in the Wheelhouse of LIES and her smugness was unwarranted. As always.
8:44 States her dietician knows her actual and accurate weight. No shit, we all know they weigh you whenever you go to the clinic. No way are they relying on your home scales. Nobody’s dumb enough to think that. Except maybe some of your Ambaby Asspatters. She whines that she’s very let down, because she ain’t lost shit.
8:52 “But that’s okay. I’m going to be following my dietician’s rules, doing everything that she wants me to do.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Confirmation in her statement that she’s been doing things her own way, because yes, she still thinks the rules don’t apply to her, and they’re stupid little things like she said in the video where she got delayed for a year. You’re NOW going to start? Because you found out your home scale didn’t accurately weigh a Harley Sportster 883 SuperLow (which weighs 536 lbs, you’re welcome - or, if we want to keep with her narrative that she’s less than this, her poor home scale couldn’t weigh the Harley Street 500 or the Harley Street 750, which both come in at a light 455 lbs).
9:00 Shows a picture of her scale’s readout. 523.6. So yes, an anemic 12.4 lbs less than a fucking Harley Sportster 883 fucking motorcycle lolololol You’re never getting surgery, fatty.
9:05 My fucking sides are about to explode because this face
She’s ‘sad’ (read: she’s enraged) because she thought she was back in the 400s. I am dying. I almost spurt wine through my sinuses in laughter.
BUT SHE’S OKAY WITH THIS, FOLKS!!!
(dc4l.exe reboot complete - had to after damned near laughing myself assblastingly stupid)
9:13 She says it kind of feels like ‘I’m not going to say a fresh start because I’m not going to go phase 1.’ Nice callout to @pecansandies Fat Albert cycle lolz oh my fucking sides!
She even takes time to whine that people have been proclaiming she’s been in Phase 1 since December LMFAO She says she’s staying in this phase and ‘we’re doing the damned thing.’ Until there’s actual effort involved, then 2-4 will rapid-cycle as they always do. And I’m here for it.
9:44 Talks about how her real weight, while it sucks because she thought she was doing better, ‘is fine’ and it ‘doesn’t change the work I’ve done’ and I’m thinking that the work she’s done stuffing her face sure hasn’t paid off like she thought it would. Nope, she’s proclaiming that this failure makes her want to push harder and do better, because surely NOW things are different than they’ve ever been during her insanely long journeeeeeee on YouTube. NOW it’s different, and she’s going to work now!!
9:52 ‘So, welcome to the weigh in era!’ I give it less than a month. And I’m optimistic as fuck proclaiming that it’ll last that long.
10:08 After rambling about how not having a schedule should stop her from ‘stopping and starting’ her weigh ins (except that’s exactly what she’ll be doing, but she won’t have a schedule to keep her accountable) she gives us her stupid kissy-face outro that leaves me feeling dirty.
0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey, Amber. I see we’re back to this, with your moon face on full display and hair washed. Guess Jade got off her ass and hosed you down. I’m relieved that I don’t have to look at your greasy mop for this video. She welcomes us to a new video and then immediately states she wants to do random weigh-ins for us. Even though doing weigh-ins is what wrecks her ability to lose weight. She was losing fine until she started doing weigh-ins for us during the cancer-driven weight-loss, after all!! Fucking hell, AL. Make up yo mind. I do believe this is pure desperation - her videos haven’t been hitting the 50K (and in many cases, 40K) mark for a goodly while and the bux must be running low. That DoorDash ain’t gonna pay for itself.
0:10 Specifies she wants to do this for the people who enjoy this type of content. Not you fucking shitlord haydurs, a’ight? Y’all can fuck right off.
Just wanted to share the screenshot I paused on because if I had to see it blah blah blah. There ain’t nothin’ for you to lick, turd. Stuff your tongue back into your mouth.
0:15 Oh, actually she clarifies a few seconds later that she’s doing this mainly for her. Even though it wrecks her progress. Because she didn’t write this lie in a journal and can’t cross-reference it with her other tales of woe to see if she’s contradicting stuff she told us less than a fucking month ago. She rambles on that she wants to do this ‘diary form’ but she wants to ‘video’ it and wants to document this part of her life.
I am having flashbacks to her very first video when this was the exact premise under which she started her disaster of a fucking channel.
0:33 Vapid cuntasaurus prattles on about ‘how am I going to document my weightloss surgery journey if I don’t record what food I’m eating’ and blah blah blah. AL…. You dipshit. There are SO many pre-made ‘weightloss’ specific journals out there. There are SO many apps out there. You’re on a goodly number of them. You have means to record beyond YouTube. Just admit that you need the views so you’re giving people what they want. GIVE US LAAAYYYYYYYYYGS. And a /mook-bong/ while you’re at it, piggy. Oink for me.
0:50 She specifies that she will have no schedule, which is the same as it’s always been, because any time she’s had a schedule she’s deviated sharply from it within 1.28 milliseconds. She’s just gonna throw them up for us any time she wants to bait for clicks and get more moolah to pay for cups of ice from Sonic (with unmentioned sugary soda accompaniment). Also baits with ‘ask me weight-related questions’ and we’ve seen from her comments on that pinned post how well that was going. Says she’s doing this because ‘she wants to go a little bit more’, aka: She’s gotta hit that minimum time for adbux so fuck you, she’s gonna pad this shit as much as she can instead of making dedicated ‘here’s my weight, here’s much mentalz’ videos.
1:30 She is seriously so out of ideas that she’s actively asking for topics from the audience. We all know what’s doing to happen - she’s going to ignore every topic, thank the asspatters who proclaim she’s great doing whatever she wants to do, and whine about haydurs for the next 17 videos.
1:40 Talks about how she did these videos in the past. Blah blah blah, NO ONE CARES, blah blah blah. ‘I went through a phase where I did three questions’ and I went through three drinks, yes, I vaguely remember. ‘Then I did five - I feel that’s a lot’ and yes it is, my liver actively hurt during those. Let’s keep it to a happy medium, if you an manage to find enough shit that you won’t simper about like a moron under each of your posts. Better start working on questions/topics that will appear in your DMs now, gorl.
1:52 After deciding she’s going to stick to three, she gets into it.
First one: “Does the people at your weight loss surgery clinic where you’re getting your weight loss surgery done know about your YouTube channel?”
~Her reply: Of fucking course. Like AL can go 14 seconds without mentioning how much she loves YouTube. You know she self-promoted that shit like mad. In fact, I’m willing to bet that’s what she wrote for her employment on her application forms. She also proclaims they’ve watched her videos, and I pity the entire clinic team if they went through 2.5K videos of prattling blubberpotomus lying her face off.
Second one: “Will you continue therapy after the 12 required sessions?”
~Her reply: An instant yes. Because it’s all make believe anyway lolz - or if it’s real, it’ll go on until she’s fired as a patient or runs outta dough. She rambles on and on about how she feels that therapy before the surgery is the beginning stages and whatever. I have had Tropical Punch Peeps delivered to me by the house goblin. They are… an intriguing combination when coupled with a fine gewurztraminer, and I feel like a heathen for coupling them but fuck it, it’s Easter. Anyway, AL goes on about how therapy after surgery is the ‘real deal’ and then immediately renegs on that statement and tries to clarify her thought process circling about how after surgery she won’t be able to turn to food for comfort and instead will be using her therapist as a crutch to hobble her way through life and wah wah wah blah blah blah gaaaaaahhhhhhh and I just shall enjoy my sugar plus fermented grapes until the next question.
Final one: “When did you first start turning to food for comfort?”
~Her reply: When she got off the umbilical cord. Oh, wait. That’s my reply. Her reply is that it started at a very, very, very young age. No shit, she says it three times. Emphasis, y’all. Reiterates that she’s always been bigger as she’s stated at least once a quarter during her entire tenure on YouTube. I do want to state that I had to hold back the peeps rage and not punch my monitor when she states that she was a ‘little cutie’ when she was a chunky toddler. Nngh. Then she throws up pictures of her chunky-ass self.
Like this gem.
And this one.
And her actively squeezing out a turd.
Then she goes on to whine about remembering when she was seven and people were calling her a chunky little fuckwaffle. Oh wait, that it’s just baby weight.
AL must be in her narc heaven posting these ‘cute’ pictures of herself.
I think she’d lose 10 lbs if she grew those bangs again. It’d hide how incredibly round her head is.
Anyway, she says ‘it’s something that stuck with me for a while.’
….
I am suspecting she means the thought that it’s all baby weight and she’d be fine and it’d just mystically drop away one day in the future. Because that rather matches her current mindset that surgery will make weight loss more simple and plausible than it is now.
FFS, she’s still going on with this dumb backstory. She’s now talking about hitting puberty and how people told her that at that stage in life, things will start evening out.
… Why the fuck is she having pictures taken in the classroom? Dah fuk?
Gah!! Now she’s going on that she grew up with a hard childhood. You know, where she got her foster mother’s shoes when they went to Disney because she had the wrong ones and did soccer camp and dance and choreographed her way to (in)fam(y) and did Girl Scouts so she could hide in the closet and eat the cookies she was supposed to sell. WAIT, SHE DIDN’T GET WHOLE MILK. THE HORROR, SO HARD. Ahem. Wine and peeps. The sugar is broiling my brain and I’m not sure if I like it. Or that could just be exasperation listening to AL being a waffling cunt.
Yeah, she’s going on about being in foster care and she has trauma about that and waaaaaaaah. Get a new fuckin’ playbook, AL. You’ve retconned this shit so many times we’re all sick of hearing it.
No, we’re STILL not done with her segue off question three.
She’s breaking out the ‘there’s things I went through that I won’t talk about’ card now. Because why not piss off your audience even more by waggling information out there and then pissing on their faces with the promise of never talking about what you’re hinting at? That’s the BEST way to keep the attention of YouTube viewers!
Now it took her four (almost five) fucking minutes, but now she’s gotten to where she’s blaming her ‘trauma’ for her fatness. Not her greed, not her entitled bitchiness that said ‘I wanna have that now, so Imma have that now’ in her little peon brain, but her trauma. SO trauma, much fatness, all wow.
States that at ten is when she started to process that maybe she has an issue and that’s why she’s being called Fat Al(Bert) at school. And says she didn’t process too hard, because ‘at ten, pfft, what are you going to process?’ And I would like to hereby profess that AL must truly have forgotten that her IQ is 140, because such an intellectual powerhouse can process PLENTY at 10 - as a person who’s experienced with 10 year old shitmongers (there are so many around this ‘hood you can’t swing a cat without nailing at least three) and has a house goblin who’s only a few years removed from such, I can verify that 10 year olds can process /plenty/. And these aren’t even 140 IQ Mensa candidates.
LOL She actually revisits (at 5 minutes) the story of her stealing the girl scout cookies she was supposed to give to the purchaser of said cookies and snarfing them down in a closet.
FUCK IT. Back to time stamping. Because even though we’re STILL in her reply to question 3, it’s been over half the video now.
5:28 She has a ‘wow’ moment about the fact that her 10 year old self inhaling peanut brittle cookie shit that she stole from a paying customer was 22 years go. Then she giggles like a ding-dong and professes that she forgets how old she is until she’s talking to her audience. Because her brain stopped maturing at age 8, and she hasn’t comprehended that she’s aged past that point. Hence why she’s still ‘tee hee penis’ at dildos and gets flustered in normal adult conversations.
5:33 Proclaims there’s a lot of things she forgets in her past. That’s why you have journals, AL. And your entire fucking video library (except most’ve that is laaaaaahs, so it’s unreliable). Oh, no, she’s going the ‘I block my memories’ because of her much mentalz and it’s ScArY because everything in this world is ScArY (especially food she can’t remember having tried before, or food she’s never had before, or something new on the dollar menu at McDonalds). Nah, she says it’s ScArY because she doesn’t know what she’s forgetting.
Let us not forget that Mental Things ar-is ScArY.
5:50 Blathers that she still remembers some of that ‘trauma’ and how she felt and specifically how she felt eating those cookies (terrified that someone would catch her, no doubt) and why she was doing it (she was hoooongray - fuck her whimpering about missing MethMom and DrugDad). She’s trying to summon tears as she talks about having not seen them in a while missing her brother and being scared and waaaaaaah. Tear summoning failed, BTW.
6:18 Talks about having been scared and lonely (because she was a fucking whale that wasn’t abused via withholding) and says that stealing food to stuff her fucking face was the only thing she knew to do. Plenty of ten year olds are stepping into algebra and the complexities of history and government structures, developing social contacts and learning to cope with different backgrounds/ideologies/upbringings, exploring the arts and dreaming of future careers. AL knew only how to eat. Sounds about right.
6:30 States that teaching herself to sooth her emotions with calories at ‘such a young age’ (even though she was a porky, greedy little fucker beforehand as proven by the pictures she showed us - AL, get’cher fuckin’ stories straight, dipshit) means that no matter what she did, she couldn’t unlearn that. Because she’s too damned lazy to try and learn anything new. 140 IQ. Problem solver extraordinaire. Because IQ measures your ability to use logic and reasoning to process information, determine solutions, make predictions, and commit things to long and short term memory.
Sorry, had to finish laughing at our super-smart gorl before continuing.
6:45 FINALLY done with the question shit. She wants to get ‘into my weight’ now. Proclaims there’s been a lot of conspiracy about her gaining, specifically her being 600 lbs. States that people have been calling her out on being near this ridiculous weight for over 6 years on her channel. She doubles down that she’s never gotten quite there.
7:07 Talks about her new scale and how its calibration has drifted significantly. It was initially “ONLY” 2-3 lbs different than the scale she was using before (and I laugh, because a woman her height at nominal weight (120 lbs for a solid BMI of 21.95) that’s a disparity of 1.7-2.5%. Which is far outside of allowable tolerance in the profession I had prior to retirement). Oh wait, she says it made her 2-3 lbs heavier. Which is good. Always fail on the conservative side if failure isn’t avoidable. Anyway, she says that after those initial weigh ins on the new scale, she went 2 weeks without touching the thing. Then stepping on it, it said she was down 30 lbs. Because it was dying. And she hung her gut on the towel rack a la Homer Simpson and didn’t realize it.
7:35 Yup, after sucking her teeth and sticking out her tongue, she admits that the scale was inaccurate, so her loudly proclaimed “I’m doing the thing!! I am awesome! Suck my non-existent dick, haydurs!!” was for naught. That scale weighs F/JFoNY:MGF,W just fine, but can’t handle the voluminous mass that is our waddling lard tub.
7:55 So she goes back to her trusty old scale that she ‘stopped using because of (her) ankle but (her) ankle is completely healed.’ She tries to discuss how her scale functions and fails magnificently. She likens it to a platform that wobbles because it’s balanced on a ‘little thing’ and I’m holding my head because holy shit, can she be more retarded? (No. The answer is no. More drinking is required. Refill time.)
8:10 Back with refilled glass. She’s going on about how the car parts scale was super expensive and she’s owned it for years and still, no one cares. Waffles on about how she stopped using it because of her dangleeeeen ankle but it’s fine now so she’s going back to it.
8:28 I pray that she’s done with her segue and gets on with it. She replies to my prayer with a continuation of her tale about how her ‘heart dropped’ when she saw that her magnificent progress was in the Wheelhouse of LIES and her smugness was unwarranted. As always.
8:44 States her dietician knows her actual and accurate weight. No shit, we all know they weigh you whenever you go to the clinic. No way are they relying on your home scales. Nobody’s dumb enough to think that. Except maybe some of your Ambaby Asspatters. She whines that she’s very let down, because she ain’t lost shit.
8:52 “But that’s okay. I’m going to be following my dietician’s rules, doing everything that she wants me to do.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Confirmation in her statement that she’s been doing things her own way, because yes, she still thinks the rules don’t apply to her, and they’re stupid little things like she said in the video where she got delayed for a year. You’re NOW going to start? Because you found out your home scale didn’t accurately weigh a Harley Sportster 883 SuperLow (which weighs 536 lbs, you’re welcome - or, if we want to keep with her narrative that she’s less than this, her poor home scale couldn’t weigh the Harley Street 500 or the Harley Street 750, which both come in at a light 455 lbs).
9:00 Shows a picture of her scale’s readout. 523.6. So yes, an anemic 12.4 lbs less than a fucking Harley Sportster 883 fucking motorcycle lolololol You’re never getting surgery, fatty.
9:05 My fucking sides are about to explode because this face
She’s ‘sad’ (read: she’s enraged) because she thought she was back in the 400s. I am dying. I almost spurt wine through my sinuses in laughter.
BUT SHE’S OKAY WITH THIS, FOLKS!!!
(dc4l.exe reboot complete - had to after damned near laughing myself assblastingly stupid)
9:13 She says it kind of feels like ‘I’m not going to say a fresh start because I’m not going to go phase 1.’ Nice callout to @pecansandies Fat Albert cycle lolz oh my fucking sides!
She even takes time to whine that people have been proclaiming she’s been in Phase 1 since December LMFAO She says she’s staying in this phase and ‘we’re doing the damned thing.’ Until there’s actual effort involved, then 2-4 will rapid-cycle as they always do. And I’m here for it.
9:44 Talks about how her real weight, while it sucks because she thought she was doing better, ‘is fine’ and it ‘doesn’t change the work I’ve done’ and I’m thinking that the work she’s done stuffing her face sure hasn’t paid off like she thought it would. Nope, she’s proclaiming that this failure makes her want to push harder and do better, because surely NOW things are different than they’ve ever been during her insanely long journeeeeeee on YouTube. NOW it’s different, and she’s going to work now!!
9:52 ‘So, welcome to the weigh in era!’ I give it less than a month. And I’m optimistic as fuck proclaiming that it’ll last that long.
10:08 After rambling about how not having a schedule should stop her from ‘stopping and starting’ her weigh ins (except that’s exactly what she’ll be doing, but she won’t have a schedule to keep her accountable) she gives us her stupid kissy-face outro that leaves me feeling dirty.
Chameleon
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2022
We *all* have some sort of trauma in our lives. (If you don't, good for fucking you) Amber's trauma just is so much more than everyone else's and her trauma matters the most. What a total waste of money for therapy that is obviously not helping her. Always the victim and wants to be. It's the only thing she can hold over people's heads and sickly enough, her own. If she wasn't fat, she would lose all her control. She needs to be fat. She needs to be the victim.
Turd Fergusson
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2019
For someone that has been on a WLS "journey" for something like 3-4 months, she has not gone very far, isn't? If she has lost weight, it means that she was even heavier before. Her last food haul has not provided me with any confidence that she has implemented the "2000 calories" diet either. She is not talking about what the clinic has provided her with as a weight loss goal.
If she went to the clinic and gotten weighed there, she would have known that she was not in the 400s. She would have known if she was gaining or losing. Is she doing like many participants in MSHPL and skipping appointments with the clinic? I would not be surprised.
Amber is like a lot of patients in MSHPL, namely talking about the all work that they are doing while not losing an ounce. Her walking in place for a bit over one minute is not going to burn thousands of calories.
If she went to the clinic and gotten weighed there, she would have known that she was not in the 400s. She would have known if she was gaining or losing. Is she doing like many participants in MSHPL and skipping appointments with the clinic? I would not be surprised.
Amber is like a lot of patients in MSHPL, namely talking about the all work that they are doing while not losing an ounce. Her walking in place for a bit over one minute is not going to burn thousands of calories.
dfranki723
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2019
Can't stomach this one, thank you to the nobs who do the recaps.
She's really trying to drag in those hate views with that title, it's too much. Also, why is she showing the childhood photos again, doesn't she remember telling us all how she was constantly scared of not being fed/never knowing when the next meal would come (muh neglect) yet she's showing Fat Kid Hamber photos that prove otherwise?
523lbs my arse. Look at how round her face has gotten*. She's bullshitting again. Her face hasn't been that moonlike in quite a while.
ALR must spend every minute of every day fantasising about having ''trauma'', she revels in it. I have a horrible feeling people in her comments will be validating her trauma bollocks. ''We know you're super traumatised but you gotta work on yourself, your life was sooooo hard but fight gorl!''. Same shit every time.
She's really trying to drag in those hate views with that title, it's too much. Also, why is she showing the childhood photos again, doesn't she remember telling us all how she was constantly scared of not being fed/never knowing when the next meal would come (muh neglect) yet she's showing Fat Kid Hamber photos that prove otherwise?
523lbs my arse. Look at how round her face has gotten*. She's bullshitting again. Her face hasn't been that moonlike in quite a while.
ALR must spend every minute of every day fantasising about having ''trauma'', she revels in it. I have a horrible feeling people in her comments will be validating her trauma bollocks. ''We know you're super traumatised but you gotta work on yourself, your life was sooooo hard but fight gorl!''. Same shit every time.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2022
more like 10 years
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
In this episode of The Big Gay Al Show, Big Cherry Hamber plays the character "Big Fat Jolly Village Idiot". Welcome!
TL;DW/R: Hamber says she's going to to the grocery, but I'm betting they got that shit delivered. Air food (rice cakes), shit she doesn't even like (yogurt, coffee), snack-sized rice cakes, frozen pizza, and you get the idea. The "massive" allergic reaction was just ONE eye being affected by one of the cats sleeping on her chest. Interesting. PO box time: a nonprofit trying to spread their message via he channel, with tiny knitted animals. Pretty cute, so I'll give the sender props. Voice memo: some asskisser wants to know how Hamber deal with jealousy in a relationship. Dull bullshit. IOW, just another day in the hamberverse.
We open in the bathroom, with Big Cherry Hamber shoving her fake cleavage at us. She backs up and starts yammering about her hair, the poop bun, and ponytails, then says "This is how I wore my hair every day in college." as if she matriculated with a full four year degree at any well known, upper class, liberal arts, womens' university instead of attending one term at a nonaccredited pay for a diploma "school". Claims she started wearing this high ponytail Ariana Grande situation and that was before Ariana Grande, "you know what I'm sayin'?" Yeah, Hamber, you're trying to pretend you began anything original in you entire useless life when in reality you're an unoriginal POS.
She loves these earrings with this particular dress she's wearing as a shirt, as usual. It has pockets. "We love a dress with pockets. Don't we Queen and King? Yes we do." She's leaving the batheoom to waddle to other areas of her deserted island, and reaches out with her left arm to grab the camera and JFC, it looks like we're about to get kicked in the face by an MMA fighter: her balloon hand looks like a foot, her forearm like a calf, and her upper arm like a thigh. it's terrifying.
MG,W had to help her untangle that tacky rose quartz bullshit, which Hamber keeps calling "she". Hamber ditches the wax melter - which they never use, apparently, way to stay on brand, Ham - and puts tacky rose in its place. She still has those ugly af fake green roses that MG,W gave her back at the beginning of this fairy tale love affair. So I guess that's just one more nail (of many) into the coffin of her "MG,W is no more, I'm seeing someone new" lie. Never change, Ham, at catching yourself out.
We're back in the bathroom. Hamber is assuring us she is not "that much" of a messy eater, implying that there is some level of messiness involved. We knew that, though, since we have literally seen her spill food on her chest and have also seen her terrible lack of table manners and napkin use, the latter of which is very nearly nonexistent. She makes sure we see the smear left by whatever food she was inhaling. Tries to be humorous by saying her short said it was hungry, asks us if we've ever had that happen. She touches her boobs, lifts them a bit before letting go - reported this one, Ham, exactly as I told you I would if you touched your sad tits again - "Like, your boobs get hongry, your clothes get hongry." No, Hamber, you're the only person in the history of the universe who has dropped food on themselves at some point in their lifetimes. The difference between us and you is that we don't pretend that non-sentient things like clothes and boobs get hungry or need their own personal pronouns. You're just a fucking slob.
So now, she has to change her dress/shirt. Why? You aren't leaving the stankpartment. You're clearly out of the "Hey, I successfully suckered in a new asswiper!" phase. Why bother? You'll just slop more food on yourself anyway. Says it's iconic and would anyone like to buy it for a thousand dollars? She then bizarrely clips in her walking to a tree video. Between informing the new ambabies and the few remaining Frogs that the clip was from years ago and commenting on how it's amazing that with all the work she's been doing "perfectly" according to her imaginary dietitian, that dress/shirt fits her in the Hamber "normal" now just as it did then. Seeing as how se was "at her heaviest" around that time, we can deduce she must be somewhere in the range o that weight again. If Hamber had any sense of planning or looking forward, she wouldn't have the problems with people like me and others noting how this really makes her look worse image-wise just as much as it does her physically.
She says, about the dress/shirt she's changing into that it is "triggering"and "trauma based" and what in the name of fuck are you rattling on about, you illiterate trailer trash nouveau riche cunt?
Next day. Cam is pointing at the ceiling. Hamber says she has allergies to cats and she leaves the door to her room open, and the cats come and go. Claims Wasabi slept on her chest. Had such a "massive" allergic reaction that......one eye is puffy and red. So, a few things:" why is only one eye affected? That seems kind of odd to me. And the cats sleeping in the room thing: while she's saying this, it's "my room" and "my bed". Are the two lovebirds not sleeping together, now that Hamber has lost so much weight thanks to her grueling workouts, her proper hydration, and a diet that the dietitian told her was "perfect". Keeps talking about her "itching" the itch in her eye. You SCRATCH an ITCH, ya fucking tard.
Hamber says she has to get ready because because they are going grocery shopping. PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, BITCH! Cut to the grocery haul. Do we believe Hamber physically went to the grocery store, campers? If you do, see your physician for a checkup. So, what's in the bags, Ham?
Toilet paper. Charmin - yep, the butt bears - in a MEGA size. Fitting. I'm still trying to figure out who would willingly go into Hamber's giant ass to wipe her. Even with TP on a stick.
Now, before we continue, let us recall that Hamber claims to be following the dietitian's clarification as to what she should be eating. We know this is a lie, because if she'd been eating the way they said, she would be dropping weight, and that clearly is not happening. But let's suspend that disbelief for a few moments and crash through this haul, shall we?
A "thing" of melk. You know, Hamber, as much as you love to move stuff from containers into other containers, we'd expect by now you'd have a grip on what those fucking containers are called. And by the way, what happened to all those bullshit containers you were going to use for the crap you put in the fridge before you took it back out and trashed it because you don't/won't eat it? Anyway, it's a JUG of milk. Says she was going to just get a half gallon, but they didn't have it, so she got the bigger one. That's whole milk. They had zero quarts of 2% or nonfat? Or, is it, as I suspect, that you ordered this shit online, specifying whole milk, and the only other size in full fat milk was a gallon, which you okayed as a substitute? Moving on!
Organic bananas. A "thing" (BAG, you retarded bitch) of lemons so she can have lemon water, mint - fresh mint, no less - so she can have lemon mint water, and I need to stop for a second because I laughed and shot coffee on my keyboard......
OK, continue, Ham of lemon mint water fame. Has to tell us that her eye - you know, the one so MASSIVELY affected by her cat allergy - is drastically better. Don't care. Just take some goddamned Calaritin and be done with it. Get back to the (no doubt) bullshit you bought. Raspberries. The smallest cucumbers she has ever seen in her life - "They're so cute!" Because when I am shopping for food, the cuteness factor of the food itself is vital. Rice cakes. "This is probably the healthiest thing to a chip you're gonna find." NutritionLynn makes an appearance, and as usual, has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. Tells us they are very very low calorie, and she got two bags of caramel because she has a "massive" sweet tooth. That ain't the only thing massive about you, Fatty. She also got a container of other containers. It probably called out to her like the Sirens. It's a large bag of smaller, portioned bags of rice cakes. Great, way to double down on buying air and then more expensive air. Why both, you may ask? Hamber has a very Hamber answer to that: she "doesn't trust" herself with having a giant bag of something and portioning it out, so when there's something that may "trigger" her - wait, I thought we'd all agreed that you don't have BED, so why would something trigger you? - she just has to "work around it". So to "work around it". you got two large bags of rice cakes, then an even larger bags filled with smaller bags or rice cakes, as if eating three of those in one sitting is somehow better than eating half of a regular bag? Logic simply does not exist in the hamberverse.
Thin flatbreads for wraps. Collie-flower crust frozen pizzas that MG,W likes and that Hamber is going to try, although as we all know, she is not a "pizza type gal". Atkins faux M&Ms. Coffee: deathwish coffee, "the world's strongest coffee" (yeah, they all claim that), and Meijer's brand regular roast. Kind brand granola with oats and honey. "Good source of fiber," she says. That's it? Of course! Reading nutrition labels fully is for suckers! All she needs to see is this:
View attachment 5017368
GOOD SOURCE OF FIBER - Good enough! She's going to "Throw it in yogurt?" (Question mark hers.) She gave us macros in one of the previous videos and I wonder if she'll bother to look at the nutrition label on the back of this to see how easily this would take up a good chunk of the diet she's supposedly following. Ham, granola has a TON of calories and fat, and this has added sugar. But go on ahead with yourself, NutritionLynn. After all, no one knows nutrition like you do.
View attachment 5017461
Moving on!
Since she wants to add granola to yogurt, she had top get some yogurt. Chobani (good choice, I approve!) although she says the vanilla is "not my fave" but it should be ok after she adds fruit. Why are you buying shit you don't like? The only thing that's going to happen is that the food will be tossed. Waste.
A bottle of Starbucks premade coffee, because she's decided to add a little coffee back to her diet, and instead of just having drip coffee, or getting a K-Cup machine and some pods, she gets a giant bottle of coffee. I suppose this is on brand, though. It's the easiest an fastest way to get a little coffee. But Starbucks over roasts their coffee and it always tastes burnt to me. Ham has no taste buds left, so I guess it doesn't matter. Onward!
Cream cheese. MG,W got some prepared overnight oats. What? It's literally dumping a couple of ingredients in a bowl and sticking it in the fridge overnight. JFC, MG,W. Were you always this lazy or is Hamber's laziness contagious? Broccoli. Are we done here? BBQ sauce. Ground turkey. Chicken tenderloins. Turkey bacon. Lunch meat (chicken). Ground cayenne pepper. Cottage cheese. Creamer for the coffee: oat-based sweet cream and caramel macchiato. A small tub of mozzarella "pearls", which is terrific branding, kudos to that company. Sounds a lot better than "balls". Ketchup.
This is absolutely not all Hamber is stuffing into her piehole. She looks to be pushing to 560 or so. Keep it up, Ham! You can do it! That magic number of 600 is in reach, even with your TRex arms.
Abrupt cut to Hamber sitting on her ass (as usual), hair ion a towel, yammering about the voice memo crap. It seems at the end of the night she forgot to include the voice memo and PO segments. Egads! It's only part of your job that you're supposedly passionate about, Ham. So she's now moving on to the PO segment, which I cannot stand. Picks up a box that says "Imperfect Foods" on it - if you know Misfit Market, you understand what this one is - and pronounces it as "Emperical Foods". 140 IQ, fam. We're all smooth-brained haydurs who can pronounce a word written in giant letters on the side of a box, I guess. Poor us.
Someone shilling their nonprofit by sending her knitted tiny animals.
A scooter catalog, which she calls fatphobia at its finest.
Voice memo time. "Are you jealous and how do you deal with jealousy in relationships
Hamber says she just tries to trust the person she's with. PhilosophyLynn ranks right up there with the big dogs, guise. She truly is a master of existentialism and angst.
Only one? Hell, yeah! No listening to more asskissers this time around.
She loves these earrings with this particular dress she's wearing as a shirt, as usual. It has pockets. "We love a dress with pockets. Don't we Queen and King? Yes we do." She's leaving the batheoom to waddle to other areas of her deserted island, and reaches out with her left arm to grab the camera and JFC, it looks like we're about to get kicked in the face by an MMA fighter: her balloon hand looks like a foot, her forearm like a calf, and her upper arm like a thigh. it's terrifying.
MG,W had to help her untangle that tacky rose quartz bullshit, which Hamber keeps calling "she". Hamber ditches the wax melter - which they never use, apparently, way to stay on brand, Ham - and puts tacky rose in its place. She still has those ugly af fake green roses that MG,W gave her back at the beginning of this fairy tale love affair. So I guess that's just one more nail (of many) into the coffin of her "MG,W is no more, I'm seeing someone new" lie. Never change, Ham, at catching yourself out.
We're back in the bathroom. Hamber is assuring us she is not "that much" of a messy eater, implying that there is some level of messiness involved. We knew that, though, since we have literally seen her spill food on her chest and have also seen her terrible lack of table manners and napkin use, the latter of which is very nearly nonexistent. She makes sure we see the smear left by whatever food she was inhaling. Tries to be humorous by saying her short said it was hungry, asks us if we've ever had that happen. She touches her boobs, lifts them a bit before letting go - reported this one, Ham, exactly as I told you I would if you touched your sad tits again - "Like, your boobs get hongry, your clothes get hongry." No, Hamber, you're the only person in the history of the universe who has dropped food on themselves at some point in their lifetimes. The difference between us and you is that we don't pretend that non-sentient things like clothes and boobs get hungry or need their own personal pronouns. You're just a fucking slob.
So now, she has to change her dress/shirt. Why? You aren't leaving the stankpartment. You're clearly out of the "Hey, I successfully suckered in a new asswiper!" phase. Why bother? You'll just slop more food on yourself anyway. Says it's iconic and would anyone like to buy it for a thousand dollars? She then bizarrely clips in her walking to a tree video. Between informing the new ambabies and the few remaining Frogs that the clip was from years ago and commenting on how it's amazing that with all the work she's been doing "perfectly" according to her imaginary dietitian, that dress/shirt fits her in the Hamber "normal" now just as it did then. Seeing as how se was "at her heaviest" around that time, we can deduce she must be somewhere in the range o that weight again. If Hamber had any sense of planning or looking forward, she wouldn't have the problems with people like me and others noting how this really makes her look worse image-wise just as much as it does her physically.
She says, about the dress/shirt she's changing into that it is "triggering"and "trauma based" and what in the name of fuck are you rattling on about, you illiterate trailer trash nouveau riche cunt?
Next day. Cam is pointing at the ceiling. Hamber says she has allergies to cats and she leaves the door to her room open, and the cats come and go. Claims Wasabi slept on her chest. Had such a "massive" allergic reaction that......one eye is puffy and red. So, a few things:" why is only one eye affected? That seems kind of odd to me. And the cats sleeping in the room thing: while she's saying this, it's "my room" and "my bed". Are the two lovebirds not sleeping together, now that Hamber has lost so much weight thanks to her grueling workouts, her proper hydration, and a diet that the dietitian told her was "perfect". Keeps talking about her "itching" the itch in her eye. You SCRATCH an ITCH, ya fucking tard.
Hamber says she has to get ready because because they are going grocery shopping. PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, BITCH! Cut to the grocery haul. Do we believe Hamber physically went to the grocery store, campers? If you do, see your physician for a checkup. So, what's in the bags, Ham?
Toilet paper. Charmin - yep, the butt bears - in a MEGA size. Fitting. I'm still trying to figure out who would willingly go into Hamber's giant ass to wipe her. Even with TP on a stick.
Now, before we continue, let us recall that Hamber claims to be following the dietitian's clarification as to what she should be eating. We know this is a lie, because if she'd been eating the way they said, she would be dropping weight, and that clearly is not happening. But let's suspend that disbelief for a few moments and crash through this haul, shall we?
A "thing" of melk. You know, Hamber, as much as you love to move stuff from containers into other containers, we'd expect by now you'd have a grip on what those fucking containers are called. And by the way, what happened to all those bullshit containers you were going to use for the crap you put in the fridge before you took it back out and trashed it because you don't/won't eat it? Anyway, it's a JUG of milk. Says she was going to just get a half gallon, but they didn't have it, so she got the bigger one. That's whole milk. They had zero quarts of 2% or nonfat? Or, is it, as I suspect, that you ordered this shit online, specifying whole milk, and the only other size in full fat milk was a gallon, which you okayed as a substitute? Moving on!
Organic bananas. A "thing" (BAG, you retarded bitch) of lemons so she can have lemon water, mint - fresh mint, no less - so she can have lemon mint water, and I need to stop for a second because I laughed and shot coffee on my keyboard......
OK, continue, Ham of lemon mint water fame. Has to tell us that her eye - you know, the one so MASSIVELY affected by her cat allergy - is drastically better. Don't care. Just take some goddamned Calaritin and be done with it. Get back to the (no doubt) bullshit you bought. Raspberries. The smallest cucumbers she has ever seen in her life - "They're so cute!" Because when I am shopping for food, the cuteness factor of the food itself is vital. Rice cakes. "This is probably the healthiest thing to a chip you're gonna find." NutritionLynn makes an appearance, and as usual, has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. Tells us they are very very low calorie, and she got two bags of caramel because she has a "massive" sweet tooth. That ain't the only thing massive about you, Fatty. She also got a container of other containers. It probably called out to her like the Sirens. It's a large bag of smaller, portioned bags of rice cakes. Great, way to double down on buying air and then more expensive air. Why both, you may ask? Hamber has a very Hamber answer to that: she "doesn't trust" herself with having a giant bag of something and portioning it out, so when there's something that may "trigger" her - wait, I thought we'd all agreed that you don't have BED, so why would something trigger you? - she just has to "work around it". So to "work around it". you got two large bags of rice cakes, then an even larger bags filled with smaller bags or rice cakes, as if eating three of those in one sitting is somehow better than eating half of a regular bag? Logic simply does not exist in the hamberverse.
Thin flatbreads for wraps. Collie-flower crust frozen pizzas that MG,W likes and that Hamber is going to try, although as we all know, she is not a "pizza type gal". Atkins faux M&Ms. Coffee: deathwish coffee, "the world's strongest coffee" (yeah, they all claim that), and Meijer's brand regular roast. Kind brand granola with oats and honey. "Good source of fiber," she says. That's it? Of course! Reading nutrition labels fully is for suckers! All she needs to see is this:
View attachment 5017368
GOOD SOURCE OF FIBER - Good enough! She's going to "Throw it in yogurt?" (Question mark hers.) She gave us macros in one of the previous videos and I wonder if she'll bother to look at the nutrition label on the back of this to see how easily this would take up a good chunk of the diet she's supposedly following. Ham, granola has a TON of calories and fat, and this has added sugar. But go on ahead with yourself, NutritionLynn. After all, no one knows nutrition like you do.
View attachment 5017461
Moving on!
Since she wants to add granola to yogurt, she had top get some yogurt. Chobani (good choice, I approve!) although she says the vanilla is "not my fave" but it should be ok after she adds fruit. Why are you buying shit you don't like? The only thing that's going to happen is that the food will be tossed. Waste.
A bottle of Starbucks premade coffee, because she's decided to add a little coffee back to her diet, and instead of just having drip coffee, or getting a K-Cup machine and some pods, she gets a giant bottle of coffee. I suppose this is on brand, though. It's the easiest an fastest way to get a little coffee. But Starbucks over roasts their coffee and it always tastes burnt to me. Ham has no taste buds left, so I guess it doesn't matter. Onward!
Cream cheese. MG,W got some prepared overnight oats. What? It's literally dumping a couple of ingredients in a bowl and sticking it in the fridge overnight. JFC, MG,W. Were you always this lazy or is Hamber's laziness contagious? Broccoli. Are we done here? BBQ sauce. Ground turkey. Chicken tenderloins. Turkey bacon. Lunch meat (chicken). Ground cayenne pepper. Cottage cheese. Creamer for the coffee: oat-based sweet cream and caramel macchiato. A small tub of mozzarella "pearls", which is terrific branding, kudos to that company. Sounds a lot better than "balls". Ketchup.
This is absolutely not all Hamber is stuffing into her piehole. She looks to be pushing to 560 or so. Keep it up, Ham! You can do it! That magic number of 600 is in reach, even with your TRex arms.
Abrupt cut to Hamber sitting on her ass (as usual), hair ion a towel, yammering about the voice memo crap. It seems at the end of the night she forgot to include the voice memo and PO segments. Egads! It's only part of your job that you're supposedly passionate about, Ham. So she's now moving on to the PO segment, which I cannot stand. Picks up a box that says "Imperfect Foods" on it - if you know Misfit Market, you understand what this one is - and pronounces it as "Emperical Foods". 140 IQ, fam. We're all smooth-brained haydurs who can pronounce a word written in giant letters on the side of a box, I guess. Poor us.
Someone shilling their nonprofit by sending her knitted tiny animals.
A scooter catalog, which she calls fatphobia at its finest.
Voice memo time. "Are you jealous and how do you deal with jealousy in relationships
Hamber says she just tries to trust the person she's with. PhilosophyLynn ranks right up there with the big dogs, guise. She truly is a master of existentialism and angst.
Only one? Hell, yeah! No listening to more asskissers this time around.
TL;DW/R: Hamber says she's going to to the grocery, but I'm betting they got that shit delivered. Air food (rice cakes), shit she doesn't even like (yogurt, coffee), snack-sized rice cakes, frozen pizza, and you get the idea. The "massive" allergic reaction was just ONE eye being affected by one of the cats sleeping on her chest. Interesting. PO box time: a nonprofit trying to spread their message via he channel, with tiny knitted animals. Pretty cute, so I'll give the sender props. Voice memo: some asskisser wants to know how Hamber deal with jealousy in a relationship. Dull bullshit. IOW, just another day in the hamberverse.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
Well, there you have it folks. She 100% gained weight and tried to bullshit that dietitian with the BED excuse, just like everyone already knew. What a shocker. No wonder that clinic took several steps back. I don’t see her going there for very much longer.
Also, low-carb M&M’s? Yeah, that will be the magic bullet that helps on her weight loss journey, I’m positive.
Also, low-carb M&M’s? Yeah, that will be the magic bullet that helps on her weight loss journey, I’m positive.
D_Tractor
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 6, 2020
All this time I thought Petey 750Extreme was a medical bariatric scale. I had no idea he was an industrial scale made for things like big ass car parts.
Smiling with air
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2019
Haven’t watched the video yet but did she really say “suffering from comfort eating”? It’s when I first hear Amber saying she suffering from Binge Eating. How is it “suffering”? You are causing your brain to produce a dopamine high.
How the fuck are you suffering? People who are dying are suffering. People who have conditions and illnesses that cause them pain are suffering. Not stuffing your fucking maw with 6k calories of Maccy d’s.
How the fuck are you suffering? People who are dying are suffering. People who have conditions and illnesses that cause them pain are suffering. Not stuffing your fucking maw with 6k calories of Maccy d’s.