Once again into the breach. Get all angsty so I can laugh at you, Spamber.
Big Spamber has told us about three(?) outpatient visits so far. I believe that as is her habit, these videos are behind real time, especially when she started dropping out the announcing of the dates on the vlogs back when she quit yet another 100 days of something. Maybe it's a week, maybe two, but does it really matter? She'll still be fat and stupid, regardless.
We begin with the stupid intro. Skip.
WTF is with this filter and why are we sitting in an aloe plant? Not quirky, not cute. Get a fucking tripod and use it, you lazy twat.
"Today we're in a forest, and we're trying to find crocodiles."
You are not funny. We've established this. Stop trying to be funny.
"You guys are in my (fake) plant. I literally [sic] have nowhere to put you guys."
Either stop using "literally" as a crutch word, or use it correctly.
Claims to have two appointments today, whenever "today" is - once again, no date given.
Starts telling us who the appointments are with then starts talking about yet another pair of ugly earrings she's wearing. She continues, says she's "nervous" - no shit, you're nervous any every goddamn thing in the world. Just skip yammering about it, and understand we take this as a given after all these years of you being scared/nervous about things. Some stupid rambly thing about blood work: she's going to get it done today, so she's fasting and thinks she's starveen. I fucking guarantee you that you are not starving, Spamber. Is about to go film some cameos. Does that stupid clicking with her tongue that's uber annoying, and she knows this, which is why she's now doing it often - and bonus, now the editing "gf" zooms in on her fucking mouth. You sound like a fucking tard who just likes to make noise for the sake of making noise and we absolutely don't need a fucking closeup of your mouth. Or are you doing that for the feeders, BrokeLynn? I'll go with that: you need the feeders since your channel is dying.
Shilling for her cameo account. Skip.
VoiceoverLynn reading a quote (inserted on screen) about failure being part of the process and feeling discomfort - excuse me, feeling "uncomfortableness" - is part of the struggle. Yes, be inspired, gorls! That's the only thing you need!
The next part is her having some kind of breakdowm, and of course she was debating whether or not to include it. Sure you were. You say that often, and yet shove that shit into your vids anyway in your quest for sympathy for "muh mentalz" because you ate your way to 600 pounds. Blah blah blah, trying to find an excuse to quit the outpatient program. We know you'll find a reason to quit, Spamber. She says "Please be kind guys, kind words, please." NO. Why the fuck should anyone extend you any grace?
Blah blah. Basically, you thought it would be an instacure. Wait, what the fuck? Go back. This is a direct godamned quote.
"Like, I thought the dietician was...ok. I didn't think she was gonna be structured. I had a feeling it was going to be very much intuitive eating and no calories or anything like that, but I felt myself leaving the meeting like I needed something structured."
You FAIL every single structured thing. You FAIL intuitive eating. You FAIL counting calories. You ALSO said that meal plans would probably make you indulge your [non-existent] BED. There aren't any other choices, Fatball. How the fuck do you think you're going to lose weight, by magic? Or maybe you'll just wait for the beetus to catch up and lose a layygg to that in order to drop pounds. Here's the real deal: you do not want to lose weight because it requires 1) work, and 2) restricting your diet, both of which you hate. So miss us with this bullshit that you somehow think you know better than professionals who do this shit for a living. And if you want to quit the program, just fucking quit. Nobody cares about your rationalization for doing so, and that doesn't matter anyway: you're a quitter. it's what you do. It's what people expect you to do. Just go back to hoovering down all the food you want, and get yourself back over 600 pounds again. Then we can see just how much the "gf" loves you.
More "I need something structured to help me lose weight" crap. No, what you need is to 1) understand you cannot pay attention to losing weight when it requires therapy to do that and 2) tell this shit to your shrink and/or dietician, and they will repeat #1 to your fat face. Nothing will change if you try therapy and a diet at the same time. Shits on the shrink and dietician because they don't want to discuss weight loss. Guess what, Spamber: you've been to a grand total of what, three visits? You probably, as usual, think you know everything and what's best, but nine years of YT says otherwise.
"I actively need to lose weight or I'm gonna die." STOP USING ACTIVELY. JFC. There should be a shock collar that can zap her when she uses her idiotic crutch words, and a stronger double shock if she uses them AND uses them incorrectly.
Guess you should have thought about all this before eating yourself to immobility, Fatty. Or thought about losing weight - "actively" - when you had more money coming in so you wouldn't be bitching about the price of this program. Guess that orange chicken was just too much to pass up.
"So, I'm scared." Like you were post-surgery, when we saw you go right back to your usual eating patterns, once again ignoring being told by everyone that you should be changing your habits? Yeah, real scared, we can tell. And you're scared of the way they want you to eat? They want you to eat just like you always eat. What's your problem? It isn't like you'll stick to a diet.
JFC, this angle is horrific.
That nose ring makes you look like you have a booger up in there. It's stupid, get rid of it. Take the eyelashes with it, because they suck too.
"They want me to have snacks during the day, which I never do." I almost damaged myself from laughing so hard. You're such a pathological liar. "I'm just so scared right now." Tip: when you're going for the "found footage" sort of horror movie, it needs to be darker and the camera needs to be closer to your chin (your first chin) pointing upwards to your face to show how skeered you are. She's blathering on about how she might have an ang-ziii-ty attack. Then have it or not, FFS, I can't see how you would, since this is the same bullshit you say every time you decide to quit something. In fact, I bet you already have quit it, since we know this is behind, and the clinic hasn't pulled out a magic bullet to make everything all better instantly for you.
"I am hyperfixating on all the diets I could be doing to lose weight." Oh, do tell about all these diets you could be doing that have helped you lose weight. Come on, Big Spamber, tell us.
God damn, I keep forgetting just how enormous she is.
"Fill the frame with your presence" doesn't mean be a giant fatass with arms the size of some peoples' torsos.
What the fuck are you talking about? "How can I trust something where the goal isn't to save my life?" You are so spectacularly stupid that it defies description. Just find your excuse to quit the program. We know that's what's coming. You never finish anything. You will forever be fat. You should just embrace it at this point.
Ugh, another inspirational molment. Oh, you've only been to two appointments? I wonder if you'll get to the third.
Grocery haul time! Trader Joe's, with a stop at SBUX for that stupid lemonade with a couple pumps of vanilla she acts like she fucking invented. An "I promise you?" uptalk, as she does, to try to get people to believe whatever she's saying. much like honestly, to be honest, I swear, or trust me: it's far easier to get people to trust you when you don't lie like a sociopath. As a bonus, you also don't have to add any of those phrases to your speaking patterns.
I'm not going to detail all the shit they bought, just sum it up: prepacked shit, snack shit (so much for that not snacking during the day), bread (ciabatta,for sandwiches, way to watch those calories and that carb intake), hideous plant shit, meat. She says this is supposed to be three weeks of food, and I say good luck with that. She pulls it out of the bag, the "gf" puts it away. But instead of doing something sensible and intelligent, like placing the bag on a chair by the island, to make reaching into it easier on her TRex arms and reduce the FUCKING ANNOYING NOISE she makes when pulling shit out, she leaves it on the counter. Fucking annoying, and a shitton of money spent so they could feel bougie about their status on the economic scale, I suppose.
No goodbye, no "I forgot to end the vlog.", no splice in of a pre-recorded ending, like a smart person would do. Nope, it just abruptly ends, with the stupid outro music.
TL;DW/DR: SpamberLynn gets all angsty about the outpatient program she'll be quitting any minute now, and they spend a bunch of money on Trader Joe's groceries, half of which will probably go bad because she will continue to order takeout.
