Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[beanbag in a hurry]

 

[PotatoSalad4711]

@Boolean Bitch gorl, that first pic in your recap freaked me out. I thought for a split second it was about to be revealed that Jade’s a dude. But that would be something interesting in an Amber video, so silly me.

That tattoo really is impressive. Kudos to her for picking out a good artist. What Amber has to say about the parlor: “Woah, this place looks so clean, sterile, and professional.” No shit, dummy.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

Gorlworld Ireland has a hilarious reaction to Hamber's "I'm not the fucking problem YOU are for sending me cake!" video.

It's worth a watch. His telling her to fuck off is legit LOL material. He also makes fun of Hamber's arrogance, which is also nice.

Also, WTF with Zachary Michael these days? Why is he treating this attention whoring cunt with kid gloves?

Weight loss coming in nicely, toobz. It's MDWU:

The bad angle is because Amber is using her girth to obstruct the living room wall - want to see what her gallery wall looks like? Tune in next time: same FAT time, same FAT channel!

Someone in Justine's react commented about Hamber's neck droop over her choker and now I can't unsee it. Bad enough to be getting jowls, but if you're so fucking fat your bullfrog neck is turning into a turkey wattle, you're definitely not following the imaginary program.

I'm going to say her quiz-diagnosed PTSD that she's completely going to be healed of in a mere six - five - four - three - two - one! sessions will present a stumbling block for the imaginary WLS. She'll refuse to do more imaginary therapy, because her imaginary PTSD wasn't totally cleared in six hours of rambling talk about herself.

Maybe then we'll get the arc we really want: the road to 600. Pounds.

 

[I call shenanigans]

Also, WTF with Zachary Michael these days? Why is he treating this attention whoring cunt with kid gloves?

With YouTube being his main source of income these days, maybe he’s spooked by the new TOS. I personally lost interest in watching anything from him at around the time he tossed in his job.

I'm going to say her quiz-diagnosed PTSD that she's completely going to be healed of in a mere six - five - four - three - two - one! sessions will present a stumbling block for the imaginary WLS. She'll refuse to do more imaginary therapy, because her imaginary PTSD wasn't totally cleared in six hours of rambling talk about herself.

Her therapy is only going to last as long as the clinic insists on it. She’s not doing this to actually gain any healing. What she hasn’t yet realised is that the success of her therapy will be measured in weight loss, not in number of sessions. One of Amber’s big issues is she doesn’t hear what is actually being said to her, and has zero ability to read between the lines. Her surgeon said that he would reassess her situation after 12 therapy sessions (3-4 months). He didnt say he’d approve her then or give her “the date”.

Of course Caesar Salad is her favourite…salads don’t come much fatter than a good Caesar. If she would just restrict herself for 3 months to solid lean meats, eggs, and undressed garden salads, dumping the carbs, cheese and processed deli meats, she’d get approved for her surgery the next time she sees the surgeon. Of course that’s too hard for her, and her 1 lb goals she sees as the qualification rather than the “just lose something” that the goal is at the moment. We are currently watching this bitch work to achieve the absolute bare minimum, and not even achieving that. At least if she aimed higher, she might manage the bare minimum.

 

[Constellationzero]

With YouTube being his main source of income these days, maybe he’s spooked by the new TOS. I personally lost interest in watching anything from him at around the time he tossed in his job.

You lasted way longer than I could. Because I could not with that fucking abject faggot. His face is looking rough too.

 

[Xenomorph]

I think maybe Amber's true PTSD thing from being a little girl in foster care was

Spoiler

that no one wanted to molest her even then, so she has no dark stories to tell outside of being put on Weight Watchers or drinking skim milk.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

With YouTube being his main source of income these days, maybe he’s spooked by the new TOS. I personally lost interest in watching anything from him at around the time he tossed in his job.

I didn't even know he has enough subs to support it, but get that coin, Zach.

Her therapy is only going to last as long as the clinic insists on it. She’s not doing this to actually gain any healing. What she hasn’t yet realised is that the success of her therapy will be measured in weight loss, not in number of sessions. One of Amber’s big issues is she doesn’t hear what is actually being said to her, and has zero ability to read between the lines. Her surgeon said that he would reassess her situation after 12 therapy sessions (3-4 months). He didnt say he’d approve her then or give her “the date”.

If - and that's a big if for me - this WLS arc is anything but bullshit, I cannot wait to see the meltdown she has when they say you got PTSD? Yep, more therapy, gorl. Oh, and lose this many pounds. The latter because I don't believe at all that they say, yeah, naw, we're not going to give you something to work on in parallel with your head.

Of course Caesar Salad is her favourite…salads don’t come much fatter than a good Caesar. If she would just restrict herself for 3 months to solid lean meats, eggs, and undressed garden salads, dumping the carbs, cheese and processed deli meats, she’d get approved for her surgery the next time she sees the surgeon. Of course that’s too hard for her, and her 1 lb goals she sees as the qualification rather than the “just lose something” that the goal is at the moment. We are currently watching this bitch work to achieve the absolute bare minimum, and not even achieving that. At least if she aimed higher, she might manage the bare minimum.

The fattiest and one of the saltiest, two of her favorite food groups. I'm wondering just how long it took her after finishing that salad with no protein component to go into the kitchen an start hoovering snacks because she was "proud of myself" for eating a salad and also "people don't just live on salad!"

I've been trying to figure out just why Hamber evokes such a visceral disgust in me. Even Chantal with her crazy doesn't annoy me as much as Hamber does. I guess it's the narc part, since I grew up with one, like many others have - I'm not unique in that regard. The whole cake thing makes me want to send a flotilla of doordash/ubereats to her.

 

[DefCon Dumb]

I’m having trouble imagining her spending 8 hours in a tattoo parlour whole Jade grr et s to h Ed work done. The poor exhausted child must have needed big snackies after that debilitating ordeal.

I feel for the staff at the shop having to listen to her mindless babbling for 8 hours.

 

[Ben Lurkin']

Just catching up after being away with the vloggity-vlog "my favorite meal lately..."

...where TradWifeLynn performatively "does chores" by rearranging the absolute Community Food Pantry-sized cornucopia of eats crammed into her fridge to the gills (her icebox being nowhere as nearly stuffed with groceries as is BingeenLynn.)

Since this spergery went on so long it's kinda funny to me, so if spergery ain't your thing, just skip it all, or skip to the bottom of the post's tl:dr...k, tnx.

Obligatory *pointy*-*pointy*-*point* with balloon paws
at any object of her gluttonous, consuming desires.
An Impulsive, Greedy, Demanding, Mindless Reflex.
"Gimme, Gimme, Gimme! Mine, Mine, Mine! Nao-Nao-Nao!"
​

Considering that just a few vlogs ago Hamber "revisited" the PTSD-inducing episode now enshrined in "GorlHystery" as "ShrimpGate"...

​

...where she was schoo-traumatized by the blast furnace of sheer hate she endured that it was only all these years later she could stunningly and bravely publically "unpack" that shit.

No one asked her to do this, but like her imagined dermatillomania, she infinitely loops back to pick at the imaginary scabs she's endured during that dark eon (where she dinna-do-nuffin') from the flagellations, lidderal virtual online violence, social media trauma, and loss of subscribers/revenue, where she wuz subjected to unrelenting, and groundless abuse on-the-daily.

All over a simple, hulthy wedding-catering-sized platter of shrimp mukbang. On a morbidly-obese host's life-and-death struggle with weight-loss channel.

Whaaa? Yanno...Skinny mukbangers die of obesity, too!

Shrimp-phobic boolieen. Endured. For Years. Al tragically trapped like a doomed YA novel character. Y'all heartless haydurs.

How can Hamber heal from her foster care diets trauma when you haydurs force her to rip off new scabs inflicted via shrimp-based brutality?

(Gah, gross skin/body-horror metaphors...but I'll wager not nearly as gnarly as Al's actual naked, weeping, limp-0-dema laygggs.)​

Our "Miri-HamSueLynn of the Much Sodiums" is martyred moar than anyone else in all of YooToobLand, ya shitlords.

BigAl testes at a staggering 47 on the "YT-PTSD* Diagnostic." Y'all happy, now?

* Acronym: YouTube-Parasocial Tantrums & Seething abt Dieting​

Mere days ago (fuck, what's a timeline?) MartyrLynn re-traumatized herself for your sins by reliving (and monetizing) the living hell of "ShrimpGate."

It was worse than...gasp...skim melk!...shudders...

So, tl:dr -- My my...what do we spy? On the top-shelf and centered in the camera frame?...relapse...and it's all your fault...

TW: Shrimp

​

,

 

[I call shenanigans]

he fattiest and one of the saltiest, two of her favorite food groups. I'm wondering just how long it took her after finishing that salad with no protein component to go into the kitchen an start hoovering snacks because she was "proud of myself" for eating a salad and also "people don't just live on salad!"

To be fair the fat in Caesar salad should be satiating in itself, plus there’s protein in the eggs, the Parmesan cheese, bacon (if it’s in there), and the anchovies in the dressing. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t add a chicken breast to it though, given it’s a pretty natural pairing and Faline was having it.

 

[Goatchoker]

Bobs burgers is forever hilarious.
One of our morning cartoons during the week.

Wipey at least picked a good tattoo artist. Also there is no way in hell I can sit for 8 hours getting a tattoo so I don’t think big al waddled in and sat with her true love the whole time.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

@Boolean Bitch gorl, that first pic in your recap freaked me out. I thought for a split second it was about to be revealed that Jade’s a dude. But that would be something interesting in an Amber video, so silly me.

That tattoo really is impressive. Kudos to her for picking out a good artist. What Amber has to say about the parlor: “Woah, this place looks so clean, sterile, and professional.” No shit, dummy.

Oops... Sorry. It wasn't my intention to stir up the 'Wipey is a man' storyline again. I was just trying to add a bit of shock value with the arm, as Amber's content gets more dull and predictable by the week.

I'm mixed about the tattoo (not that it matters; it's not my arm). I will acknowledge that it looks very well done. I do think it's weird that she got a 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil tattoo' (with one of the meanings of the proverb being to not be complicit with wrongdoing) when she friggin PROFITS off of Amber's bullshit (and likely got the tattoo due to Amber's adsense). Also not sure what David has to do with a gorgon and the ruler of the underworld - or what any of that has to do with Shintoism/Buddhism - but that's probably just due to my lack of creativity. And it doesn't mesh with Jade's other art AT ALL. I also find it funny, because when complete, the full sleeve will probably obscure the hideous 'wifey' tattoo in Amber's handwriting (that she likely pushed Jade to get).

Gorlworld Ireland has a hilarious reaction to Hamber's "I'm not the fucking problem YOU are for sending me cake!" video.

It's worth a watch. His telling her to fuck off is legit LOL material. He also makes fun of Hamber's arrogance, which is also nice.

Also, WTF with Zachary Michael these days? Why is he treating this attention whoring cunt with kid gloves?

Someone in Justine's react commented about Hamber's neck droop over her choker and now I can't unsee it. Bad enough to be getting jowls, but if you're so fucking fat your bullfrog neck is turning into a turkey wattle, you're definitely not following the imaginary program...

...Maybe then we'll get the arc we really want: the road to 600. Pounds.

Arrgh, now I can't unsee it either! I'm not actually sure I want the road to 600lbs. I want the 'adsense down by 85%' arc, where we see even MORE RIDICULOUS immitations of being a posh influencer on a food stamps budget, and we get absolutely GLORIOUS desperation flailing during her extinction burst. And then she becomes a skinny legend less obese, not because she's working to lose weight, but because she doesn't have enough money to eat as much as she wants - just like that person she ridiculed in her IG story.

Gorlworld Ireland is hilarious. I like in that video when he compared Amber's entire life to that scene in The Simpsons when Sideshow Bob is in the field of rakes, and every time he takes a step, a rake snaps up and thwaps him in the face. "That is Amberlynn's existence. How the FUCK do you manage that?! How are you always wrong about fucking EVERYTHING?! It's like a conceited effort to fuck up and be wrong every time about everything. It genuinely fucking stuns me".

ZM is a sellout, just like 90% of reactors. Though to be honest, he always seemed more OTT and dramatic than genuinely witty and biting, even in 2019.

@Situation Type Deal Gorl:
...If - and that's a big if for me - this WLS arc is anything but bullshit, I cannot wait to see the meltdown she has when they say you got PTSD? Yep, more therapy, gorl. Oh, and lose this many pounds. The latter because I don't believe at all that they say, yeah, naw, we're not going to give you something to work on in parallel with your head...

Regardless of whether she's actually still seeing a WLS or not, we all know how this is going to end - the same way it ended with WLS #1-3. She's just stringing this along for as long as possible while doing NOTHING to improve her lifestyle in even the most miniscule way. I wonder what the next season will bring? Will she try this bullshit with imaginary (or real) clinic #5? Is this current arc ONLY get to wipey to stay (rather than being for her audience), and we'll then see Amber start desperately fatfishing for a new soulmate? Will she revist the ADHD arc to get some Adderall? I mean, we haven't heard about that 'testing' she was supposed to have done for MONTHS now...

... And isn't she supposed to be in school to get a diploma-certificate-situation-type-deal? What happened with that?

 

[blubberlubber]

Do people actually fall for the 'quit your job to pursue youtube' meme? There's no way someone with an average of 50k a video is making enough dough for it to be sustainable. If Amburger is making any revenue off of her previous videos then she's definitely not going to be able to keep that up in a few more years considering all we've gotten is her sitting on a couch and opening up shit from Amazon. Maybe if she decided to dip more into those little egg things with the miniature toys from vlogmas she'd be able to tap into the kid friendly market so we can get a 25-inch Amberlynn plush deal as a wommart exclusive. She's clearly already desperate with getting WLS and trying to fix her life before she's left fat AND poor. It's like watching a smoke channel lose views and the owner tries to quit drugs to avoid the cost of the habit later on, but just like a college junkie ALR would sell out before she ever has to lose her candy-flavored fix.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

To be fair the fat in Caesar salad should be satiating in itself, plus there’s protein in the eggs, the Parmesan cheese, bacon (if it’s in there), and the anchovies in the dressing. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t add a chicken breast to it though, given it’s a pretty natural pairing and Faline was having it.

For you or me, maybe. For Hamber? No way. It was a rotisserie chicken, too! Her fave!

Arrgh, now I can't unsee it either! I'm not actually sure I want the road to 600lbs. I want the 'adsense down by 85%' arc, where we see even MORE RIDICULOUS immitations of being a posh influencer on a food stamps budget, and we get absolutely GLORIOUS desperation flailing during her extinction burst.

The museum visit video is six days old, with only 36K views. Hamber's gonna have get some mook-bongs going to keep MG,W in sleeves.

Gorlworld Ireland is hilarious. I like in that video when he compared Amber's entire life to that scene in The Simpsons when Sideshow Bob is in the field of rakes, and every time he takes a step, a rake snaps up and thwaps him in the face. "That is Amberlynn's existence. How the FUCK do you manage that?! How are you always wrong about fucking EVERYTHING?! It's like a conceited effort to fuck up and be wrong every time about everything. It genuinely fucking stuns me".

I bet it's way easier if you're a complete dumbass, as Hamber is. There's a whole universe of things she doesn't know, because she has never had to be an adult in any relationship she's ever had.

ZM is a sellout, just like 90% of reactors. Though to be honest, he always seemed more OTT and dramatic than genuinely witty and biting, even in 2019.

Eh, I don't care if they get some coin off these cows while they're here. Since haydur nation burns like the sun, getting even a fair part of it to come listen to you "Ma'am" your way through video seems like a pretty good deal.

Regardless of whether she's actually still seeing a WLS or not, we all know how this is going to end - the same way it ended with WLS #1-3.

I await the inevitable failure and tears, if she can get any going while she smirks. Maybe MG,W could poke her int he eyes, Three Stooges style situation type deal. Red eyes AND tears, it's like a bonus!

She's just stringing this along for as long as possible while doing NOTHING to improve her lifestyle in even the most miniscule way. I wonder what the next season will bring? Will she try this bullshit with imaginary (or real) clinic #5? Is this current arc ONLY get to wipey to stay (rather than being for her audience), and we'll then see Amber start desperately fatfishing for a new soulmate? Will she revist the ADHD arc to get some Adderall? I mean, we haven't heard about that 'testing' she was supposed to have done for MONTHS now...

Does MG,W really care all that much, though? As long as those dollars hit Hamber's bank every month......

... And isn't she supposed to be in school to get a diploma-certificate-situation-type-deal? What happened with that?

She bought all the shit to prepare for it. We all know how this story ends, too. The planning and buying of more shit for the hoard is the extent of that "class",

Speaking of notes and other bullshit: what the fuck with her saying her only-online, no insurance shrink told her to write an essay about one of her muh PTSD trauma items and rattle off a bunch of things including "why it happened"? Sounds like victim-blaming to me, and raises my suspicion hackles. It's like Optavia for muh mentalz, just shit she uploads even though she already quit or the fakery is coming to an end because she got tired of pretending. We could call it Traumanium, Hamber Edition.

 

[Fat White Lump]

How tf did Amber sit in a tattoo parlor for 8 hours with her supposed ADHD? I can't even sit through a 50 min tv show.

 

[Miltank]

i mean she most likely stayed home, no way would she want to sit there for 8 hrs in a tattoo parlor (which are usually on the smaller side and not buffalo-size friendly) plus that's 8 hours of being in a public place where she'd be seen. the half second of the parlor room could easily be a quick vid by Jade that Amber put in to "prove" she was there

 

[Constellationzero]

"I'm not in a good mood anymore" *eats huge chunk of sauce-covered lettuce* "MMM! so good!" *piggy dance*
I TOTALLY believe that she did not eat that cake. I also believe that she c-oreo-graphed that dance. I also believe that trannies are real women and that Epstein killed himself. Whenever she makes movements too fast I can imagine that cartoon boing-boing noise.
View attachment 5099101

I am reminded of the iconic last scenes of Misery where Paul Sheldon makes Annie eat her fucking abomination of a manuscript she made Paul write. He tamped it into her mouth good and hard. It was charred and smoking.

Jade: Hintity Hint Hint Hint.

 

[Mekahineyho]

Maybe it’s just my experience, but anytime I’ve gone to a private tattoo space like that they ask for no guests. I wouldn’t be surprised it Jade was shitty enough to just show up with Amber plus she would not sit at home for 8 hrs while Jade is out interacting with others.

 

[Ayygs and Layygs]

The tattoo is good work but there's been a whole thing about Medusa tattoos symbolizing surviving a sexual assault and warding off future danger. Choosing her to be "see no evil" is interesting. Or it's more of the faux intellect shit.

Imagine being 32 and having to obsess over shit that happened to you as a kid and sitting around doing scratch art and building Legos and coloring instead of making new memories with friends and family because your personality is so rancid no one wants you around. That's Amber.

And yet she sees absolutely nothing wrong with that. Allegedly in therapy for years and still trying to figure out her traumas. Either her therapists are trash or she's full of shit.

I know it can be difficult, but people manage every day to live with thier past and stive for a better future.

Exactly. She wallows in it and uses it at as an excuse to be cunty to anyone who she feels breaths wrong.

Why does AL have the phone number of a group home staff from over 20 years ago?
View attachment 5097489

I thought meth mom was on no contact while Hamber was in foster care, which is when she was dancing her 300 pound body to all of the awards. Or is my timeline off? I can't keep the shit straight. Also, them remembering her doing some talent show is not the same as winning awards and choreographing for the troupe. It's almost as if she doesn't understand why people are calling her on her shit.

 

[Xenomorph]