I sighed in discontent, making somewhat of a show of it, but the sound was lost under the nasally singing sensations of Rafe's wife. I think her name was Hannah? I had been in the back seat for a good 30 minutes, and was tugging on the bungee chords securing my seat belt in place. The discomfort was making the repetitive southern drawel resonating through the car all the more insufferable. "No one had to put up with this seat belt nonsense back in the day, gorl!" Came the brilliant voice in her mind.
I glared at Rafe, her perky demeanor genuinely enjoying the sounds gurgling from her wife, and stroking her meaty fingers over the red faced woman's sausagey appendages which lay on the center console. "Gorl, that's your attention they're using!" Came the familiar voice of comfort and reason. I knew I was the center of the universe, but to have a moment of my time shared was more uncomfortable than the bungee chords digging into my fupa.
"Are we almost at Texas Roadhouse yet?" I whined delicately, my dainty pleads sending the nauseating country song to an abrupt halt, and Rafe's other half glared at me through the rear view mirror. "Gorl, she's just jealous your petite angel voice is better than her singing." I had to agree with my inner voice, and decided to not put much thought into the side ways glance.
"Almost!" Rafe promised, her snaggle-tooth beaming at me from behind her perky grin.
The sun was going down, and I looked at the clock on my phone. We had been driving for almost 30 minutes. I sighed and desperately stroked the lining of my old kitty lunch box for crumbs of wheat thins. I had only packed myself a few carrots, some hummus, wheat thins, green olives, tuna and left over rice for the trip. I had already gone through the entire thing. I glared at Hannah through bulging slits of fat crowding my eyes. The greedy disaster asked for one of my olives, and to try my pine nut hummus. Wanting to stay in their good graces for potential leech material I begrudgingly complied.
I sighed at the deprivation my body was now experiencing, I closed my eyes and dreamed of fried pickles and the seasoned rice and steak I was going to get at Texas Roadhouse. I opened them and longingly looked out the window, watching the vultures pick at the roadkill on the highway, 'it looked like a deer demolished by a monster truck in the night life' I thought poetically.
My stomach growled as I wondered what the deer and turkey vultures tasted like. "How much longerrrrr?" I asked again. It was beginning to get dark. The vehicle slowed as we pulled into a familiar shed. I felt confused.
"We're here," Rafe smirked.
My stomach sank, I felt more confused than I was about the geographic location of Poconos.
"Like wha-- Where are we?" I tried, and searched their faces. Thinking maybe for a second this was a joke.
"We're here." Hannah said slowly, her voice a low melodic husk.
"You guys said we were going to Texas Roadhouse?" I gawked incredulously.
"We had something better in mind." Rafe explained.
My jaw dropped.
"NO!" I screeched loudly. "NO, RAFE! This is NOT okay! Gorl, for real, this isn't even fucking funny! Sorry to swear, that's not the kind of person I am!" I said rambling desperately, "But this is ridic, for real, you said we were going to eat. This is not something you can lie about we're not talking about piddly little scale numbers that you're embellishing. This isn't what you're eating or rape. You said we were going to Texas Roadhouse and that is NOT something you can lie about!" I said tears of rage forming in the corners of my eyes at the severity of their betrayal.
Rafe sighed, and I saw a twinge of guilt sparkle behind her eyes. "Look, Amberlynn. Hannah and I have been watching you for a while and... well--" Her eyes diverted from mine and they searched the ground as if looking for an explanation, but Hannah didn't have the patience.
She whipped a gun out at me "We watched you for months! My mama has been dying, we hardly make any money, do you know what SSI gives you for anxiety and back problems?!" Hannah sang-screeched in a catchy repetitive tune. I lamely shook my head, my necks rippling under the force of the movement.
"NOT ENOUGH! We're rotting here watching my mama die, times are hard for us! We had to eat a peacock last month! But Rafe was a loyal subscriber! She watched you for years. Going to Chili's, drinking fancy water, buying chokers and matching earrings. We need your choker fund, Amberlynn! Or my mama will die!" Hannah sang-screamed desperately, her flabby thumb pulling back the hair-trigger in a sickening click. I gulped.
"Gorl, forreal, get a grip like woah!" I started to reason, Hannah's entire face pulled itself in a beefy red menacing steak that made me hungry for the Texas Roadhouse I wouldn't get and pointed her gun at me, steadfast.
"Guys! I hardly make any ad revenue. Do you have any idea how hard I try to keep my subscribers happy? Nothing I do is ever enough for them! Please! All I have to my name are my chokers, twinkie, like literal twinkies, some elf makeup, perfumes, and my phones! I'm totally broke! Why do you think I was buddying up with you guys? Y'all had a house and liked me! Like lezzbe honest." I said, which was probably the most honest thing I've ever spouted in my life, almost.
"That's not all, Amberlynn." Rafe supplied darkly.
"What?" I asked desperately. My stomach sank I tried not to show it, but I was starting to worry they probably knew I was being caught in another lie.
"Give it to us." Hannah whispered darkly.
"You can't possibly mean..." I started, still hesitant in case my hunch was wrong.
Rafe sighed, and looked me dead in the eye. "Give us your bra, Amber."
I gasped and lifted my arms up and tried my best to cover my most prized possession, my arms stopped desperately clenching about a foot away from my cleavage. "Anything but that, how could you have known!"
"Oh, come on, Amber!" Hannah vocalized, her voice almost breaking from song, and impatience making a deathly slow beat I would have gotten down to if the situation wasn't so like-whaa? Forreal!
"We've been watching you guard your precious bra for years now, and have meticulously deciphered the one reason it is so treasured and always on your person must not be the filthy garment but the contents it contains." Hannah sang. My jaw dropped how could I have been so careless?!
"GIVE IT TO US AMBER!" Hannah screamed again, shoving the gun into my face. I cried and began to hesitantly strip off my trendy kimono and tank top. "FASTER!" Hannah prodded singing in a death metal voice now.
I sobbed as I unhooked the metal clasp and threw the disgusting raggedy piece of fabric at my traitors.
Rafe ran to the garment and huffed from the feat of jogging at an elderly pace for 2 minutes, limping with her shin splits back to her wife who took the bra from her hands.
She easily ripped the worn fabric of the bra and slipped out of the cups of my most prized possession.
Years ago when I first obtained my bra in high school, I had a class trip to a coal mine. It was a stretch, but I supposed it was all the teachers could think of. And after a few pieces accidentally lodged into my bra, the years of heat and stress from my dainty rolls formed several diamonds lining the interior I decided to guard them for years. I was saving the diamonds for DIY chokers and a story time video. I cried as I thought of my loss.
Hannah and Rafe, huffed back into their car after confiscating my phone, leaving me alone and braless on the dirt. And I cried there for almost an hour before getting hungry and deciding to find food. I waddled along the dark dirt roads of Kentucky like maggots on a train and sniffled at the loss of my treasure until a familiar car pulled up beside me.
The driver rolled down her window, "destiny?" I whispered. She rolled her eyes and Dana begrudgingly opened the back door and handed me a bungee chord. "Get in we're going to Wal-Mart." Destiny said curtly. I sighed in relief "Thank GAWD!" I said as I poured myself lard first into the vehicle.
"Can we go to McDonalds? I haven't ee-uhn all day." I said closing the door.
