Amusing Engrish from Item Listings

[TapewormSalesman]

Oh I just saw one yesterday:

Now, you may be wondering, what will make a man so shining and cool?

Spoiler: For manly eyes only

 

[Aunt Carol]

It's a sort of cranberry tea marketed heavily via TV commercials towards old people with fucked up urinary tracts because apparently cranberries are very helpful.

Cranberry has varying anti-biofilm action on microorganisms, notably e.coli which is the culprit for most urinary tract infections. I don't know if tea will do it, but the problem with straight cranberry juice is that the amount you'd have to drink ends up giving you a ton of sugar.

what will make a man so shining and cool?

ITYM "shinning."

Speaking of, this foot soak ad has a subtle but intriguing subtitle. Perhaps I know less about anatomy than I thought.

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

Not really on topic but I am sad the bag is more internationally marketable nowdays. It was all I ate as a teen in the before-times.

 

[crowabunga]

This isn't on-topic, but it's tangentially related enough I'll risk wrath: what's the deal with Asian "brand names" (resellers of the exact same model of no-name shit) on Amazon picking the most retarded names possible?

Now, I get why the product names are stupid, it's (an attempt at) SEO: "Amazing water kids sports rubber ball playset H20 inflatable playground liquid air holder fun toy" might show up in more results than "inflatable pool ball", but the names of the "brands" are a whole other level of retarded: Xahpower. Kimilar. Aokin. Eanetf. Fpxnb. YZlolmeo. I found all of these "brand names" by searching for a Wii sensor bar. Half of them are using the same stock images, slightly reorganized. Is some Chinaman trying to think up cool, "Western"-sounding brand names without knowing English?

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

This isn't on-topic, but it's tangentially related enough I'll risk wrath: what's the deal with Asian "brand names" (resellers of the exact same model of no-name shit) on Amazon picking the most retarded names possible?

Now, I get why the product names are stupid, it's (an attempt at) SEO: "Amazing water kids sports rubber ball playset H20 inflatable playground liquid air holder fun toy" might show up in more results than "inflatable pool ball", but the names of the "brands" are a whole other level of retarded: Xahpower. Kimilar. Aokin. Eanetf. Fpxnb. YZlolmeo. I found all of these "brand names" by searching for a Wii sensor bar. Half of them are using the same stock images, slightly reorganized. Is some Chinaman trying to think up cool, "Western"-sounding brand names without knowing English?

Half of it is old branding from the illiterate days when you had to have a picture or concept as a brand, and Chinese writing does not deal as much in sounds as in concepts. The other half is "this looks good in roman letters".
Tax:

 

[RACISM]

 

[Kurt Eichenwald]

Beautiful music for relaxing time.

 

[vomitusdeux]

Historically this has always been my go to.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Comfortable massage is not resisting

The cat's face makes it; this is more of a sensible chuckle image.

 

[keytar]

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

This one is really good & informative:

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

View attachment 5544313

I've been looking for an easy 3-step plan to turn into a cockroach or black rat for a long time.

 

[vomitusdeux]

I've been looking for an easy 3-step plan to turn into a cockroach or black rat for a long time.

I personally wondered why I felt like a horny sperm abortion.

 

[Aunt Carol]

DO YOU HAVE THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS

 

[Aunt Carol]

NO LONGER STICK MEAT

 

[keytar]

Not an item listing but this is my favourite Engrish

 

[Aunt Carol]

Four colors are optional to meet the needs


WON'T PEE

 

[Aunt Carol]

The feeling of stepping on feces (positive)


Sore Throa cream--Step1: Lorem Ipsum

 

[Aunt Carol]

Elongated ejection

 

[Something Awful]