Hello everyone, just wanted to give you all a short update as I haven't been active on social media as much and I've still been getting a ton of messages checking up on me. As most of you know a month ago we lost a member of our community and it's taken me a long time to process everything. About 2 weeks ago I wrote myself a document on my perspective of everything to give myself closure so I could begin to move on. I was considering making the document public, but I think it's in bad taste to do so as the other party wouldn't be able to make clarifications on their end so I'm keeping it to myself unless I feel there is something I need to hold myself accountable for.
While I do think I have came to terms with everything, moving on, or at least returning to a normal lifestyle has been much more difficult than I anticipated. I feel as though my problems outweigh this situation entirely and dealing with everything at once has been a struggle. I've been working through past trauma I don't think I ever properly dealt with and slowly shoveling myself out of a hole my depression has dug me into. It took me a while to even realize I was depressed, but now that I have I've been making really good progress on getting myself back to the headspace I was in in November/December.
I appreciate everyone for reaching out, but unfortunately this isn't something I think another person can help me with, so I hope nobody takes offense to me not getting back to them including many of my close friends I normally talk to and hangout with regularly. I just wanted to give some type of explanation as some people didn't understand that me wanting space wasn't anything against them personally, it's just how I am.
I think what's been helping my mental health the most has been giving myself daily activities to do such as going back to the gym, cooking meals again and picking up some new hobbies outside of gaming. Really anything to add some type of structure to my day. Initially it was taking me several hours between tasks as I lacked the energy to be able to do them, but I decided any progress even if small was better than nothing. I'm now to the point where I think I would like to come back to regular content creation. I don't really have any goals in mind, I just want to play games and interact with my community in whichever way I feel will make me the happiest. I'm not too worried about my success as a content creator, I've never felt much fulfillment looking at big numbers anyways. I'm just going to play and create whatever I like and see where it takes me.
Anyways I only planned on this being a short update. I'd like to have more mental health discussions later this year, but for now I'm going to just focus on getting back on track and figure the rest out later.
Thanks for reading. Have a beautiful life.
-Collin/EZ
Typical female/homosexual thing to make someone's death about yourself.
