- Joined
- Jul 24, 2013
Bennie Kruger is a man of mystery. Born November 2nd, 1988, and from Eastern Cape, South Africa, Bennie is a 29 year old man with simple interests: long haul trucks, stalking celebrities, and begging hideous child actor Miranda Cosgrove to please, PLEASE, just acknowledge him. He's the older, less litigious, less facially paralyzed version of our friend Russell Greer.
Bennie has always been a starfucker. He's spent years on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter chasing after any singer / actress he can, begging them to talk to him, sharing their pictures, and "helping them win" contests. His love quests include, but are certainly not limited to:
Selena Gomez
Miranda Cosgrove
Taylor Swift
Arianna Grande
Filipa
You can always tell when Bennie has a new interest because he obsessively posts shit about them, like these during his T-Swizzle phase.
And Filipa, a South African singer
These are drops in the ocean. With no exaggeration, for each image you see up there, there are 50+ that I didn't screen cap. Creepy family photos, "facts", all kinds of stalker shit. He even manages to take his two big interests, Trucks and Miranda Cosgrove, and combine them into memes involving minions as truck drivers.
But what IS a Cosgrover?
A Cosgrover is a grown ass man who desperately wants to bang a D-List celebrity. For some reason he has latched on to Miranda Cosgrove, so much so it has consumed most of what he does online. Getting followed on Instagram on March 18th, 2016 is a big enough event he even had to add it to his Twitter bio!
But what exactly does he love about Miranda? Well. He loves her short hair.
And her eyes
And her cheeks
And her feet(?)
And her teeth(?) that he could sensually brush (???) for her
Since they're such good friends, he begs her to say hi to her mom for him
He also, desperately, wants her to follow him on Twitter for some kind of validation
OH MY GOD MIRANDA JUST FUCKING WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
He really has a hard time with personal reflection, though
Bennie has always been a starfucker. He's spent years on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter chasing after any singer / actress he can, begging them to talk to him, sharing their pictures, and "helping them win" contests. His love quests include, but are certainly not limited to:
Selena Gomez
Miranda Cosgrove
Taylor Swift
Arianna Grande
Filipa
You can always tell when Bennie has a new interest because he obsessively posts shit about them, like these during his T-Swizzle phase.
And Filipa, a South African singer
These are drops in the ocean. With no exaggeration, for each image you see up there, there are 50+ that I didn't screen cap. Creepy family photos, "facts", all kinds of stalker shit. He even manages to take his two big interests, Trucks and Miranda Cosgrove, and combine them into memes involving minions as truck drivers.
But what IS a Cosgrover?
A Cosgrover is a grown ass man who desperately wants to bang a D-List celebrity. For some reason he has latched on to Miranda Cosgrove, so much so it has consumed most of what he does online. Getting followed on Instagram on March 18th, 2016 is a big enough event he even had to add it to his Twitter bio!
But what exactly does he love about Miranda? Well. He loves her short hair.
And her eyes
And her cheeks
And her feet(?)
And her teeth(?) that he could sensually brush (???) for her
Since they're such good friends, he begs her to say hi to her mom for him
He also, desperately, wants her to follow him on Twitter for some kind of validation
OH MY GOD MIRANDA JUST FUCKING WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
He really has a hard time with personal reflection, though
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