Lolcow Bennie Kruger / HighMirandaMain / BennieCosgrover - Russell Greers Final Form - Celebrity Stalker, Cosgrover, Truck Loving Autist, Maybe Dan Schneider??

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Smutley

Kill Count: 2
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 24, 2013
Bennie Kruger is a man of mystery. Born November 2nd, 1988, and from Eastern Cape, South Africa, Bennie is a 29 year old man with simple interests: long haul trucks, stalking celebrities, and begging hideous child actor Miranda Cosgrove to please, PLEASE, just acknowledge him. He's the older, less litigious, less facially paralyzed version of our friend Russell Greer.

Bennie has always been a starfucker. He's spent years on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter chasing after any singer / actress he can, begging them to talk to him, sharing their pictures, and "helping them win" contests. His love quests include, but are certainly not limited to:
Selena Gomez
Miranda Cosgrove
Taylor Swift
Arianna Grande
Filipa

You can always tell when Bennie has a new interest because he obsessively posts shit about them, like these during his T-Swizzle phase.
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And Filipa, a South African singer
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These are drops in the ocean. With no exaggeration, for each image you see up there, there are 50+ that I didn't screen cap. Creepy family photos, "facts", all kinds of stalker shit. He even manages to take his two big interests, Trucks and Miranda Cosgrove, and combine them into memes involving minions as truck drivers.

But what IS a Cosgrover?
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A Cosgrover is a grown ass man who desperately wants to bang a D-List celebrity. For some reason he has latched on to Miranda Cosgrove, so much so it has consumed most of what he does online. Getting followed on Instagram on March 18th, 2016 is a big enough event he even had to add it to his Twitter bio!

But what exactly does he love about Miranda? Well. He loves her short hair.
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And her eyes
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And her cheeks
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And her feet(?)
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And her teeth(?) that he could sensually brush (???) for her
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Since they're such good friends, he begs her to say hi to her mom for him
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He also, desperately, wants her to follow him on Twitter for some kind of validation
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OH MY GOD MIRANDA JUST FUCKING WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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He really has a hard time with personal reflection, though
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"That's the freak who was stalking Miranda"

Gotta love how they're on a first name basis. So creepy to see her selfie as his profile picture... it's reminiscent of a horror movie where the antagonist murders his obsessions and wears their faces.
 
"That's the freak who was stalking Miranda"

Gotta love how they're on a first name basis. So creepy to see her selfie as his profile picture... it's reminiscent of a horror movie where the antagonist murders his obsessions and wears their faces.

Quite frankly I think we're long overdue for a modern thriller centered around a stalker who kills a girl and impersonates her through social media.
 
Well it's good to see Bennie hasn't forgotten his roots
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Almost a 30 year old man
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:(
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Paging @Connor Bible
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lol, holy shit, he has more tweets about her teeth than her feet. This is weird af
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This single tweet is the only evidence that he's interested in anything but her teeth and her feet. That's kind of serial killer MO.
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Trucks, baby
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PRESIDENT OBAMA IS GOING TO BAN ALL THE TRUCKS VOTE TRUMP!!!!!
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Is he calling himself sexy here from an obvious alt account?

Based on a comment I read earlier, that's actually a troll account from someone who would follow him around instagram and comment on Mirandas pictures with him. The other cosgrovers hate fake Bennie and constantly tell Miranda he's an ebil troll.

Which leads me to a question though. If all these dudes want to brush her teeth, shouldn't they all hate each other for trying to cockblock them? Because only one would realistically get to.
 
Which leads me to a question though. If all these dudes want to brush her teeth, shouldn't they all hate each other for trying to cockblock them? Because only one would realistically get to.
Most people brush their teeth twice a day. I'd assume there guys are autistic enough to be able to come up with a rota to figure out whose turn it is each time.
 
So, wait, is he in the US now? The initial post says he's from South Africa, and the initial tweets seem to imply that he lives there, but then the truck tweets seem to imply that he's in the USA.
 
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