Bentley Emails: December 2013 - Updated/Fixed

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"Redestroyed" and "redevastated" are my new favorite words. I really wsh I could have seen that spectacle of a ravaged Cwcipedia OPL described. It sounds beautiful.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
4- Did Megan ever make out with someone in front of Chris? You'd think he would have freaked out about that way more before.
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apparently she was getting touchy with some other guy at the game place in front of Chris, but this was overshadowed by the first few trolling images.

Megan Emails said:
I got this E-Mail earlier that had a set of four fanart of Sonichu and ME. While I enjoyed more the spoof of me sitting at by a box on a sidewalk, "Girlfriend Auditions," and the one with me glaring in the eyes of a blue hedgehog in armor. The OTHER TWO in that set of four... FREAKED, CREEPED AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! (A lot worse than my freak-out over you on Christopher's lap last night; please keep that in private, in other words, "Get A Room.")
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Loke said:
"Redestroyed" and "redevastated" are my new favorite words. I really wsh I could have seen that spectacle of a ravaged Cwcipedia OPL described. It sounds beautiful.
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Maybe we should just start the CWCtionary.
 
The usual disclaimer applies: only someone who was already aware of Chris would put up with this kind of bullshit.

With that out of the way, it still amazes me how willing he is to volunteer embarrassing information. Ask about men, get a homophobic rant. Call him homophobic, get a troll rant. Mention the HexBox, get a terrifying explosion of misdirected rage. And then he caps it all off by telling the Snyder story with no prodding whatsoever. It's like certain words trigger unskippable cutscenes in his brain, and you're stuck watching them every time you try to talk to him.

Actually... @Thetan, you communicated with him using multiple personas. How many times did you have to read and react to all these stories? Did he keep a consistent level of detail each time he told them?
 
Doesn't really cover much new ground, but it certainly gives some more insight into Chris' warped little psyche. Of particular note is how much Chris thinks in terms of broad generalities. He explicitly states that he believes all trolls use Xboxes, therefore if you own an Xbox you MUST be a troll. He also reiterates his opinion that all of us make JERKS are taking away all of the boyfriend free girls. Again.

In fact, as others have mentioned, Chris seems to be stuck telling the same few stories over and over again, without any real prodding on Rebekha's part. It's almost as if he's a walking, talking real life version of the CWCkipedia! He even mentions the god damned Snyder story. It's no wonder he can't relate to other human beings; he still feels compelled to tell them every horrible little detail about his personal life.

The whole gay thing is kind of amusing too, especially considering his desire to wear skirts in public. Chris almost seems blissfully unaware that people might assume he's gay if they seem him hanging around gay rallies dressed in drag. It's especially ironic to me that Sarah apparently thought he was gay, given the disproportionate significance she played in his "Lovequest." It goes to my point that Sarah was probably more of a bully towards him than anyone else.

I noticed he mentioned rejoining the Pokémon League, and while I shudder to think of the idiot manchild hanging around with actual children, I do think that Chris getting out of the house and socializing with his peers (or the closest thing he has to peers) would be a good thing. Yeah, it's immature and Chris will just waste money on a CCG, but at least it's interacting with other human beings face to face. Chris could do worse. In fact, left to his own devices, he inevitably will.

Hell, getting optimistic here, but maybe something like that would calm his rampant misandry. Do they have Pokémon Leagues in jail?
 
Mogambo said:
He even mentions the god damned Snyder story. It's no wonder he can't relate to other human beings; he still feels compelled to tell them every horrible little detail about his personal life.
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Chris is the sum of his memories, and his memory sucks. All that he is is a very few stories where he's felt victimized. That's all there is to him at all. If you're hoping for insight, there isn't any. Sometimes still waters are shallow.
 
Whoever played "Rebeckah" is no-shit involved in the improv comedy scene (or did an absurd amount of research for their trolling persona, which I don't buy).

The contrast between "Rebeckah's" genuinely good taste in comedy and Chris's mindlessly pedestrian taste is really fun.

Edit: She's like "I take classes at Upright Citizen's Brigade and like Bill Hicks" and he's all "Have you seen the Munsters?"

Edit Edit: Holy shit, how did I miss that he thinks the charges against him for the Snyder thing were dropped?
 
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Uzumaki said:
The contrast between "Rebeckah's" genuinely good taste in comedy and Chris's mindlessly pedestrian taste is really fun.

Edit: She's like "I take classes at Upright Citizen's Brigade and like Bill Hicks" and he's all "Have you seen the Munsters?"
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Hey, there's nothing wrong with liking the Munsters, or Red Skelton for that matter, but it does reveal something about Chris' life. He's basically been spoon fed shows from his parents' generation via Nick at Night and PBS. Again, nothing wrong with liking those old timey shows, but it does suggest Chris wasn't really interacting with his peers all that much. Indeed, their coddling may have only served to alienate him from kids his own age.

It's also interesting because Chris' tastes are generally bland and generic. As I said before, Chris has so little interest in the world beyond his doorstep that it's almost depressing. It's not his fault that he was raised in an era in which TV was treated like a glorified babysitter. The few things Chris is interested in are things that are marketed towards kids (Sonic, MLP, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Transformers), stuff he seems to absorbed from his parents (Red Skelton, Gilligan's Island, Keeping Up Appearances) and stuff that he believes society considers 'cool' or 'popular' (Family Guy, Brittney Spears). He has very little personality of his own, or interest in most adult media, save his odd (for Chris) liking of the Saw movies.

Look, it's not like I'm asking Chris to watch something like Koyaanisqatsi or Rashōmon, or listen to Cannibal Corpse, or Hank Williams, or The Decemberists, or to eat tafelspitz. If he really likes McDonald's and mediocre TV that's his perspective. I'd just really prefer that Chris broaden his horizons. The fact that he tries to please people by saying "I like all popular music" speaks volumes about him.
 
NiggoFiggo said:
All males are ugly
They take all the girls

Sometimes i wish chris would just step back and soak in the shit he says
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No, it does make sense. They were issued with the cheat code for getting women. Chris wasn't, because the year puberty arrived for him coincided with that year's Kick The Autistic World Cup, and as you may recall, competition was pretty steep that year.

Seriously, though, someone needs to tell Chris that if he's feeling down, that does not require an entire paragraph explaining everything that is wrong with his life. More importantly, someone needs to tell him that if he's trying to ask a woman out, that also does not require an entire paragraph explaining everything that is wrong with his life.
 
Mogambo said:
Hey, there's nothing wrong with liking the Munsters, or Red Skelton for that matter, but it does reveal something about Chris' life. He's basically been spoon fed shows from his parents' generation via Nick at Night and PBS. Again, nothing wrong with liking those old timey shows, but it does suggest Chris wasn't really interacting with his peers all that much. Indeed, their coddling may have only served to alienate him from kids his own age.
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I doubt the type of humor prevalent in the works of the Upright Citizens Brigade would be something Chris would understand anyways. Wasn't Red Skelton more of a vaudeville/slapstick kind of comedian?
 
Super Sexy Action Furry said:
I doubt the type of humor prevalent in the works of the Upright Citizens Brigade would be something Chris would understand anyways. Wasn't Red Skelton more of a vaudeville/slapstick kind of comedian?
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Yeah, Red Skelton was one of the many vaudeville/burlesque comedians. Old time radio too. Still, I doubt Chris could follow even that sort of humor. So much of humor relies on subtlety, innuendo, deliver, tone and word play, things that Chris is notorious for simply not understanding. Not to mention that so much of the comedy of yesteryear is more something his parents could relate to than anyone in Chris' generation.

Interestingly enough, one of the things Red Skelton was known for is laughing at his own jokes. Perhaps Chris, like a little kid, just laughs whenever he hears other people laugh. Could be a good social cue for autistics to follow. Does he like shows with laugh tracks I wonder?
 
Uzumaki said:
Whoever played "Rebeckah" is no-shit involved in the improv comedy scene (or did an absurd amount of research for their trolling persona, which I don't buy).
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The real Ms Bentley is involved in the improv comedy scene. The details Thetan put together for this impersonation are freely available online. Considering how many different guises she took on for this, and how many of these involved putting words in the mouths of real people, it's reasonable to assume she did some research.
 
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