Bentley Emails: December 2013 - Updated/Fixed

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"GOD DAMN YOU 4-CHAN!!" is comedy gold, that's fantastic
All his talk about how he could shout in the street about how lonely and pathetic he is really makes me think he just wants to be babied by every person he passes in the street, he'd only be happy if everyone just dropped everything to look after him if he ever felt sad even for a moment.
It'd be sad if he wasn't a 32 year old man who alienated himself from his community
 
Chairman Meow said:
I just noticed the Dec 24th and 25th emails reference a photo of Snorlax holding the beagles. Any chance of dropping that for the Christorical record?
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Those pics were already dropped on the forum as well as on Chris's Facebook (they were public). I'll dig around for them though just in case anyone else is curious.

Handsome Pete said:
The usual disclaimer applies: only someone who was already aware of Chris would put up with this kind of bullshit.

With that out of the way, it still amazes me how willing he is to volunteer embarrassing information. Ask about men, get a homophobic rant. Call him homophobic, get a troll rant. Mention the HexBox, get a terrifying explosion of misdirected rage. And then he caps it all off by telling the Snyder story with no prodding whatsoever. It's like certain words trigger unskippable cutscenes in his brain, and you're stuck watching them every time you try to talk to him.

Actually... @Thetan, you communicated with him using multiple personas. How many times did you have to read and react to all these stories? Did he keep a consistent level of detail each time he told them?
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I tried to take him in different directions but, like I said, you never know what you're going to get with Chris. The troll stuff is consistent though; he mentioned it to all of my trollsonas.
 
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Gotta admit there were some feels when he said he prayed you weren't another troll who was going to leak the emails. Even a normal person would become paranoid in a situation like Chris' where trolls are everywhere. So does he know that Rebeckah is a troll now? I mean I know all he has to do is read these forums to confirm it but as a slow in the mind that's not a given with Chris.
 
Thetan said:
Those pics were already dropped on the forum as well as on Chris's Facebook (they were public). I'll dig around for them though just in case anyone else is curious.
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Ah OK, was it one or both of these photos then?

Fbp4.png

SnoopyDoobieDoo.png
 
DangDirtyTrolls said:
Gotta admit there were some feels when he said he prayed you weren't another troll who was going to leak the emails. Even a normal person would become paranoid in a situation like Chris' where trolls are everywhere. So does he know that Rebeckah is a troll now? I mean I know all he has to do is read these forums to confirm it but as a slow in the mind that's not a given with Chris.
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Even if he does know that he was being trolled - will he be able to figure out that "Rebeckah" the troll is not the person he went to high school with?
 
Chairman Meow said:
Ah OK, was it one or both of these photos then?

Fbp4.png

SnoopyDoobieDoo.png
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Barb wants a pet skunk? I can't decide whether the joke to make here should be along the lines of "Given the state of the house, would they even notice skunk spray?" or more like, "Well, there are probably several living in the Horde already."

EDIT: Or, "Why would Barb want another creature that sprays foul secretions from its ass when threatened?" Oh, so many jokes.
 
kobebyarlant said:
Could someone summarize it? I guess you could say I'm on a TLDR (too long, didn't read) mindset.
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Chris and Rebeckah identify comedy as a common interest and chat about it. The conversation is mostly pleasant, although it is clear that Rebeckah is much more knowledgable than Chris. Chris mansplains Seinfeld. But a lot of it is about as nice and normal as a conversation with Chris could be.

Every now and then Rebeckah "inadvertantly" hits on one of Chris' hot button topics. X-box, PVCC, homosexuality, males, gal-pals, reunions etc. Sometimes it is fairly direct, like when she mentioned she got an X-box for Christmas. Other times it is much less direct, like when he turns a discussion of his shyness into a homophobic rant.

The hot buttons always launch Chris into a rant against trolls and gays. This rant is always incoherent. It is usually followed-up by a half-assed apology,. Bizarrely this apology is often in the same message. After flying off the handle, Chris seems to have the presence of mind to realize what he said is weird and offensive, but doesn't have the presence of mind to realize that the best remedy is to delete the rant before sending it.

Chris also laments his own shyness, asks Rebeckah to report to Anna for inspection, and expresses a desire to meet Rebeckah in person.
 
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I wonder who this autistic comedian is that Barb supposedly found. It does kind of make sense to me that the humor (especially where the repetition is the joke) would sail over Chris's head, considering he's already disposed to "feel detest toward" other autistic people. Did "Rebeckah" ever find out who this was, or did you just let the subject drop?
 
Mogambo said:
Hey, there's nothing wrong with liking the Munsters, or Red Skelton for that matter
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There's nothing wrong with liking anything that doesn't hurt somebody, but it's still hilarious when a girl is like "hey I'm into comedy here are some comedian's comedians that I like" and his response is "I like comedy too! Here are some bland ancients TV shows I like."

I like I Love Lucy too, but if a girl I'm hitting on brings up Louis C.K. and George Carlin that's not the name I'm going to drop.

The real Ms Bentley is involved in the improv comedy scene.
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Well Kudos to whoever did the research then, because I and a large number of my friends are improvisers and she had me fooled. Knowing about cage matches and duos shows a more than cursory understanding of the subculture, and Bill Hicks is just about the best name to drop to convince someone you're a comedian (For future reference another great one would be Lenny Bruce).
 
wheat pasta said:
He never thinks to consider why people don't look at him in public..
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Going to be honest, given the way he dresses, he's pretty lucky if he's only getting ignored. I couldn't see him handling jeering and catcalls very well.

That part of the emails confuses me a little. He complains that no one will leave him alone, and then he complains that he's being ignored all the time. What is it he actually wants? Is he expecting the world to be like some cornball movie where the townspeople all greet him cheerfully while he waddles around on his daily errands? Is he angry because women aren't polite enough to pretend they find him attractive in the street?
 
I wonder if he even knows what he wants. Sometimes, I think he just wants to be miserable like Barb... It feeds into the delusion that they're tragic heroes, in the absurd life story they foster in their own minds to cope with their problems with the rest of the world. I bet you could hand every single desire to them on a silver plate, and they'll find a way to make themselves victims.
 
Chris still believes in the "Infinitely High Boyfriend Factor." About 12 years into this whole "lovequest" thing, and he still believes in it and uses it as an excuse for misandry.

Also, you remember that one panel in Sonichu where Jason is, as the CWCki puts it, "controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox"? Chris apparently seriously thinks the trolls do their trolling from XBOX consoles. In other words, that panel is more of a "THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES" type thing. Then of course, there's the part where Alec also uses a "HEXBox Pavillion" to do trolling. Furthermore, Chris wants Bill Gates to "pull the plug" on the "troll promoting console" (and trolls should only play XBOX, according to Chris in that one rant on the meme game).
 
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lynx said:
"I also often ask myself, in this dead end of a life, in a cluttered house with my mother, without a sweetheart, in over our heads in debt, "How is this my life?"

despite all of these being chris's fault, this paragraph still made me feel sad *sigh*
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Yeah it tugged at my heartstrings too but then I remembered that he has all the power to change it but would rather stage a one man war against Sega and I laugh it off.
 
Panzer IV said:
"I have a feeling that you are genuine, caring woman who listens and keeps it confidential. I pray you will not betray me aswell"

:heart-empty:
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Nothing revealed in the emails wasn't already known, Chris has already revealed most of this information in public Facebook posts.
Chairman Meow said:
Ah OK, was it one or both of these photos then?

Fbp4.png


Yes, those are the same pictures he sent Rebeckah.
SnoopyDoobieDoo.png
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Absinthe said:
Even if he does know that he was being trolled - will he be able to figure out that "Rebeckah" the troll is not the person he went to high school with?
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I've done everything I can to make it VERY clear that Rebeckah is a troll. I can't contact him directly from that account because it doesn't exist anymore.
I honestly don't know how I could make it any more plain. If I contact him from one of my still active accounts, he's going to assume that this is some sort of troll trickery designed to get him to abandon his "friend". Hopefully, if he's still lurking here from time to time and he sees the growing collection of Rebeckah emails, he'll figure it out.

Uzumaki said:
There's nothing wrong with liking anything that doesn't hurt somebody, but it's still hilarious when a girl is like "hey I'm into comedy here are some comedian's comedians that I like" and his response is "I like comedy too! Here are some bland ancients TV shows I like."

I like I Love Lucy too, but if a girl I'm hitting on brings up Louis C.K. and George Carlin that's not the name I'm going to drop.



Well Kudos to whoever did the research then, because I and a large number of my friends are improvisers and she had me fooled. Knowing about cage matches and duos shows a more than cursory understanding of the subculture, and Bill Hicks is just about the best name to drop to convince someone you're a comedian (For future reference another great one would be Lenny Bruce).
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The only "research" I did was to take a good look at the real Rebeckah's Facebook profile. I genuinely have an interest in comedy and a lot of the "classic" shows are mentioned are shows I actually enjoy (Soap especially). I am also a huge Bill Hicks (RIP) fan.

Edit:
OT - I love Carlin (who doesn't) Louis C.K. and Dennis Leary. If you're looking for something a little different, check out Tim Minchin

 
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