Best jobs for lazy jackasses?

[Zeke Von Genbu]

Sales, if you can talk you can sell.

The issue with being a salesman is you have to deal with people extensively to get them to buy your shit. It isn't manual labor, but you are likely going to have to extensively deal with one customer for a long time, and you have to keep dealing with them after you've made your first sale in order to keep them. So if you don't like a customer, too bad you have to deal with it because losing a valued customer could be a real problem that can get you fired. Customer is always right and all that.

At least that is what I've been picked up from people who used to work in sales and from partners at CPA firms who are basically more like salesmen than accountants, also you need to really hunt for new business as often as you can to be a good salesman, which for many people is not exactly lazy work. I mean it is cushy because you can play golf, wine and dine people, and all that stuff but it isn't exactly easy work for some people.

 

[Rand /pol/]

Prostitution.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Public sector jobs tend to be pretty hard to get fired from. I did admin in a hospital once and I swear, there were days when I got literally no work done and nobody noticed. The pay was shit tho.

 

[MG 620]

Dimensional Merge manager.

 

[RG 448]

Prostitution.

You can only afford to be a lazy prostitute if you don’t mind getting your organs stolen.

 

[Sped Xing]

It's interesting to read these replies and see jobs I hated touted as "perfect for the lazy man."

 

[Isam]

Twitch thot.

 

[Sīn the Moon Daddy]

You can only afford to be a lazy prostitute if you don’t mind getting your organs stolen.

Upgrayedd is gonna get his money

 

[oldTireWater]

Forest Service. Government job so it's hard to get canned, and only the fire fighters do shit. Pay is GS so it's not super, but during fire season you can volunteer to sit in base camp and charge radios or some shit for criminal amounts of overtime.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Security guard. You're going to be paid for wearing a uniform and inhabiting a place.

Seconded, my current site is awaiting demolition and my sole function is to inhabit the place so squatters can't claim it as abandoned and move in. I get paid a not insubstantial amount of money to watch Netflix and play on my Switch all day.

 

[BoingoTango]

I cannot be assed to do anything that requires too much effort. What are the best jobs for lazy jackasses?

This post checks out from what I've seen of you.

Here's a good idea. You're gonna think I'm talking out my ass but I was in the same boat. Go out and do manual labor. Go hard in the motherfucking paint. If your area allows for Try really hard to do something with machines in a factory setting (CNC lathes, mills,case packing machine, just basic operating of any machine they'll let you put your hands on) Try to get somewhere that might help pay for Tech school, go to school, become an electriciacal or mechanical maintenance guy.

It's not a desk job, but some days you'll get to sit on your ass all day while others might suck serious ass.

Once you get enough experience you'll be able to work anywhere in the country and will actually have skills always in demand.

You'll also feel a lot less depressed and autistic once you start doing some hard work and make accomplishments.

Can't edit. But machine work is great. No dealing with customers or much people.

Also you'll care less about trying to continue being lazy if you do some actual work for awhile.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

After being a haybuck/yard worker for a couple years, hard work is fucking overrated, man.

 

[The Last Stand]

The DMV. The lines are very long for no apparent reason.

 

[Shaved Kiwis]

The DMV. The lines are very long for no apparent reason.

You'd think the ones in New York would be a fucking nightmare, but I've been to one in Downtown Manhattan, and the ass end of Brooklyn in the last year and both times I was in and out in around an hour. Screw all those lazy, hack comedians that are maligning the hardworking folks at the DMV. Also fuck all those weathermen talking shit about rain. I like rain...but that's neither here nor there.

Congressman.
Fentanyl dealer.
Webzone administration.
Prostitution.

Nonsense. Market is flooded with cheap, synthetic dope and sloppy pussy. The successful small business owners have to continually one up each other on quality and customer service all the while keeping an eye on shifting global trends. What are you going to do if an armed conflict causes an influx of refugees which in turn floods the market with cheap pussy? Or what if Barrack Obama cranks up his weather machine again and all your poppies die off so you have nothing to mix the fentanyl into?

 

[The best and greatest]

street beggar

 

[DaddyCowboy]

Mall cop. All you have to do is yell at random teenagers whilst you stand high and mighty on a segway.

 

[MAPK phosphatase]

Reasons being if you're mall or store security then your going to be spending 50% of your time actually doing things like security work, the other half will be a toss up between loss prevention, wrestling shoplifters and the like, or if the store doesn't have a dedicated loss prevention officer, investigating your own cashiers.

Not always. I worked at a thrift store and during some down-time I would talk to the security guard. He was frustrated because he was told that if something went down, he couldn't actually do anything. He just had to call the police and hope they got there in time.
People stealing cloths made no sense anyway because if a homeless person came in and said he or she needed help, we would give away free shoes, cloths, and socks. The manager would actually walk them through the store and help them pick out the stuff, then apply the 100% discount on the register himself after we rang them up, which we did for inventory reasons. But the people would would grab and run cloths took the metal hangers too, which was what we were trying to avoid.

 

[dreamworks face]

Stay at home retard masterbator.

 

[Womanhorse]

Troon out and E-Beg for hormone/surgery money. No one will question you and those who do will be punished for wrongthink.


In all seriousness learn how to draw, then draw nothing but porn. You'll be surprised how much money people will throw at you. Refuse nothing because the really degenerate fuckers shell out the most cash. You are selling your soul to the deviantart devil thou but its a small price to pay for a money-printing machine

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Real talk, my new job is basically running a snack bar at a skatepark and it's the chillest shit. On paper I'm a "youth program counselor" but I really just microwave hot pockets for kids and play basketball behind the building.