Best jobs for lazy jackasses?

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Give Her The D said:
I cannot be assed to do anything that requires too much effort. What are the best jobs for lazy jackasses?
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Corrections officer.

You literally do not get paid to work, you get paid because you might have to work.

The pay is pretty good but only if you do it for bug states like California, New York, or the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Salaries are public so just Google your state's salaries.
 
Womanhorse said:
In all seriousness learn how to draw, then draw nothing but porn. You'll be surprised how much money people will throw at you. Refuse nothing because the really degenerate fuckers shell out the most cash. You are selling your soul to the deviantart devil thou but its a small price to pay for a money-printing machine
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Hotel night audit, particularly at a mid range hotel. You have to field derelicts if you're at a cheap hotel in the city and might have to do stuff at a nice hotel, but if you can get a job at a chain hotel like off of a freeway it's thirty minutes tops of work and sitting around on the internet for 7 hours. Pay is pretty crummy though.
 
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I just want to reiterate one more time. Being lazy will get you no where in the long-run, all it will do is give your employers a reason to try and get your fired (even if you are doing the same thing as the people around you are doing) working hard and trying to do a good job is always more rewarding and will get you further every time. I encourage everyone to do their best. Try to be a good employee, even if your job is shitty, it will get your further than you think I promise you. And if not, look for other work while you are at your current job. People in this generation really need to learn this.
 
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Trucking. The mental aspect and focus need to be there (altho it's never anything complicated, just keep on the road and dont hit anything) , but you dont have to do anything physical if you're on no touch freight, and you never have to deal with other human beings except for brief circumstances such as weigh stations, signatures on bills of lading etc.
 
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Financial domination seems like an easy gig, just have a well-curated Amazon wishlist and some good insults for the paypigs, right? Maybe have some used underwear or socks for sale for the people who like buying that stuff
 
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W00K #17 said:
Trucking. The mental aspect and focus need to be there (altho it's never anything complicated, just keep on the road and dont hit anything) , but you dont have to do anything physical if you're on no touch freight, and you never have to deal with other human beings except for brief circumstances such as weigh stations, signatures on bills of lading etc.
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No-touch doesn't pay for shit though. From what I've seen anybody who makes anything in the industry is specialized. You gotta do flatbedding or HAZMAT or livestock or something. You can find tards to hold a steering wheel for 11 hours a day for no money all day long. See: Swift, JB Hunt, Schneider, etc.
 
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Crippled Eagle said:
Corrections officer.

You literally do not get paid to work, you get paid because you might have to work.

The pay is pretty good but only if you do it for bug states like California, New York, or the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Salaries are public so just Google your state's salaries.
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Yeah but when you do have to work it can be pretty bad. Unless getting gassed or stabbed sounds easy. Or the physical exertion when you're involved in a skirmish line or a cell extraction. You get a whistle, baton and some OC spray to defend yourself against inmates. Prisons are pretty big, so I hope you like walking. Also there's a fuckton of paperwork. And if you're a shitty CO then all of the other COs are going to hate you because your laziness is a threat to the safety of the institution and everyone in it.

So yeah... I'm gonna vote security guard, long-haul trucker, or government IT support.
 
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The Ghost of ODB said:
Yeah but when you do have to work it can be pretty bad. Unless getting gassed or stabbed sounds easy. Or the physical effort involved when you're involved in a skirmish line or a cell extraction. You get a whistle, baton and some OC spray to defend yourself against inmates. Prisons are pretty big, so I hope you like walking. Also there's a fuckton of paperwork. And if you're a shitty CO then all of the other COs are going to hate you because your laziness is a threat to the safety of the institution and everyone in it.

So yeah... I'm gonna vote security guard, long-haul trucker, or government IT support.
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I dunno man, I still say being a CO was the easiest money I've ever made. Easier than what I do now. Maybe I just pick shitty jobs though.
 
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Gangster Talk said:
Hotel night audit, particularly at a mid range hotel. You have to field derelicts if you're at a cheap hotel in the city and might have to do stuff at a nice hotel, but if you can get a job at a chain hotel like off of a freeway it's thirty minutes tops of work and sitting around on the internet for 7 hours. Pay is pretty crummy though.
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I can back this wholehartedly. The main concern in this job is not getting to involved with people that come awfully late and keep yourself amused through your shift. The pay may not be much but at least it's better than nothing for sitting on your ass for 7 hours and sometimes nobody ever comes.
Syndrome of a Down said:
Local government IT staff. All they ever do is tell you check the printer toner.
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Once i did a gig for government translating one of their webpages. I had to go to their office and work with them, and it was one of the times my slothfulness was helpful. Everybody left the office for coffee breaks, nobody minded someone else's business and only the manager somehow cared about what i was doing. In the end, out fo the 5 hours i had to be there i spent barely 2 working and the rest of the time i read warhammer novels while everybody checked their facebook or mailed friends.
 
Night Auditor is the only work easier than truck driver I've ever had.


ColtWalker1847 said:
No-touch doesn't pay for shit though. From what I've seen anybody who makes anything in the industry is specialized. You gotta do flatbedding or HAZMAT or livestock or something. You can find tards to hold a steering wheel for 11 hours a day for no money all day long. See: Swift, JB Hunt, Schneider, etc.
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I started in flatbed. I worked my dick off for a year and made good money and was starting to make GREAT money.

Then I decided fuck that and bounced around a few local jobs until getting one for a small food producer that had only one truck driver. As mentioned previously, I gross about 55k per year and my take home is variable but around 950 a week. That doesn't sound spectacular, but consider the median income for males in my county is 28k. I own my own home outright and my commute is barely over ten minutes.

My work never gets more arduous than occasionally having to restack a pallet. I load myself and unload myself about half the time, but I go to the same 10 or 12 places, my paperwork consists of getting an invoice signed and I'm on paper logs.

TL;DR you have to work hard to make good pay starting our, but anyone with a year on their resume and a clean MVR can snag a very easy job where they don't have to rely on anyone else to do their job correctly.
 
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