Biggest bullshit in a video game

[Safir]

Nintendo probably assumes that the people that are clamoring for a stateside Mother 3 release are just a niche market of fanboys which are insignificant in the grand scheme of players as they probably feel that zoomers, their current target demographic, do not even know or care what Earthbound or Mother 3 are.

Shigesato Itoi runs a marketing / copywriting / blog / lifestyle company and has a good idea of what's popular in the West. He's well-connected with both named celebrity creatives and corporate rightsholders. He also talks to Nintendo, to sell Mother merch if for no other reason. I don't know why Nintendo won't release the game in the US, but it's not because they don't know it's popular.

(I know nothing about these games except that soydevs apparently love ripping them off.)

 

[Captain Syrup]

(I know nothing about these games except that soydevs apparently love ripping them off.)

It's the first postmodern video game series. One example is the ATMs. Itoi noticed that if you got a Game over in other RPGs, you always lost half your stuff, so he came up with the idea of ATMs so people could avoid losing all their hard-earned money.

 

[Juke and Jam]

I was playing Xcom 2 yesterday and now i'm encountering berserker queens
View attachment 3060213

• they get a full turn after one of your guys does literally anything, even tiny shit like just reloading
• just marches right up to your dudes and spergs out, causing like 5 damage when most of them have 7hp max and also stuns or knocks them out
• lots of armor
• tons of HP
• have to savescum a lot because sometimes they just kill a nigga at full health and im playing on easy mode ffs
• just shows up in random skirmishes
• even if my dudes survive I'm continuously underpowered because almost everyone is hospitalized so I end up with classless rookies fighting this thing
• later found out it's part of a DLC i could have disabled, but can't mid-game
• even the steam reviews of the DLC point out that it's shit and makes the game unbelievably difficult, it's like a trap and you have to know to not install it if you bought the complete edition (if you bought console then sux2bu) https://store.steampowered.com/app/433090/XCOM_2_Alien_Hunters/#app_reviews_hash

This was such egregious design. It's like someone took all the wrong lessons about increasing difficulty in tactical turn-based games and just crammed them in. Luckily the players were quick to fix it (as usual) with Workshop mods, but man. That DLC deserved every negative review it got.

 

[I got rabies]

Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm.

If you play the way intends you to, you will spend 2 minutes doing a mission, then the game will expect you to take 2 minutes collecting scrolls and ramen ingredients, maybe more if they're on the rooftops because they made climbing annoying, then do another mission for 2 minutes, get a pop-up telling you the scrolls respawn, go collect them again. Every time.

You get 3 early missions: play 2 hours, walk 5000 steps, break 200 objects. The playtime is easy enough but the other two is basically run around like a retard and break stuff.

When you complete a mission, it unlocks secondary objectives and you have to redo the mission to earn all the stars for it. If you actually completed that objective the first time around, it didn't count. If the mission was "climb the tree under 90 seconds" and the secondary objectives are "do it under 80 seconds" and "do it under 70 seconds", but it took you 60 seconds on your first try, yeah, it didn't count either. Why aren't secondary objectives doable the first time around? Replay value??

Most missions are the same 3 mini games over and over. Don't forget collecting scrolls and breaking stuff, if you care. I dunno what they were expecting people would expect in a fighting game.

Story-wise they also completely skip the Zabuza/Haku arc, despite being beloved by pretty much everyone. Not even a cutscene or some text. It's completely cut out.

Then there's also the Tenten vs Temari fight. In the anime, Temari deflects everything without breaking a sweat and then defeat Tenten in one attack. So naturally you are going to control Tenten and beat Temari. I wish I could say "and then you see Tenten losing in the following cutscene" but there's none.

Actually it's fucking bullshit whenever a video game want you to win a fight in order to proceed, but in the story you lose that fight.

 

[Drag-on Knight 91873]

This was such egregious design. It's like someone took all the wrong lessons about increasing difficulty in tactical turn-based games and just crammed them in. Luckily the players were quick to fix it (as usual) with Workshop mods, but man. That DLC deserved every negative review it got.

It really is surprising how Xcom 2 is a downgrade in just about every way compared to Enemy Unknown.

 

[Twitter Hate Mob]

I was playing Xcom 2 yesterday and now i'm encountering berserker queens
View attachment 3060213

• they get a full turn after one of your guys does literally anything, even tiny shit like just reloading
• just marches right up to your dudes and spergs out, causing like 5 damage when most of them have 7hp max and also stuns or knocks them out
• lots of armor
• tons of HP
• have to savescum a lot because sometimes they just kill a nigga at full health and im playing on easy mode ffs
• just shows up in random skirmishes
• even if my dudes survive I'm continuously underpowered because almost everyone is hospitalized so I end up with classless rookies fighting this thing
• later found out it's part of a DLC i could have disabled, but can't mid-game
• even the steam reviews of the DLC point out that it's shit and makes the game unbelievably difficult, it's like a trap and you have to know to not install it if you bought the complete edition (if you bought console then sux2bu) https://store.steampowered.com/app/433090/XCOM_2_Alien_Hunters/#app_reviews_hash

Something that is also completely hidden - if you don't do the mission where you first encounter the Viper Queen, the other rulers won't spawn, so you can delay their arrival (and you should!) until you have endgame gear and dudes who aren't totally worthless.

But yeah, X2 is just worse than EW:Long War in every conceivable way. There's no reason to play it on PC at all.

 

[Tom Nook's Gloryhole]

Now, it is these sorts of attitudes made by companies that result in them shooting themselves in the foot, yet they do it all the time. After all, look how Konami threw a fit over Hideo Kojima and canceled Silent Hills P.T

Nah Konami were justified. Metal Gear Solid V was already running hideously over budget and missing deadlines and suddenly they discover he's been working on another game on the sly as well? Kojima absolutely deserved to get cast aside. I've said this before but eventually Kojima Studios is going to run into a brick wall and Kojima is going to start working on something else because it's more 'fun' and ending up killing the studio by spreading resources too thin.

 

[Stasi]

later found out it's part of a DLC i could have disabled, but can't mid-game

I had a similar experience with Darkest Dungeon. I guess I had a complete edition or a GOTY version or something and just had everything enabled when I played the game. Turns out one of the DLCs has some gay ass vampirism mechanic which I didn't know about.

The game is already pretty tedious after the initial novelty wears off after 10 or so hours but this vampire shit just made it 10 times more annoying.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

Nah Konami were justified. Metal Gear Solid V was already running hideously over budget and missing deadlines and suddenly they discover he's been working on another game on the sly as well? Kojima absolutely deserved to get cast aside. I've said this before but eventually Kojima Studios is going to run into a brick wall and Kojima is going to start working on something else because it's more 'fun' and ending up killing the studio by spreading resources too thin.

After the repetitive failure of kickstarter it's amazing a huge part of the gaming public is still automatically with the idea that zero oversight is the best, rather than it nearly always leading to delayed and under-made scams

 

[Articles and Nudes]

Actually it's fucking bullshit whenever a video game want you to win a fight in order to proceed, but in the story you lose that fight.

This is what annoyed me about The Witcher 2. One of the side antagonists is fought early on, and you get a game over if you lose...but you get your ass kicked in a cutscene on winning anyway. You then get taunted about your loss throughout the game, despite him not actually being that difficult.

It really soured me on the experience.

 

[Dysnomia]

This is what annoyed me about The Witcher 2. One of the side antagonists is fought early on, and you get a game over if you lose...but you get your ass kicked in a cutscene on winning anyway. You then get taunted about your loss throughout the game, despite him not actually being that difficult.

It really soured me on the experience.

I've cheated a win in quite a few games that have pre-programmed losses. In some you get like 1 exp and 1 money. Likely some default value to keep the game from locking up in the event that you somehow win.

Most of these bosses have insane amounts of HP or battles that are programmed to end in a certain number of rounds.

I remember in Lufia 2 if you are actually strong enough to beat Gades the first time you get his sword. But other than getting a cool weapon it changes nothing. There's no dialog in future fights with him that points to him being butthurt about losing to a bunch of puny humans. I know it's only SNES so you can't expect that much. But it would have been amusing.

Cheating to beat Zio in his tower doesn't change the cutscene after. It is actually possible to beat him in Nurvus without using the psycho wand to dissolve the barrier. But it takes forever and if you don't use the psycho wand within a certain number of rounds Zio will use the black energy wave, which will do insane damage, usually ending the battle right there. With cheats or certain things you wouldn't have access to yet it's possible. I did try it once but gave up. I think that the black energy wave does fixed damage that isn't easily mitigated by any levels you'd normally be at at that point. But I'm not entirely sure. Makes me want to try it out again though.

There's no special dialog if you didn't use the psycho wand. The game makes such a big production of finding it too. So I guess they thought no one would bother trying.

 

[Prophetic Spirit]

I've cheated a win in quite a few games that have pre-programmed losses. In some you get like 1 exp and 1 money. Likely some default value to keep the game from locking up in the event that you somehow win.

Most of these bosses have insane amounts of HP or battles that are programmed to end in a certain number of rounds.

I remember in Lufia 2 if you are actually strong enough to beat Gades the first time you get his sword. But other than getting a cool weapon it changes nothing. There's no dialog in future fights with him that points to him being butthurt about losing to a bunch of puny humans. I know it's only SNES so you can't expect that much. But it would have been amusing.

Cheating to beat Zio in his tower doesn't change the cutscene after. It is actually possible to beat him in Nurvus without using the psycho wand to dissolve the barrier. But it takes forever and if you don't use the psycho wand within a certain number of rounds Zio will use the black energy wave, which will do insane damage, usually ending the battle right there. With cheats or certain things you wouldn't have access to yet it's possible. I did try it once but gave up. I think that the black energy wave does fixed damage that isn't easily mitigated by any levels you'd normally be at at that point. But I'm not entirely sure. Makes me want to try it out again though.

There's no special dialog if you didn't use the psycho wand. The game makes such a big production of finding it too. So I guess they thought no one would bother trying.

Hah, that reminds of Magus, which is a actual optional character to having in your team.
The fight against the team or only with Frog after all the incident in that part of the game is one of the most wholesome fights i've seen (basically a rematch), but the fun part ends when you defeat him.
It's better the other option, since he had very powerful shadow moves.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

Most of these bosses have insane amounts of HP or battles that are programmed to end in a certain number of rounds.

I remember in Lufia 2 if you are actually strong enough to beat Gades the first time you get his sword. But other than getting a cool weapon it changes nothing. There's no dialog in future fights with him that points to him being butthurt about losing to a bunch of puny humans. I know it's only SNES so you can't expect that much. But it would have been amusing.

IIRC, Gades was cheesable if you could get a rare drop armor from one of the mobs in his tower that had the IP mass Party heal effect, if he couldn't one shot your characters you could just refill your health every turn, but it was cool that you got a reward at all from it.

 

[Captain Syrup]

It's better the other option, since he had very powerful shadow moves.

Smart of them not to stack the deck in Magus' favor. He honestly sucks in the Lavos fight. His gimmick is AoE damage, and that doesn't help against single targets. (Ayla and Robo are objectively better.) Magus doesn't care, really, none of his dialog indicates he cares; he's just using you for his own ends.

I feel bad either way. Either Frog whacks Magus, or Frog has to turn the other cheek, in spite of their history.

 

[Prophetic Spirit]

Smart of them not to stack the deck in Magus' favor. He honestly sucks in the Lavos fight. His gimmick is AoE damage, and that doesn't help against single targets. (Ayla and Robo are objectively better.) Magus doesn't really care really, none of his dialog indicates he cares; he's just using you for his own ends.

I feel bad either way. Either Frog whacks Magus, or Frog has to turn the other cheek, in spite of their history.

Well, he's basically Vegeta in character. But i like him.
Remember when you don't want to fight Magus, if you have Frog in the team, he will say something like: "Even if i defeat you, neither Chrono or Cyrus gonna back..."
And damn, that's relatable. Vengeance wasn't never a good option.

 

[Vault Boy]

Trying to get the Sword of Kings in Earthbound reminds me of how much I despise RNG in games.

I know it's not all that powerful, but I can't stand the idea of Poo having an empty equipment space for the rest of the game.

 

[Overcast]

Well, he's basically Vegeta in character. But i like him.
Remember when you don't want to fight Magus, if you have Frog in the team, he will say something like: "Even if i defeat you, neither Chrono or Cyrus gonna back..."
And damn, that's relatable. Vengeance wasn't never a good option.

For whatever reason, I always got a kick over Frog's reaction over Magus offering to join.

Magus: Allow me to join you.

Frog: Are you MAD?!

 

[Fag Albert]

"TIGER!" "TIGER!" "TIGER!" "TIGER!" "TIGER!" "TIGER!" "UPPERCUT!" "TIGER!" "TIGER!"

K.O.

YOU LOSE!

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

I feel you so hard on this. Good O. Sagats are such a fucking nightmare to get near.

 

[Pissmaster]

Trying to get the Sword of Kings in Earthbound reminds me of how much I despise RNG in games.

I know it's not all that powerful, but I can't stand the idea of Poo having an empty equipment space for the rest of the game.

I've played through Earthbound several times and have never gotten the Sword of Kings. I even spent too much time one day grinding for it (and throttling, of course, I ain't doing that in real time), and got Ness all the way up to level 99 without getting it. That's when I gave up.

The Sword of Kings is one of the most annoying items in RPGs in that it's among the rarest drops, and it's only dropped by one particular enemy that no longer spawns anywhere in the game when you complete its area. Every single other character gets a slew of equipment, but Poo gets exactly one for each slot, and the other three are found in treasure chests. I'd rather just have it tied behind a superboss, because then you could at least get it, and then complain about not having much of a use for a new weapon after you just proved you never needed it. Which some games do.

Speaking of which, Final Fantasy VI has a situation near the end where you have to choose between forging the Ragnarok into a sword, or an esper. Choosing the sword gives you the second best sword in the game, which can be wagered in the colosseum towards the Illumina, the best weapon in the game, and that's the only way to obtain it. But you'll miss out on the esper, you'll have a slot missing, and it's the only esper to teach Ultima. Choosing the esper makes the top two swords in the game completely inaccessible. Sort of a strange design decision for FFVI, a game that otherwise gives you just about everything and lets you turn almost any character into a ridiculous killing machine.

 

[Capsaicin Addict]

The 'fight you're supposed to lose' bit reminds me of the early fun you could have in Nipton in Fallout New Vegas. You're supposed to talk to the Legion fucker there and listen to his spiel about degenerates and whatnot.

Or, you can just lay down some land mines and try to kill him and his little crew, which is very satisfying (if difficult, since that early on you probably don't have good skills or gear).