Biggest bullshit in a video game

[Drag-on Knight 91873]

Final Fantasy fans are in the same boat now that Square-Enix is making their Final Fantasy games some sort of action RPG. Us old geezers are too slow for that. They've abandoned their old fans.

While I enjoyed the FFVII Remake overall, it bugs me that The Last Story is conceptually a better game than it. The most prominent difference was how they use revive mechanics. Remake made you pause to use items or magic, which broke the Dynasty Warriors flow. Not to say TLS didn't do this too, but it didn't do it as often. This difference of scale was very noticeable in revive spells. In Remake, you had to pause to use a Phoenix Down or Revive spell while in TLS, you could just run to a fallen NPC with your glowy hand to manually revive or just wait about a minute for that NPC to revive on his or her own. Also, Remake used the menu system for special attacks. Yes, hotkeys exist, but only for a few skills, forcing you to bench less useful ones. In TLS, skills were dependent on two and a half classes (dual sword can't use cover to Slash) and context-specific. If you hid in cover, you could leap out and slash. If you were near a wall, you could run up it to vertical slash, if you were a mage, you could either cast a spell quickly or fully charge it to change the terrain so a sword character could cast a status effect. Less skills + easier access makes for a better experience. Now, TLS is still objectively flawed (especially in mo-cap which has always been a problem with Mistwalker games), but flawed as it is, this Wii game manages to have tighter controls than FFVII Remake.

Also, Nomura's writing. While not nearly as shit as The Third Birthday, it still shone a light on how his characters were dumb, blunt versions of Sakaguchi characters. Look at the difference in dialogue writing between Jessie and Aerith. Both girls flirt with Cloud, but Aerith is subtle about it so it's believable that it's romantic. Jessie's reaction to Cloud can be summarized as "Ram that Buster Sword in me nao!" Also, characters that logically should have died not dying and ghosts that everyone can see. Those ghost wreck the flow of the narrative and make segments longer than they have to be.

Remake sure likes to pretend it's the Director's Cut, but all the new additions are more like fan-fiction.

 

[Pissmaster]

I love Resident Evil 4, i've beaten the game a dozen times by now, but... the older i get the more i find myself dying on the QTEs sequences.

Remember running away from a giant boulder right before you meet Luis Sera?, i used to beat that setpiece no problem when i was young, but last time i played RE4, around a year ago., i think i died at least half a dozen times, i just couldn't press "A" fast enough. Not to mention the knife fight with Krauser or his boss battle, they get harder each time y replay the game.

It is kind of disheartening to be honest

Aside from the framerate thing, you might have more input lag, or a newer version of the game might have introduced some. My TV set from last year has enough input lag to make some games just flat-out frustrating to play, while my 12-year-old HDTV plays them just fine.

Final Fantasy fans are in the same boat now that Square-Enix is making their Final Fantasy games some sort of action RPG. Us old geezers are too slow for that. They've abandoned their old fans.

My complaint on those is that they're such gigantic clusterfucks, and I can't get a feel at all for how much I'm actually contributing. Like the battles are mostly automatic, and I'm a nanny sitting on the sidelines reminding my little idiots to drink their potions so they don't knock themselves out.

What's wrong with stylized turn-based combat like in Persona and Yakuza 7? That's how you do a JRPG these days.

 

[JektheDumbass]

Worse yet, when the law "No attacking shows up" and you selected a pure attack team without checking the laws or having cards to negate that law. I'd be more lenient on the system if it applied fairly to enemies as well, but if you force an enemy into a position where they have to break a law, they will only ever get yellow cards.


Well, the biggest drawback to that was it basically forced a specific party makeup. You want DPS machines? Humans with double-weapon. Ranged physical? Moogles with the gunner job. Ranged Magical? Nu mous casting flare. Healers? Bangaas are outclassed by every other race, and their only competitive skill is suicide bombing with Meltdown. Viera are equally worthless, but at least you can make them useful with the assassin class where you rely on luck for kills instead of high damage.

But still, nothing in the game can possibly beat a team of humans all equipped with double-weapon, the damage output is just unfair.

Viera got Dual Cast and make the best healers and nukers. (speed kills in that game even when you're healing). There's no luck involved with assassins, you give them Concentrate and just killed everything with 99% accuracy. I like Bangaa and Nu Mou but neither are really good for much (humans are better beatsticks, Moogles are better meat shields somehow, and viera are better spellcasters). That being said I did enjoy my beastmaster/morpher and my jumplar, they just weren't as good as my dualcast summoner, my doubleking, my assassin, my moogle smiling sharpshooter, etc.

Edit: I will agree that the laws are dumb. FFTA 2 improves that a bit, it's a challenge that gives you a bonus if you meet it. I don't mind a bit of a challenge for a bonus.

 

[Meat Target]

Not being able to have sexual encounters in the soul calibur series is a Debbie downer.

The woketurds at Obsidian dropped the ball on Outer Worlds when they prevented us from being able to romance the cute autistic Pajeeta girl by making her an ace.

 

[Dumpster dived waifu]

Viera got Dual Cast and make the best healers and nukers. (speed kills in that game even when you're healing). There's no luck involved with assassins, you give them Concentrate and just killed everything with 99% accuracy. I like Bangaa and Nu Mou but neither are really good for much (humans are better beatsticks, Moogles are better meat shields somehow, and viera are better spellcasters). That being said I did enjoy my beastmaster/morpher and my jumplar, they just weren't as good as my dualcast summoner, my doubleking, my assassin, my moogle smiling sharpshooter, etc.

Edit: I will agree that the laws are dumb. FFTA 2 improves that a bit, it's a challenge that gives you a bonus if you meet it. I don't mind a bit of a challenge for a bonus.

Shit, I forgot that dualcast exists. RIP nu mous.

 

[Meat Target]

Those archers ain't got nothing on those damn dogs at the Capra Demon boss. That fight can be over in less than 10 seconds if you get stun locked.

Fun fact: you can cheese the Capra Demon, by throwing firebombs and dung pies over the fog wall.

 

[JektheDumbass]

It gets worse with ffta2. Starting at 0 mp makes having a huge mp pool irrelevant and the Hume-only Magick Frenzy ability makes them even less relevant as casters, plus they lose Morpher which is a gimmicky but fun class.

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

It's been years and years since I've played it, but the whole judge system in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance only really served to be a thing where I'd forget it exists and then get nailed when I cast some spell that was arbitrarily decided to be haram for this battle. And speaking of which, locking jobs to whatever species your characters were was terrible, it felt like you were being funneled into making very particular builds, as opposed to Tactics' whole everyone-can-be-any-job thing, where you could mix and match your team and try different... you know, tactics.

I never did beat that game, I don't even think I got close. I think I was maybe 15 hours into it? And I didn't even make it much more than a couple of hours into the sequel, it was just so fucking boring.

The FFTA law system, and all its bastard spawn (FFTA2 laws, FF12 licenses and "Judges") has always been preposterous horseshit that should have been scrapped after the first installment. But instead it's somehow become one of the series' themes, and has wormed its way into every sequel in one form or another. It needs to be put to bed permanently.

I, too, really hated the way that jobs were locked to race. It wasn't just less fun for all your characters to have fewer options, but it didn't even really improve the game balance over FFT. It also meant that they had to come up with a bunch of shitty new jobs to pad out the lists, usually by breaking up old jobs (like the way that everything except the basic three tiers of the basic three attack elements was taken from Black Mage and parted out to Alchemist, Sage, and Bishop).

I never beat either Tactics Advance game, but in my case it was because the game was always determined to screw me out of the items needed to learn key abilities (another system I hated) and the necessary exploitation needed to cheese my way around it was tedious. FF Tactics was one of my favorite games of all time, and it's depressing how the series plummeted immediately to something only "OK". They basically sacrificed a large amount of the original games' fun on the altar of BARANSU, but didn't actually get anything from their sacrifice.

It gets worse with ffta2. Starting at 0 mp makes having a huge mp pool irrelevant and the Hume-only Magick Frenzy ability makes them even less relevant as casters, plus they lose Morpher which is a gimmicky but fun class.

They were originally supposed to have Transmuter, a class with Chemist-style item mixing that threw bombs, but it was cut late in development. The sprites were used for some NPC and some of the mixes were given to the monsters at Brightmoon Tor as monster special abilities. A real shame.

 

[Un Platano]

Being six years old playing Sonic CD on Sonic Gems Collection, and being greeted with this when you get a game over:

If you put an original Sonic CD disk in a CD player, there's some real weird shit on there. Most of it is just audio garbage because it's a game and not music, but when you do get to the music parts, there's these unused tracks playing voices in reverse. And then of course there's the infamous Infinite Fun screen. It's no surprise that Sonic CD has inspired a lot of shitty creepypastas because that game is cursed.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Bosses that aren't fights as much as they are just pure memorization.

I just beat the final boss of Donkey Kong Country 2 so it's fresh in my mind. It's just trial and error while you remember K. Rool's pattern. That's not fun, it's just throwing yourself against a wall again and again until you finally get through the whole thing and can do it in one clean go. Another horrid example is that Sonic robot at the end of Sonic 2. Hell that one's worse because you can't get hit at all, all the while you have to dodge the robot and make sure you remember everything correctly.

 

[Beautiful Loser]

MP Death in Star Ocean 3, it's as fucking bullshit as it sounds.

 

[Balr0g]

MP Death in Star Ocean 3, it's as fucking bullshit as it sounds.

I think that happened in Star Ocean 2 as well. At least If I remember correctly.

 

[PissPotPatty]

Truth and Reconciliation from Halo CE. Always hated that mission with a burning passion. Especially those fucking camo elites.

 

[FuckedUp]

Another Skyrim skill complaint: the leveling rate is so uneven; you need to buy/sell like 10k gold (or more if you're selling robes and stuff) to get Speech up a single level in the 20s, but enchanting useless clothes with useless petty soul gems increases that skill by nearly a full level per enchantment in the >40s.

 

[Dumpster dived waifu]

Depraved ones in 5-1/5-2 in Demons Souls are absolute cancer. They have a rush attack that has no startup, hits 5 times, and causes massive stagger. On base playthrough, it's annoying because they'll likely push you off a ledge or into another attack, but on NG+ cycles it's a death sentence unless you have moderately high vitality, even if you use second chance. Pair that with the area being flooded with the bastards, and you're getting suck punched back to the start often enough to just boil over and get pissed.

 

[Panama]

The Martyr Logarius boss run in Bloodborne. Thread your way through about three minutes of easily aggro'd enemies, along edges to fatal drops, and unavoidable fall damage, to fight a boss that has an inconsistent parry hit box, no elemental weakness, and a second stage attack that can break your lock-on before one shotting you.
He's not a particularly difficult fromsoft boss, like Freide, Four Kings, or Ludwig. Logarius just isn't fun, and you have to deal with unnecessary bullshit to get back to him each time.

 

[Meat Target]

The Martyr Logarius boss run in Bloodborne. Thread your way through about three minutes of easily aggro'd enemies, along edges to fatal drops, and unavoidable fall damage, to fight a boss that has an inconsistent parry hit box, no elemental weakness, and a second stage attack that can break your lock-on before one shotting you.
He's not a particularly difficult fromsoft boss, like Freide, Four Kings, or Ludwig. Logarius just isn't fun, and you have to deal with unnecessary bullshit to get back to him each time.

I thought getting to the Shadow of Yharnam was a lot more bullshitty. Dodging a gauntlet of poisonous snakes is never fun.

 

[FuckedUp]

The Curious George (movie) game had a double jump that only worked if you hit A again before reaching the peak of your jump. Made the game way harder than it should've been because of how awkward it was.

 

[Mnutu]

Any point blank roll in X-Com. It took a long time to appreciate its honesty in “70% is 70%”, but point blank is point blank for fucks sake. You have to really try to miss when you’re five-ten feet away from something.

Having a dlc that causes the soundtrack to loop the same three songs over and over for hours on end, and only occasionally play “Deck the halls” randomly.

 

[Twitter Hate Mob]

Any point blank roll in X-Com. It took a long time to appreciate its honesty in “70% is 70%”, but point blank is point blank for fucks sake. You have to really try to miss when you’re five-ten feet away from something.

That's what you deserve for being autistic enough for XCOM but not autistic enough for Long War.