Even the original Vulture article has this tidbit:
"After Palmer’s offer, Pavlovich texted Gaiman: “I am consumed by thoughts of you, the things you will do to me. I’m so hungry. What a terrible creature you’ve turned me into.” The following weekend, she packed up her sublet and boarded the ferry to Waiheke."
The idea is they were doing some BDSM shit. She was supposed to be the "slave" and him the "master" and all the stuff that entailed. So, it might be true-but-misleading that she said "no" in some kind of feigned resistance while really she was consenting to the situation and enjoying it (or at least pretending to enjoy it because she wanted a relationship with Gaiman).
That's not to say that anything goes in a BDSM relationship, but it's certainly possible that she's reframing things or leave out context long after their relationship ended and she resents him. There might be dozens or hundreds of other communications along the lines of the one they included where she's clearly indicating being into this kinky lifestyle that she didn't show Vulture or they didn't publish.