Can you rule-lawyer your way into heaven?

Betonhaus

Betonhaus

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The Mormons have "soaking" where if they try not to move it doesn't count as sex
The Catholics have ravioli so they can sneak in some meat during lent
The Jews have... lots of technical loopholes

But are those actually OK? Would these things really succeed in fooling an omnipotent god for centuries or centuries? Or do you think you could go up to god and make a case flimsier then Roe vs Wade and he'll accept it and let you into the pearly gates?
 
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With the Jew one, they still have fuckload of rules they keep to, with the rules being lawyered usually being either not applicable with modern tech/culture (if they can even be translated since things like electricity didn't exist back when they were written.

Anyways, I like to think getting into heaven ultimately depends on not being a shit person to others, with the rules being more guidelines to how you should act.
 
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Wait, what. Soaking? For real? What. Hah.
And raviolli is okay why? xD

ON a serious note, if this heaven thing exists and we're talking Christianity then my understanding is that you simply have to want redemption and be truly working for it. If you were sincere at your last confession let's say you probably get into heaven.


So there's nothing to lawyer around. God just stares you down and he always wins. Could be a tie vs Chuck Norris once he bites the dust, though.
 
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No, the sin when it comes to eating meat during Lent isn't the act itself, it's intentional disobedience to the Church and its teachings. In order to contract the full guilt of sin you have to know it's wrong and willfully do it anyways. Accidents of course are never sins under any circumstances.

If you were to have a feast of cheese ravioli with Alfredo sauce, scallops, shrimp and lobster with butter on an allowed day, it would comply with the letter of the law even if it goes against the spirit of fasting and penance. Now, putting so much effort into finding workarounds is a sign of spiritual immaturity and won't help you grow in holiness but it's not sinful in and of itself. More of an imperfection to be overcome.

I think in order to go to hell you have to commit a violation of one of the Ten Commandments on its face. I don't think people really have full knowledge of the gravity of lesser but still mortal violations of the Commandments to incur the full guilt of mortal sin. Still better to cover your bases but that's my opinion.
 
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I recently learned the ancient Sumerians basically believed that the gods won't let you into heaven no matter what & you're a worker ant who exists to give them things until you die. Your choices are either service that ends with you going to Hell or refusal to serve & you get tortured in life before going to Hell for more torture. This is also how Abrahamic religions work except instead of the gods it's the kikes.
 
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No. You can only get into heaven if you feel like you deserve it. Your righteousness propels you upwards towards Heaven if you're worthy, and your guilt drags you down to Hell.
 
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Hey, if Jesus died for my sins, I figure I might as well sin before my trip to Heaven or he died for nothing, Even if he only really gave up a weekend for my sins, it still counts.
 
this is all kike shite. there is no god or heaven or hell. there is just here and like it or lump it.
not even a god can give free will if he sees all time and existence. he would know exactly what every human will do from birth to death a billion years ago. the entire premise of free will would mean there was stuff god could not forsee in his coding. what a hack!
no point god watching a game or reading a book. always knows what the final score is going to be.

god did not write commandments or scriptures, man did. more specifically, kikes. three sets, one for themselves that says they are the all singing all dancing (911) chosen few. two more for goyim cattle depending on hotheadedness iq and skin colour.

fuck kikes, i hope each one goes to a festering prolonged death
 
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Never understood the connection between religion and Heaven? All the various religious factions believe they have some kind of general lien on the entry requirements. Seriously?

I'll sniff out my own ethereal existence, thank you very much.
 
i think that maybe as the last whiff of oxygen leaves our brains, our subjective temporal conciousness becomes dialated like a trannies axe wound before a night on the BBC. this causes our time to slow and ultimately freeze. in other words, your final thought will only last a microsecond in reality, but to you it will last for infinity. this is your heaven and hell.
learn how to think happy thoughts. if you die fearing infinity in burning hell, thats what you get.
a good way to get a grip on this is to smoke a heroic dose of salvinorin-a
 
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Just bring up Passover at the pearly gates and tell God that men in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and he pretty much has to let you in because likely nothing you've ever done in your entire life is as bad as Passover... Unless you're an abortion doctor or something.
 
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It depends. Does following the church get you into heaven, or following the word of God? The word of God itself can seem contradictory and the church (pick one, except maybe one of those hardcore Baptist churches) is a total clusterfuck of rules that can't be found in the bible. If it's pretty much any church, I could get away with anything and end up in heaven.
 
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If you can get a decent lawyer against God then you have a slim chance of getting in.
The question is who's willing to fight and win Him?
 
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