- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
"And me without my mop or my broom," thought the fat man with the imaginary girlfriend, "can I possibly handle this job with paper towels? No. That's insanity"
Choose Your Own Guntventure - Write one sentence to continue the saga of the Gunt Retort.
- Thread starter soy_king
- Start date
- Joined
- May 12, 2020
And with that, Shannon "Gamer Gate" Gaines hurriedly pawed at Ethan Oliver Ralph's stained sweatpants, tackling him to the ground he tore at the elastic strapping until they snapped, revealing two bulbous, grizzled gunt-like cheeks, to which he spread open like a telephone book. "It's dinner time, my liege" he proclaimed soundly, before hungrily eating Ethan Oliver Ralph's ass. Ethan Oliver Ralph the sole host of the Killstream podcast, and the proprietor of The Ralph Retort had his ass eaten many a times like this, for his manservant Shannon "Gamer Gate" Gaines was a man of cleaning, a pipe cleaning man.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
"Rake that muck, Gator" mumbled the half conscious legitimate journalist. Standing uncomfortably in the shadows were all the current and prior Killstream hosts. Only Flamenco, even though John Michael Kelley was also present, was autistic enough to ignore social norms to ask the question they were all wondering: "techinally, is this rape? I'm not sure if he can enthusiastically consent"
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2020
Flam's autistic mooing was for naught, as the only depictions of sex Gator had seen were in Japanese cartoons, rendering the concept of "consent" an abstraction...
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2019
I figured this was as good of a thread as any to post my unfinished gunt art. Goddamn is playing with all the assets in this thread addictive.
lol, I just realized Ralph looks like a double-fisted ventriloquist dummy right there.
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- Joined
- Nov 16, 2014
Feeling bored with his current situation, Ralph reached deep within the folds of his gunt and pulled out an 8 pound crack rock to partake in.
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2020
Then Ethan had an idea; maybe he could sell his crack rock to some ghetto folk so he could purchase more alcohol.
Harlan Wick
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
The Gunt's conscience spoke up at that point and started in about how such an action would only ruin his life further. This sparked Ethan's self loathing and he screamed at himself "Do you know who I am?".
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
The conscience of the gunt hadn't spoken to Ethan in decades and replied "Yes, but do you know who I am?"
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2018
The Gunt now rumbling from it's slumber like an eldritch horror began to below at Ralph, "What foolishness is this that you keep partaking in Ethan? Dare not endanger the flow of the Chinese lemons with your illegal antics. Without a steady stream of sustinance I will be forced to devour you, my host, to maintain myself. Remember you don't just carry That Gunt, you are held captive by it!"
Harlan Wick
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
This strange body politics was starting to scare Ethan. Rather than deal with the mess his life has become he just rolled over and started searching for anything to shut up the voices in his head. As Ethan was crawling through his own filth he noticed Gaytor was standing over him with a unreadable look on his face. "What's up Gator?", was all Ethan could slur.
Victim2988
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2020
It's raining on the Vatican. This dark day of januari, a strange man climb into a black mercedes limo waiting in front of a small, hidden church.
-Good day Monsignore, I hope you didn't wait for..
-Cut the crap Angelo, I'll met the Pope in one hour. Just tell me what you know about it and if there is some truth in what the signs are telling us.
- it's... I think it's back, your highness. I have found something that confirms...
- I can't believe it! Santa Maria, the angels and all the saints, don't tell me you have proof of that nonsense! We threw the beast back in the limbs 400 years ago and closed down the gate. It's impossible that..
- GUNT, shouted the strange man, his name is The Gunt. Look at this, it's all over internet. And he already got a young girl pregnant. If we don't act now the whole world is in danger. We can't allow this infamy Monsignore, you have to tell him! You have to!
- yes, yes, you're right. I will show your findings to François. He will listen to me. I... I have to stop this.
His voice was trembling.
- What was the name of this website you showed me again?
- kiwi farms Monsignore, kiwi farms.
- good. Now go back to your mission. The process has begun. That gunt that... Monstruosity. We will take care of it. It's the will of God.
-The will of God Monsignore.
The rain stopped and a bright sun appeared behind saint Peter's cathedral.
-Good day Monsignore, I hope you didn't wait for..
-Cut the crap Angelo, I'll met the Pope in one hour. Just tell me what you know about it and if there is some truth in what the signs are telling us.
- it's... I think it's back, your highness. I have found something that confirms...
- I can't believe it! Santa Maria, the angels and all the saints, don't tell me you have proof of that nonsense! We threw the beast back in the limbs 400 years ago and closed down the gate. It's impossible that..
- GUNT, shouted the strange man, his name is The Gunt. Look at this, it's all over internet. And he already got a young girl pregnant. If we don't act now the whole world is in danger. We can't allow this infamy Monsignore, you have to tell him! You have to!
- yes, yes, you're right. I will show your findings to François. He will listen to me. I... I have to stop this.
His voice was trembling.
- What was the name of this website you showed me again?
- kiwi farms Monsignore, kiwi farms.
- good. Now go back to your mission. The process has begun. That gunt that... Monstruosity. We will take care of it. It's the will of God.
-The will of God Monsignore.
The rain stopped and a bright sun appeared behind saint Peter's cathedral.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
In the dimmest recesses of the Vatican's most restricted archives, a pale and frightened middle aged Italian was laboriously translating from Aramaic and cross referencing what he once thought were shitposts.
"And the demon child will be christened in mockery after the closest to Christ."
Opening up and refreshing the gunt board, "the Demon Baby, Matthew Alexander Vickers," was sorted to the top by the recent and possibly divinely inspired activity of a known schizoposter. The middle aged Italian felt a chill right through his frock.
"And the demon child will be christened in mockery after the closest to Christ."
Opening up and refreshing the gunt board, "the Demon Baby, Matthew Alexander Vickers," was sorted to the top by the recent and possibly divinely inspired activity of a known schizoposter. The middle aged Italian felt a chill right through his frock.
Harlan Wick
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
The padre shuddered at what had to be done next. His life and soul had been dedicated to this day but he never thought he would live to see this day. Getting up he made the sign of the cross as he walked over to the phone and entered a number from memory. On the third ring a old sleepy voice answered the phone and the padre laid out the evidence that he had found. The padre felt a moment of doubt as the other party was silent for a long time, then the voice croaked and he was both relieved and horrified at what was said.
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2014
"I shall report this to the council but we must stay the course if the prophesy of the Gunt Born is to be fulfilled." The raspy voice leaked out of the speaker and wormed it's way through the Padres mind. Was it his imagination or did the voice at the other end sound like it was speaking in some underground chamber?
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2019
After inviting Ralph to an Australian Shitpoaster's Pool Party, he got handsy with the wrong based wignette princess. As he lays there, bloody and unconscious after getting shanked & ganked, you must carefully choose the next step to help Ralph without burning your autright-ally bridges :
Victim2988
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2020
Boston, 4 of January.
Reverend O'Saughnessy lighted one more Camel. No filter.
- Ah! You mean the Council want my guys to drive you to the south? Can't the holy spirit fix a fucking driving license to his footsoldiers? Haha *kof*
Angelo wasn't amused. Mortals modern bureaucraty wasn't something he had time to care of. And he didn't like that nearly dead preast. But in that time of need, he shouldn't be too picky.
- I need an escort. Guntguards can be waiting for us everywhere. And I don't want to use my powers before I first see the beast.
- Ha! Just hope that it will not happen at a karaoke bar hahaha *kof* *keeeeuuf* *kof*
- can I trust your men? The "sweet platoon" or whatever they call themselves?
- Only the best your gracious servant of the lord Ah! Real-IRA, Irish navy seals, minecraft-players. No trannies. All vets from the war on furries. You can also take the chinese troll in the cage behind you. She bites, but she's immune against the coof. Can be usefull. Maybe *kof*
- I should waste no time. Tell them to pick me after the office. I take the troll, maybe she can cook for us. I have to thank...
- Angelo, before you go, can the big man help me with... My little problem?
- He can't. You should really stop smoking. Have Faith.
- you mean, get myself a methead babymama? Ah! Ah! Ah! *Keeeeeuuuf* *kof* *kof*
Angelo rolled his eyes and left. Sometimes the job was feeling like a divine punishment. Why the council wanted him to work with this kind of retards? No time to think more about that. Things have to be done. And it will be dirty.
Reverend O'Saughnessy lighted one more Camel. No filter.
- Ah! You mean the Council want my guys to drive you to the south? Can't the holy spirit fix a fucking driving license to his footsoldiers? Haha *kof*
Angelo wasn't amused. Mortals modern bureaucraty wasn't something he had time to care of. And he didn't like that nearly dead preast. But in that time of need, he shouldn't be too picky.
- I need an escort. Guntguards can be waiting for us everywhere. And I don't want to use my powers before I first see the beast.
- Ha! Just hope that it will not happen at a karaoke bar hahaha *kof* *keeeeuuf* *kof*
- can I trust your men? The "sweet platoon" or whatever they call themselves?
- Only the best your gracious servant of the lord Ah! Real-IRA, Irish navy seals, minecraft-players. No trannies. All vets from the war on furries. You can also take the chinese troll in the cage behind you. She bites, but she's immune against the coof. Can be usefull. Maybe *kof*
- I should waste no time. Tell them to pick me after the office. I take the troll, maybe she can cook for us. I have to thank...
- Angelo, before you go, can the big man help me with... My little problem?
- He can't. You should really stop smoking. Have Faith.
- you mean, get myself a methead babymama? Ah! Ah! Ah! *Keeeeeuuuf* *kof* *kof*
Angelo rolled his eyes and left. Sometimes the job was feeling like a divine punishment. Why the council wanted him to work with this kind of retards? No time to think more about that. Things have to be done. And it will be dirty.
Victim2988
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2020
- Egyptian, it's a compilation of sales and imports on the Nile for a civil servant of the farao. Really old, really stunning piece. Fragile, don't touch it.
- And this one Granddaddy, what it is about? It smells baaad...
- haaa this one Joshua, I don't really know. Babylonian, undated. The end is missing. Quite unusual. Just a bunch of nonsense I presume. You see here, this mountain is central in the narrative. You find it everywhere. Then you have a child with a demonic head, a harvest, the moon, a dog called void, a plague, a virgin (in the old meaning of the term, young girl) and above that a recipe for brewing alcoholic beverages. Ah, can it be some apocalyptical myth from an obscure cult in some dark ages? I don't know Josh, maybe you will find the key to decifer that story when you grow old.
-I really want to be like you granddaddy! It's so cool with all your old stories!
- Hahaha yes I hope so. You know what's also funny with that papyrus? The mountain is called "Gûûnhtą", which means "belly" in Babylonian. The "evil belly mountain", isn't that funny? Haha, nonsense. Let me show you some more serious artefact now...
- And this one Granddaddy, what it is about? It smells baaad...
- haaa this one Joshua, I don't really know. Babylonian, undated. The end is missing. Quite unusual. Just a bunch of nonsense I presume. You see here, this mountain is central in the narrative. You find it everywhere. Then you have a child with a demonic head, a harvest, the moon, a dog called void, a plague, a virgin (in the old meaning of the term, young girl) and above that a recipe for brewing alcoholic beverages. Ah, can it be some apocalyptical myth from an obscure cult in some dark ages? I don't know Josh, maybe you will find the key to decifer that story when you grow old.
-I really want to be like you granddaddy! It's so cool with all your old stories!
- Hahaha yes I hope so. You know what's also funny with that papyrus? The mountain is called "Gûûnhtą", which means "belly" in Babylonian. The "evil belly mountain", isn't that funny? Haha, nonsense. Let me show you some more serious artefact now...
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
Deepest Romania, the kind of night that confirms all the stereotypes a person might have about vampires, gypsies, or any combination of the two roaming the countryside.
"Look mate, I know we're about to get married, but there's no choice. The stepfather must be informed. The Sweetie Squad and the Killstream Krew are converging. He needs to decide if he shall hide or strike them down, mate"
"Can't you just tell him on Discord?"
"Woman. Mate. Have I not told you about Kraut? Why even us lapsed Skeptics will never truly trust Discord again, mate?"
"Look mate, I know we're about to get married, but there's no choice. The stepfather must be informed. The Sweetie Squad and the Killstream Krew are converging. He needs to decide if he shall hide or strike them down, mate"
"Can't you just tell him on Discord?"
"Woman. Mate. Have I not told you about Kraut? Why even us lapsed Skeptics will never truly trust Discord again, mate?"