Choose Your Own Guntventure - Write one sentence to continue the saga of the Gunt Retort.
- Thread starter soy_king
- Start date
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2019
"Ethan, your sacrifice to the corn has brought the demon baby to life but it was not enough to save you. I only have enough power left to bring you this final warning " said the Gunt.
It was in this moment that Ethan felt a deep sense of foreboding. Images of lost court cases, jail time, rape, de-platforming, and horrifying tweets from aylogs flashed through his mind.
Ethan grasped his head in agony as the horrible images consumed him.
"I know what I have to do now", Ethan said resolutely as he picked up a bottle of Maker's Mark before stepping out of the liquor store.
It was in this moment that Ethan felt a deep sense of foreboding. Images of lost court cases, jail time, rape, de-platforming, and horrifying tweets from aylogs flashed through his mind.
Ethan grasped his head in agony as the horrible images consumed him.
"I know what I have to do now", Ethan said resolutely as he picked up a bottle of Maker's Mark before stepping out of the liquor store.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
With a copy of Apologizing for Dummies in hand, Ethan waited at his parole officer's door for the holidays to end so he could ask for permission to apologize abroad and in person.
World Star
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2019
Ethan stood there silently for hours in the cold as he waiting for his officer to open the door.
Finally at 9 o'clock in the morning the door opened and he looked up at his parole officer who towered over him at the hieght of 5 foot 10 a whole 9 inches taller than Ralph.
Before he could begin to recite the appogy in his head the officer spoke, "Oh Ralph there you are it's been hard keep tabs on what you've been upto since your kiwi thread was locked and the creation of the Gunt board. Why are you here instead of spending the holidays with your family or your new inlaws?"
Finally at 9 o'clock in the morning the door opened and he looked up at his parole officer who towered over him at the hieght of 5 foot 10 a whole 9 inches taller than Ralph.
Before he could begin to recite the appogy in his head the officer spoke, "Oh Ralph there you are it's been hard keep tabs on what you've been upto since your kiwi thread was locked and the creation of the Gunt board. Why are you here instead of spending the holidays with your family or your new inlaws?"
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- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
Ethan wanted to ignore the question as if it were a particularly insulting superchat, yet he couldn't; a man who had the power over his freedom was eagerly awaiting a polite answer.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2019
"Whu...what, it's nawt tru officer, I'm just about to go visit my mawmaw" Ralph mumbled, looking down at the floor.
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2020
The officer sighed. "I handled your father Ronald when he got in trouble, I'm handling you, and I'll probably handle that bastard in the butt of that teenager in California one day. Ralph ralph ralph so much Ralph it's like a Roman Vomitorium or backstage at a Nickelodeon TV show. I tell ya what...if you can go the day without getting into mischief...I will let you go to DC. Deal?"
World Star
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2019
Ralph started to sweat like he had just went on another 5 minute hike.
"O-of course sir, I have been and will be on my best behavior."
Ralph bowed before the giant before him, the appogy he was here to give to the man had completly disappeared from his mind.
"Now if that would be all could you explain to me why are you still covered in trash? It's awfully early in the morning to be eating burgers even for you," the parole officer posed with smug grin.
"O-of course sir, I have been and will be on my best behavior."
Ralph bowed before the giant before him, the appogy he was here to give to the man had completly disappeared from his mind.
"Now if that would be all could you explain to me why are you still covered in trash? It's awfully early in the morning to be eating burgers even for you," the parole officer posed with smug grin.
- Joined
- May 12, 2020
"I wasn't here for trash burgers, sir, I was here for a more nutritious meal, I'm here to eat your ass officer" Ethan lifted a pinky to his upturned lip, a sexual grimace shot across his face like a streak of semen splattered along a dirty motel mattress.
"They said you were a silver-tongued rogue, I only hope that this tongue of yours is as velvety as your grizzled gunt-flesh" the officer dropped his belt and slacks. "Dinner time, my boy" He proclaimed, spreading his cheeks like the opening of a telephone book.
"They said you were a silver-tongued rogue, I only hope that this tongue of yours is as velvety as your grizzled gunt-flesh" the officer dropped his belt and slacks. "Dinner time, my boy" He proclaimed, spreading his cheeks like the opening of a telephone book.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
"I hope you don't mind SIR," drawled Ethan, "but I just gotta take a sniff first" as he buried his nose in the starfish presented before him. While should have been as happy as the pig he was in the shit he was smelling, Ethan could only sadly imagine that it was the pinkest rosebud he'd ever seen, once, back in the stream.me days.
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2019
Ralph said, staring into the pink mass before him as if staring into the abyss itself. The rosebud stared back.
Harlan Wick
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
"Ethan," announce the long-suffering corrections worker, "if even half of just one of the dozens of random emails about you I get every damn day is true, you've been making me look like a fool for nigh on a year. Buckle up, SON"
Harlan Wick
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
Something sparked in the alcohol soaked sponge Ralph calls a brain and his body threw up his hand in defense while he cried, "I fought in Gamergate!".
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
"You were on the front lines of Gamergate? You're lucky that as an officer of the law, I swore an oath not to beat faggots or retards," snarled the long suffering and world weary parole officer.
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2020
"Don't you 
me, little man," the corrections officer seethed, "There's a lot of people gunning for Levon and Jamal spitroasting you and I can make that happen."
me, little man," the corrections officer seethed, "There's a lot of people gunning for Levon and Jamal spitroasting you and I can make that happen."
Harlan Wick
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2018
Sadly this didn't register with the Gunt, as the dopamine and adrenaline spike had lulled him into a shallow coma.
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- Joined
- Sep 17, 2018
As had been customary for some time, as he lost his grip on the waking world, he heard these words echo through his head: "Ethan Ralph. It's me. Gator"
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2020
Horror shuddered through Ralph, rippling through the folds of his gunt. The Ghost of Metokur - I mean Gator - waited patiently as the minutes ticked by. The jiggling flesh slapping echoing through the ages, breaking the sound barrier and smashing the time space continuum. Gator looked around, thinking to himself, 'This is going to be a hell of a mess to sweep up tonight',