Chris and hookers.

[Some JERK]

Why replay the level once you've already beaten it and unlocked the trophy?

 

[CatParty]

We're forgetting it was $200 plus price of a gift basket expensive.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

We're forgetting it was $200 plus price of a gift basket expensive.

"Why are the pretzels half eaten?"

 

[CatParty]

We're forgetting it was $200 plus price of a gift basket expensive.

"Why are the pretzels half eaten?"

No amount of lavender vanilla body wash can undo what Chris did.

 

[Holdek]

To Chris, having sex was a secondary effect of his burning desire to lose his virginity. He wanted to be a non-virgin far more than he actually wanted sex.

That's my guess on why he doesn't keep going back, anyway. He's not a virgin anymore, the WORST THING EVAR for a straight man. If he had the option to buy false memories of sex Total Recall style, that wouldn't be good enough because he would still be a virgin.

Also he doesn't think he's going to die in jail anymore.

P.S. It's kind of funny how in Chris' mind he went all the way from, "I'm going to win the trial and be awarded the Game PLace," to "I"m going to die in jail as a virgin."

 

[CatParty]

To Chris, having sex was a secondary effect of his burning desire to lose his virginity. He wanted to be a non-virgin far more than he actually wanted sex.

That's my guess on why he doesn't keep going back, anyway. He's not a virgin anymore, the WORST THING EVAR for a straight man. If he had the option to buy false memories of sex Total Recall style, that wouldn't be good enough because he would still be a virgin.

Also he doesn't think he's going to die in jail anymore.

P.S. It's kind of funny how in Chris' mind he went all the way from, "I'm going to win the trial and be awarded the Game PLace," to "I"m going to die in jail as a virgin."

I also loved him ignoring Anna's prison rape comment.



White knight my ass.

 

[Marvin]

Also he doesn't think he's going to die in jail anymore.

P.S. It's kind of funny how in Chris' mind he went all the way from, "I'm going to win the trial and be awarded the Game PLace," to "I"m going to die in jail as a virgin."

I also loved him ignoring Anna's prison rape comment.



White knight my ass.

He might've been too dumb to realize what she was implying.

 

[rosechuismywaifu]

Where did this info about the gift basket come from? Because that's absolutely hilarious.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I imagine hookers see much, much worse things than Chris. (See, Chris, I compliment you.)

My reaction of horror at the idea of someone having sex with Chris may have something to do with my being female. In addition to the less than desirable attributes I mentioned in my previous post, I find him incredibly creepy. I remember watching the 'For J-R's eyes only video. It made my skin crawl.

A big part of it is his voice. When the played clips of the Ivy video on WBCN, women were calling up and making similar remarks: and that was just based on his voice. They were saying things like 'my lady parts just stapled themselves shut'... etc. etc. etc. When Chris makes an attempt at dirty talk, it comes out somewhere between hilarious and creepy. (The infamous video is a case in point.)

Anyway, I guess we'll never know if Chris is the worst/nastiest/dirtiest/smelliest/creepiest John she ever serviced, since nobody has been able to locate her. Now that would be an interesting Q and A session!

Chris is revolting on so many levels, but disturbingly enough he's not at the bottom of the pile, we just happen to know all his horrible little secrets because he has no filter whatsoever.

Now I'm not claiming to be an expert on hookers, but I've been around long enough to know that some of the things certain men want to do to women would make Chris look normal by comparison, and the only way these guys can get their fix is by paying for it. Chris, whilst being smelly and creepy would at least have approached the situation with his usual reverence for the fairer sex. (I would imagine)

Another thing potentially worth bringing up whilst we're on the subject is that it's not uncommon for hookers to take advantage of the John if an opportunity presents itself, even if it's just simple theft. In all honesty, this situation was probably the closest Chris has come to something genuinely bad happening to him, he's just not mentally or emotionally equipped to deal with these sorts of situations.

 

[Ronichu]

I imagine hookers see much, much worse things than Chris. (See, Chris, I compliment you.)

Another thing potentially worth bringing up whilst we're on the subject is that it's not uncommon for hookers to take advantage of the John if an opportunity presents itself, even if it's just simple theft. In all honesty, this situation was probably the closest Chris has come to something genuinely bad happening to him, he's just not mentally or emotionally equipped to deal with these sorts of situations.

HELP HELP HELP

Yes, Officer Berkowitz. I paid the hooker for sex, but she took my hand made, Christian Weston Chandler edition iDea case that had my PSP, iPhone, iPod, PS Vita, and DS-i in it! She stole it, because she was one of those gay, possibly black, thirteen year old trolls who bother me on the internet!

So, Mister Chandler, you're telling me that you paid a thirteen year old people-smuggled prostitute to have sex with you, and then called the Charlottesville Police Department because she stole... duct tape and electronics from you?

Yes! And you should ARREST AND DETAIN HER forthwith, she works for the Jew Troll King Snyder, that filthy fucking jew! But you CANNOT tell my mother that I had sex with the prostitute.

Base, this is Berkowitz. We... might need some backup here.

 

[CWCissey]

Didn't someone say that they got some kind of reaction from him touching them. (I don't remember the details.)

That was Kacey I think, she had a nasty rash for about a week after Chris repeatedly mauled her on their date.

 

[BillRiley]

Didn't someone say that they got some kind of reaction from him touching them. (I don't remember the details.)

That was Kacey I think, she had a nasty rash for about a week after Chris repeatedly mauled her on their date.

I can only imagine the gawd-awful rash Chris's hooker was spreading after she serviced his bent duck. Does anyone know if the CDC has quarantined Greene County yet? Any zombie outbreaks reported?

 

[Holdek]

Where did this info about the gift basket come from? Because that's absolutely hilarious.

Chris posted on FB that he gave her a gift basket to show his appreciation.

As an added hilarity someone noticed later on his eBay profile that he was selling a premade and wrapped gift basket with skin creams and stuff.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

Didn't someone say that they got some kind of reaction from him touching them. (I don't remember the details.)

That was Kacey I think, she had a nasty rash for about a week after Chris repeatedly mauled her on their date.

I can only imagine the gawd-awful rash Chris's hooker was spreading after she serviced his bent duck. Does anyone know if the CDC has quarantined Greene County yet? Any zombie outbreaks reported?

This comes up a lot (the rash thing, not a zombie outbreak), but a while ago another forumer pointed out that it was more than likely to be a reaction to the hand sanitiser Chris is known to copiously use. Another possibility is Axe; I remember years ago I used some before a night out and my chest was burning and turned red and itchy after a while, nasty stuff!

Yeah, I know that's a bit mundane, but as hilarious as the thought of Chris being toxic to the touch is, I don't think there was ever any likelihood of it being true. Just another example of Chris related things being exaggerated for comedic effect.

 

[Count groudon]

Ok I'm just going to go ahead and say this.
I wonder what Chris sounds like while having sex. And I don't mean that stuff, that was a sad, stupid, forced attempt to be romantic and passionate or something.
Yeah my brain's kinda messed up

 

[Very Honest Content]

Ok I'm just going to go ahead and say this.
I wonder what Chris sounds like while having sex. And I don't mean that stuff, that was a sad, stupid, forced attempt to be romantic and passionate or something.
Yeah my brain's kinda messed up

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. TODAY.

(And watch the 30 pushups or 51/50 videos for your answer.)

 

[SPARKLETWAT]

I really think Chris is full of shit and posted about a hooker to make us all think he lost his virginity.

In b4 HI ALOG.

 

[Marvin]

I really think Chris is full of shit and posted about a hooker to make us all think he lost his virginity.

In b4 HI ALOG.

Nah, he fucked a hooker.

 

[LordCustos3]

No amount of lavender vanilla body wash can undo what Chris did.

Especially considering where he did it, and to what part of her internal anatomy.
Especially considering the following....

That was Kacey I think, she had a nasty rash for about a week after Chris repeatedly mauled her on their date.

What I'm trying to avoid saying out loud -- because it is too horrifying to contemplate openly -- is WHY you can't interview that hooker.

Consider where Chris'tard infectiuos contact dermatitis is.
The CDC had to have been called to clean up the exploded, toxic waste dump that used to be a streetwalker.

 

[Stalin]

Fucking Chris would be like taking a bath in a tub full of nuclear waste. I shudder at the thought. All that fat flab around you, fetid breath, uck.

Though he should travel to Germany. Prostitution is legal and hookers are cheap.