Chris' funniest one-liner

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"BOOBIES! VAGINAS! Mmmmmmm. Gorgeous"
Anytime Chris talks about women he's bound to say one or two hilariously awkward phrases.
 
For classics it's probably, "I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS!" And "Y'all should know me by now."

Though, "Kiss the Vagina of My Soul." is pretty good.
I also liked, "She had done the weed."
 
I gotta go with "Dearest Scott", even over all the classics.

I wrote a parody of that letter and had to sit and stare at the screen for like 5 minutes to come up with a salutation more intimate than "Dearest". Usually when I find something Chris does funny I don't so much laugh as smirk and nod, but that legitimately made me laugh out loud riotously. It's still funny to me. I'm sitting here with a giant shit eating grin just thinking about it.

"So there" also makes me giggle. It always comes out of nowhere right after he's stated something patently ridiculous.
 
I LIKE DYKES, DYKES! CHINA!

Actually I'm not sure I settled on which is my favorite line, but that one is a good contender.
 
I notice a pattern - nothing funny Chris has said was intentionally funny and reflects back on himself.

Here's my contribution. On Megan, Chris said:

""Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "He hangs onto me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh."... "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed for murder.""

That bit in bold... Chris does not understand regular humor, only his own form of humor.
But this is one case where he made an actually-funny joke. The "mashed potato grenade" bit... y'know, because Megan loves the Wehrmacht. And also because of his batshit paranoia about her supposedly hating him and his batshit view of himself as "goody-two-shoes"... It's just like he made a genuinely funny joke about Megan at the same time as making himself look pathetic.
 
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