Chris' funniest one-liner

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TheycallmeJudgmentBoy said:
"He's FAT, I'm THIN!"
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Holy shit! How could I have forgotten that. It was so utterly bizarre that he called Liquid Chris 'fat' when he's objectively quite thin and called him thin when... just the sheer amount of mental acrobatics he must perform on a daily basis is astronomical.
 
"I gave her a sample of my strong-handed massage that my mother enjoyed in the past."
 
"I'm only near-sighted; I do wear glasses. Take it or leave it, losers! It m—it helps me see better… see more detail... and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together... out of your own ego, that you so richly... consume of."

"IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL!"
 
Relax Guy said:
I notice a pattern - nothing funny Chris has said was intentionally funny and reflects back on himself.

Here's my contribution. On Megan, Chris said:

""Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "He hangs onto me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh."... "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed for murder.""
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Another thing: The part I underlined? Perfectly good reasons for Megan to reject Chris, and for Snyder to throw him out. All of which are being presented by Chris in this rage-fueled conspiracy theory. The nickname "Fat Dummy" may be a bit too obvious, but man is it fitting.
 
C-CUP MILKING BREASTS WITH TITS AND ALL!!!
Ugh! Persephone fuck me! (Makes no sense at all, I still haven't figured out what this means)

and the classic
Kind of a Goku-get-'em attitude!
 
"The war was a very tragic event with guns, insults, and... yuck!" - "Japan, 1912-1949" by Christian Weston Chandler (Spanish name Ricardo)
 
DeadMansHand said:
C-CUP MILKING BREASTS WITH TITS AND ALL!!!
Ugh! Persephone fuck me! (Makes no sense at all, I still haven't figured out what this means)

and the classic
Kind of a Goku-get-'em attitude!
Click to expand...
Yeah I've actually been thinking about that second one a lot, trying to figure it out. I mean in mythology Persephone was the daughter of a goddess who was tricked by Hades into being his queen of death for a few months each year. I mean I guess she would be very depressed those few months so I guess having sex with her would bum you out? Or maybe he's saying that he's in a miserable position like Hades? Maybe he just saw her in God of War and thought she was hot so he wanted to fuck her?
 
"You both want me to even Beg, you can go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like Eric Cartman, and then Rape yourselves with your own Damn Darth Maul Dual LightSabre." I really want to know what went through Chris's mind when he ordered Clyde and Tito to rape themselves/each other, if indeed anything went through Chris's head at all.
 
"You know the expression too many cooks spoil the broth? Well this was too many Crooks."
 
One from the Catherine emails:

I am Most Certainly Entitled to the True, Honest, Loving and Good Relationship, because I Have been In and Out of more than Ten Faulty Relationships, Real And Theoretical, Long Before You.
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And another one where he's begging the Wallflower to deflower him:

Give me a break! You know my, I don't want to be back in a situation where I'm, that desperate I got...Go as far as to pay a hundred dollars for a damn hooker. Give me a breaaak!! I'm a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin! I'm in a hell of my own! C'mon, please? Pleeeeaaaase? I've been so very worried about you, I've had heartaches since last Wednesday. I've had sleepless nights! It really hurts!
Click to expand...
 
Count groudon said:
Yeah I've actually been thinking about that second one a lot, trying to figure it out. I mean in mythology Persephone was the daughter of a goddess who was tricked by Hades into being his queen of death for a few months each year. I mean I guess she would be very depressed those few months so I guess having sex with her would bum you out? Or maybe he's saying that he's in a miserable position like Hades? Maybe he just saw her in God of War and thought she was hot so he wanted to fuck her?
Click to expand...
I was impressed that Chris seemed to know both the proper spelling and pronunciation of Persephone's name.

My guess for his introduction to the name is either "God of War" or "The Matrix Reloaded."
 
It'd probably have to be when he told Megan to watch porn to educate herself because he thought she misunderstood what was happening in SheCameForCWC.

That or when he simply yelled "JEW!!" at Michael Snyder for not unbanning him.

This is really difficult. There are so many great Chris remarks that I can't pick which one I think is the best.
 
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