Chris' funniest one-liner

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Bobby Hill said:
"GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME THE REAL NAME THAT HAVE GOD HAS BEEN GIVEN TO ME, and the bear at Regency Square shopping center, during 1989... YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!!!"
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In the same vein,

"If I wanted paper, that you made your medallion from, I would go to Wal-Mart and get 500 sheets for 5 bucks, or even Sam's Club, get 750 sheets for 7 dollars!"

The fact that Chris has these insignificant details committed to memory and feels the need to share them in a completely unrelated rant is hilarious to me.
 
"Don't call anybody!" He says it with such authority that everyone turns around to look at him. Probably because they think he's going to pull and handgun and start firing shots at the blue arm bandit.

Of course he just pulled pepper spray for no reason and landed his rotund bottom in jail. Much more sensible.
 
Trilby said:
Then the students left, and the "students" bummed around.
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Yeah I don't get that line either. I get that maybe some weird alien creatures were posing as students but that's not what the story that followed was about. Actually that line serves no purpose.
Was the 1999 incident before or after the school closed down and all the students left?
It can't be before, because I thought tardrage supernova fucking killed everyone, except those who left(even though ALL stayed until the FINAL END!) and it implies the building was destroyed since "all that was left was total silence." I mean, the people were vaporized so the building was probably obliterated too.
So, was the whole cast the "students?" Were these kids running a abandoned high school Lord of the Flies style? Why didn't they just give Tarah an award then if she was super crazy scary superhuman?
 
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There is a moment in the Father Call where he goes full tard rage and...

"
Matthew: You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

Chris: [Full-blown tard rage erupts] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!"

I don't know if I would call it the best, but it got stuck on me for some reason.
 
"First off I'm not dead, and I have a few announcements to make." Has always been a personal favourite.
 
Pikonic said:
Yeah I don't get that line either. I get that maybe some weird alien creatures were posing as students but that's not what the story that followed was about. Actually that line serves no purpose.
Was the 1999 incident before or after the school closed down and all the students left?
It can't be before, because I thought tardrage supernova fucking killed everyone, except those who left(even though ALL stayed until the FINAL END!) and it implies the building was destroyed since "all that was left was total silence." I mean, the people were vaporized so the building was probably obliterated too.
So, was the whole cast the "students?" Were these kids running a abandoned high school Lord of the Flies style? Why didn't they just give Tarah an award then if she was super crazy scary superhuman?
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Who knows. It didn't serve the purpose Chris wanted to tell in his story when he simply wanted to Mary Sue his high school graduation any way he saw fit. The fact the school apparently seems to be left at all in the end made me wonder if it only happened to the gym itself and not the rest of the building, or perhaps the gym was separate from the main building if that's the reason for there being graffiti of Tarah's cartoon character in the hallways. A lot of inconsistencies indeed.
 
"I do not, quote unquote, "piddle my cats." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more."

I love this one.
 
"I EVEN MOWED THE LAWN"
This one always stuck with me. It just highlights how utterly deluded Chris is.

"I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD"
This is like something you'd find in a badly translated video game. Makes me laugh every time.
 
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