Chris' thought process

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StressSigh said:
"If I charge $20 for an autographed photo or commission, all my money problems will be solved and I can buy as much Lego as I want"
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"If I charge $5,000, no wait... $2,500, no wait... $1,000 for an autographed "professional" drawing, along with a certificate of authenticity and my copyright, all my money problems will be solved and I can buy as much LEGO as I want, as long as that DANG, DIRTY, EBAY TROLLS do remove my listing."
 
Chris lacks the self-awareness to deduce that other people don't feel and think the same way he does. Nor can he comprehend that they don't have exactly the same knowledge, memories and opinions that he does.
When people react differently to how he expected they would, he has no idea why.
 
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I have repeatedly been deceived, tricked, and humiliated by online trolls pretending to be sweethearts. Whats that Jackie? You want me to make a video of me shaking my ass in Wal-Mart? I will send you the .AVI right now SweetBolt.
 
"I can recycle my sperm by drinking my jizz!"
 
The fact that Chris thinks (and has always thought) he's a big deal is hilarious. To this day he believes that he is internet famous because Sonichu was a brilliant idea.

The thought process, as far as I understand is: Chris, faced with his life, has his confidence shaken; Chris, without the confidence necessary to face being Chris, withdraws in a denial-fuelled mythology; Chris, now comforted by his fantasy reality, tries to step out into the world; Chris is politely reminded of his place in the world; Chris, only accustomed to hearing what he wants to hear, does something stupid; Chris is faced with the consequences, Chris's confidence is shaken, etc...

At some point, most people say fuck it maybe I'm the problem. Not Chris.
 
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Anonimo said:
"If I give long, drawn out speeches and make a scene in front of a crowd of people, I will earn their favor and prove that I'm in the right and the jerkops are in the wrong!"
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He saw it on a sitcom once, and it worked then! Therefore, it stands to reason that it will work in real life, with a large crowd of total strangers immediately bursting into applause afterward.
 
Tootsie Bear said:
I would like to know more about this. When did Chris give a "big speech" in front of strangers before?
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At Target, July 20th, 2005.

Here's Chris' own words:

Chris said:
July 20, 2005: … I was at the new Target store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free.
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"Because I saw it on TV/movies etc, a girl HAS to have sex with a guy on the third date. It is an unmutable rule and all I have to do is make it to the third date and sex is guaranteed".
 
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The Pittsburgh Pirates puzzle. I just... You hear that he has difficult understanding how another person's thought process works. But it still is incredibly baffling how disjointed that puzzle was. And that he not only thinks it makes sense, but everyone else is an idiot for not getting it.

To this day, I still don't get it. It's like.... David Hasslehoff, he's a singer in Germany. Germany sounds like a lot of germs. Outbreak starred a monkey. You can only open that Mondoor on Monday with the Monkey. Monkey was Christian's first word. The answer Angel Food Cake cause Christians hate the devil and David Hasslehoff is the Knight Rider and an Angel is gods knight.
 
Chris doesn't understand that people do not all think alike, and that very few on earth think like he does. His own mind is the template he uses for everyone else.

Really, all it is is that Chris is very very very very very dumb. Part of that is willful ignorance, but most of it is just having a brain that doesn't work well at all.
 
knux said:
"Because I saw it on TV/movies etc, a girl HAS to have sex with a guy on the third date. It is an unmutable rule and all I have to do it make it to the third date and sex is guaranteed".
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to be honest all of his views on relationships baffle me. i can't understand how it doesn't even occur to him that every relationship is completely different from each other and he can't just think of all of them as identical. i mean he must have experienced it firsthand somehow with his old gal-pals, even if its just small differences (like where they met, how different their personalities are, how they reacted to things, or something)? can he legitimately not tell the difference between all of them, or between a platonic friend and a possible romance?
 
I've always wondered about that speech he gave to the Jerkops.

He said that in the middle of his speech they started to chase after him. So was Fatty extolling them as he waddled off or did they jump him as he was talking. It's an interesting conundrum
 
To this day, most puzzling thing about Chris that I can never fucking understand is When he is negotiating with someone. What the hell goes on in his mind when he's being blackmailed to demand to people when they hold all the cards?
 
Gene Parmesan said:
The Pittsburgh Pirates puzzle. I just... You hear that he has difficult understanding how another person's thought process works. But it still is incredibly baffling how disjointed that puzzle was. And that he not only thinks it makes sense, but everyone else is an idiot for not getting it.
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I think it's the exact opposite, actually. He sees that kind of "riddle" on Facebook from neurotypical people, but because he is dumb, he doesn't understand it and thinks it's bizarre and disjointed. ("How could you possibly jump from tornado to Judy Garland?") So he decides that it's supposed to be far-fetched and unguessable, and that's the behavior he mimics.
 
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