Chris turns 40

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Happy Birthday Chris.

First of all, I shall celebrate by continuing the long standing tradition of not giving Chris or Barb a single red cent. Ah, he must be bitter. No Birthday cake, no presents, no toys, no video games. Good.

Secondly, what a decade its been. For Chris, it has been a decade of loss and failure.

2013 (two years after losing his father) saw him lose the comforting delusion of high school friends when he finally realized they only pretended to like him out of pity.

2014 saw him (temporarily) lose his house and many of his possessions and old toys in a fire caused by his own stupidity, and later after a failed anti-blarms campaign he (also temporarily) lost his freedom after macing a Gamestop employee.

2016 saw him lose his fucking marbles and almost his own life after cutting open his own taint which is something I'd finally managed to forget about goddammit

2017 saw him lose not one, but two more sweethearts: Doopie (who Chris drove away with his signature creepy stalker behavior) and Jessica Quinn (who was yet another troll pretending to like him).

2018 saw him begin to lose what little sanity he has left as well as $6000 to the Idea Guys, 3 cats, and his Ford Focus.

and finally 2021 saw him once again lose his home (this time possibly forever), his freedom (this time for much, much longer than the last time and maybe longer still depending on what happens), his last helper and defender in Null, and the very last chance he had for a decent enough life after confessing to raping his own mother.

And those were only the highlights. No doubt there's a bunch of smaller things I forgot about but you get the point. One can only wonder what his fourth decade in life will see him lose. Only time will tell.
 
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Count Olaf said:
Happy Birthday Chris.

First of all, I shall celebrate by continuing the long standing tradition of not giving Chris or Barb a single red cent. Ah, he must be bitter. No Birthday cake, no presents, no toys, no video games. Good.

Secondly, what a decade its been. For Chris, it has been a decade of loss and failure.

2013 (two years after losing his father) saw him lose the comforting delusion of high school friends when he finally realized they only pretended to like him out of pity.

2014 saw him (temporarily) lose his house and many of his possessions and old toys in a fire caused by his own stupidity, and later after a failed anti-blarms campaign he (also temporarily) lost his freedom after macing a Gamestop employee.

2016 saw him lose his fucking marbles and almost his own life after cutting open his own taint which is something I'd finally managed to forget about goddammit

2017 saw him lose not one, but two more sweethearts: Doopie (who Chris drove away with his signature creepy stalker behavior) and Jessica Quinn (who was yet another troll pretending to like him).

2018 saw him begin to lose what little sanity he has left as well as $6000 to the Idea Guys, 3 cats, and his Ford Focus.

and finally 2021 saw him once again lose his home (this time possibly forever), his freedom (this time for much, much longer than the last time and maybe longer still depending on what happens), his last helped and defender in Null, and the very last chance he had for a decent enough life after confessing to raping his own mother.

And those were only the highlights. No doubt there's a bunch of smaller things I forgot about but you get the point. One can only wonder what his fourth decade in life will see him lose. Only time will tell.
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You forgot he lost 5000 dollars, 3 days at the Seattle 4 seasons hotel, the first convention since COVID shut them down, and the chance to meet a real girl who's not an 80 year old dried husk at Everfree Northwest.
 
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Happy birthday chris you literal mother fucker, if kiwifarms didn't frown against sending stuff in jail I would've ordered you a copy of Oedipus rex, though I doubt you would get the joke.must suck having your 40th birthday in jail for charges of fucking your mom.
 
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Spending your 40th birthday in jail would be an eye opener for most people but Chris will find some way to blame society for locking him up for his crimes.

I can see him snapping his fingers at his pudding cup tonight and "willing into existence" a scrumptious 9 dollar chocolate cake from Wal-Mart and pretending to eat it to cope with such a miserable birthday.
 
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